THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! Special thanksgiving holiday issue!  FREE RECIPES Get Your Free Healthy Thanksgiving Recipe eBook Get delicious and healthy ideas for Thanksgiving dinner. http://www.thepostm  FREE SCREENSAVERS Hundreds of Screensavers! Totally Free! Thousands of free photos & exclusive 3-D animations to choose from NO registration required NO Spyware or Adware Click Here: http://www.thepostm  FREE GASOLINE Take advantage of this unique offer and indulge yourself with a FREE $1000 Exxon Mobil Gfit Card! http://www.thepostm  FREE PLANE TICKETS! Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive 2 Southwest Airline Tickets! http://www.thepostm GOOD AFTERNOON POSTMAN FANS! I am mailing out tomorrow's special Thanksgiving issue today. That's because tomorrow is "special":) I always look forward to three special events in the postman clan:Birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. It is not often that I get to gather round my "greatest treasures" in the living room, all in one place, all at the same time. The above mentioned events are when that happens. And that is what I am truly thankful for this Thanksgiving. Many of you perhaps do not know how seriously ill I was when I was in the hospital this last fall. I had resperatory failure twice, but each time the doctors brought me back. I came close to death. But I am convinced that there is a power greater than myself who showed mercy upon this poor old dumb redneck and spared his life. When that happened it gave me pause to ask myself why my life was spared. I truly believe that was because He chose to give me a little more time to spend with my treasures here on earth. Tomorrow will be simple fare: since "The War Department" will be working, we will have our tday dinner at supper time, cooked by yours truly. I'll keep things simple, deli turkey, rather than the mess of a big bird, stove top stuffing. a few baked taters, a relish tray, pickles carrots olives, etc. , oh and don't forget the green bean casserole, a tradition around here with green beans, mushroom soup, and a sprinkling of french onion bits. It doesn't take a lot of work to fix up a good "spread"if you keep it simple. Do yourself a favor and follow my tday advice. That way instead of cooking all day, you will have more time tomorrow to spend with your "greatest treasures." We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS!  THE COMICS a warm thanksgiving http://www.thepostm your future http://www.thepostm watch it, pilgrim http://www.thepostm come on people! http://www.thepostm Christmas with Maxine http://www.thepostm we're rescued! http://www.thepostm giving thanks http://www.thepostm a horrible thought http://www.thepostm why the postman cooks the turkey instead of "the war department" http://thepostmansc  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Charlie Chaplin's thanksgiving dinner http://www.thepostm Thanksgiving with Charlie Brown http://www.thepostm Charlie Brown and the ping pong table http://www.thepostm Thanksgiving movie revenge of the gobbler http://www.thepostm George Winston and thanksgiving http://www.thepostm turkey and pumpkin pie http://www.thepostm Thanksgiving blow job http://www.thepostm Turkey pardon-Palin style http://www.thepostm  THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR: ---Thank you employer for giving me a job. Without it, I ' d have no time whatsoever to surf the Internet. Without it, I ' d have to find some other things to complain about. And how would I pay all my bills? I ' d have to collect more beer cans. ---Thank you co-workers for putting up with me. You have to listen to all my complaints, which cuts down on your complaining time. If you had wanted to hear so many complaints, you'd have gotten a job at Firestone. ---Thank you parents for loving and providing for me. Without you, Halloween wouldn't have been the only day I spent begging for candy. You helped me distinguish right from wrong (unless I'm writing this in prison). Even when I messed up and was charged for DUI, you didn't stop encouraging me t o run for president. ---Thank you teachers for educating me. You taught me how to read, saving me the embarrassment of voting for the wrong presidential candidate. You taught me geography and history, allowing me to gain an appreciation for all the other subjects. ---Thank you police officers for not only protecting me, but also entertaining me. If you weren't around, I wouldn ' t be able to watch my favorite television show "Cops." That's because someone would surely kidnap me. And to pay the ransom, my family would need to sell my precious big-screen TV. And my even-more-precious remote control. ---Thank you mail carriers for being so reliable. Almost every single day, you bring me important letters and other mail. Without you, I'd have trouble filling my trashcans. And even worse, I wouldn't know what's on sale at Wal-Mart. ---Thank you politicians for representing me in the legislature. You sponsor laws that benefit my community. You make sure my taxes don't get so high that I can't contribute to your campaigns. ---Thank you trash collectors for picking up my garbage. Without you, I'd have to decorate my home with empty beer cans. And I'd have to walk around with a clip over my nose. That would end any hopes of me getting a date. ---Thank you doctor for treating me. Without doctors, all my other complaints would seem trivial. I'd probably die from the common cold. Without doctors, I'd never appreciate how low my other bills are. ____________ When I was a Turkey When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop, Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, And he told me there was something that I had to know; Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin; And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head; Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink; "And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing". Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat, And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked; I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola; And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes, I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes; I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half, And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed; But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath, As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death; And sure enough when Black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound; So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap; She held me today, while sewing and humming, And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming. . ." ____________ THANKSGIVING FORECAST Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator. Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone. ____________ How to Shake Up Thanksgiving Dinner..... 1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing." 2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more. 3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake 4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech. 5. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos. (Swiped from ABLE TO LAUGH -- Your full feature adult humor magazine Subscribe for free at:Able2Laugh-subscrib you will be glad you did) Myths and Facts of Thanksgiving Myth: The first Thanksgiving was celebrated by the pilgrims in 1621 and every year after on the same day. Fact: The first feast wasn't repeated, so it wasn't the beginning of a tradition. In fact, the colonists didn't even call the day Thanksgiving. To them, a thanksgiving was a religious holiday when they would go to church and thank God for something specific, such as the winning of a battle. Myth: The first Thanksgiving feast took place on the fourth Thursday in November. Fact: The feast in 1621 occurred between September 21 and November 11. Unlike today's holiday, it was three days long. The event was based on harvest festivals in England--which traditionally took place toward the end of September. During the American Revolution, an annual day of thanksgiving was declared by the Continental Congress. In 1817, New York State adopted Thanksgiving Day as an annual custom, and, by the middle of the 19th century, most other states had followed suit. In 1863 President Abraham Lincoln assigned the last Thursday in November as a day of thanksgiving. He may have chosen this day to mark the anchoring of the Mayflower at Cape Cod on November 21, 1621. ------------ And a note from one of our guest editors' PAPA Thorn... I have loaded up a bunch of Thankgiving toons to the site here THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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