Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I saw this morning where the average person watches TV
4 hours and 48 minutes a day. That is the equivalent of flicking
the TV on before supper and turning it off just before news at
11. I have the TV on about 18 hours a day but I work, sleep, and
eat with it on because with all of the years of working in high
noise environments, I can't stand silence except when I am sound
asleep. I do try to be current on the news and I am always looking
for something to write about.
Anyhow someone called into the show that I was listening to and said
they had no cable and the only thing she watched on TV was Martha
Stewart. Although that may help you prepare a colorful Thanksgiving
meal for your family it does not provide you with the information to
vote for the people who are deciding on every facet of your life.
Martha
isn't going to tell you that a hurricane is approaching or that
rioters
are torching homes at the end of your block, you have to count on
local news to do that. The woman was listening to a talk radio
program
so she is getting some sort of outside input but depending on who
you are listening to, you have to take their stuff with a grain of
salt.
I really don't watch a lot of news on TV, because I hate the
commercial
to news ratio and stick with business news and daytime updates and
get the rest from my computer. They trap you with an interesting
headline
like the other night that Barney Franks boyfriend had been busted
for
marijuana while Barney was in the house. I watched three news
segments
and twenty minutes worth of ads and got tired and looked it up on
the net.
Barney used the " I don't even know what marijuana looks like."
defense.
I find that rather hard to believe but then I always thought Clinton
inhaled too.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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War Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during
World
War II.
He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to
Pensacola Naval Air Station,
skipping recruit training.
The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on
the
base. All they could do was
give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft
carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down 6
Japanese fighter planes.
Then climbing up to 20,000 feet, he found 9 more Japanese planes and
shot them all down as well.
Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the
nearby
carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.
He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the
captain.
Saluting smartly he said,
"Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The captain turned around, bowed politely, and replied, "You make
onry
one velly, velly selious mistake."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
"A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?"
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's
goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
"Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy
bags as strong as they used to!"
"Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL!
Oooh, your batteries just died!"
" ... 'Rectum? It nearly killed him.' Get it? Wait ... come back!"
"No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax."
"It's called a 'bra.' Women wear them under their clothes."
"Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small,
birth control would be a thing of the past!"
"OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say
'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try it
again with more accent!"
"Oh, Baby! Here I expected 5, and you whip out 13!!"
"Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed."
"Top 5? C'mon, it's more like the Top 3 1/2!"
"Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!"
"Dammit Mom! Knock first!"
"OK, this time, *you* be Martha Stewart and *I'll*
be Rico the gardener."
"Look, lover boy, $120 means $120 -- I don't give
a shit if that works out to $240 a minute."
"Mind if I wedge my calculator under your breast
there while we're doing this?"
"Shave it? You're lucky I washed it."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *WAS* the
original body model for the Ken doll. How in the world did
you guess?"
"Baa-a-a-a-a"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work.
She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the
closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his
balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray
paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors
to get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there.
"What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale
this afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh."
He says "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again. So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still
the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH."
He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am
gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna
throw them in the fireplace and burn them. So he stretches them as
far apart as he can and slams them together. At that moment the guys
sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "DING DONG, SUCKER,
DING DONG!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
101 LIES MEN TELL WOMEN
1. I'll call you.
2. I love you.
3. You're the only one.
4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.
5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.
6. That's the best sex I've ever had.
7. You've got the most beautiful eyes
8. No, I'm not married
9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home.
10. You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing's wrong.
11. I'm ready to make a commitment.
12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.
13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years.
14. We'll get married as soon as I ...
15. I'll be home in twenty minutes.
16. It's not that I don't care - I just have to spend more time
with my kids.
17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
18. I've been celibate since we broke up.
19. I could never lie to you.
20. I can still last all night
21. I always use a condom
22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
24. I tested HIV negative
25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.)
are too big
28. I'm too tired
29. How could you think I'd be interested in her? She's your best
friend
30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best
31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection before
32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over Europe
33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
34. I want to grow old with you
35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us
37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy
38. I'm going to leave my wife
39. You're nothing at all like my mother
40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter to me
41. It doesn't bother me that you make more money than I do
42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends
43. I think older women are the most exciting
44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my field, in the
company)
45. What attracts me to you is your mind
46. We'll split all the child care and household chores
fifty-fifty
47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come
48. I've never had an affair before
49. You're the only one who understands me
50. I've never been in therapy
51. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me
52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else
53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an
affair?
55. Your career is as important as mine
56. I promise you that I'll change
57. I want us to remain close friends always
58. My wife and I have an understanding
59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
60. I don't masturbate
61. Let's be friends first
62. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real
thing
63. I'd like you even if you were a man
64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that
much to me
65. The difference between us will bring us even closer
66. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids
67. No, I never said that
68. You make me feel like a kid again
69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)
70. I'll move wherever you want
71. Of course I'm not bored with you
72. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise,
make partner), we'll......
73. You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's
got in her whole body
74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those
75. Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours
76. I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you
77. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind
78. Sure, I'll watch the kids
79. It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you.
80. We'll be spending a lot of time together when I retire
81. You're the only
reason I've worked so hard
82. If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd go with you and
the kids to your mom's
83. No one's ever turned me on like you do
84. My boss says there's nothing to worry about
85. I'll never tell
86. Relax, she's just a friend
87. This is just a temporary separation until we get things
worked out
88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic
89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing
90. Of course I'm listening to what you're saying
91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes
92. No, I don't think you're fat
93. You're the woman I should have married
94. I'm going to be focusing on my wokr for a while now.
95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father
96. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get
married
97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)
98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living
space with someone
99. This time I'm really serious
100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives
go to the conference
101. I'll always take care of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young woman, in the doctor's office for a
physical examination, just absolutely refuses to
undress. "But, doctor, I'm a virgin, and no man
has ever seen me nude." --"That may be, miss,
but I can't very well examine you if you keep
your clothes on."
She still refuses, and then the doctor proposes that they turn out
the lights.
"Well, I guess this is OK, doctor. Where do I put my clothes?"
"Either on the floor or on the chair with mine."
"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his
buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit.
"Where'd you pick 'em up?"
Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug.
"I came home from work early the other day and
there they were, hanging over the chair in the
bedroom."
As Sadie and Irving are leaving the mall, they
see their neighbor's son Paul and his fiancée
Sharon just going in.
"Did you see that? " Sadie says.
"See what?" asks Irving, pretending not to know what Sadie is
referring to.
"Paul's fiancée, that's who," Sadie says, "She's
dressing all wrong. She's probably 37-23-35 and
with big breasts like hers, she shouldn't be
wearing such a skimpy see through top. And such a
tight leather skirt she's wearing - I don't know
how she can breathe properly. And it's so short,
it make her legs look too long. I know she's got
a beautiful face but I don't think blonde dyed
hair suits her. Believe me, Irving, that marriage
won't last more than 1 year."
With a deep sigh, Irving replies, "Please God I should have such a
year."
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you wore
me I'd be cumming on you too.
Then there was the young married woman who drove 50 miles just to
get 6 inches away from home.
The flasher was thinking of retiring, but decided to stick it out
for one more year!
Original Sin is no longer available, but the digitally enhanced
version is readily available.
A necrophiliac'
lay there.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker!
What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y'all
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Bruce
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Kid Lessons
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I'll Be Seeing You
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The day the music died via Juanita
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Florida Wi-fi Hot Spots Via Heather
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The Museum of Unworkable Devices
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Holiday Plant Care
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Google Privacy Dashboard Via Dianne
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Snagit
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Kitty Korner
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They Were Expendable
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy
was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me
late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."
"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked. "Oh, she just said,
'I can't believe I have a person inside me!' I said, 'So do I. Could
I call you back in an hour or so?'"
Archiologist finding a discarded tampon, "What period do you think
this came from?"
A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before
she was about to have a heart transplant. The woman, concerned about
her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to
perform the operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend.
What if her body rejects the organ?" The doctor replied "Well, she's
34 years old and is in extremely good health, except for her heart
condition. How long has she been in the business?" The patient's
friend replied "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but
what's that got to do with anything?" "Well," said the doctor, "if
she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I
don't think she's about to start now!"
I know a guy who has a map of Canada tattooed on his ass. Every time
he sits down Quebec separates.
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st
Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!..... She bought an air
conditioner. " 2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?" 1st
Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!
"That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new
fangled warshin' machines!" 1st Hillbilly says: "Why is that so
stupid?" 2nd Hillbilly says: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!" 3rd
Hillbilly says: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer
wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day
lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar." 1st and 2nd
Hillbillies say: "Well, what's so dumb about that? " 3rd Hillbilly
says: "She ain't got no pecker.
Stan Kegel
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young stud from Missouri
Who fucked with astonishing fury
'Til taken to court!"
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly-hung jury.
There once was a chic named Nicole
Who loved to ingest a stiff pole
It was always well known
That she'd stuff steel, wood, or bone
Or maybe a tuba in that hole.
A Phi Delt known a Carruthers
Will never make little girls mothers.
Around the old brown
He is covered with down
To wipe off the dongs of his brothers.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready
for
when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll
be
home in an hour." "Perfect," she replies. The man thinks her
agreement
is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He
takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready
to
go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic
is
terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man,
frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he
asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a
housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can
occupy
yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied
with
dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to
blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes
home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know
the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and
says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home
from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't
say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next
day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms,
and says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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