Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am a lot more functional than I was 24 hours ago and hopefully
by tomorrow I will be back to the point where I can hit the showers
and the flea dip. This is the third time in the past 15 years that
my back has went out at Thanksgiving and one hospital trip for
an ulcer makes a Thanksgiving with swine flu seem like a pleasant
experience
Thanksgiving dinner went well even without my input in the kitchen
which was a miracle in itself as we have had a few culinary
disasters
in the past. Here is one from the archives.
I was remembering a Thanksgiving probably about seven years ago
where Sandy had been up early and got the bird in the oven and I
was out here on the computer working on the lists. It was a huge
turkey and it wouldn't fit in our usual black roaster so I had
gotten
one of those disposable aluminum foil ones. I went out to the
kitchen
and basted the turkey and slid it back in the oven and sat back down
at the computer.
Pretty soon it started to get a little smoky and I looked out into
the
kitchen and smoke was pouring out of the oven. I ran out and shut
the oven off and opened the door and found the foil pan was leaking
juice and it was burning on the floor of the oven. I opened the back
door and the front door to get some air flowing and drained the
liquid from the turkey into the gravy pan and as there was still a
lot of
smoke and little pieces of soot floating in the air, I went into
Sandy's
room and opened the window. As I did several of the cats decided to
make a break for the fresh air and dove out of the windows. I put a
box fan in her window and turned it on and since it was only about
35
deg outside sat there and shivered till the smoke was gone and I
could
turn the oven back on.
About that time one of the cats who had escaped dove from the
porch rail to the top of the fan in Sandy's window and knocked it
to the floor. I went in and shut the fan off and shut Sandy's window
and then as I was leaving to go close the doors, Sandy sat up in
bed and said, " What was that noise." I wish I could sleep that
soundly.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
Only $29.95+s/h. Plus you'll receive the bonus Spy Scope & carrying
case!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Black Friday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING TIPS!!!
ITS IMPORTANT TO BE PREPARED....
1) Wear tight clothes. A loose shirt, jacket or scarf can be used
to hold you back and slow you down.
2) If you are meek and timid, consider staying at home. BFer's can
smell fear.
3) Unless you are immune to pneumonia, wear clothes in layers. It
may seem like a good thing to dress really warm when you're standing
outside in sub -freezing weather, but once the doors open, you'll be
sweating profusely before you can reach the rear of the store.
4) If you want to socialize with the other people in line, don't
get too personal. Just remember that in minutes, those same people
would just as soon trip you and step on your neck than allow you to
have the very last set of Dora the Explorer bed sheets.
5) Don't share your breakfast food with others in line. It will
only give them more energy to use against you once in the store. If
you must share, make it leftover turkey. The tryptophan it contains
will cause sleepiness, making them slow to react.
6) Shop with a friend. That way one of you can run blocker just
like in Smokey and the Bandit.
7) Never pick up a sale item and look at the box to decide whether
you want it or not. Toss it in the cart! You'll have plenty of time
to read, research and decide while standing in line at the checkout.
Besides, you can always return it later. Seize the opportunity.
Timing is crucial!
8) Unless you absolutely need one, don't take a shopping cart into
the store. It will only slow you down.
9) There will be both parents and children out shopping on BF.
During your adventure, youll hear crying, weeping and whining. "I
have to have that!" "Give it back!" "I had it first!" And then
there's the children...
10) Before the big day, as you are staking out the stores and
making some advanced purchases, save the security tags. There is
always one lady on BF who brags about how she has to buy 36 of the
one item you went there for to give to all of her nieces and
nephews.
Covertly place one or more of these tags on her as the crowds head
into the store. the barrage of security when she sets off the alarm
at the entrance will slow her and allow you to get to the item first
before she takes them all.
11) Carry a bat. Preferably aluminum, since it is lighter. There
are always lurkers who sit in their nice warm cars while everyone
else is freezing in line. They will try to blend into the crowd when
the doors open. The mere presence of such a device will deter them.
The bat is also handy to get stock from high shelves, and to lean on
while waiting in line at the checkout.
12) Agility can make up for a poor spot in line.
13) Bringing along your spouse and kids will only slow you down.
14) Riot gear, while heavy, bulky and a fashion no-no for most
people can be handy if you plan to patronize the likes of Circuit
City, Best Buy or Toys 'R' Us on Black Friday.
15) If you're a man, consider wearing a cup. The advantage can far
outweigh the disadvantage.
16) Seeing-eye and assistant pets still can't resist bacon.
17) Sending up a distress flare at just the right moment can allow
you to gain position in line.
18) Be sure not to wear clothes you don't want snagged or ripped.
19) Defense! Defense! Defense!
20) Above all, enjoy yourself. Its just like fishing. Its not what
you are able to catch. Its the thrill of the chase!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
boat people
http://www.thepostm
the breasts
http://www.thepostm
I will survive
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Federal Witness Protection has a sure fire method that people
entering the program are never found by anyone. They just change the
witness's name to G. Spot
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasaurarse!
It has come to the attention of researchers of the Food and Drug
Administration that previously unanticipated complications, result
when Viagara is taken along with Ex-Lax. Both products tend to act
together and magnify the effects of the other. The researchers have
concluded that the result is that you end up both coming and going
at the same time. It *really* gets complicated when Prozac is taken
with the other drugs, because then, you really don't give a shit if
your cuming or going.
The man brought the girl back to his apartment, took off his
clothes, and said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend." She took
a look, gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when it grows
up."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get the hottest Pet Stocking stuffer for under $10 and be a hit!
Check out the PetBlinx and keep your pet and yourself safe.
Perfect for early morning jogs or late night walks.
See the video for yourself, click here
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was admitted to the hospital suffering from premature
ejaculation. The doctors said it was touch and go.
Q. What's the worst thing about growing unemployment?
A. It gets harder to screw your girlfriend with her husband home.
"I believe even prostitution should be
legalized...
"Hell, not only do I think prostitution should be legalized," I
jumped in, "I think it should be free, too!"
Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I
wanted one with good support.
Jill: Have you tried under wire?
Mary: Yes, Ma'am! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!
The blind date hadn't been all that great and Mary was relieved the
evening was finally over.
At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see
my
underwear?"
Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in
the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.
She took one look and said, "Nice design. Does it also come in men's
sizes?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.
Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
Gift absolutely FREE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the
bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue
reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually
used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady,
because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or
you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and
this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may
never be able to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS........
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car
keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my
dreams.' Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn
thought limitations. Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'
HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put
her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her,
have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive
off with the old friend for a few beers.
God, I just love happy endings!
Paul Dunk
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get the hottest Stocking stuffer for under $10 and be a hit!
Meet the WarTops, they simply steal the show!
Take it to family reunions, office parties, board meetings, school,
church or on the road and score big!
See the video for yourself
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Book Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Celebrity-Penned Books
By Sarah Ferguson, Ex-Duchess of York: Cash In On Your Ex's
Celebrity Status
Long After Being Dumped
By Elizabeth Taylor: Fat And Depressed? Write A Book About It!
By Eva Gabor: Become Rich And Famous With Little Or No
Personal Accomplishment
By Cher, Forward by Madonna: Garner Attention By Acting
And Dressing Like A Slut
By Anne Heche: Changing Your Sexual Preference For Personal Gain
By Michael Douglas: Boost Your Ego By Marrying Someone
Less Than Half Your Age
By Robert Downey Jr: How To Thwart A Body Cavity Search
Or Jail House Assault
By Sir Elton John: Get What You Want By Being A Tyrannical,
Flamboyant, Chubby
Little Man-Bitch
By Farrah Fawcett: How To Gross Out Your Grandchildren
By Posing Nude In Playboy
By Michael Jackson: The Joy Of Rearing Young Boys
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Spinbot!
Battle friends and family and enjoy hours of fun!
See the video for yourself,
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zarqawi Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was just announced that Abu Musab al Zarqawi was killed in Iraq
by American
forces.
George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across
the face
and yelled, "How dare you fight against the nation I helped
conceive.
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You
wanted to
end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is
why I allowed
our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Zarqawi with a long cane and
snarled, "It was
evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of
Independence.
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe
and 66 other
early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
As Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Zarqawi wept
and said,
"This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting
for you in
Heaven. What did you think I said?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Down with These Special Offers!Product Samples,Recipe Ebooks,
Savings on Name Brand Prodcuts,Newsletter
Plus so much more!
Act Now - Copy and paste the link below into your browser's address
bar:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Gift of Friendship
http://silverandgol
HOW MANY TIMES?
http://www.wtv-
Singing Man's Website
http://mywebpages.
Give Praise
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Human Chameleon
http://www.shangral
Mountain Biking
http://www.shangral
Send Them Pink Slips!
http://www.sendpink
Holiday Mail For Heroes
http://redcrosschat
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Inkscape: Guide to a Vector Drawing Program
http://tinyurl.
Plasma Balls
http://tinyurl.
Free E-Books
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://netvet.
Kitty Korner
http://pearyhenson.
Rarely Seen Babies
http://www.shangral
Taking A Catnap 2
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
A Special Invitation For You!
Play Unlimited Cash Poker - Play for $10,000 Today!
1 Million members are already playing:
* Cash payouts - over $150,000/month
* No commitments or obligations
* Over 7,500 tournaments/
Join the largest, legal U.S. cash poker room now!
Start Winning Today!
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Strip Poker
http://www.buffalos
Sumsing Turbo 3000
http://www.buffalos
Sure Lock
http://www.buffalos
Swan Song
http://www.buffalos
Talent
http://www.buffalos
Helicopter
http://www.buffalos
Hilarious Prank
http://www.buffalos
Hombres
http://www.buffalos
Hot Dog
http://www.buffalos
How To Blow Away A Deer
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mom is very very possessive. She calls me up and says, "You
weren't home last
night. Is something going on?"
I say, "Yeah, Mom. I'm cheating on you with another mother."
------
In a new sex survey they found that 18 percent of people had sex
four or more
times a week.
Now here is the interesting part. That number drops to 3 percent
when you add
the phrase, "With a partner."
------
Two gay guys were caught in the act in a public park by a policeman.
As the cop
tried to arrest them for their act of public indecency, they bolted
away. The
cop pursued after them and managed to catch one of them. He told
him, "When I
catch your boyfriend I'm going to shove this nightstick right up his
ass." Just
then a voice calls out from behind a tree. "Yoo-hoo, Officer. I'm
over here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smoke Assist
Smoke Assist is the exciting alternative to cigarettes. You may now
satisfy your oral fixation with our water vapor device Smoke
Assist̢㢠Featuring realistic tobacco flavor, look and feel. No more
smoke smell on your clothes, in your home or work.
Get the Smoke Assist E-Cigarette at no charge with the purchase of
20 cartridges and S&H
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Saucer
http://www.buffalos
Co-op
http://www.buffalos
Leprechauns
http://www.buffalos
Not Yourself
http://www.buffalos
Chess
http://www.buffalos
PMS Meaning
http://www.buffalos
Vampire Community
http://www.buffalos
One Way To Look At Things
http://www.buffalos
Dead Wood
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Potty Pad
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
pads, Pet Zoom Pet Park's reusable surface stays fresh and sanitary.
Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man of L'Hore
Whose dick was one inch and no more
Which was all right for keyholes
And little girls' pee holes
But no good at all with a whore
____________
There was a young stud from Missouri
Who fucked with astonishing fury
'Til taken to court!"
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly-hung jury.
____________
There was a Young Man of Thyme
Who Had three wives at a time
When asked why he did it
He said "One's an idiot
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big Top Cupcake- Giant Cake Sized Cupcakes
Big Top Cupcake allows you to create colossal cupcakes 25x bigger
than regular cupcakes. Get bakery results without the high prices.
Just fill, bake and decorate.
Just $19.95 + P&H
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a
little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path.
"Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a
Kleenex from her purse and did a good job. After that she urged the
duck away. "Be careful next time!"
She walked on and another duck, with shit all over it, crossed her
way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little animal. She
warned this one as well and the duck took off. Then she encountered
a
third duck, with the same problem.
"Now I have had it!" She screamed. "What have you been doing?" And
for the third time she acts like a Florence Nightingale.
She walked on - suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes.
"Hey,you,
lady!" sounded a male voice in distress.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Do you have a Kleenex?"
"Not anymore, no." she answered.
"Too bad. I'll have to use another duck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rejuvenate Auto is the newest and most advanced way to clean and
care for your vehicle while helping to conserve water. It cleans,
shines & restores your finish in only 15 minutes!
Benefits:
- Instantly Fills In Swirl Marks & Minor Scratches
- Safe For ALL Finishes
- Uses NO Water & NEVER Scratches
- Makes Paint Look Brand New
- Protects Your Car
- Saves you Money
Get the complete package for only $9.99 + Free Bonus! (That's $100
value!)
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was an inelegant intruder on a sunny afternoon: a chunk of ice
from
a jetliner toilet that broke free and slammed into an Austrian
family's garden. No one was injured when the ice tumbled from the
sky
Sunday afternoon in Graz, about 120 miles south of Vienna,
authorities
said. The fragment bore deep into the soil in the garden, where the
unidentified family was enjoying a lazy summer afternoon. Police
said
the 6-inch ice ball almost certainly came from an airliner toilet,
judging from its blue color and its odor. They did not elaborate.
Authorities believe this might be the first case of a residential
home
being hit by an Icy BM
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fruit and Vegetable Emulsifier
The HealthMaster truly is a kitchen appliance breakthrough. It's
more than just a blender - it's designed to be a powerhouse of
health. You can make anything from ice cream to soups in minutes.
With the bonus recipe books and eating plan you will see how simple
it is to eat healthier.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1726
The Family Meal
Rudy: What are we having for Thanksgiving tonight?
BJ: We did this right.
Katie: Pheasant under glass? Trout?
Diana: No, we have a buffet.
Sandi.... thud!
Rudy: I will get the smelling salts.
Later....
Katie: There there Sandi, it is okay. Look at all the food..
Sandi with tears in her eyes: There is pizza, steak, roast, hot
dogs,
every kind of meat I could want or wish for. I am so happy.
Diana: Then why are you crying?
Sandi: Because I am so happy.
BJ: Come here girl....
Sandi sides up to BJ..
BJ: While we have food and shelter, let us pause to think about
those
who are not as fortunate as us. We can at least pray for those
people.
Rudy: Good idea dad. Like the men and women in uniform or the
ones who are working tonight.
Diana: That's the spirit Rudy. While we are eating, there are
police
patroling, fire fighters on call, the army, air force, navy and
coast guard
are still working along with the people in the hospitals and other
places
that cannot shut down.
Katie: I have an idea.
BJ: What Kate?
Katie: How about we fix a meal and take it to the workers at the
nursing home where you mother was kept. The workers there were
not paid a lot and they could use a nice meal.
Diana: Splenid idea Katie. Let's do it.
So the family packs several meals and off they go jabbering and
feeling
the spirit of giving thanks.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment