Adult Adult
OK turkey is ready to go in the oven in morning and fruit pies
are baking. I also laid in some extra pie shells to make some
quick turkey pot pies with from the leftovers and some non-poultry
based meals to spice up the menu. We had a large ham earlier this
week and right now there is also a large kettle of ham and beans
cooking with cornbread in the oven. A lot of good smells in the air
and more anticipated before we sit down to give thanks tomorrow.
I think the cats are suspecting a feast is coming because they are
hanging around the kitchen.
I went to the store earlier to get onions for the dressing and a back-up
jar of lite mayo for sandwiches and left Eva on the computer playing.
When I got back she had been on Farmville collecting eggs on the Feeds
Page and found a rainbow one which is hard to find. Keep working hard
kid and someday this whole plantation will be yours.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Law Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This highlights absurd sexual laws from all over the world. I have
no idea if all of them are accurate, and we know that just because
something gets to your email inbox it doesn't mean it's true, but
I'm sure some of them must be true.
Here are a few unsubstantiated examples from the mail. First the
ancient.
During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be
burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.
In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone
caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement.
In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a
woman's husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose
her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered
in the presence of men other than her husband.
The vow of a Roman vestal virgin lasted 30 years. If she engaged in
sex before then, she was punished by being buried alive.
In Pompeii, a special law was directed at prostitutes. They had to
dye their hair either blue, red or yellow in order to be able to
work.
Peru still keeps on the books an old piece of legislation that dates
all the way back to 1583. Passed by the Third Provisional Council of
Lima, it states, "If there is anyone among you who commits sodomy,
sinning with another man, or with a boy, or with a beast...Let it be
known that it carries the death penalty."
The regional:
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
In Nepal, Bangladesh and Macao it is against the law to view movies
containing simulated lovemaking or the pubic area of men and women.
The law also does not allow kisses to be shown in any film that
includes actors from these three countries.
Cautin Province in Chile has an edict banning the hanging on the
walls of Playboy centerfolds and other sexy pinups in any home or
public building. The reason according to this decree? "It's more
worthwhile to admire a good landscape than a photograph of a naked
woman."
Featherbeds were long ago outlawed in Buenos Aires, Argentina
because "such an indulgence induces and encourages lascivious
feelings."
It's against the law in Belize for any man to have sex with or marry
his own aunt. Masked vigilantes are allowed to take the law into
their own hands and severely punish the lawbreaker, who is tied to a
tree and then flogged.
Masturbation is outlawed in French Guiana because of the "danger it
presents to the masturbator." The law notes that such a physical act
"is recognized as a common cause of insanity."
The law in Montevideo, Uruguay, bans a man from making love to his
wife during her menstrual period. Nor is he allowed even to touch
her between the waist and the knees. Anyone who violates this law is
fined and publicly administered 200 lashes.
The religious:
The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on
Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays.
"Sperm is always impure," decreed Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini,
"whether it comes from coitus or from involuntary emissions while
asleep." Therefore, Iranians are forced by law to go through
ablutionor the ritualistic washing away of impurities as in a
religious riteafter being involved in certain kinds of sexual
activities. (Ablution isn't necessary, however, if the sperm stays
inside the woman's vagina after lovemaking is completed.)
In Iran, a man who perspires when he ejaculates doesn't have to
worry according to Muslim law. His sweat isn't impure, but he's not
allowed to pray so long as his clothing or body are still sweaty.
According to Iranian law, Islamic religious laws "must be obeyed and
carried out by allwithout exception and without argument. There is
no other right, no other duty but obedience." This Middle Eastern
country's Retribution Bill details the punishments for sex-related
crimes such as fornication, homosexual activity, prostitution, and
being a pimp. Each of these is punishable by death. Public morality
is strictly enforced. Any man or woman even accused of adultery is
shot.
It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any
church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.
The double-standards:
The law in Guatemala pulls no punches in dealing with single women
who have been accused of illicit lovemaking. Supposed female
"fornicators," when seen in the streets, are to be stopped, spat
upon, and beaten by the citizens of the community. Single men aren't
punished at all when they've been caught in the act.
In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral
and or anal sex. The same law doesn't apply to men and women
engaging in the same activity with each other.
Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating
instructors from having sexual relations with their female students.
This misdeed, called "the seduction of female students," is
prosecuted as a felony. This statute applies only to male teachers.
It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students.
A married woman in La Paz, Bolivia, is not allowed to drink more
than a tiny bit of wine. One who does is considered by law to be
morally and sexually lax, and her husband may divorce her for one
sip too many.
A husband in Honduras is guilty of adultery only when he has a
mistress and when he "keeps her in a notorious manner."
In Michigan a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her
husband's permission.
Nudity, Peeping, or Viewing Another Person:
In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in
the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing
while standing in front of a man's picture.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska is required to
provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No male and
femaleeven if they are marriedmay sleep together in the nude. Nor
may any sexual activity be undertaken except while the couple is
attired in one of these plain white cotton nightshirts.
Kuwait covers all the bases when it comes to sexual feelings. It's
illegal there for a married man to glance at another woman "in a
sensual manner." Nor can any male, married or single, lustfully look
at a statue of a female or at a female animal.
Lawmakers in Bahrain have decreed that a male doctor can legally
examine a woman's genitals. But any examination must be done
indirectly. Says the law, "If a doctor must touch a woman's
genitalia for medical reasons, he must not look directly at her
genitals. He may do this only by seeing their reflection in a
mirror."
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. The
person undertaking the cleansing ritual commits a serious violation
of the law if he or she sneaks a peek. The sex organs of a dead
person must always be covered with a brick or a piece of wood during
the ritual.
Governing specific acts:
Rhode Island prohibits unmarried people from partaking of bedroom
activities under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers
are both fined $10.
Branchville, South Carolina, retains an old piece of legalese
covering those who "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and
cohabit together, in a public or non-public place." The amorous
couple can be punished with a $500 fine and as much as a six-month
prison term.
Until the law was repealed in 1975, California husbands and wives
could both get a 15-year penitentiary term for engaging in certain
sexual practices. They were specifically prohibited from engaging in
any oral activities, even in the privacy of their own bedroom.
Sodomy laws have been repealedor are ignoredin most states, but
not Georgia, where a man was sentenced to five years in prison for
engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their
home.
In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a
virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the
missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered
illegal.
And the ridiculous:
In Iran, the law clearly states that a Muslim man can't marry a
woman who was breast-fed as a baby by his grandmother or his mother.
Prostitutes in South Dakota are still prohibited from plying their
trade out of a covered wagon.
Indiana and Wyoming both have laws against anyone's enticing,
alluring, instigating, or helping a person under 21 to masturbate.
This activity is known in legal circles as an act of "self
pollution."
Connecticut still retains an old law forbidding any kind of "private
sexual behavior between consenting adults." This odd law makes
absolutely no distinction between married and single couples.
Every hotel room in Sioux Falls, South Dakota is required to have
twin beds. And these twin beds must always be a minimum of two feet
apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's
illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.
buffalo says After having sex in an Austin Healy Sprite, a twin bed is like
a football field and yes both doors have to be open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It has come to the attention of researchers of the Food and Drug
Administration that previously unanticipated complications, result when
Viagara is taken along with Ex-Lax. Both products tend to act together and
magnify the effects of the other. The researchers have concluded that the
result is that you end up both coming and going at the same time. It
*really* gets complicated when Prozac is taken with the other drugs, because
then, you really don't give a shit if your cuming or going.
~~~~
A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came
over to take his order. ". . .and to drink?" she asked. The man said he
would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but
spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table. "Oh my God! I
am so sorry!" "That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants
with his a napkin. "But tell me, is this regular or decaf?" "Regular," she
replied. "Oh great ... now this thing is going to be up all night!"
~~~~~
This guy Chris gets a call from his buddy John one day, and John is on the
phone crying.
Chris asks, "John, what's wrong? You sound really upset."
"Well," replies John, "my wife's been cheatin' on me."
"With who?" asks Chris.
"The neighbor," replies John.
"That damn dirty slut!" says Chris.
"Yeah," replies John, "you think I'm upset, you should've heard how upset
the neighbor's husband was."
~~~~
Bishop to Pope. "I have good news and bad news."
Pope "What's the good news?
Bishop "God is Alive."
Pope "That's very good news, what's the bad news?"
Bishop "She is dancing with the Witches at Fort Hood."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shloyme Seltzer has become rich and wants to show off,
so he orders his driver to drive him to this new
exclusive golf club with his new Cadillac.
Unfortunately a sign at the door unmistakably states
that Jews are not permitted access. The driver wants
to return home, but not Shloyme!
Shloyme says: "Wait here for me."
His driver responds: "But don't you see the sign?
They'll kick you out immediately!"
Shloyme says, "I don't have to tell them I'm Jewish."
and he leaves for the gate.
So the driver waits... One hour... two hours... three
hours. After three and a half hours, Shloyme is kicked
out by two body-builder type guardsmen.
The driver asks: "What happened?"
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number eight! Accidentally I shot my ball into one of
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse!
Some people can tell time by looking at the sun, but I've
never been able to see the numbers.
Joe and Tom were out walking home from work one afternoon. "Shit,"
Joe said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's panties
off!" "What's the rush?" Tom asked. Joe replied "The damn elastic in
the legs is killing me!"
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do,
don't wobble.
Q. what does a man and a sperm have in common ???
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Q. Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A. Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
Q: Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A: Because "pot holder" was already taken.
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
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Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down
Towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there
boy?"
The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later,
and Barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view.
"That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked.
"Sure," responded Bob, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four
ducks Flew in and landed on the pond.
"I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5,000 and all
of My hunting dogs."
They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to
his Wife. Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and
Bill Said, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a
stick,
Shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Bob gypped the hell out
of You," his wife said. "You are such a fool."
Bill protested, "But I saw it work, let me try again. How many ducks
Are there boy?"
Again the dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a
Stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Well, shit" Bill
Said, "This dog is useless." In a fit of rage he shot the dog.
Then, after shooting the dog, he went back and told the story to
Bob.
After hearing that Bill had killed the dog, Bob cried "YOU IDIOT.
That Dog was telling you that there were more ducks than you could
fucking
Shake a stick at ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Thanksgiving
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Holiday2/TG.html
Ultimate Freedom Via Carol
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/UltimateFreedom.htm
Christmas Time
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Are Angels Real?
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Thanksgiving Recipes From America's Past Via Juanita
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Send a card to a soldier in Iraq
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GMAC National Driver's Test
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One Texas Morning!
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Open Disc
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DOS Museum Via Wesley
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Atari Mania ! Via Wesley
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Movie Links
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How to peel a banana
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was standing in the kitchen
preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
she turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T'
shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Close To Home
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cautious young fellow named Tunney
Had a whang that was worth any money.
When eased in half-way,
The girl's sigh made him say,
"Why the sigh?" "For ths rest of it, honey."
__________________________________
There once was a preacher's daughter
Who resented the pony he bought her
Till she found that it's dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her
__________________________________
A young polo-player of Berkeley
Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
In the midst of each chukker
He would break off and fuck her
Horizontally, laterally and vertically.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband
to a sympathetic pal seated next to him at the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked
her where she'd been, she said that she had spent
the night with her sister, Shirley.
And I know that's a lie because I spent the night
with her sister, Shirley."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1927
?
Cookin' Sandi is wearing an apron and is busy cooking.
Rudy: Smells good what is it?
Sandi: It is one of Dad's favorites, cheeseburger pie.
Rudy: Yum yum smells great, tell me how you fix it.
Sandi: Okay, you take a bake pan like the one you use for lasagna and butter
the bottom and sides.
Sandi: Then you take butter biscuits out of the can and spread them on the
bottom on the pan, kind of like pizza dough.
Rudy: Yummy.
Sandi: Then you pour a layer of Prego meat sauce over the dough, then layer
of cooked ground round. Over the ground round add grated chedder cheese and
on the top of everything Italian seasoning. Cook for 45 minutes at 350
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Rudy is a constant drool. The herd (one of my favorite foods for you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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