Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
At midnight tonight the on-street parking ban begins so that
means the vehicles will be in the back yard till the lawn freezes
solid then I can park there again. There still is no snow on the
ground but the weatherman promises an end to that situation.
Today is Sandy's birthday and also our thirtieth wedding
anniversary. It seems like so much longer at times.
For those of you who are always looking for a reason
to celebrate, December is your month. A person could
develop a hangover that will last to President's Day
in February .
Dec. 01. Apple Day
Dec. 01. Day Without) Art
Dec. 01. Pie Day
Dec. 01. World AIDS Day
Dec. 01. National Day in Central African Republic
Dec. 01. Independence Day in Portugal
Dec. 01. National Day in Romania
Dec. 02. Abolition of Slavery Day
Dec. 02. National Day in Laos
Dec. 02. National Holiday in United Arab Emirates
Dec. 03. Disabled Persons Awareness Day
Dec. 04. Cookie Day
Dec. 04. Santa's List Day
Dec. 05. Play Hooky Day
Dec. 05. Bathtub Fun Day
Dec. 05. Discovery Day in Haiti
Dec. 05. National Day in Thailand
Dec. 06. Pawnbrokers Day
Dec. 06. Saint Nicholas Day
Dec. 06. Independence of Quito Day in Ecuador
Dec. 06. Independence Day in Finland
Dec. 06. Constitution Day in Spain
Dec. 07. Civil Aviation Day
Dec. 07. Cotton Candy Day
Dec. 07. Letter-Writing Day
Dec. 07. Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
Dec. 07. Teacher Appreciation Day
Dec. 08. Brownie Day
Dec. 08. Lady of Camarin Day in Guam
Dec. 08. Feast of the Immaculate Conception in Nicaragua
Dec. 08. Constitution Day in Uzbekistan
Dec. 09. Homemade Gift Day
Dec. 09. Independence Day in Tanzania
Dec. 10. Thai Constitution Day in Thailand
Dec. 11. National Day in Burkina Faso
Dec. 12. Poinsettia Day
Dec. 12. Independence Day in Kenya
Dec. 12. Guadalupe Day in Mexico
Dec. 12. Constitution Day in Russia
Dec. 12. Neutrality Day in Turkmenistan
Dec. 13. Cocoa Day
Dec. 13. Shareware Day
Dec. 13. Republic Day in Malta
Dec. 13. Santa Lucia Day in Sweden
Dec. 14. Email Tag Day
Dec. 15. Bill of Rights Day
Dec. 15. Kingdom Day in Curacao
Dec. 15. Navidades in Puerto Rico
Dec. 16. Stupid Toy Day
Dec. 16. Independence Day in Bahrain
Dec. 16. Victory Day in Bangladesh
Dec. 16. Posadas in Mexico
Dec. 16. Christmas Observance in Philippines
Dec. 16. Reconciliation Day in South Africa
Dec. 17. Wright Brothers Day
Dec. 18. Bake Cookies Day
Dec. 18. Wear A Plunger On Your Head Day
Dec. 18. Republic Day in Niger
Dec. 19. Oatmeal Muffin Day
Dec. 19. Underdog Day
Dec. 20. Go Caroling Day
Dec. 21. Don't Be A Scrooge Day
Dec. 21. Flashlight Day
Dec. 21. Forefathers' Day
Dec. 21. Winter Solstice
Dec. 21. World Peace Day
Dec. 21. Yalda
Dec. 22. Yule
Dec. 23. Emperor's Birthday in Japan
Dec. 24. Christmas Eve
Dec. 24. Last-Minute Shopper's Day
Dec. 24. Independence Day in Libya
Dec. 25. Christmas
Dec. 25. Pumpkin Pie Day
Dec. 25. Birthday of Quaid-I-Azam in Pakistan
Dec. 25. Constitution Day in Taiwan
Dec. 26. Boxing Day
Dec. 26. Kwanzaa Begins
Dec. 26. Whiner's Day
Dec. 26. Junkanoo in Bahamas
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in Canada
Dec. 26. Day of the Wren in Ireland
Dec. 26. Independence Day in Slovenia
Dec. 26. Goodwill Day in South Africa
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in United Kingdom
Dec. 28. Card Playing Day
Dec. 28. Chocolate Day
Dec. 28. Holy Innocents Day (Childermas)
Dec. 28. Proclamation Day in Australia
Dec. 30. Rizal in Philippines
Dec. 31. Make Up Your Mind Day
Dec. 31. New Year's Eve
Dec. 31. New Year's Resolutions
Dec. 31. Samoan Fire Dance in Western Samoa
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four regulars were playing their weekly game of golf, and one
remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed
and
without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies
and
play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it!
We'll make
it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas
morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on
the golf
course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I
bought my
wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy
says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I
gave
her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says
"Well my
wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them
like
they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such
expense
for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well
babe,
Merry Christmas! It's a great morning, is it Intercourse or Golf
Course and
she said... "Take a sweater - it's a bit cool this morning..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
after Thanksgiving
http://www.thepostm
saving water
http://www.thepostm
well, have you?
http://www.thepostm
Extra Credit Project
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Eye Exam
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Eyes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to
plant you
right here!
2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go
screw.
3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to
be.
5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to
you.
8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and
going....
9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd
be coming
too.
10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you
treat me
right, and I'll do it your way right away.
11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone
beat me to
it.
12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to
"tinker"
around with.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb
-diggity.
14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be
McGorgeous.
15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher, have you
seen one?
17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride
you all day
long for a quarter.
18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all
night
long.
19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until the
afternoon.
20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost
mine.
23. I look good on you.
24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American guy travels to Japan on business. After 3 days of
intense meetings, he's exhausted.
After work he decides to go out and get some dinner, and maybe have
a
few drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki, he's feeling a
little horny. He decides to go down the street to a geisha bar.
After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his
hotel for some action.
They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the
bed. As they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then
screaming. As she catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin-Wa!
Shin-Wa!"
The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of
his
life, and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a
great time. After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely
able to walk out of the room.
The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the
Japanese company he had been meeting with. Everything goes
great . . . they get to the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt
to make par, and have the best round of his life. He takes his time,
lines it up, and sinks it!
The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the
Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!"
The CEO turns to him and says, "What do mean, wrong hole?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Jewish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Selma telephones home with some
exciting news:
"Mama, I got married."
"Mazel Tov," says Mama.
"I might as well tell you, Mama, he's not of
our Faith."
"So he's a goy. But am I prejudiced?"
"But, Mama, he's also black."
"So he's a schvartzeh. By me, everybody
should be tolerant."
"Well, frankly, Mama, he's also unemployed."
"So, you'll support him. A wife should help
her husband."
"But, Mama, we have no place to live."
"Don't worry, Selma, dear. You'll move in
with us."
"But Mama, you have only one bedroom."
"That's okay. You and your husband can
have the bedroom."
"Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa
sleep?"
"Papa can sleep on the couch in the living
room."
"Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"
"Selma, dear, about me you don't need to
worry. The minute I get off the phone...
I'm going to drop dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Married Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comebacks For "Why Aren't You Married?"
* Because I don't like having a 50% chance of some day losing
everything that is important to me.
* You haven't asked yet.
* What? And spoil my great sex life?
* Just lucky, I guess.
* I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
* I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
* What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal
ads?
* We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for it.
* I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
* Why aren't you thin?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Survey Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women's test
I'm Not Bitter Quiz-o-Rama
Instructions: Please answer each question as honestly as possible.
1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails
out
and leave it as food for wild jackals
2) When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:
a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
b) "Material Girl"
c) "I Touch Myself"
d) Theme from "Psycho"
3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons
4) A woman's hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal
the
demon-horns
5) My personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbit
6) When it comes to cars, I:
a) Take good care of my car and change my oil regularly.
b) [giggle] What's oil?
c) Think fuzzy dice are cool !
d) Want a Mercedes... NOW!
7) If you man wants to date me, he must also like my:
a) Family
b) Pet rock
c) Therapist
d) Furniture
8) I have a subscription to:
a) Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal
b) Analog and Rolling Stone
c) National Enquirer and T.V. Guide
d) Weekly Reader
9) I want to have ___ children.
a) Any number, as long as they are healthy
b) Some
c) Your
d) Well-dressed
10) My list of favorite authors include:
a) William Shakespeare
b) Maya Angelou
c) Chairman Mao
d) Marquis DeSade
11) A romantic evening is best spent:
a) Before a roaring fire
b) Having a candle-lit dinner
c) Country line dancing
d) Shopping
12) I want to date a(n):
a) Lawyer
b) Engineer
c) Crew-chief at the local JuffyLube
d) Anyone who owns a shoe store
13) I really admire:
a) My parents, for bringing me up right
b) My teachers, for teaching me about life
c) The makers of Velveeta
d) Zsa Zsa Gabor
14) What attracted me most to you (physically) is/are your:
a) Massive chest
b) Tight buns
c) Tattoo collection
d) Credit cards
15) What attracted me most to you (mentally) is/are your:
a) Sparkling wit
b) Open mind
c) Deep understanding of power tools
d) Huh?
16) I really get turned on when you:
a) Are with me
b) Kiss my neck
c) Imitate Beavis and Butt-Head
d) Do the dishes
17) I can't live without:
a) The support of friends
b) Oxygen
c) Entertainment Tonight
d) Makeup
18) If you were really depressed, I would:
a) Listen to your problems
b) Rub your back
c) Get you drunk
d) Laugh
19) My favorite television programs are:
a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
b) MST3K, Roseanne, and Star Trek:TNG
c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and AmericaUs Most Wanted
d) Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual
20) My favorite pig out food is:
a) Low-fat yogurt
b) Haagen Dasz
c) Gummi worms
d) A man's still quivering heart
21) A man should know where I keep my:
a) House keys
b) Erogenous zones
c) Ear-wax remover
d) Guns
22) I would rather die a slow painful death than:
a) Betray a confidence
b) Betray my country
c) Miss "Wheel of Fortune"
d) Spend one more minute with you
23) The most hellish,vile place on Earth is:
a) Bosnia-Herzegovina
b) Texas
c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
d) Your bedroom
24) The one phrase I would love to hear is:
a) "Congratulations, Madame President"
b) "Ohmygod, that is the winning lottery ticket!"
c) "Wow! I've never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!"
d) "What we can't figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in
the
first place."
25) If a man was to propose to me, I would:
a) Cry
b) Call my mother
c) Be pregnant
d) Giggle uncontrollably
Please write a 300 word essay on the theme: "A Woman's Role In the
Relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur"
Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Jesus The Light
http://silverandgol
Although I May Be Different
http://www.carolspo
John w/ If I Were Santa
http://heavens-
Carolyn w/No Place Like Home For The Holidays ~Perry Como
http://carolynsprec
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Antique and Classic Cars:1902 - 1970s Via Dianne
http://www.hubcapca
Vintage Beercans
http://tinyurl.
Click on a Horse !
http://svt.se/
Cool Periodic Table of Elements
http://www.ptable.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Animations:
http://www.shangral
Angels, Churches, Crosses, Doves Animations
http://www.shangral
Windows 7 Compatibility Wizard
http://www.microsof
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Sensitivity Training
http://www.buffalos
Serv 3 Chunk
http://www.buffalos
Sex In The Future
http://www.buffalos
Short Dip
http://www.buffalos
Singing Monkey
http://www.buffalos
Dirty Sneakers
http://www.buffalos
Dodge Viper VS Tzero Electric Car
http://www.buffalos
Dog In Trance
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Don't Eat While Driving
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Energy Star
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he
asks the
beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. Nurse he says, "I want
to kiss the
head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who
was fat and
had no hair on his head). "Nikita Kruschev? But he is dead for a
long time." "I
don't care I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last
wish!" The
nurse didn't know what to do. Then she thought of something. As the
man did not
wear his glasses the nurse takes her beautiful tits out of her bra
and offers
the left one to the man. He holds it, caresses it and very moved. He
said, "Oh
my dear Nikita, my old friend!! How happy I am to see you again!" He
was kissing
her left tit so warmly that the nurse started liking the whole
situation. She
asks the man, "What about kissing president Eisenhower's head."
"Yes!! Is he
here too?" "Of course he is here," she says, and offers him her
right tit. "Oh
my dear president how happy I am to see you here," said the man,
kissing again
and again, "Eisenhower.
and started to
feel her pussy getting moist; so she asks the man, "What about Fidel
Castro?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finger nails
http://www.buffalos
Lard Ass
http://www.buffalos
Back Face
http://www.buffalos
Royal Stuck-up
http://www.buffalos
Typing
http://www.buffalos
Book of Mormon
http://www.buffalos
Big Nutz
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Customs
http://www.buffalos
Fishing
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Spinbot!
Battle friends and family and enjoy hours of fun!
See the video for yourself,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Once Was A Man From Peru
Who Was Desperately Hanging Out For A Screw.
He Picked Up A Moll
And Rammed Home His Pole
Then Said, `Jesus, That Was Long Overdue.'
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Badly Wanted A Screw.
She Tried A Broom-Handle
And The End Of A Candle,
But Threw Them Away For A Jew.
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Had Nothing Whatever To Do.
So She Sat On The Stairs,
And Counted C*nt Hairs;
Four Thousand, Three Hundred And Two.
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Regretted Her Lovers Were Few.
So She Walked From Her Door,
With A Fig Leaf, No More.
And Now She's In Bed With The Flu.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says, "I bet I know what you
want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with
every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S."
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have
enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with
every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I
have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any
because I can smell it on your finger!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
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Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A world renowned cardiologist died and was given an elaborate
funeral
attended by fellow physicians, family members, friends. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart
then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all
eyes
stared at him, he said,
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral....I'
gynecologist.
That's when the proctologist fainted
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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