Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Was that the sound of our economy hitting rock bottom and
bouncing back yesterday? One can only hope. Whether you
approve of the Big 3 automaker bailout, feel that loosening
of credit will boost auto sales, or want to see them go into
bankruptcy and sink and swim, I suggest you say a prayer
that whoever makes the decision makes the right one. Having
spent 18 years in the auto industry I know how it touches everyone
from Wall Street to Burger King from Northern Canada to the
Brazil. If they go into reorganization and fail it would at least
double and perhaps triple the unemployment. I suspect Yahoo
and this list would cease to exist along with the internet in many
areas and our choices of where to shop would dwindle as
whole chains of stores would fold because they couldn't support
the distribution to areas with 30 to 40% unemployment.
Last but not least I have driven a variety of cars and trucks over
the
years and I prefer American metal. We have learned a lot because
of the Japanese. Notice I didn't say from because they have pretty
much stolen everything from principles to patents from other
countries
but they have developed it to a point that ideas American laughed at
when they were suggested by our great thinkers now have Japanese
names and we are paying the Japanese for the rights to use them.
I remember coming back from the 1974 cruise and the price of gas
had went from 34 cents to a dollar and there was no way to put a
dollar
on a pump other than to sell by the quart or liter as no one had
ever
envisioned gas over a dollar. We listened a little bit and 4
cylinder
became a term you heard every day when you talked about ecology
or you needed a car and only made minimum wage. Six years
later people listened again when you waited in lines that were miles
long and hoped you had the right numbers on your plate for the
right day of the week. People forgot all of that as wages jumped
and finally we get to 2008 where everyone wants to drive a Navigator
or a Hummer or a Dodge V-10 and the gas goes to 4.00 a gallon
and we don't make many economy cars.
I say bail them out because we have to but do it with conditions
and the unions will have to give a lot too but they stand to lose
the
most if bankruptcy hits. Wages, pensions, health care and all the
benefits will go down the tubes. Ok enough of the rant for this
morning.
Have a great weekend.... buffalo
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Michigan Chips
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The Mayor of Detroit can see a foreign country from his living room
Detroit is known as the car capital of the world.
Alpena is the home of the world's largest cement plant.
Rogers City boasts the world's largest limestone quarry.
Elsie is the home of the world's largest registered Holstein dairy
herd.
Michigan is first in the United States production of peat and
magnesium
compounds and second in gypsum and iron ore.
Colon is home to the world's largest manufacturer of magic supplies.
The state Capitol with its majestic dome was built in Lansing in
l879.
Although Michigan is often called the ( Wolverine State) There are
no longer
any wolverines in Michigan. (However, one was spotted in 2007, so
there are a few
Michigan ranks first in state boat registrations. (This was true
till two years ago. The sagging economy
now has Florida a little ahead of Michigan.)
The Packard Motor Car Company in Detroit manufactured the first
Air-conditioned car in 1939.
The oldest county (based on date of incorporation) is Wayne in 1815.
Sault Ste. Marie was founded by Father Jacques Marquette in 1668. It
is the
third oldest remaining settlement in the United States
In 1817 the University of Michigan was the first university
Established by
any of the states. It was founded by priests. Originally named
Cathelepistemian and located in
Detroit, the name was changed in 1821. The university moved to Ann
Arbor in 1841.
The city of Novi was named from its designation as Stagecoach Stop
#6 or No.VI.
Michigan State University has the largest single campus student body
of any Michigan university. It is the largest institution
of higher learning in the state and one of the largest universities
in the country. Michigan State University was founded in 1855 as the
nation's first land-grant university
and served as the prototype for 69 land-grant institutions later
established under the Morrill Act of 1862. It was the
first institution of higher learning in the nation to teach
scientific agriculture.
The largest village in Michigan is Caro.
Michigan's state stone, The Petoskey is the official state stone. It
is found along the shores of Lake Michigan ..
The Mackinac Bridge is one of the longest suspension bridges in the
world. Connecting the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan.It
spans 5 miles over the Straits of Mackinac, which is where Lake
Michigan
and Lake Huron meet. The Mighty Mac took 3 years to complete and was
opened to traffic in 1957.
Gerald R. Ford grew up in Grand Rapids and became the 38th president
of the United States . He attended the University of Michigan where
he was a football star. He served on a World War II aircraft carrier
and afterward represented Michigan in Congress for 24 years. He was
also an Eagle Scout,
the highest rank in Boy Scouts.
The Kellogg Company has made Battle Creek the Cereal Capital of the
World. The Kellogg brothers accidentally discovered the process for
producing flaked Cereal products and sparked the beginning of the
dry cereal industry.
The painted turtle is Michigan's state reptile.
The western shore of Michigan has many sand dunes. The Sleeping Bear
Dunes rise 460 feet above Lake Michigan. Living among the dunes is
the dwarf lake iris the official state wildflower.
Vernor's ginger ale was created in Detroit and became the first soda
pop made in the United States . In 1862, pharmacist James Vernor
was trying to create a new beverage when he was called away to serve
our country in the Civil War. When he returned, 4 years later, the
drink he had stored in an
oak case had acquired a delicious gingery flavor.
The Detroit Zoo was the first zoo in America to feature cageless,
open-exhibits that allowed the animals more freedom to roam.
Michigan is the only place in the world with a floating post office.
The J.W. Westcott II is the only boat in the world that delivers
mail to ships while they are still underway. They have been
operating for 125 years.
Indian River is the home of the largest crucifix in the world. It is
called the Cross in the Woods.
Michigan has the longest freshwater shoreline in the world.
Michigan has more shoreline than any other state except Alaska .
The Ambassador Bridge was named by Joseph Bower, the person credited
with making the bridge a reality, who thought the name (
Detroit-Windsor International Bridge ) as too long and lacked
emotional appeal. Bower wanted to symbolize the visible expression
of friendship of two peoples with like ideas and ideals.
Michigan has more than 11,000 inland lakes and more than 36,000
miles of streams.
Michigan has 116 lighthouses and navigational lights Seul Choix
Point Lighthouse in Gulliver has been guiding ships since 1895. The
working light also functions as a museum, which houses early 1900's
furnishings and maritime artifacts.
Forty of the state's 83 counties adjoin at least one of the Great
Lakes .
Michigan is the only state that touches four of the five Great Lakes
.
Standing anywhere in the state a person is within 85 miles of one of
a Great Lake.
Michigan includes 56,954 square miles of land area; 1,194 square
miles of inland waters; and 38,575 square miles of Great Lakes water
area.
Sault Ste. Marie was established in 1668 making it the oldest town
between the Alleghenies and the Rockies.
Michigan was the first state to provide in its Constitution for the
establishment of public libraries.
Michigan was the first state to guarantee every child the right to
tax-paid high school education.
Four flags have flown over Michigan - French, English, Spanish and
United States.
Isle Royal Park shelters one of the largest moose herds remaining in
the United States .
Some of the longest bulk freight carriers in the world operate on
the Great Lakes . Ore carriers 1,000 feet long sail
Michigan's inland seas. The Upper Michigan Copper Country is the
largest commercial deposit of native copper in the world.
The 19 chandeliers in the Capitol in Lansing are one of a kind and
designed especially for the building by Tiffany's of New York .
Weighing between 800-900 pounds apiece they are composed of copper,
iron and pewter.
The first auto traffic tunnel built between two nations was the
mile-long Detroit-Windsor tunnel under the Detroit River .
The world's first international submarine railway tunnel was opened
between Port Huron, Michigan, and Sarnia, Ontario, Canada in 1891.
The nation's first regularly scheduled air passenger service began
operation between Grand Rapids and Detroit in 1926.
In 1879 Detroit telephone customers were first in the nation to be
assigned phone numbers to facilitate handling calls.
In 1929, the Michigan State Police established the first state
police radio system in the world.
Grand Rapids is home to the 24-foot Leonardo da Vinci horse, called
Il Gavallo. It is the largest equestrian bronze sculpture in the
Western Hemisphere.
HAVE A GOOD DAY
ARK
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Death By Viagra
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Short Chips
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A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into
the stirrups. The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of
her
vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a check-up?" "Well,
to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up
there,
but I have had several Hungarians."
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that
she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her
bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under
the
turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The
woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry
Christmas"
up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking
good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo
artist
asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such
unusual tattoos on your thighs?" She says "I'm sick and tired of my
husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
The judge asked the woman why she wanted a divorce: there was no
sign
that the husband was cruel, or wandering, or any of the usual things
that lead to this situation. The woman replied that she was seeking
the divorce on grounds of hobosexuality! The judge, trying to stifle
his laughter, asked, "Don't you mean homosexuality?" "No!" she
replied, "I mean hobosexuality. He's a bum lay!"
Stan Kegel
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Penis Chips
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The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques
10. Really grippy pliers.
9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and
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7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring
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anyway.
6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep
in a warm
location.
5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use.
4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has
swollen
to desired size.
3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt.
2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's
leash before taking him for his walk.
1. Daily workouts with your "Wienercize!" videotape.
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Short Chips
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A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting, checked
into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing
that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled during the flight,
she phoned the front desk and asked to have the hotel's valet
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"Women should be obscene and not heard."
---Groucho Marx
A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course
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this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted.
"Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as
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Kitchen Chips
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Kitchen Sex Aids
Barbecue tongs.
Ice cream scooper.
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Spatula (for paddling).
Ice cubes.
Hand mixer.
Rolling pin (for extra-adventurous girls).
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Chip clip (those big clothespin-looking things make great nipple
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Crisco.
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Military Chips
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figmo - fuck it, got my orders
fubab - fucked up beyond all belief
fubar - fucked up beyond all recognition/repair
fumtu - fucked up more than usual
snafu - situation normal, all fucked up
tarfu - things are really fucked up
janfu - joint army-navy fuckup.
gfu - general fuck-up
samfu - self-adjusting military fuck-up
sapfu - surpassing all previous fuck-ups
susfu - situation unchanged, still fucked-up
WOFTAM - Waste Of Fucking Time And Money
RTFM - Read the Fucking ManuaL
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Murder Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all
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appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find
nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from
depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor
did not hesitate to ask the man about his personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife.
She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize all the time about
killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend,
you'll give me some kind of untraceable poison to give her, so I may
end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in
fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get
life in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can
give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her coffee. You can
then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is going to convict
a man for loving his wife too much. She'll be gone in a month at
best."
The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love
elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning. Three weeks
later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend, and becomes
concerned.
After office hours, he stops by his friend's house to see if all is
well. He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a
blanket, even though it's a warm Spring day. The man's face was
gaunt and pale, he'd lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked
terrible.
The doctor asked, "What the Hell happened ???"
The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and
I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and nite." Then, he
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the doctor, "Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of
sense. If she only knew she has less than a week to live she
wouldn't be so God damn frisky."
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Toon Chips
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Cooking tip
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Dog's day in court
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Limerick Chips
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Vickie had dreamt what was in store -
When she enticedhim to her boudoir
Pleasured herself with zeal
If this dream had been real
She'd be screaming all night for more
_______________________________________
The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide.
_______________________________________
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
Her ass, it was fine
But the bee just saw mine
In the shade of the old apple tree.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought for today
Just think - if the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey
instead of a turkey we would all be having a piece of ass this
Thanksgiving!
TC R ;)
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog
for
a nice long walk each evening. It was good exercise for both of
them,
his wife felt, and the dog became so used to the routine that it
positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night.
So when her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out
instead. To her surprise the dog pulled vigorously at the leash and
led her around the block to a house around the corner and began to
scratch at the door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a
minute,
darling."
Soon the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee,
and the dog dashed in straight to a dish of meat that was waiting
for
him -- obviously as usual.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1467
Gardening Guide
Diana: Let's see what is in the paper today.
BJ: Here you go honey.
Diana: Hmm they seem to specialize in gardening.
BJ: What do they know about gardening?
Diana: Let me read. To grow a garden one must first
dig a furrow of where you want to plant. Today, Rudy
decided to dig twin furrows. The first furrow was about
six inches deep.
BJ: A nice depth.
Diana: Then Rudy planted his seeds and covered them up.
Rudy then proceeded to the next line and planted the next
group of seeds, and not too close together, and covered them
up.
BJ: Smart.
Diana: After planting, Rudy then gently watered both furrows.
BJ: Well done.
Diana: Then Rudy marked each furrow with what he planted.
Furrow one was marked Pizza, furrow two was marked Oreos.
BJ: Opps, Houston I think we have a problem.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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