Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Some days it pays to just stay in bed and this was one of those. I had
the newsletters about half done and crawled into bed about 0400 to
get a couple of hours sleep and then get up and send everything out
while I was watching college football. It was a good plan except when
1200 and football came around, I didn't want to get out of bed as
it was so warm and comfortable. I watched MSU try for it's first
Rose Bowl since the 1990's. It was depressing that they were down
by 17 points in the third quarter but they came back in the fourth and
scored 21 points and shut down Purdue's offense. I admit I had the
TV on in the living room too and when I got up to go to the bathroom,
I also stopped at the computer and checked to make sure no one was
on fire. After awhile I would get chilly and I went back to bed to watch
Ohio State and Iowa play. Before that was over though I noticed it was
dark outside and decided I better run to the store while it was still open.
Finally about 2000 I got back to work on what I had planned on finishing
and three hours later I am getting back into the stream of things. Sometimes
I feel like an old car sitting outside a 20 below. Those without block
heaters
would go out every couple of hours and fire it up because if you let it sit
all night you were going to play hell getting it started the next morning.
My
phone rang about 1030 and I was trying to figure out which button to answer
it while the answering machine was blabbering. Later when I woke up I
called the person back and gave her a hand with getting her computer
set up with a free Excel Viewer.
Although I am on Facebook quite a bit, I am not always the one on Farmville.
Eva has figured out how to do a lot of things and loves clicking on animals
and running the machinery. If you see me on Petville or Frontierville, that
too is Eva and she answers any type of messenger in her own cryptic
spelling.
That said, this is going to be a weekend edition and the next one you see
will
be on Monday. Be careful out there..... buffalo
A Newsletter You May Enjoy
The Asylm
Chaos in Uniform
The name says it all!! Witty stories about the navy, marines, army and
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Little Johnny Chips
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The Fourth Grade concert is fast approaching and Johnny has still not
decided what he will do. Little Sarah is going to do a piano solo, Mikey
will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his
frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out his act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch
as Sarah, in her prettiest dress, tickles the ivories to rapturous applause.
Then Mikey steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight
of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johnny, in checked shirt and denim overalls. He steps up
to the microphone and says: "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and
every holiday my family visits him there. His wife, my aunt Martha, always
cooks a real down-home country meal for us all, and we feast and stuff
ourselves silly, for days on end. Tonight, I would like to share with you
my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my uncle's farm. Here is
the first: "Johnny! Why don't you get your ass off the shitter and give
someone else a chance?!""
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I'm sorry
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Fond Chips
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A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops. One man he passed sported
an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate
home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave,"
the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry.
"Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
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On their 50th wedding anniversary an old couple decide to spice up their sex
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They looked astonishingly at the various positions contained therein.
One in particular showed a couple seated opposite one another, naked and
with their legs spread apart.
The man was to try to roll marbles between the woman's legs and she was to
try to throw plastic hoop-la-hoops around his private.
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They giggled.
The old man said "Ok.. I'll go get the bowling ball."
The old woman said "Ok.. I'll take off my wedding ring."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest
man present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel
rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel like a
dime among a lot of pennies."
--------------------------------
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old
friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells.
"I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been? What are you doing?"
"Well,"
Boris replies.
"I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies. "It is not what you might think, my friend.
We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the
instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold, and they fill the
trombone with gold, and me with the damn piccolo. "We play for the queen of
France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!'
and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver,
and me with the damn piccolo. "Then we play for the czar of Russia. He
hates the music; he says 'Shove the instruments up their behinds!' and the
tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit, AND ME WITH THE DAMN
PICCOLO!"
---------------------------------
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a
Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures a few close calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down
the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
--------------------------------
A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message
across to his congregation: "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said,
"that heaven doesn't interest them." Then he added, "And it's so hot here in
the summer that hell doesn't scare them!"
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Short Chips
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Sue lay sprawled in sweet exhaustion on the bed, wearing a red ribbon in her
bright blonde hair. Beside her, wearing not even a ribbon, Mark slowly lit
two cigarettes and passed one to her. For a long moment smoke and silence
hung in the air. Then: "My mother always told me to be good," Sue said with
a little smile. "Was I?"
From a Smart Ass Woman A professor at the University of Mississippi was
giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year
medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the
professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what
your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?' She replied, 'Probably
deer hunting with his buddies.'
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Outpouring
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Rog/Ou.html
Southbreeze w/ It is Well
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Mom's Lazy Thanksgiving
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Password Keeper Via Martha
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Ebay Spy
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Linux software equivalent to Windows software
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Shutter is a feature-rich screenshot program.
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Movie Links
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Argument Settled
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Been Married To long
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Beer Diet
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Turkey Chips
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A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey
did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Myron
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Toon Chips
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Just Once
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IRS
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It Fits
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Crane
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Marriage Penalty
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Coffee Break
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's an oversexed lady named Whyte,
Who insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar,
Had the brashness to wed her...
His chance of survival is slight.
___________________________________
Said an ape as he swung by his tail,
To his children, both female and male,
"From your offspring, my dears,
In a few million years,
May evolve a professor at Yale."
___________________________________
There's a tavern in London that's staffed,
By a barmaid who's tops at her craft:
In her striving to please,
She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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Sitting in a small restaurant, a client asked the proprietor for the menu.
"We don't need a menu here," said the proprietor, "We can serve anything you
ask for."
"What, anything?" asked the client.
"Yes, anything at all." was the reply.
"In that case, I would like some camel's tail soup."
"Very well, sir, but it will take a little while, and you will have to wait
a while for it."
"That's OK," said the client. He sat waiting for an hour or so, then a
waiter brought a tureen of fragrant soup. He ate the lot, and was thoroughly
delighted.
He called for the proprietor. "I really enjoyed that," he said, "But surely
it was not really camel's tail soup."
Rejoined the proprietor, "It certainly was. Tell you what, come with me."
The client was led to the back of the restaurant, where a Porsche was
parked, and was motioned into it. They drove about a hundred miles into the
countryside, to an enormous farm. There the client was amazed to see every
possible kind of exotic plant, animal and bird.
The restaurant proprietor pointed to a compound in which there were two
camels, of which one had only a stump of a tail, bandaged, with a trace of
blood.
"That's where your soup came from," he announced.
The client was absolutely flummoxed. "That is remarkable,"he gasped, "but
there must sometimes be demands you can't satisfy."
"No," replied the proprietor, "we have never been caught out... Wait, no, we
were once... when a customer asked for crocodile balls on toast. .........We
were clean out of bread."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1924
Rudy's Checkup Diana:
Hey there is more on the report. It is about Rudy.
Everyone stops celebrating and waits with bated breath.
Diana: This is odd.
BJ: Come on tell us.
Diana: Well he either has an allergy to something in Caldwell that he
doesn't have in Guthrie or he is very nervous here and the reason his paw
hurts is due to nerves.
Rudy: Nerves? Hrumpt!
BJ: That makes sense. Rudy doesn't like change and here we are in a new
home. However, I am here for a while, then gone. Katie is here for a while
then gone. Worse his mate, Sandi is here for a while then gone. Then every
so often you are gone and once in a while all the dogs are in Guthrie for a
few days then back here.
It is confusing for him.
Diana: Sandi and Katie are fine.
BJ: Because they are with me. Rudy is loyal to his home first and he is not
sure where that is, so it makes sense. He will have to tough it out until I
retire then he will be fine.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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