Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A lot of facts that I didn't know, but then Geography and State
History were never my strong suit.
Michigan... home of this buffalo.
The Mayor of Detroit can see a foreign country from his living room
Detroit is known as the car capital of the world.
Alpena is the home of the world's largest cement plant.
Rogers City boasts the world's largest limestone quarry.
Elsie is the home of the world's largest registered Holstein dairy
herd.
Michigan is first in the United States production of peat and
magnesium
compounds and second in gypsum and iron ore.
Colon is home to the world's largest manufacturer of magic supplies.
The state Capitol with its majestic dome was built in Lansing in
l879.
Although Michigan is often called the ( Wolverine State) There are
no longer
any wolverines in Michigan. (However, one was spotted in 2007, so
there are a few
Michigan ranks first in state boat registrations. (This was true
till two years ago. The sagging economy
now has Florida a little ahead of Michigan.)
The Packard Motor Car Company in Detroit manufactured the first
Air-conditioned car in 1939.
The oldest county (based on date of incorporation) is Wayne in 1815.
Sault Ste. Marie was founded by Father Jacques Marquette in 1668. It
is the
third oldest remaining settlement in the United States
In 1817 the University of Michigan was the first university
Established by
any of the states. It was founded by priests. Originally named
Cathelepistemian and located in
Detroit, the name was changed in 1821. The university moved to Ann
Arbor in 1841.
The city of Novi was named from its designation as Stagecoach Stop
#6 or No.VI.
Michigan State University has the largest single campus student body
of any Michigan university. It is the largest institution
of higher learning in the state and one of the largest universities
in the country. Michigan State University was founded in 1855 as the
nation's first land-grant university
and served as the prototype for 69 land-grant institutions later
established under the Morrill Act of 1862. It was the
first institution of higher learning in the nation to teach
scientific agriculture.
The largest village in Michigan is Caro.
Michigan's state stone, The Petoskey is the official state stone. It
is found along the shores of Lake Michigan ..
The Mackinac Bridge is one of the longest suspension bridges in the
world. Connecting the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan.It
spans 5 miles over the Straits of Mackinac, which is where Lake
Michigan
and Lake Huron meet. The Mighty Mac took 3 years to complete and was
opened to traffic in 1957.
Gerald R. Ford grew up in Grand Rapids and became the 38th president
of the United States . He attended the University of Michigan where
he was a football star. He served on a World War II aircraft carrier
and afterward represented Michigan in Congress for 24 years. He was
also an Eagle Scout,
the highest rank in Boy Scouts.
The Kellogg Company has made Battle Creek the Cereal Capital of the
World. The Kellogg brothers accidentally discovered the process for
producing flaked Cereal products and sparked the beginning of the
dry cereal industry.
The painted turtle is Michigan's state reptile.
The western shore of Michigan has many sand dunes. The Sleeping Bear
Dunes rise 460 feet above Lake Michigan. Living among the dunes is
the dwarf lake iris the official state wildflower.
Vernor's ginger ale was created in Detroit and became the first soda
pop made in the United States . In 1862, pharmacist James Vernor
was trying to create a new beverage when he was called away to serve
our country in the Civil War. When he returned, 4 years later, the
drink he had stored in an
oak case had acquired a delicious gingery flavor.
The Detroit Zoo was the first zoo in America to feature cageless,
open-exhibits that allowed the animals more freedom to roam.
Michigan is the only place in the world with a floating post office.
The J.W. Westcott II is the only boat in the world that delivers
mail to ships while they are still underway. They have been
operating for 125 years.
Indian River is the home of the largest crucifix in the world. It is
called the Cross in the Woods.
Michigan has the longest freshwater shoreline in the world.
Michigan has more shoreline than any other state except Alaska .
The Ambassador Bridge was named by Joseph Bower, the person credited
with making the bridge a reality, who thought the name (
Detroit-Windsor International Bridge ) as too long and lacked
emotional appeal. Bower wanted to symbolize the visible expression
of friendship of two peoples with like ideas and ideals.
Michigan has more than 11,000 inland lakes and more than 36,000
miles of streams.
Michigan has 116 lighthouses and navigational lights Seul Choix
Point Lighthouse in Gulliver has been guiding ships since 1895. The
working light also functions as a museum, which houses early 1900's
furnishings and maritime artifacts.
Forty of the state's 83 counties adjoin at least one of the Great
Lakes .
Michigan is the only state that touches four of the five Great Lakes
.
Standing anywhere in the state a person is within 85 miles of one of
a Great Lake.
Michigan includes 56,954 square miles of land area; 1,194 square
miles of inland waters; and 38,575 square miles of Great Lakes water
area.
Sault Ste. Marie was established in 1668 making it the oldest town
between the Alleghenies and the Rockies.
Michigan was the first state to provide in its Constitution for the
establishment of public libraries.
Michigan was the first state to guarantee every child the right to
tax-paid high school education.
Four flags have flown over Michigan - French, English, Spanish and
United States.
Isle Royal Park shelters one of the largest moose herds remaining in
the United States .
Some of the longest bulk freight carriers in the world operate on
the Great Lakes . Ore carriers 1,000 feet long sail
Michigan's inland seas. The Upper Michigan Copper Country is the
largest commercial deposit of native copper in the world.
The 19 chandeliers in the Capitol in Lansing are one of a kind and
designed especially for the building by Tiffany's of New York .
Weighing between 800-900 pounds apiece they are composed of copper,
iron and pewter.
The first auto traffic tunnel built between two nations was the
mile-long Detroit-Windsor tunnel under the Detroit River .
The world's first international submarine railway tunnel was opened
between Port Huron, Michigan, and Sarnia, Ontario, Canada in 1891.
The nation's first regularly scheduled air passenger service began
operation between Grand Rapids and Detroit in 1926.
In 1879 Detroit telephone customers were first in the nation to be
assigned phone numbers to facilitate handling calls.
In 1929, the Michigan State Police established the first state
police radio system in the world.
Grand Rapids is home to the 24-foot Leonardo da Vinci horse, called
Il Gavallo. It is the largest equestrian bronze sculpture in the
Western Hemisphere.
There won't be a quiz. Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Two executives were deep in a Highland forest, on an
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Four hours later, the man that chose the correct fork
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Short Chips
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A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the
stirrups. The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina
he asked, "When was the last time you had a check-up?" "Well, to be honest
with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I have had
several Hungarians."
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she
wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.
She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy
does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him
to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas"
up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good,
too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If
you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on
your thighs?" She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the
time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
The judge asked the woman why she wanted a divorce: there was no sign that
the husband was cruel, or wandering, or any of the usual things that lead to
this situation. The woman replied that she was seeking the divorce on
grounds of hobosexuality! The judge, trying to stifle his laughter, asked,
"Don't you mean homosexuality?" "No!" she replied, "I mean hobosexuality.
He's a bum lay!"
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Priest Chips
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A distinguished young woman on a flight from
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"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover
that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry
it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you:
I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question
you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead
of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist
to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be
used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead,
Father. Next!"
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Random Chips
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"First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and
get you a bit loose." "Oh no you're not," said the girl. "Then I'll
take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks." "Oh no
you're not." "Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you
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Remember to use ALL fingers when waving at a police officer.
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the clerk
said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most
realistic model." The woman said, "You mean it's shaped exactly like
a man's penis?" "No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five
minutes it goes soft for the rest of the night."
A passionate kiss is like a spider's web. It soon leads to the
undoing of a fly.
As a couple were getting ready for bed, the husband coming from the
bathroom jumps into bed. His wife whines, "I have a headache." He
replies "Perfect! I just powdered my dick in aspirin, you can take
it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you."
The supervisor was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his
secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The
secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Childbirth.
The man brought the girl back to his apartment, took off his
clothes, and said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend." She took
a look, gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when it grows
up."
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Penis Chips
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The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques
10. Really grippy pliers.
9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and some tan
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8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35 psi.
7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring at your
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6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in a warm
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5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use.
4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has swollen to
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3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt.
2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's leash
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1. Daily workouts with your "Wienercize!" videotape.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting, checked
into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing
that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled during the flight,
she phoned the front desk and asked to have the hotel's valet
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"Women should be obscene and not heard."
---Groucho Marx
A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course
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this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted.
"Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as
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Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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Vickie had dreamt what was in store -
When she enticedhim to her boudoir
Pleasured herself with zeal
If this dream had been real
She'd be screaming all night for more
_______________________________________
The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide.
_______________________________________
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
Her ass, it was fine
But the bee just saw mine
In the shade of the old apple tree.
Ross
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Parting Chips
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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a
requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading..
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still
a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations
of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my
Faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about
five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?'
Ross
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1921
Under Seige Katie and Dad were watching tv when..
Katie jumps up on the coach: Father what was that monster!!
BJ looks and sees a small field mouse run across the floor.
BJ: Katherine it is just a small mouse. I will phone the exterminator
tomorrow and have it taken care of.
Katie is standing on top of the couch shaking: Get that monster away from
me.
BJ: The mouse is gone Katie.
Katie uncovers her eyes: Oh.
BJ: The mouse is about 1/100th your size. Why are you afraid of it?
Katie: I am actually not afraid of the mouse. I am afraid of my anger
inside.
I might get caried away and become a terror, so to speak.
BJ rolling his eyes: Oh of course.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
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