THE POSTMAN'S CORNER where the world goes for its daily dose of humor  Economic crisis. Change is coming. Millions in free grants may be lost. Unfortunately the laws granting free money to help Americans could be lost! On top of one-time grants being offered right now, you may even be able to qualify to receive this money over and over again. These grants are in place specifically for people who need assistance paying for bills, buying a home, starting their own business, going to school, or even helping raise their children. Get a check in as little as 12 DAYS! GET YOUR GRANT Visit Here: http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive 2 Southwest Airline Tickets! http://www.thepostm  FREE* PRINGLES APLENTY! If once you pop you can't stop, don't worry! Get a Value Size 14-Pack OF PRINGLES - FREE*! Barbeque, Ranch Rageous, Pizzalicious & more. Go ahead, pop the top on your favorite flavor! 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Try to concentrate on the parrot....  Well, ok. don't worry about it, I couldn't either. We do hope you enjoy today's issue Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS 99 problems http://www.thepostm my wife's nipples http://www.thepostm airport security http://www.thepostm "fixing" it Maxine says http://www.thepostm capital punishment http://www.thepostm polish wishing well http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Australia http://www.thepostm a great piece http://www.thepostm a police chase in Newfoundland http://www.thepostm oops I farted again http://www.thepostm INTERRESTING STUFF what every man wants in bed http://www.thepostm the amazing bean http://www.thepostm how to contact your congressman http://www.thepostm thanksgiving quiz http://www.thepostm Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied. She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?' Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, Bubba, take whatever you want. So I took the truck! ____________ A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong."Well, making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!" The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!'' ____________ A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!! HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS. THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE. "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS." THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER." THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS. "THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET." THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY,HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!! ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?" BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS,"WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST." THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!" THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK."THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS. THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A S**T BEHIND IT!" HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!!! ____________ A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the shot.... ____________ Buffalo Bill Brain Surgery http://www.buffalos If They Were Just Brains http://www.buffalos Brazil vs. Turkey http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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