Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
To those that will be leaving today to give thanks with your families a word from our President.
Thanksgiving Day Proclamation by President Bush
WASHINGTON, Nov. 21 /PRNewswire-
Thanksgiving is a time for families and friends to gather together and express gratitude for all that we have been given, the freedoms we enjoy, and the loved ones who enrich our lives. We recognize that all of these blessings, and life itself, come not from the hand of man but from Almighty God.
Every Thanksgiving, we remember the story of the Pilgrims who came to America in search of religious freedom and a better life. Having arrived in the New World, these early settlers gave thanks to the Author of Life for granting them safe passage to this abundant land and protecting them through a bitter winter. Our Nation's first President, George Washington, stated in the first Thanksgiving proclamation that "It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor." While in the midst of the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln revived the tradition of proclaiming a day of thanksgiving, asking God to heal our wounds and restore our country.
Today, as we look back on the beginnings of our democracy, Americans recall that we live in a land of many blessings where every person has the right to live, work, and worship in freedom. Our Nation is especially thankful for the brave men and women of our Armed Forces who protect these rights while setting aside their own comfort and safety. Their courage keeps us free, their sacrifice makes us grateful, and their character makes us proud. Especially during the holidays, our whole country keeps them and their families in our thoughts and prayers.
Americans are also mindful of the need to share our gifts with others, and our Nation is moved to compassionate action. We pay tribute to all caring citizens who reach out a helping hand and serve a cause larger than themselves.
On this day, let us all give thanks to God who blessed our Nation's first days and who blesses us today. May He continue to guide and watch over our families and our country always.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 27, 2008, as a National Day of Thanksgiving. I encourage all Americans to gather together in their homes and places of worship with family, friends, and loved ones to strengthen the ties that bind us and give thanks for the freedoms and many blessings we enjoy.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-first day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
GEORGE W. BUSH
buffalo says If you haven't noticed the navigation and ads are back up on buffalosjokes and we hope to have buffaloschips working correctly today and than we can get some new movies up for you. Be careful on the roads and enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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A Japanese study holds out the promise that stem cells from
liposuction fat could be used to increase women's breast size without
the use of implants. Today Congress called for a 30 percent increase
in funding for stem cell research.
Two men were overheard talking about the infidelities of an office
Romeo. "I don't know how he gets away with it," said one fellow. "The
only thing I've ever done behind my wife's back is to zip her up."
Q. How do you know when you're really a loser?
A. When a nymphomaniac says, "Let's just be friends
Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down his
car in a seedy part of town. As they rode, he asked her what she did
for a living.
Linda winked at Mike and said, "I'm a magician."
"No way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it."
So Linda touched him on the thigh, and "Poof" Mike turned into a hotel.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
you suck
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an accident
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camel toe
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Employee appreciation Day
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Amanda
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Sex
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Random Chips
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"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and
Gomorrah an apology."
---Jay Leno
Q: What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
A: A wedding!
Q:What do you call two bicycles welded together?
A:Siamese Schwinns.
Q:What are gas station attendant's favorite shoes?
A:Pumps.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asks Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically,
it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then
buffalo shit. Someone has stolen tent."
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was
too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and
forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer
asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even
have an air conditioner.
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend
to be sane.
---Herman Hesse
Basketball player Chris Washburn, commenting on his ability
to drive to the basket, "Yeah, I can go to my right and my
left. That's because I'm amphibious.
"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lawyer Chips
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A lawyer was visiting Bangkok. He went to the most exclusive Escort Agency and asked if he could take Sue-Lin to dinner.
"Yes", said the Madam. It will cost you $100 for Sue-Lin's company. No sex. And she must be back here at 12 p. m."
Sue-Lin was the most stunningly beautiful Eurasian creature the lawyer had ever seen. She was delicate, and statuesque with the perfect trim figure. He wined her and dined her, but before returning her home, he gave her $1,000. "This is a gift", he said. Sue-Lin eyes widened and she told him that he was a wonderful and generous man, and she slipped her hand inside his pants and gave him the best hand-job he had ever experienced.
Before she left him, he said "Will you have dinner with me again tomorrow night?" .
"Oh yes, most certainly", she replied." I will cancel all my previous engagements.
The next night, the lawyer wined and dined Sue-Lin again. He could not get over her beauty, and at the end of the evening, gave her another $1,000 and said, "Sue-Lin, this is a gift just for you."
Sue-Lin was overcome with gratitude and had a tear in her eye. "You are the most generous person I have ever met", she said and she lent over and gave him the most amazing blow-job he had ever experienced.
Before she left him he asked "Sue-lin, would you come to dinner with me again tomorrow night?"
"Of course I will!", said Sue-Lin. "I will do anything for such a kind, generous man."
So he wined and dined Sue-Lin again, and this time he invited her back to her apartment, where he gave her another $1,000. This truly overwhelmed Sue-Lin. She quickly undressed and fell into the lawyer's arms on the bed, where they made wild, passionate love until five in the morning in ways he did not know even existed. Then the lawyer told Sue-Lin that he had to leave as he was catching a plane for Sydney at seven o'clock that morning.
"Sydney!", said Sue-Lin. "You didn't tell me you came from Sydney! I have a sister who lives in Sydney!"
"Yes, I know", said the lawyer. "She is the one who sent you the $3,000."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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Two lesbians walk into a House of Ill
Repute.
They ask for the youngest woman in
the joint.
The Madam says that she will not allow
the youngest girl any time with them.
The lesbians make the demand again,
"We want the youngest girl here!"
The madam says, "No. I don't serve
minors to lickers."
~~~~
Tammy bought a new book recently entitled
"What Twenty Million American Women Want."
Seeing the title, Doug grabbed the book out
of her hand and started thumbing through the pages.
Astonished and not just a little bit irritated, Tammy
stared up at him and said, "What in the world are
you doing?"
Doug replies, "I just want to see if they've got my
name spelled right."
~~~~
What do people mean when they say their computer went
down on them?
~~~~
The bride-to-be and her best friend were discussing her impending wedding.
"If you want an unforgettable wedding night," her friend
said, "get him to eat a dozen oysters after the ceremony."
A week after, the new bride thanked her friend but said plaintively,
"Only eight of the oysters worked."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Clinton Chips
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Cooking For Clinton
Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state
dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell
ill, and they had to get a replacement on short
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a
very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President
voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told
that this was the best they could do on such short
notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook
sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.
By now, the President was desperately ill with violent
cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't
remember which door led to the bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when
he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped
his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror
that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office
with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him
and heard the President whisper in a barely audible
voice, "Sack my cook."
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Outdoor Chips
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A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk a long a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, his lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken a back by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind this hedge. She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits, he can hear the sound of tight nylon knickers rolling down voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Mary, have you changed your sex!"
"No," she replies, "I've changed my mind. I'm taking a shit instead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Be Thankful For Your Blessings http://www.lisaswis
WE'VE BEEN SO BLESSED
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Thanksgiving with Melva
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Surfin Surfari
Turkey Trivia Quiz Via Mary
http://home.
~Happy Thanksgiving~
~~Thanksgiving Blessings~ Graphics by Marsha http://www.reflecti
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Judy w/ Don't Wait ~ Bonnie L Tatum
http://frommyheart2
Judy w/ Giving Thanks ~ Judy Marquart
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Judy w/ Thanksgiving ~ Judy N Marquart
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DANCING SANTA REINDEER
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Thanksgiving Puzzle http://www.alightho
Thanksgiving Animations
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Movie Chips
Pharma
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Pillows
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Pole Dancer Bites The Dust
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Prostate
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Prostate Exam
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Baby Dog Duet
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Bad Ass Police Dog
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Bad Ass Texas Rabbit
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Balloon Dog
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Baptizing Kid
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Mid-Life Chips
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He says "Well, it's not exactly a mid life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me."
Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
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If you like RC Toys we have them
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Ed Hardy Viper RC Boat:
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Toon Chips
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No Dinner
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What's On a Mans Mind
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Art Of Oral Sex
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She Must be a Hippie
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Artificial Insemination
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I Have A Surprise
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Limerick Chips
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Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
"Listen, you brat.
I live in a flat.
How the fuck should I know?"
Little Miss Druggy sat in her buggy,
Smoking an ounce of weed.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And sold her a pound of speed.
There once was a fellow named Ben,
Who was aroused by the sheep in the pen,
Though he knew it's forbidden,
He was quite parasite ridden,
From trying it every now and then.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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The night was dark when two men came up to the run-down cabin in Southern Georgia and kicked against the door.
"Say, you all right, C.Lee?" said Jud. " We found a body by the creek, and we kinda thought it might be you."
"What'd the fella look like?" asked C.Lee.
"Sorta like you, C.Lee. A no-account."
"Have on shoes?"
"Yep."
"Overalls?"
"Yep."
"Shirt?"
"Yep."
"Was he shaved?"
"Seems like he were."
"Twarn't me, then."
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Bonus Chip
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A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist'
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist'
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir --- that's where the end of the line is right now."
Dennis
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Folded Napkin ..
A Truckers Story
If this doesn't light your fire ... your wood is wet!
I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie.
His placement counselor assured me that he
would be a good, reliable busboy.
But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react to Stevie.
He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth
facial features and thick-tongued speech of Downs Syndrome. I wasn't worried about most of my
trucker customers because truckers don't
generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf plat ter is good and the pies are
homemade.
The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who concerned me; the mouthy college kids traveling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their
silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded 'truck stop germ' the pairs of white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first
few weeks.
I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot.
After that, I really didn't care what the rest of the
customers thought of him. He was like a 21-year-old kid in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh
and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee
spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table. Our only problem was persuading him to
wait to clean a table until after the customers were
finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he
would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses onto his cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of his
rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met.
Over time, we learned that he lived with his Mother, a widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social
Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped
to check on him every so often, admitted they had
fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and
Stevie being sent to a group home. That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work.
He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months.
A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine.
Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop
and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news.
Marvin Ringers, one of our regular trucker customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy
beside his table.
Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Marvin a withering look.
He grinned. 'OK, Frannie, what was that all about?' he asked.
'We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery
and going to be okay.'
'I was wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery about?'
Frannie quickly told Marvin and the other two drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery, then sighed: ' Yeah, I'm glad he is going to be OK,'
she said. 'But I don't know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're barely getting by as it is.' Marvin nodded
thoughtfully, and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables.
Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that day
until we decided what to do.
After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face.
'What's up?' I asked.
'I didn't get that table where Marvin and his friends were sitting cleared off after they left, and Pete and Tony were sitting there when I got back to
clean it off,' she said. 'This was folded and
tucked under a coffee cup'
She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed 'Something For
Stevie.'
'Pete asked me what that was all about,' she said,
'so I told him about Stevie and his Mom and everything , and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they ended up giving me this.' She handed me another paper napkin that had 'Something For Stevie' scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes, shook her head and said simply: 'truckers.'
That was three months ago. Today is
Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to
be back to work.
His placement worker said he's been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all that it was a holiday. He called
10 times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in
the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back.
Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop
grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing cart were waiting.
'Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast,' I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. 'Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate your coming back,
breakfast for you and your mother is on me!' I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of
the room.
I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following
behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after
booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers
and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper napkins.
'First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this
mess,' I said. I tried to sound stern.
Stevie looked at me, and then at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had 'Something for Stevie' printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table.
Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turned to his
mother. 'There's more than $10,000 in cash and
checks on that table, all from truckers and
trucking companies that heard about our problems. 'Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were
a few tears, as well.
But you know what's funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big smile on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table.
Best worker I ever hired.
Plant a seed and watch it grow.
Via Steven and Tammy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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