Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says it's that time of the year again when the people a 5
minute walk up the hill from me decide what words should be banished
from the language forever. This is only a small portion of the list
and comments and they invite you to add your choices and comments.
http://www.lssu.edu/banished/current.php
Lake Superior State University 2010 List of Banished Words
Word "czars" at Lake Superior State University "unfriended" 15 words
and phrases and declared them "shovel-ready" for inclusion on the
university's 35th annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's
English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness.
"The list this year is a 'teachable moment' conducted free of
'tweets,'" said a Word Banishment spokesman who was "chillaxin'" for
the holidays. "'In these economic times', purging our language of
'toxic assets' is a 'stimulus' effort that's 'too big to fail.'"
Former LSSU Public Relations Director Bill Rabe and friends created
"word banishment" in 1975 at a New Year's Eve party and released the
first list on New Year's Day. Since then, LSSU has received tens of
thousands of nominations for the list, which includes words and
phrases from marketing, media, education, technology and more.
Word-watchers may check the alphabetical "complete list" on the
website before making their submissions.
buffalo says a couple of bannished words I really like
TWEET
And all of its variations.tweetaholic, retweet, twitterhea,
twitterature, twittersphere.
"People tweet and retweet and I just heard the word 'tweet' so many
times it lost all meaning." - Ricardo, Merida, Yucatan, Mexico.
Mikhail Swift of Hillman, Mich. says the tweeting is "pointless.yet
has somehow managed to take the nation by storm. I'm tired of
hearing about celebrity X's new tweet, and how great of a tweeter he
or she is."
"I don't know a single non-celebrity who actually uses it," says
Alex Thompson of Sault St. Marie, Mich.
Jay Brazier of Williamston, Mich. says she supposes that tweeters
might be "twits."
OBAMA-prefix or roots?
The LSSU Word Banishment Committee held out hope that folks would
want to Obama-ban Obama-structions, but were surprised that no one
Obama-nominated any, such as these compiled by the Oxford Dictionary
in 2009: Obamanomics, Obamanation, Obamafication, Obamacare,
Obamalicious, Obamaland..We say Obamanough already.
buffalo says One that I am glad to see finally disappered is virgin.
As usual Burger King took a term which meant purity and turned it
into a sleazy ad campaign and TV came up with shows like Virgin Home
Buyer to further depreciate this word. When the houses they bought
for 800,000 dollars in Jan. 2008 dropped to 500,000 in Dec. 2008
they found that they had lost their virginity to the economy also.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Movie Chips
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Movie superstar Samuel L. Jackson will be the voice of God in a new
audio version of the Bible. Jackson was given the lead role because
producers felt his deep, authorative voice was perfect for the role
of God.
We've been able to get a few selections from the script for these
audio scriptures....
----------------------
Genesis 2:7 - "You see that tree over there? You will not eat that
fruit, hell, you ain't even gonna touch it, or you gonna die,
motherfucker."
Genesis 3 - "We got motherfuckin' snakes in the motherfuckin'
garden!"
And the LORD said unto Cain, "Whattup, fool? Why you lookin' all
hang-dog and shit?
And the LORD said, "Don't even be tryin' to bullshit the Lord. I
know that you done smoked your brother and buried him in a shallow
one in the field. So why you trying to run some kinda game on me,
bitch?"
And the LORD said unto him, "Alright, you whiny little shit. Tell
you
what: anybody kills you, I'm gonna take care of his ass ... I'll
kill him seven fuckin' times. And I'm gonna slap a mark on your ass
so everybody knows you're in my mutherfuckin' doghouse, and nobody
better lay a hand on you 'cept me. That good enough for your punk
ass? Now get the fuck outta here before I change my mind and set
your face on fire.
And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the
land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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English Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash
and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon
arrive on site.
Medic: "It's O.K. I'm a paramedic and I'm going
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Girl: "O.K."
Medic: "What's your name"
Girl: "Sharon"
Medic: "O.K. Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes"
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Romford, mate"
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Stuttering Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many
years. First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a
d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e
t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I
w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he
was almost married.
"W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I
w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d
I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e
a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d
d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the
first friend.
" W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y,
t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e
l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e
w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
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Tits Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big Tits vs. Little Tits
Women with Big Tits...
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the center of the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ..usually
can find leftover popcorn after a movie ..can always carry a little
extra cash ..always float better ..know where to look first for lost
earrings ..rarely lack for a slow dance partner ..have a place to
set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner ..never have
to buy a car with airbags ..have a place to carry a extra beer
Women with Little Tits...
..don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
..always look younger ..find that dribbled food makes it to the
napkin on their lap ..can always see their toes and shoes ..can
sleep on their stomachs ..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel
of small cars ..know that people can read the entire message on
their T-shirts ..know that everything more than a handful is wasted
..can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle ..can
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out ..never be accused of having implants.
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Teeth Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right
outside
of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.
While waiting the little boy gets bored , and just when his Mom
comes
walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's
skirt.
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women
have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand
away
and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women
have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend.
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over
for a
little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa,
>
she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."
"What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down
there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.
"HELL NO!" he cries, "you've got teeth down here!"
"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth
down there!"
"Yes there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."
"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."
With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have
teeth down there."
"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties,
throws
her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth
down
there"
The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the
condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Surgery Chips
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A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby,
so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the
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The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not
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recommends
the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still
not
as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in
the doctor's office, and this time she gets the big one. After
having
recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital
activities,
and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're
finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually
all
about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think
must
have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations
failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability,
so
I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Moments
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc/Moment.html
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
From Kathryn/It's Morning!
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Gd_morn/Yee_Haa_Morning.html
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http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML9/America-Will-Stand.html
Whispering Trees
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Surfin Surfari
Cow-tapult - Turkey Hill Dairy Via Wesley
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Famous People That Died In 2009
http://dpsinfo.com/dps/2009.html#latest
How to Open A Coconut
http://www.howtoopenacoconut.com/
Everyday Life Stories Via Wesley
http://www.fmylife.com/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
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Image Stitcher
http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~mbrown/autostitch/autostitch.html
PDF Creaator
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Animal World
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Speed Bump
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That Look
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdeee.htm
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Escape Rescue
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Ever See A Snake Yawn
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Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frozen Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting
down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story
ever, first date or not! We have all had bad dates....but this takes
the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the
audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever
had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said
it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken
her skiing in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. It was
a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly
had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving
back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she
should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away
from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her
companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came
a point when she told him that he had better stop and let her pee
beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car. They
stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants
down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so
she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she
could think about was the relief she felt, despite the rather
embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she
soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her
pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued
against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles
immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh
from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet
aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns
about "what is taking so long" with a reply that, indeed, she was
"freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came
around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as
hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real
problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had
gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly
realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she
looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his
pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in
laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down or perhaps that
should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was
embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment, "This gives a whole new meaning to
being pissed off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
blowing
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blue balls
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.
He knocks on a door, a lady answers, and
he says, "Collect... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if
you want, I'll give you sex instead."
Johnny says, "All right."
He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them
down, and there's the biggest dick she's ever
seen...
Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out
a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding
them onto his dick.
She says, "You don't have to do that...I can take
all of it."
He says, "Not for five bucks you can't."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if Sex Was Sold In A Grocery Store
* Men would do a much better job of searching for and clipping
coupons.
* Hookers are renamed "Special Stock Girls."
* If you ever were not "prepared", you could always go to Aisle 8
* There's gonna be confusion over Trix on Aisle 3 and "Tricks" on
Aisle 10.
* Clean up on Aisle 10 would take on a whole new meaning.
* Same with the phrase "Freshness Dating."
* Same with "Buy One, Get One Free."
* No one wants to win the One Millionth Shopper award.
* Paper or Plastic or Rubber?
* Some men would still be in the Express Lane
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by
honeymooners. The walls were thin, and the sounds of sustained
sexual frenzy poured through. Finally the salesman could stand it no
longer. He pounded on the walls, yelling, "Knock it off --there's
other people trying to get some sleep!"
From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said,
"Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1751
Sandi, The Guardian
Diana: BJ, could you take these letters out to the mailbox, but be
careful, it is very icy.
BJ: OK. Guys want to go outside with me?
Rudy: A-Rooo!
Katie: I am always ready to run.
Sandi: I am ready.
BJ dons his coat and walks outside very slowly as there is ice
everywhere. Rudy and Katie are long gone, however Sandi is close
by,
watching.
BJ slowly shuffles his way past the cars hanging on to them for
support.
Sandi watches his every step.
Only when BJ makes it to the snow and leaves the ice behind does
Sandi
leave to run with the other dogs.
BJ gathers the newspapers and drops the letters in the mailbox and
with a warm feeling in his heart, realizes Sandi has watched over
him
and protected him from the ice. As he walks back to the house and
leaves the snow, Sandi re-appears this time closer to watch her dad.
She is by his side. BJ is at the house and Sandi is ready to go
inside
with him. BJ gives Sandi a hug.
BJ: Why did you watch over me?
Sandi: I did what was natural.
The herd in Guthrie
(she is an amazing companion)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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