Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We do have a few good holidays to celebrate or
recognize this month like Veteran's Day, Marine
Corps Birthday, and of course Thanksgiving but
if you are looking for something to fill the spaces
in between here's a few: Don't forget we have an
extra hour of bar time on the morning of the 7th.
Bizarre Holidays in November
November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day
November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day
November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 5 is Gunpowder Day
November 6 is saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 8 is Dunce Day
November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 is Air Day
November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day
November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 is Button Day
November 17 is Take A Hike Day
November 18 is Occult Day
November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is Absurdity Day
November 21 is World Hello Day and False Confessions Day
November 22 is Start Your Own Country Day
November 23 is National Cashew Day
November 24 is Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
November 25 is National Parfait Day
November 26 is Shopping Reminder Day
November 27 is Pins And Needles Day
November 28 is Make Your Own Head Day
November 29 is Square Dance Day
November 30 is Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
Ok I skipped a day as you may have noticed, even though that didn't
start out to be my intention. For some reason last night I thought there
was supposed to be a time change and that I would have an extra
hour to get the newsletters out. I even clicked on the clock and there
was a notice that there was a time change scheduled. What escaped
me was the fact that it was dated soe Nov. 7th not the first. Anyhow
it started toget late and I was watching the computer clock and an
analog clock and at 0300 they both read the same time. I also had
some paperwork chores due today and since I was really into
November first even on the West Coast, I opted for a day off instead.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
A Newsletter you may enjoy
C48'Xpress Links'
The One Stop Variety!
Since Nov. 2008
GREAT for members with a Broadband connection and prefer faster and longer
lasting download link! & GREAT for list owners looking for resources for
their members!
CLICK REQUEST TO JOIN LINK: http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/Xpress-Links/
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Do you enjoy new and classic Movies, Music, PC Games, Programs,TV Series,
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Fight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't
been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed,
the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect."
And then the fight started...
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of women at a pajama party, were giggling away as they tested and
examined the numerous sex aids and items of sexy lingerie that were on
display. After selecting the goods they wanted, they sat down to have a few
drinks and a chat. Inevitably, the conversation was devoted solely to sex.
After sharing stories of their sordid sex lives for a couple of hours, one
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which point, she collapsed on the floor laughing hysterically.
When she'd eventually gathered her composure, the rest of the women who'd
been sat waiting with baited breath for her to finish the story said: "Come
on, tell us what you said?" Once again the woman collapsed in a heap
laughing hysterically.
After about half-an-hour, she managed to pull herself together enough to put
everyone out of their misery. "Well, go on then, get on with it," everyone
shouted. The woman took a deep breath, and trying not to laugh, mumbled: "I
said yeah, but on the condition that he's not as ugly as you!"
?
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Friday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy worked for 30 years at the same factory. He got off work at
3:30, and was home by 3:45 every day of his life. On Fridays, he came home
and gave his wife his check.
One Friday he was walking towards his car, and one of his co-workers asked
if he wanted to go out for a beer. He'd never been asked before, so he
said, "Sure, why not?"
One beer lead to another and that led to his first wild night out with the
boys. Finally about 3:00 am he comes staggering thru the door.
His wife is waiting for him and asks, "Where have you been?"
"Well," he said, "I went out with the boys for a few beers."
"You did, did you?" his wife fumed, "Well, just how much money did you
spend?"
"As a matter of fact, I spent about $100.00," he said.
"$100?? Do you know how long that would last me?" the wife yelled.
"Well, " he said, "you don't drink, you don't smoke and you've got your own
pussy... I guess it could last you forever."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Jail Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced
to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to
bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books.
The second guy asks for his wife.
And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell.
He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a
lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've
got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest time of my life. My wife
and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love
it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going
"Anybody got a match?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Grandpa's Farm
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Sweet Little Molly
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Why Are We Silent
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Do I need an Umbrella ? Via Wesley
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Val's Stationery Creations
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2D Boy: Games Via Wesley
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Crab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a wealthy old miner who was
traveling across the plains with his trusty mule of many
years. All of a sudden the mule fell over dead. The old man
buried his old friend and put up a cross as a grave marker.
He wrote on the cross, "My Ass." Then he continued on his
journey.
Years later a town grew nearby the grave. The road into
town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the name
out of respect for the dead mule. It had become somewhat of
a historical site.
Then one day a traveling salesman who was lost wondered
into the old desert town, but didn't notice the marker. He
saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions. The
salesman asked, "Could you please tell me where I am?"
"Sure," replied the old man. "You're right on the edge of
My Ass."
The salesman was puzzled by what the man said, so he decided
to ask someone else. He thanked the man and continued to
what appeared to be the downtown area.
He saw another man walking down the street. He asked,
"Please sir, could you tell me where I am, I seem to be
lost?"
The old man promptly replied, "No problem young fella.
You're right smack dab in the middle of My Ass!"
At this point the salesman decided that everyone in the
little town was crazy and decided to leave. On the way out
of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become
quite hungry, so he decided to get something to eat before
traveling on to the next town.
The waitress walked over and asked, "What'll you have
stranger?"
The man replied, "I think I'll have the crab platter."
The waitress replied, "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of
crabs. My husband looked all over My Ass last night and
didn't find but two...and we ate them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The virginal queen we should pity
That's right, no not once, never did he
Cop even a feel
She, 'e gypped, a raw deal
So what did he touch? Nefertiti
(By Gary Hallock)
A Rabbi from Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vey"
If you keep up this way
The Messiah will come before you
There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college
class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and asked,
"What are you doing wearing a football jersey?"
The girl replied, "Why, I bought it and own it. Why shouldn't I wear it?"
He said, "You're not supposed to wear it to class unless you've made the
team."
"Oh," she replied sweetly. "Who did I miss?"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1913
First Halloween in Caldwell
Diana: Here is a trunk full of goodies. Go through them and
pick out your favorite costumes. If you need help either dad or
I will help.
Later..
Katie enters dressed as Queen Victoria: How is this father?
BJ: Snappy, crown and all. I didn't think we had that in the trunk.
Katie: You didn't. I made it myself.
Val comes in wearing a pirate outfit: What do you think?
Diana: It fits your personality.
Rudy enters as himself but with a stick that appears to go through him.
Rudy: I am a marshmellow. Get it? I am all white and the stick is for me
to get roasted. Har har har.
BJ: Okay. I don't know if anyone else will get it.
Sandi is the last to enter, she is wearing a hobo outfit carrying a stick
with a satchel at the end: I am a hobo from the 1930's. Sometimes with
us traveling south and then back north, I feel this way. But hoboing back
in those days was an honorable way of life.
Silence...
BJ and Diana look at each other.
BJ: I guess we need to focus on getting things wrapped up.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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