Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Since this seems to be a military week. Here is a Navy story.
The Seabag
There was a time when everything you owned had to fit in your
seabag. Remember those nasty rascals? Fully packed, one of the
suckers weighed more than the poor devil hauling it. The damn things
weighed a ton and some idiot with an off-center sense of humor sewed
a carry handle on it to help you haul it. Hell, you could bolt a
handle on a Greyhound bus but it wouldn't make the damn thing
portable.
The Army, Marines and Air Force got footlockers and we got a big
ole' canvas bag. After you warped your spine jackassing the goofy
thing through a bus or train station, sat on it waiting for
connecting transportation and made folks mad because it was too dam
big to fit in any overhead rack on any bus, train and airplane ever
made, the contents looked like hell. All your gear appeared to have
come from bums who slept on park benches.
Traveling with a seabag was something left over from the "Yo-ho-ho
and a bottle of rum" sailing ship days. Sailors used to sleep in
hammocks. So you stowed your issue in a big canvas bag and lashed
your hammock to it, hoisted it on your shoulder and in effect moved
your entire home and complete inventory of earthly possessions from
ship to ship. I wouldn't say you traveled light because with one
strap it was a one-shoulder load that could torque your skeletal
frame and bust your ankles. It was like hauling a dead linebacker.
They wasted a lot of time in boot camp telling you how to pack one
of the suckers. There was an officially sanctioned method of
organization that you forgot after ten minutes on the other side of
the gate at Great Lakes or San Diego. You got rid of a lot of issue
gear when you went to the SHIP. Did you ever know a tin-can sailor
who had a raincoat? A flat hat? One of those nut hugger knit
swimsuits? How bout those roll your own neckerchiefs. The ones the
girls in a good Naval tailor shop would cut down and sew into a
'greasy snake' for two bucks? Within six months, every fleet sailor
was down to one set of dress blues, port and starboard undress blues
and whites, a couple of whitehats, boots, shoes, assorted skivvies,
a peacoat and three sets of bleached out dungarees. The rest of your
original issue was either in the pea coat locker, lucky bag or had
been reduced to wipe down rags in the engineroom. Underway ships
were not ships that allowed vast accumulation of private gear. Hobos
who lived in discarded refrigerator crates could amass greater loads
of pack rat crap than fleet sailors. The confines of a canvas back
rack, side locker and a couple of bunk bags did not allow one to
live a Donald Trump existence. Space and the going pay scale
combined to make us envy the lifestyle of a mud hut Ethiopian.
We were the global equivalents of nomadic Mongols without ponies to
haul our stuff. And after the rigid routine of boot camp we learned
the skill of random compression packing. Known by mother's world
wide as 'cramming'. It is amazing what you can jam into a space no
bigger than a breadbox if you pull a watch cap over a boot and push
it in with your foot. Of course it looks kind of weird when you pull
it out but they never hold fashion shows at sea and wrinkles added
character to a salty appearance. There was a four-hundred mile gap
between the images on recruiting posters and the actual appearance
of sailors at sea. It was not without justifiable reason that we
were called the tin-can Navy.
We operated on the premise that if 'Cleanliness was next to
Godliness', we must be next to the other end of that spectrum. We
looked like our clothing had been pressed with a waffle iron and
packed by a bulldozer. But what in the hell did they expect from a
bunch of jerks that lived in the crews hole of a 2250 Sumner Class
can. After a while you got used to it. You got used to everything
you owned picking up and retaining that distinctive aroma. You got
used to old ladies on busses taking a couple of wrinkled nose sniffs
of your peacoat then getting up and finding another seat.
Do they still issue seabags? Can you still make five bucks sitting
up half the night drawing a ships picture on the side of one of the
damn things with black and white marking pens that drive old
master-at-arms into a 'rig for heart attack' frenzy? Make their
faces red. The veins on their neck bulge out. And yell,"Jeezus H.
Christ! What in god's name is that all over your seabag?"
"Artwork, Chief... It's like the work of Michelangelo.
Great huh?"
"Looks like some gahdam comic book.."
Here was a man with cobras tattooed on his arms. A skull with a
dagger through one eye and a ribbon reading 'DEATH BEFORE SHORE
DUTY' on his shoulder. Crossed anchors with 'Subic Bay 1945' on the
other shoulder. An eagle on his chest and a full blown Chinese
dragon peeking out between the cheeks of his butt. If anyone was an
authority on stuff that looked like a comic book, it had to be this
E-8 sucker.
Sometimes I look at all the crap stacked in my garage, close my eyes
and smile, remembering a time when everything I owned could be
crammed into a canvas bag.
Maturity is hell.
buffalo says I looked at theis piece on a lot of web sites and was
unable
to find the author, however I believe it to be the rewrite of a
piece by
submariner, Bob " Dex " Armstrong.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
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Skunk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this animal importer who imported animals illegally as he
could not wait the 6 months for the quarintine law to pass. He told
his
mate how he managed to smuggle the animals through Customs without
being
caught as his mate needed advice to succeed. 1st Man said " I
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rattle snake through Customs"
2nd Man says " oh??, how did you manage that then??"
1st Man says" well I knocked it out and tied it around my waist,
Snakeskin Belt you see?"
2nd Man "thats really ingenious that"
1st Man, "thats nothing, you should see the crocodile I got through
customs"
2nd Man "now I know you are lying"
1st Man " no its true my friend, grab the crocodile by the tail and
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shoulder, a
shoulder bag, simple!"
2nd Man " Wow, I would never have thought of
that, what other animals have you smuggled?"
1st Man " Well I smuggled a Skunk through Customs" 2nd Man " Oh
Yes??<curious>
1st Man " I put it down my wifes underwear " 2nd Man " What about
the
smell? "
1st Man " Well if it dies, it dies"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A kindergarten teacher comes to class and says, "Today class I am
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Rachael stands and says,"A...Apple"
The teacher replies,"That'
So she moves on to the letter "B", and again Little Johnny is still
eager to answer the question, but the teacher is sure that he will
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Donna
says, "B...Baseball.
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"R"
and no one, except for Little Johnny, is raising their hand so she
is
forced to call on him.
"Okay Little Johnny, what starts with R?" she says.
"R...Rat" Little Johnny replies. "Rat, ...that's it...rat?" the
teacher
questions with astonishment.
"Yeah," says Little Johnny, "Big-ass fucking rat, with a dick ten
inches
long!"
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Cannibal Chips
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Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out
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Corkscrew Chips
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Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory,
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"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."
"Like what?" Martin said. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary
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Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a
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"&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ink Chips
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After a sexual harassment incident at work Frank is sent to a
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Frank: "Sure, I got it."
The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"
Frank: "A women with really big tits."
Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women doing it doggie style."
Next image
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The doctor puts down the images and says, "Frank, you seem to have
an obsession with sex."
Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the dirty pictures."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
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Duplicate File Finder
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SANDYS WORLD Creddy Teddy Blinkies
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Country Music
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Night Before Christmas
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Not His Day
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Sin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and
hassling worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation
got so bad that complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go
out and talk to the teenagers. The priest's appearance was greeted
by hoots and catcalls. But he went up to the leader and said,
"Boys, I think there are better places for you to hang out than on
God's doorstep."
The gang leader defiantly said, "F**k God."
Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His
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The gang leader said, "F**k God's laws. You name one,
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tell you what. I'm gonna break every single f**king law the church
has ever make."
The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"
The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back
on a promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."
"Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't
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kill yourself."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap!
So well stacked was the new coed named brenda
All the studs wanted to part her pudenda
But, to their dismay
they discover her first lay
Was not tom, dick ,or harry, but, glenda
To music I must have been born,
'Cause, man, I love blowing a horn!
While cornets get cornier
Horns make me hornier
My mouth's full-time pursed, I must warn.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U. S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing,
the
captain decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained
that
his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get
his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how
much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A
commander
chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A lieutenant said it was
50-50%. An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure,
depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no
consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was in charge of
making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the
young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The
captain
was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if
there
was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for
them."
The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted man.
Myant
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We sent our parents during the Mardi Gras festivals to New Orleans
for
their 55th Anniversary. They had a nice room in a hotel just outside
of Bourbon Street. Dad who is 82 couldn't sleep. So decided to take
a
walk at 1 a. m. the first night there. As he was cruising down
Bourbon
Street, he saw a skimpily dressed woman leaning out of a balcony
window above him. "How would you like to sleep with me for $100?"
She
called down to him. He answered "Making love at my age is always a
real effort. But I could sure use the money.!"
Stan Kegel
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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