Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
You would probably think that growing up in the Great White North
that you might run into something that would try to eat you.
Actually
we're fairly safe up here with only an occasional run in with black
bears,
bobcats, and wolves. These animals are generally a lot more scared
of you and go the other way when they hear you coming.
For as long as I can remember there have been reports of a mystery
cat in the area and many had claimed to have heard it or saw it's
tracks and claimed that it was a large cougar. The only problem with
that is that the last cougar was seen here in 1906. With a large
small
game population and millions of acres of woods it would be easy for
an animal to set up its territory and never cross paths with humans.
I spotted an article in the Sault Evening News online edition the
other
day telling how the DNR had definitely identified two sets of tracks
and
a photo from a wildlife camera as having come from a cougar. At the
bottom of the article is a space for reader comments and most were
from people that felt vindicated that their stories had finally been
proven
true.
One person however must be engaged in a different form of " cougar "
hunting with the Bomb Shelter being a local watering hole.
Chief F Water
There is always a couple at the Bomb Shelter. Most of them of
toothless but can still put a hurt on you. If one approaches you
can't go wrong with a fake name and a couple bud lites.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dildo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was married for 20 years, and
every time they had sex the husband always
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This farmer has a cross-eyed cow that keeps bumping into things. He
calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem. The vet says. "I think
the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and
the cows eyes will straighten out. The vet - a 70 year old man -
inserts the pipe and blows. The cows eyes begin to straighten, but
the vet soon looses his breath and the cows eyes are crossed again.
The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again. The vet
looks at the farmer - a young healthy man - and says, you look like
a strong man, why don't you give it a try. The farmer agrees. He
then takes the pipe out of the cows ass, turns it around, and sticks
it back in. He then begins to blow. "Holy smokes," says the vet,
"what in the hell did you do that for?" The farmer replies, "You
don't think I am gonna put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that
you had your mouth on."
"My girlfriend is such a cheat and a liar. I've been going with her
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A man goes to a whorehouse and asks the lady at the desk for a woman
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said, "I paid $500, so I want you to take your clothes off and lay
on the bed and spread your legs for me." She does. He says "Thank
you," and starts to leave. She said, "Is that all you wanted?" He
said, "Yes my wife is painting the house brown with pink shutters
and I wanted to see what it would look like."
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a
turkey, we all might be having a piece of ass for thanksgiving.
Anne's fine figure had been poured into a beautiful form-fitting
gown
and she made a point of calling her date's attention to it over and
over again throughout the evening. Finally, over a nightcap in his
apartment he said, "You've been talking about that dress all evening
long. You called my attention to it first when we met for cocktails,
mentioned it again at dinner, and still again at the theatre. Now
that
we're here alone in my apartment, what do you say we drop the
subject?"
The voluptuous redhead was walking down a dimly lit street when a
man
jumped out of the bushes. "Give me your money," he demanded. "I d-
don't have any," she managed to reply. "Give me your money or I'll
search you!" he threatened. She repeated that she didn't have any,
then gasped as he made a tentative search. "You'd better give me
your
money now," he said menacingly, "or I'm going to rally search you!"
"But I don't have any!" she protested, almost in tears. So he really
searched her. "I guess you were on the level," he finally muttered
angrily. "You don't have any money on you." "For heaven's sake," she
wailed, "don't stop now. I'll write you a check." (Playboy)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fred Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We recently moved to a new city and went to our first football game.
We arrived early and found our seats. Not long afterwards, a
neurotic, twitchy young fellow came in and sat just in front of us.
A short time later, we heard from far behind us someone yell "Hey
Fred!"
The nervous young man jumped up and scanned the crowd. Apparently
seeing no one he knew, he sat back down. A few moments later, we
heard some behind us yell "Hey Fred!" Again the young man jumped up
and scanned the crowd. Still seeing no one he knew, he uneasily sat
back down.
After several rounds of this, the man began mumbling to himself.
After each additional time, the mumbling became more frantic.
Finally, hearing again the call of "Hey Fred!" The man leapt to his
feet and screamed to the crowd,
"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, YOU BASTARD, MY NAME'S NOT FRED!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road
was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.
Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly
died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total
silence.
He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he
could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited
knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine,
feeling despondent As he stood looking at the gradually fading light
of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries,
like he had promised himself.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your
fuel pump." The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the
underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. There were
two horses standing in the fenced field alongside the road and the
man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's
your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."
Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight,turned
the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a
short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the
next town, he ran into the local bar. "Gimme a large whiskey,
please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's
ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen
a ghost!" "It's unbelievable,
tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse,
you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes,it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher,
"because that black horse don't know shit about cars!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Redneck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
More "You might be a redneck if"......
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...Your local beauty parlor also fixes cars.
...The only thing that you have ever hit with a
baseball bat is a mailbox.
...You think the four seasons are onion, pepper, salt
and garlic.
...Your doghouse and your living room have the same
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...You win the pickled egg-eating contest and nobody
in your family will ride home with you.
...You and six of your neighbors split a cable bill.
...Your most encouraging words are, "Don't touch
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...Your church has a "happy hour."
...Your primary source of income is a pool stick.
...Your buddies ask if you want to see pictures of
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...The centerpiece of your landscaping used to get
25 miles per gallon.
...The police have had to talk to you about your
bonfires.
SunAmy
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/He Is There
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Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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Getting There
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Wishing You Well
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Movie Links
Alabama Death Penalty Execution
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rosey had invited her younger sister, Nina, to leave her country
home
and come to the city for a weekend to see how the urban half lived.
She
also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take Nina out for a
night on the town.
After a pleasant dinner and a show, Bill and Nina went to Bill's
apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for
a
pleasant interlude; then Bill suggested they retire to the bedroom.
"Oh, no," Nina protested. "I don't think my sister would like
it."
"Nonsense," said Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves
it."
------------
The large fire department where I work sometimes runs out of the
official forms we use for inspecting equipment. Headquarters will
allow
us to create our own forms on the computer.
Once, after composing a replacement document, we sent copies to
other fire stations in need of them.
Afterward, we noticed that under the signature line, someone
has mistakenly typed "Singed."
------------
One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were
attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher
to
invite the children to the front of the church and have a small
lesson
before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could
find
around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.
This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a
smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant
when
an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's
cooking dinner."
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Toon Chips
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Monk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons
and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,
not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first
copy,
it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent
copies
The head monk, says,
'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault
that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He
sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. We missed
the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEB R ATE !!!
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than
a
whisper. "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to
make
before I go. I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe.I spent
it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who
forced
your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your
income-tax evasion to the I.R.S." "That's all right, dearest, don't
give it a second thought," whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned
you."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To make a bull sweat, give him a tight Jersey.
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of
expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her
husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap
bottle,
would you?" "No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find
gift wrapping on a dead beaver."
Some people are music lovers. Other can love without it.
Two well-dressed, matronly women entered the business office and
approached an executive. "Sir," said one, "we are soliciting funds
for
the welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to
donate?" "Sorry," replied the exec, "but I contribute directly."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1517
The End Revisited
BJ: So guys what did you think of the story?
Katie: Well, I am scared now. You will have to be certain I sleep
under
the covers tonight.
BJ: What did you think Sandi?
Sandi: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
BJ: Egads, I guess nothing bothers her.
Rudy: I had my thoughts on the story.
BJ: Talk to me Rudy.
Rudy: Well if the world was so depopulated then there would be
steaks
everywhere then right? Then think of all the dog food and stuff I
could
eat.
BJ: That is a bit selfish isn't it?
Rudy: I don't want any shell fish.
BJ: Oh never mind, just go on.
Rudy: Sure thing pops.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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