Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Michigan and Washington, because of their cooler climates
supply the bulk of the apples this country consumes. When I
was a kid you would have three or four breeds of apples on
the shelves this time of the year, divided into eating and cooking
types. There were also a few orchards around where you could
pick apples for eating and canning and crab apples my mom
canned whole in spices and syrup. We usually managed to find
several hundred pounds in the fall of eating apples so we never
bought many from the store. I did a lot of reading back then and
I would grab a book and a half dozen apples and read till my parents
made me turn the lights out.
These days you go to the market and there are so many brands
of apples I have never heard of and they don't have little placards
telling you how to use each apple. I picked up a big bag of Kraft
caramels the other day and I am going to find some really tart
apples
and make some hot caramel dip and do some sliced apples.
Eva shares my love for apples and will munch one while Sandy is
fixing breakfast. I bought some soft caramel apples from a
fundraiser
and Eva wolfed down two of them. I am mad at Eva BTW. I had a
Hostess Fruit Pie sitting in front of my computer. I went in to take
a nap and when I came back out ready to eat my pie, Eva was
playing on the computer and most of my pie was gone.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sue lay sprawled in sweet exhaustion on the bed, wearing a red
ribbon in her bright blonde hair. Beside her, wearing not even a
ribbon, Mark slowly lit two cigarettes and passed one to her. For a
long moment smoke and silence hung in the air. Then: "My mother
always told me to be good," Sue said with a little smile. "Was I?"
From a Smart Ass Woman
A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical
students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the
professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know
what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
why?
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drag racing
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slow moving
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End Of Date
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End Of Mary Poppins
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End Of The Rainbow
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the
shortest man
present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel
rather small
among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel like a dime
among a lot
of pennies."
------------
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day
when he spies an old friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells.
"I haven't
seen you in ages! How have you been? What are you doing?" "Well,"
Boris replies.
"I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!
man replies. "It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for
the king of
England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with
gold!' and they
fill the tuba with gold, and they fill the trombone with gold, and
me with the
damn piccolo. "We play for the queen of France. She loves the music;
she says
'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with
silver and they
fill the trombone with silver, and me with the damn piccolo. "Then
we play for
the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he says 'Shove the
instruments up their
behinds!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit, AND
ME WITH THE
DAMN PICCOLO!"
------------
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching
for a
Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures a few close
calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm
chopping down the
next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
------------
A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his
message across
to his congregation: "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he
said, "that
heaven doesn't interest them." Then he added, "And it's so hot here
in the
summer that hell doesn't scare them!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leave Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops. One man he passed
sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!
compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home
leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry.
"Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home
leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Fourth Grade concert is fast approaching and Johnny has still
not
decided what he will do. Little Sarah is going to do a piano solo,
Mikey
will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally,
his
frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out
his
act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall
and
watch as Sarah, in her prettiest dress, tickles the ivories to
rapturous
applause.
Then Mikey steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the
delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johnny, in checked shirt and denim overalls. He
steps
up to the microphone and says: "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns
a
farm and every holiday my family visits him there. His wife, my aunt
Martha, always cooks a real down-home country meal for us all, and
we
feast and stuff ourselves silly, for days on end. Tonight, I would
like
to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on
my
uncle's farm. Here is the first: "Johnny! Why don't you get your ass
off
the shitter and give someone else a chance?!""
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kama Sutra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On their 50th wedding anniversary an old couple decide to spice up
their sex
life with a Kama Sutra handbook they picked up at a local News
Agency.
They looked astonishingly at the various positions contained
therein.
One in particular showed a couple seated opposite one another, naked
and with
their legs spread apart.
The man was to try to roll marbles between the woman's legs and she
was to try
to throw plastic hoop-la-hoops around his private.
The old woman and man smiled at one another "This is it!"
They giggled.
The old man said "Ok.. I'll go get the bowling ball."
The old woman said "Ok.. I'll take off my wedding ring."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The
first cow said,
"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say
it is
spreading fast! I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other
cow replied, "Heck, I ain't worried. It won't affect us ducks."
~~~~~~
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered
the doctor's
office. "We have come for an examination,
"Alright," said
the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off." "No,
not me,"
said the girl. "it's my old aunt here." "Very well," said the
doctor. "Madam,
stick out your tongue."
~~~~~~
A woman goes to see her Podiatrist. She says, "Doc, I just got back
from a few
weeks in the Bahamas and the weather was so great I spent most of
the days just
lying on the sand. But the strangest thing happened. Whenever a good
looking guy
came by, I would get this strange tingling sensation between my
toes."
The podiatrist thought this was kind of unusual and examined her. He
asked her
if she had this sensation between all of her toes.
She replied, "Actually no, just between my 2 big toes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Old Homeplace
http://www.silveran
Southbreeze w/ It is Well
http://www.reflecti
Mom's Lazy Thanksgiving
http://www.mamarock
Carol w/I've Been Around
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Surfin Surfari
Kids Commo
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Subaru-based TRAX STI - Autoblog Via Wesley
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GE Cookbook
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Ol' Buffalo Outdoor Cooking Page
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley
Ebay Spy
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Linux software equivalent to Windows software
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Shutter is a feature-rich screenshot program.
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Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Voting Ad
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Argument Settled
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Been Married To long
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Beer Diet
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Beer
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Bowling Bloopers
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Boy & Labrador
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Brass Pole
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Bud Light Wheel
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Brownie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drunk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob and Ben.
Two buddies, Bob and Ben, are getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Ben
throws up all over himself. 'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'
Bob says,
'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell
your wife
that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry
cleaning
bill.'
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Ben stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad
time. 'You
reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're
disgusting!'
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Ben says,
'Nowainaminit, I
can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla
drrrinks. But
thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss
koudin hold
hizz liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks
for the
cleaning bill!'
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty
bucks..'
'Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he pooped in my pants, too.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just Once
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IRS
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It Fits
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Crane
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Coffee Break
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My dental hygienist, Faye Ray,
Said, "Travis, eat pussy each day;
Your gums will be stronger,
Your teeth will last longer,
Coz pussy prevents tooth decay!"
Hey look; it's the orifice girls
Wearing naught but a grin and some pearls.
They go about whorin'
So don't put your oar in,
You don't know what's under their curls
A young exhibitionist Kay,
Having tossed all her panties away,
Has invited us lads
(Via newspaper ads)
To a pubic performance today.
Science was a breath of fresh air
Within my whole High School career
The only school class
Where you could smell gas
That wasn't from your classmate's rear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
Flying Monkey!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three hockey fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a
foot
sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and
discovered a nude female drunk and passed out.
Out of respect for the lady, the Calgary fan took off his cap and
placed it over her right breast. The Vancouver fan took off his cap
and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Leaf
fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted
his
inspection. First, he lifted up the Calgary cap, replaced it, and
wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Vancouver cap, replaced
it, and wrote down some more notes.
The officer then lifted the Leaf cap, replaced it, then lifted it
again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last
time.
The Leaf fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a
pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting
and looking?"
" Well, " said the officer. " I am simply surprised. Normally when I
look under an Toronto Maple Leaf's hat, I find an ass-hole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three salesmen got snowed in at a farmer's house. They had to spend
the night,
and one salesman had to sleep in the attic, as there weren't enough
bedrooms.
The farmer, being a trusting soul as most farmers are, allowed his
two daughters
to sleep with the two salesman, each in their own bedrooms. Before
retiring, the
three salesmen discussed whether they were going to score that night
with the
two daughters. They devised a code of signals so that each could let
the other
two know if they were successful. The first said he would make the
sound of a
train horn and yell, "Freight train through bedroom one!" The second
said he
would yell out, "Mail train through bedroom two!"
Sometime after retiring, sure enough, the yell "Freight train
through bedroom
one!" was heard. A short time later, "Mail train through bedroom
two!" was
heard. Not wanting to be outdone, the salesman in the attic blurted
out,
"Handcar through the attic!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1720
Rudy's Misdeeds
BJ and Diana are running errands Friday so the kids are left alone
in
the house.
Katie: I am bored.
Sandi: I am just sleepy.
Rudy: Those cheese curls look awfully tempting.
Sandi: Don't do it Rudy, those are dads.
Rudy: But they are there and I am hungry.
Sandi: Just go to sleep like I will do and it will be okay. Dad
will
give you some later, he always does.
Katie: If you do it Rudy, let some drop my way.
Later....
Sandi: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Rudy: Munch munch munch munch.
Katie: I would put the bag back Rudy, maybe dad will not figure out
you ate any.
Rudy: Okay..
Later....
BJ comes home..
Rudy is asleep with the bag of cheese curls around his paws.
BJ: Busted!
The herd in Guthrie
(pretty much what happened, except Rudy had distanced himself from
the crime. It could have been any dog, but Rudy is the only one
that
does these things)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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