[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

VETERANS DAY, 2009
- - - - - - -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

We have a sacred trust with those who wear the uniform of the United
States of America. From the Minutemen who stood watch over Lexington
and Concord to the service members who served in Iraq and
Afghanistan, American veterans deserve our deepest appreciation and
respect. Our Nation's servicemen and women are our best and
brightest, enlisting in times of peace and war, serving with honor
under the most difficult circumstances, and making sacrifices that
many of us cannot begin to imagine. Today, we reflect upon the
invaluable contributions of our country's veterans and reaffirm our
commitment to provide them and their families with the essential
support they were promised and have earned.

Caring for our veterans is more than a way of thanking them for
their service. It is an obligation to our fellow citizens who have
risked their lives to defend our freedom. This selflessness binds
our fates with theirs, and recognizing those who were willing to
give their last full measure of devotion for us is a debt of honor
for every American.

We also pay tribute to all who have worn the uniform and continue to
serve their country as civilians. Many veterans act as coaches,
teachers, and mentors in their communities, selflessly volunteering
their time and expertise. They visit schools to tell our Nation's
students of their experiences and help counsel our troops returning
from the theater of war. These men and women possess an unwavering
belief in the idea of America: no matter where you come from, what
you look like, or who your parents are, this is a place where
anything is possible. Our veterans continue to stand up for those
timeless American ideals of liberty, self-determination, and equal
opportunity.

On Veterans Day, we honor the heroes we have lost, and we rededicate
ourselves to the next generation of veterans by supporting our
Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen as they
return home from duty. Our grateful Nation must keep our solemn
promises to these brave men and women and their families. They have
given their unwavering devotion to the American people, and we must
keep our covenant with them.

With respect for and in recognition of the contributions our
servicemen and women have made to the cause of peace and freedom
around the world, the Congress has provided (5 U.S.C. 6103(a)) that
November 11 of each year shall be set aside as a legal public
holiday to honor our Nation's veterans.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of
America, do hereby proclaim November 11, 2009, as Veterans Day. I
encourage all Americans to recognize the valor and sacrifice of our
veterans through appropriate public ceremonies and private prayers.
I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the flag
of the United States and to participate in patriotic activities in
their communities. I call on all Americans, including civic and
fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, and communities
to support this day with commemorative expressions and programs.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day
of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the
Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and
thirty-fourth.

BARACK OBAMA

buffalo says All in all not a bad speech. Veteran's Day is hitting a
little closer to home this year as local units are stationed in
Afghanistan and we have had two local soldiers killed in action.

Please keep Nancy in your prayers as surgery to remove a brain
tumor is tomorrow.

buffalo

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Little Johnny Chips
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next
day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying
hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the
front seat; which bounced off the pickup when we hit a bump in the
road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess" "And
what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all
your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. "Now,
Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the
meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we
only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't
count your chickens until they're hatched" "That was a fine story
Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy
told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in
Vietnam and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy
territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and
a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break
and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He
killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of
bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade
broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands." "Good
heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Don't FUCK with Uncle Bob
when he's been drinking!"

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Eatin Aint Cheatin
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Eating
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Short Chips
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The health inspector was aghast to see the pastry cook crimping the
edge of the apple pie with a set of false teeth.. "Haven't you got a
tool for that?" "Yes, but I save that for putting holes in the
donuts." he replied.

I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two
pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I
passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy
and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten. "I don't
want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were
speaking German."

Sean Connery has agreed to do one more James Bond movie.
The villain is a doctor who is a proctologist.
The movie title will be "Dr. Coldfinger."

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Spider Chips
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TALES OF A GIRL SCOUT LEADER

I worked at a Girl Scout camp in rural Wisconsin for one pretty
miserable summer. We stayed up until 2 am trying to get things
cleaned up and ready for the next day, and woke up at 5:30am for
more of the same.

One day the horses had gotten out of the pasture. We spent until 4am
rounding them up. Just as my tired head hit the pillow in my army
surplus platform tent, I heard a tiny crystal clear voice: "Wake up!
There's a spider in my tent!"

Masking my exasperation, I mumbled, "Is it a daddy longlegs, honey?"

"Noooo...", she said in a hushed and reverant tone. So, I got my
spider hunting kit- a plastic watercup and a clipboard, and followed
her to her tent.

For you see, I tried very hard to instill a love of even the most
unfriendly looking natural beings in my campers. We were living in
their backyards, and so should not fear the spiders, or the
centipedes, or the bats, but love them and appreciate their place in
the great mandala of life. You know, the whole Lion King deal. My
standard operating proceedure for spiders was to name them, catch
them under the cup, and release them to their spidery duties of
catching mosquitos.

At any rate, my love for the natural world was waning as I followed
this little Botticelli angel of a child through the waxing dawn. Her
tent mates were crouched fearfully outside the tent as I strode
confidently, bravely, tiredly up the creaky wooden steps. When the
first few beams of my flashlight revealed nothing, I went back out
side and told them, "The spider went home guys, he's not there
anymore. You should all go to sleep now."

"I don't think he'd just leave," quavered out the cherub. "So show
me where he is," I said, not just a little frustrated. "I can't find
him anywhere!" She took my flashlight and immediately spotted the
biggest, hairiest, grossest wolf spider I'd ever seen. It was the
size of my fist- easily outstripping the spider catching cups
capabilities.

Taking a quick breath for courage, buying time, trying to remember
my love for nature and everything living, I turned to the mite and
asked, "So... What's his name?"

She put her chubby hands to her little hips and looked me square in
the eye.... "That there is Franco the Fucking Big Spider and I want
him the HELL out of my tent!"

What could I do? I poked the wall of the tent until Franco got
tired, flipped me the bird, and left.

I had 4 little girls on the floor of my tent for a week.

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Gambling Chips
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The compulsive gambler walked into a gay bar, ordered a drink and
struck
up a conversation with a fellow at the bar. When his companion went
to
take a leak, the gambler turned to the guy n the other side of him
and
said boldly,

"I bet you $200 you've got terrible hemorrhoids."

Knowing this wasn't the case, the man readily agreed to the bet,
stood
up and pulled down his pants. The gambler looked and looked, didn't
find
a single hemorrhoid. He promptly handed over the $200 and headed for
the
men's room. The winner sat back down on his bar stool and
delightfully
recounted the story to his friend on his return.

To his surprise, his friend pales.

"That son-of-a-bitch!" he cried. "Just ten minutes ago he bet me a
$1,000 he'd have you drop your pants in the middle of the bar...!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wolf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Greg and Sam, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in
northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.

"Good work!" says the bartender. He pops the cash register open,
pulls
out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher's
outstretched
hand.

After the rancher leaves, Greg asks the bartender, "What was that
all
about?"

The barkeep says, "Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf
problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing about it.
Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints come onta my
property
and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol' Man Miller down the road even
lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious,
and they got no fear -- and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a
bounty -- a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt."

Greg and Sam look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar
to
go hunt wolves.

After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally
spot
a
lone wolf in the distance. Greg takes aim with his rifle and shoots
the
wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and
Greg gets busy with the pelt.

Suddenly, Sam says, "Hey, Greg, look."

"Not now," says Greg, "I'm busy."

Sam tugs on Greg's sleeve and says, "Greg, I think you *really*
ought
to
see this."

"Not now!" Greg says again. "Can't you see I've got a hundred
dollars
in my hands?"

Sam's voice starts to waver. "Greg, please, just look!"

Greg stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded
by
a pack of wolves -- at least fifty in all, every one of them
growling,
drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops.

Greg takes in the sight and gasps: "Oh, my ... We're gonna
be rich!"

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Cut Off Chips
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond
earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to
play
tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with
exc ited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/GI Joe and Lillie
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Lil.html

John w/ Veterans Day Tribute
http://heavens-gates.com/veterans/

God Bless America Again.
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Veteran's Day Via Carol
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HONORING ALL WHO SERVE
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Military Motivational Posters
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Why My Son?
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Animal World

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Proud Of Our Troops
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Humor With Our Troops 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny had a first date lined up with a woman he had been
after
for quite a while. When she finally consented to go out with him, he
wanted to plan the most romantic evening he could.

He picked her up at her apartment, and then drove out to the beach.
Little Johnny had prepared very carefully for this date and brought
out
a blanket for them to sit upon the sand and a bottle of the finest
wine.
The moonlight was shining down on them and Little Johnny poured his
date
some wine. He handed her the glass, looked lovingly in to her eyes
and
said,

"Now this is what I call romantic. The waves crashing on the shore,
the
moonlight in your eyes, a warm tropical breeze, a bottle of
wine.....,"
he takes a sip of wine and says, "Oh and by the way...do you Spit or
Swallow?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Toon Chips
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the tale of Freddy Law
whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.
By the time they freed him, he didn't feel well
for his private parts were mangled to hell.

They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew,
but when they arrived, there's nought they could do.
What a bad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,
to live with no sex and a high squeaking voice.

But lucky for Fred, so he wouldn't feel a fool,
some bright spark suggested a "Bionic Tool".
A smart new electric one, made out of brass,
though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.

Now newly equipped and after a rest,
Fred thought he would put the tool to the test.
So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,
supplied her with drink and made her feel randy

She, without waiting, put her hand in Fred's flies,
as she felt what was there, gave a cry of surprise.
"That's my Bionic Chopper. Now lets have some fun".
"Cor blimey" she said, "It felt like a gun."

They both stripped quick and Fred entered her fast,
he turned up the control knob and gave her full blast.
They clung to each other as Fred's dick shook some more,
then they bounced off the bed and onto the floor.

Now the pace hotted up and they started to choke,
as the room became filled with blue dirty smoke.
With a bang Fred's left bullock shot up in the air,
and his other one went bonkety-bonk down the stair.

So back for repair went Fred full of woe,
Was this how his sex life was destined to go ?
To return to his doctor at the end of each shag
with his tool in his pocket and his balls in a bag ?

But they fixed up young Fred, made him manly again,
for they boosted his batteries with a flex from the main.
So if he cant get a girl, now poor Fred doesn't cry,
he just flicks on the switch and jerks himself dry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some children were playing outside near a nunnery.

Flocks of birds would frequently fly over them and
shit, at which point the children would yell at the
top of their lungs, "F#%k off! F#%k off!"

The Mother Superior, hearing the foul language, rushed
out of the nunnery and confronted them.

"Children," she said, "I'm shocked at your awful
language!"

At that very moment, the birds flew over and shit on
the Mother Superior who raised both arms and vigorously
waved her hands at the birds who immediately flew away.

"See," she said triumphantly to the children, "I didn't
use bad language and they f#%ked off!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a German, an American, and a Mexican walking in the woods.
Suddenly a heard of buffalo came at them. They ran and ran until
they
saw a shack and went in it.

Two days later the buffalo left. The men got out of the shack only
to
find layers of crap everywhere! They were forced to jump in because
there was no way out.

The German took a leap and said, "It's not bad, it's only up
to my waist."

The American took a leap and said, "It's not bad, it's only
up to my knees."

Then the Mexican took a leap and said, "It's not bad, it's
only up to my ankles."

The American asked, " How did you do that. "

The Mexican replied in a muffled voice, "I jumped in head first."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
your bathroom guaranteed.
Simply glide the Turbo Snake down the drain, give it a twirl, and
the specially designed hooks grab onto the hair and gunk to remove
the clog with ease. Works on slow or clogged drains. The Large Turbo
Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/snake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1519

Walking and Crisis

Diana: Okay guys let's go for our walk!

Rudy: A-Roo!!!

The dogs and Diana head off for their walk as usual. As they
approach
the lake, the dogs head for the lake. Sandi just wades in, but Rudy
and Katie go swimming. Katie goes in to her head and swims out
quite a ways. On her way back to shore she walks through some
weeds and gets some stickers on her and gets one deeply imbedded
in her ear and immediately suffers some harsh pain.

Rudy, Sandi and Diana are walking past her.

Katie is down: Help....

They are leaving, her voice is weak....

Rudy, always the point man, circles around to take a head count.

Rudy: Stop!!! We are missing Katie.

Diana turns and looks back and sees Katie slowly, staggeringly
walking
towards them. She gets her cell phone and calls BJ.

BJ: Yes.

Diana: Come get Katie, she is either hurt or ill.

BJ: On my way!

A few minutes later...

BJ opens the car door: Come on girl hop in.

Katie: Sure glad to see you father.

At the house..

BJ: Diana, call the vet when they open and take our little girl in
and call me at work to let me know what happened.

much later...

Diana calls BJ:

Diana: She had to be put out. She had a sticker in her eardrum.
She
was a sick girl, but will be okay. She will be on meds for 10 days.

Katie: More ice cream please!

The herd in Guthrie

(except for the ice cream, pretty much how it happened)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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