[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 11-12-10

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Since this seems to be a military week. Here is a Navy story.

The Seabag There was a time when everything you owned had to fit in your
seabag. Remember those nasty rascals? Fully packed, one of the suckers
weighed more than the poor devil hauling it. The damn things weighed a ton
and some idiot with an off-center sense of humor sewed a carry handle on it
to help you haul it. Hell, you could bolt a handle on a Greyhound bus but
it wouldn't make the damn thing portable.
The Army, Marines and Air Force got footlockers and we got a big ole' canvas
bag. After you warped your spine jackassing the goofy thing through a bus
or train station, sat on it waiting for connecting transportation and made
folks mad because it was too dam big to fit in any overhead rack on any bus,
train and airplane ever made, the contents looked like hell. All your gear
appeared to have come from bums who slept on park benches.
Traveling with a seabag was something left over from the "Yo-ho-ho and a
bottle of rum" sailing ship days. Sailors used to sleep in hammocks. So
you stowed your issue in a big canvas bag and lashed your hammock to it,
hoisted it on your shoulder and in effect moved your entire home and
complete inventory of earthly possessions from ship to ship. I wouldn't say
you traveled light because with one strap it was a one-shoulder load that
could torque your skeletal frame and bust your ankles. It was like hauling
a dead linebacker.
They wasted a lot of time in boot camp telling you how to pack one of the
suckers. There was an officially sanctioned method of organization that you
forgot after ten minutes on the other side of the gate at Great Lakes or San
Diego. You got rid of a lot of issue gear when you went to the SHIP. Did
you ever know a tin-can sailor who had a raincoat? A flat hat? One of
those nut hugger knit swimsuits? How bout those roll your own neckerchiefs.
The ones the girls in a good Naval tailor shop would cut down and sew into a
'greasy snake' for two bucks? Within six months, every fleet sailor was
down to one set of dress blues, port and starboard undress blues and whites,
a couple of whitehats, boots, shoes, assorted skivvies, a peacoat and three
sets of bleached out dungarees. The rest of your original issue was either
in the pea coat locker, lucky bag or had been reduced to wipe down rags in
the engine room. Underway ships were not ships that allowed vast
accumulation of private gear. Hobos who lived in discarded refrigerator
crates could amass greater loads of pack rat crap than fleet sailors. The
confines of a canvas back rack, side locker and a couple of bunk bags did
not allow one to live a Donald Trump existence. Space and the going pay
scale combined to make us envy the lifestyle of a mud hut Ethiopian.
We were the global equivalents of nomadic Mongols without ponies to haul our
stuff. And after the rigid routine of boot camp we learned the skill of
random compression packing. Known by mother's world wide as 'cramming'. It
is amazing what you can jam into a space no bigger than a breadbox if you
pull a watch cap over a boot and push it in with your foot. Of course it
looks kind of weird when you pull it out but they never hold fashion shows
at sea and wrinkles added character to a salty appearance. There was a
four-hundred mile gap between the images on recruiting posters and the
actual appearance of sailors at sea. It was not without justifiable reason
that we were called the tin-can Navy.
We operated on the premise that if 'Cleanliness was next to Godliness', we
must be next to the other end of that spectrum. We looked like our clothing
had been pressed with a waffle iron and packed by a bulldozer. But what in
the hell did they expect from a bunch of jerks that lived in the crews hole
of a 2250 Sumner Class can. After a while you got used to it. You got used
to everything you owned picking up and retaining that distinctive aroma.
You got used to old ladies on busses taking a couple of wrinkled nose sniffs
of your peacoat then getting up and finding another seat.
Do they still issue seabags? Can you still make five bucks sitting up half
the night drawing a ships picture on the side of one of the damn things with
black and white marking pens that drive old master-at-arms into a 'rig for
heart attack' frenzy? Make their faces red. The veins on their neck bulge
out. And yell,"Jeezus H.
Christ! What in god's name is that all over your seabag?"
"Artwork, Chief... It's like the work of Michelangelo... My ship...
Great huh?"
"Looks like some gahdam comic book.."
Here was a man with cobras tattooed on his arms. A skull with a dagger
through one eye and a ribbon reading 'DEATH BEFORE SHORE DUTY' on his
shoulder. Crossed anchors with 'Subic Bay 1945' on the other shoulder. An
eagle on his chest and a full blown Chinese dragon peeking out between the
cheeks of his butt. If anyone was an authority on stuff that looked like a
comic book, it had to be this E-8 sucker.
Sometimes I look at all the crap stacked in my garage, close my eyes and
smile, remembering a time when everything I owned could be crammed into a
canvas bag.
Maturity is hell.

buffalo says I looked at this piece on a lot of web sites and was unable to
find the author, however I believe it to be the rewrite of a piece by
submariner, Bob " Dex " Armstrong.

Enjoy the chips ... buffalo

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Sex Chips
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Things Overheard While Having Sex "A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for
ten?"

"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's goo--
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

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Skunk Chips
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There was this animal importer who imported animals illegally as he could
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his mate needed advice to succeed. 1st Man said " I smuggled a rattle snake
through Customs"

2nd Man says " oh??, how did you manage that then??"

1st Man says" well I knocked it out and tied it around my waist, Snakeskin
Belt you see?"

2nd Man "thats really ingenious that"

1st Man, "thats nothing, you should see the crocodile I got through customs"

2nd Man "now I know you are lying"

1st Man " no its true my friend, grab the crocodile by the tail and knock it
out, put its tail in its mouth and put it over your shoulder, a shoulder
bag, simple!"

2nd Man " Wow, I would never have thought of that, what other animals have
you smuggled?"

1st Man " Well I smuggled a Skunk through Customs" 2nd Man " Oh
Yes??<curious>"

1st Man " I put it down my wifes underwear " 2nd Man " What about the smell?
"

1st Man " Well if it dies, it dies"

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Cannibal Chips
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Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get
something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed
the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said,
"Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that
one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son
said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

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Corkscrew Chips
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Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory,
when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted
like a corkscrew.

"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary
said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a
shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

"What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."

"&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

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Ink Chips
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After a sexual harassment incident at work Frank is sent to a psychiatrist
for evaluation. The Doctor explains that he'll be showing Frank a series of
ink blot images called Rorschach Inkblots.

Doctor: "Now Frank, as I reveal each image tell me the first thing that
comes to mind, okay?"

Frank: "Sure, I got it."

The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"

Frank: "A women with really big tits."

Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women doing it doggie style."

Next image Frank: "Hey! She's going down on that guy."

The doctor puts down the images and says, "Frank, you seem to have an
obsession with sex."

Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the dirty pictures."

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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/New Recipe From Gayle
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Food Warnings
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Duplicate File Finder
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SANDYS WORLD Creddy Teddy Blinkies
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10 lightweight apps to make older PCs fly Via Wesley
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links

Call To Navy Recruiter
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Country Music
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Crappy hp Printer
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Delete
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Devon Michaels Naked Joke http://www.buffaloschips.com/012817.htm

New Robot
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New Saw
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Nice One
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Night Before Christmas
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Not His Day
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Sin Chips
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A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and hassling
worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation got so bad that
complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go out and talk to the
teenagers. The priest's appearance was greeted by hoots and catcalls. But
he went up to the leader and said, "Boys, I think there are better places
for you to hang out than on God's doorstep."

The gang leader defiantly said, "F**k God."

Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His holy laws
and taking his name."

The gang leader said, "F**k God's laws. You name one, I break it. I swear,
I f**k , I steal, I smoke, I shoot people. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna
break every single f**king law the church has ever make."

The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"

The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back on a
promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."

"Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't committed."

"Yeah? Tell me what it is and I'll do it." Father Murphy replied, "There's
a strict church law against suicide. So go kill yourself."

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Toon Chips
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Boone Crockett3
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Boone Crockett4
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Boone Crockett5
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booty bus
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booty check
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Limerick Chips
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Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap!

So well stacked was the new coed named brenda
All the studs wanted to part her pudenda
But, to their dismay
they discover her first lay
Was not tom, dick ,or harry, but, glenda

To music I must have been born,
'Cause, man, I love blowing a horn!
While cornets get cornier
Horns make me hornier
My mouth's full-time pursed, I must warn.

Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier

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Parting Chips
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I ran into an old buddy the other day. He was a rising entrepreneur, but now
he looked down and out. What gives? He begins wailing his tale. "I had a
restaurant out there on the interstate, you know. Spent a fortune on a new
high-rise sign to attract traffic. It did, too. It read 'free cocktail with
dinner!' The 'cocktail' was flashing red neon. Was it impressive!" "Sounds
like a good idea. So what went wrong?" "Oh, the county took notice,
inspection crews come out, I'm harassed all the time by the Planning
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I thought you ran a stand-up operation out there." "I did. Half my flashing
red neon burned out!" "Oh, I see..." I thought a minute. "Which half?"
"Don't make no difference!" he wailed.

Stan Kegel

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1919 Running in the Buff

BJ comes home and lets Sandi and Katie out of the dog run and goes into the
house.

He does some work in the house and after a while Katie, the designated
barker lets dad know it is time for him to let his kiddos in.

The dogs come in and wrestle for a bit and then settle down.

BJ notices something about Sandi: Sandi, excuse me, but aren't you missing
something?

Sandi turns around and looks: Nope, nothing.

BJ: Where is your collar? You are running around naked.

Sandi: I haven't the slightest idea. I have felt rather free lately.

BJ: Oh dear, I guess I will have to get a new collar.

Sandi: I get to run naked for a while!

The herd

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Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Nov. 14 - Target debuts ‘weirdly hot’ Santa | Tide’s social-first NFL marketing strategy

Why Tide is shifting to social-first marketing for its latest NFL blitz; McDonald’s holiday cups entertain with Doodles ...