Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Good Afternoon. Getting a late start today. Even though
I have the heat turned up to 78, I keep getting chills and I
spent the morning curled up under a comforter watching
Michigan play Purdue. A lot of people are getting the 24
hour flu right now and as that isn't covered by the flu shot
that could be what is happening. Anyhow how about a
flu poem for those feeling less than their best today.
Choose your partners, one and all,
Aspirin, Advil, or Tylenol!
Now fling those covers with all you've got,
One minute cold, the next minute hot,
Circle right to the side of the bed,
Grab the tissues and Sudafed.
Back to the middle and don't goof off;
Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough
Forget about slippers, dash down the hall,
Toss your cookies in the shower stall.
Remember others on the brink;
Wash your hands; wash the sink.
Wipe the doorknob, light switch too,
By George, you've got the it, you're doin' the Flu!
Some like it cold, some like it hot;
If you like neither, get the shot.
BTW I have no idea where that extra edition of Friday's Chips
came from, I guess Yahoo had a hiccup or a belch this morning.
A few wrote that they read it all of the way through before they
realized that they had read it before. That is old age not the buffalo's
fault heh heh. I have a hard enough time trying not to run the same
jokes two days in a row as it is.
Enjoy the chips and have a great weekend. buffalo
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Bell Chips
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There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she hears a
noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work.
She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the closet
and successfully covers up every part of his body except his balls.
Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to get out
some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there.
"What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not making noise,
so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but all he hears is
"uuuggghhh."
He says "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try again. So he
pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still the only noise made
is "UUUGGGHHH."
He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am gonna try once
more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna throw them in the
fireplace and burn them. So he stretches them as far apart as he can and
slams them together. At that moment the guys sticks his head out of the
closet and screams, "DING DONG, SUCKER, DING DONG!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
incontrol
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the later years
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bannanas
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
"A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?"
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's
goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
"Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy
bags as strong as they used to!"
"Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL!
Oooh, your batteries just died!"
" ... 'Rectum? It nearly killed him.' Get it? Wait ... come back!"
"No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax."
"It's called a 'bra.' Women wear them under their clothes."
"Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small,
birth control would be a thing of the past!"
"OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say
'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try it
again with more accent!"
"Oh, Baby! Here I expected 5, and you whip out 13!!"
"Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed."
"Top 5? C'mon, it's more like the Top 3 1/2!"
"Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!"
"Dammit Mom! Knock first!"
"OK, this time, *you* be Martha Stewart and *I'll*
be Rico the gardener."
"Look, lover boy, $120 means $120 -- I don't give
a shit if that works out to $240 a minute."
"Mind if I wedge my calculator under your breast
there while we're doing this?"
"Shave it? You're lucky I washed it."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *WAS* the
original body model for the Ken doll. How in the world did
you guess?"
"Baa-a-a-a-a"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
101 LIES MEN TELL WOMEN
1. I'll call you.
2. I love you.
3. You're the only one.
4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.
5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.
6. That's the best sex I've ever had.
7. You've got the most beautiful eyes
8. No, I'm not married
9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home.
10. You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing's wrong.
11. I'm ready to make a commitment.
12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.
13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years.
14. We'll get married as soon as I ...
15. I'll be home in twenty minutes.
16. It's not that I don't care - I just have to spend more time
with my kids.
17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
18. I've been celibate since we broke up.
19. I could never lie to you.
20. I can still last all night
21. I always use a condom
22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
24. I tested HIV negative
25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.)
are too big
28. I'm too tired
29. How could you think I'd be interested in her? She's your best
friend
30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best
31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection before
32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over Europe
33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
34. I want to grow old with you
35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us
37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy
38. I'm going to leave my wife
39. You're nothing at all like my mother
40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter to me
41. It doesn't bother me that you make more money than I do
42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends
43. I think older women are the most exciting
44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my field, in the
company)
45. What attracts me to you is your mind
46. We'll split all the child care and household chores
fifty-fifty
47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come
48. I've never had an affair before
49. You're the only one who understands me
50. I've never been in therapy
51. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me
52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else
53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an
affair?
55. Your career is as important as mine
56. I promise you that I'll change
57. I want us to remain close friends always
58. My wife and I have an understanding
59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
60. I don't masturbate
61. Let's be friends first
62. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real
thing
63. I'd like you even if you were a man
64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that
much to me
65. The difference between us will bring us even closer
66. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids
67. No, I never said that
68. You make me feel like a kid again
69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)
70. I'll move wherever you want
71. Of course I'm not bored with you
72. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise,
make partner), we'll......
73. You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's
got in her whole body
74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those
75. Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours
76. I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you
77. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind
78. Sure, I'll watch the kids
79. It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you.
80. We'll be spending a lot of time together when I retire
81. You're the only
reason I've worked so hard
82. If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd go with you and
the kids to your mom's
83. No one's ever turned me on like you do
84. My boss says there's nothing to worry about
85. I'll never tell
86. Relax, she's just a friend
87. This is just a temporary separation until we get things
worked out
88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic
89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing
90. Of course I'm listening to what you're saying
91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes
92. No, I don't think you're fat
93. You're the woman I should have married
94. I'm going to be focusing on my wokr for a while now.
95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father
96. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get
married
97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)
98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living
space with someone
99. This time I'm really serious
100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives
go to the conference
101. I'll always take care of you.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young woman, in the doctor's office for a physical examination, just
absolutely refuses to undress. "But, doctor, I'm a virgin, and no man has
ever seen me nude." --"That may be, miss, but I can't very well examine you
if you keep your clothes on."
She still refuses, and then the doctor proposes that they turn out the
lights.
"Well, I guess this is OK, doctor. Where do I put my clothes?"
"Either on the floor or on the chair with mine."
"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one day in a
snappy new suit.
"Where'd you pick 'em up?"
Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug.
"I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over
the chair in the bedroom."
As Sadie and Irving are leaving the mall, they see their neighbor's son Paul
and his fiancée Sharon just going in.
"Did you see that? " Sadie says.
"See what?" asks Irving, pretending not to know what Sadie is referring to.
"Paul's fiancée, that's who," Sadie says, "She's dressing all wrong. She's
probably 37-23-35 and with big breasts like hers, she shouldn't be wearing
such a skimpy see through top. And such a tight leather skirt she's
wearing - I don't know how she can breathe properly. And it's so short, it
make her legs look too long. I know she's got a beautiful face but I don't
think blonde dyed hair suits her. Believe me, Irving, that marriage won't
last more than 1 year."
With a deep sigh, Irving replies, "Please God I should have such a year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so
excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night
after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."
"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked. "Oh, she just said, 'I
can't believe I have a person inside me!' I said, 'So do I. Could I call
you back in an hour or so?'"
Archiologist finding a discarded tampon, "What period do you think this came
from?" A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before
she was about to have a heart transplant. The woman, concerned about her
friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the
operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend.
What if her body rejects the organ?" The doctor replied "Well, she's
34 years old and is in extremely good health, except for her heart
condition. How long has she been in the business?" The patient's friend
replied "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got
to do with anything?" "Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16
years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
I know a guy who has a map of Canada tattooed on his ass. Every time he
sits down Quebec separates.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Wait
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Bruce
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Kid Lessons
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I'll Be Seeing You
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All Occasion Cakes 2!
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Surfin Surfari
The day the music died
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Florida Wi-fi Hot Spots
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Medical Pictures
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The Museum of Unworkable Devices
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Web Design Blog
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Snagit
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Movie Links
I Like Boobs
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Idiot
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IKEA Ford
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Komiek
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Kosovo Music Video
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The Making Of An Insurgent
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The Genie And The Blonde
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The Proper Way To Listen To Classical Music
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They Were Expendable
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for
when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home
in an hour." "Perfect," she replies. The man thinks her agreement is
because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the
Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no
wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I
won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his
Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a
housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy
yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with
dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
breast feeding
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To identify dogs, we agree
That a strap 'round the neck is the key.
Has the owner's last name;
The phone number of same.
This technique's named "collar ID."
______________________________
We know cunnilingus is grand,
But what I cannot understand,
Who was the first guy,
To give it a try...?
I think we should give him a hand!
______________________________
While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz,
She said as he plunged in his putz,
"Do you love me dear Greeley?"
He answered, "Not really,
I just wanted to blow off my nuts"
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the
Decca label.
Henry Busse had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the
radio and decided that she just had to have it. She looked up the number for
the record shop and called them. Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead
of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body."
She said, "Do you have 'Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?"
Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I
do have hot nuts under an eight-inch pecker!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1920
Sandi.My Dear Sandi
Bed time, everyone is cuddled up.
BJ is petting Sandi when.
BJ: What is that Sandi?
Sandi: What is what?
BJ: I felt a knot under you armpit.
Sandi: Not what?
BJ: Not a not, but a knot, like a bump.
Sandi: Gosh Daddy, I don't know.
BJ: Here does this hurt?
Sandi: No.
BJ: I am phoning Diana tomorrow and am
having her take you to the vet asap. I want that
checked out. I want it removed. It might be
nothing or it might be dangerous.
Sandi: Sniff sniff, you really care about me.
BJ: With all my heart girl, with all my heart.
The herd
(yes poor Sandi has something going on. She will
see the vet 11-12 to have it checked out. It will
probably be a while before the tests show what it
is. Seizures and now this.ack)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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