Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Thanks to those who recommended vehicles to me but I found
what I was looking for on a local dealer's website and after a
minimum of haggling purchased a 1998 Chevy Suburban. I
know there are those who will think I should have bought something
that gets more than 12-15 mpg but I haven't driven more than 3000
miles a year in the past ten years and that hardly justifies buying
something for thousands of dollars more that I will never see the
payoff from better gas mileage. I have comfortable seating that
rivals any easy chair, heat that is better than most homes, and
every conceivable option that they offered that year.
To celebrate I loaded everyone up and headed for McDonalds
last night, not for the fine cuisine but to give Eva her first chance
at the play area. There was 30 kids there and she had a ball.
It took her about five minutes to get off the first level and about ten
minutes to get out of the second level and then she was up in
the tubes across the ceiling that are at least 12 feet in the air
and down the slides. She was having fun and refused to come
out till Buffy dragged her out screaming and kicking. I am hoping
that after a few times she will realize that just like everything
good in life it has to come to an end and there is another day
although I may have trouble convincing Buffy to go through it again.
She fails to realize that she was the same way and we didn't stop
doing fun things just because she created a scene. Eva left behind
a pair of socks we never found also heh heh .
After eating I drove out to the farm to show off the Chevy. Big mistake.
It was a blizzard out there and you couldn't see 50 feet in front of you.
I missed the turn off and had to come around the long way but four wheel
drive and ABS works beautifully so the drive was nowhere as white
knuckled as when I went out there after the first snowfall and the
surface was like ice with a layer of oil on top of it.
Enjoy the chips and your weekend... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wooden Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed
doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they
were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that
something was bothering his girlfriend. So, he
asked her, "What's the matter, baby?"
Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied,
"You're probably the best guy I've ever met, but
every time we make love you give me splinters."
This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the
next day he went to seek some advice form his
creator, Gepetto. When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto
could tell something was bothering Pinocchio, and
asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed
his dilemma to Gepetto.
Gepetto searched up and down for a solution.
Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be
able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's relationship with
his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto
and went on his way.
Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and
therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all
of Pinocchio's problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto
was in town to have some blades sharpened at the
hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he
saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the
store had in stock, Gepetto remarked,
"So, Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn
good with the girls, eh?" and Pinocchio replied:
"Girls? Who needs girls?!!!?!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
wedding vows
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save money
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good advice
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T-shirts
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Whales
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Unromantic
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
McCartney Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg ...
Personally, I think it's prosthetic.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather Mills-McCartney.
Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm stumped"
"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a relationship like this"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world amassing a colossal wealth due to his participation with The Beatles and subsequent musical collaborations, if an agreement hasn't been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at night and find her legless"
Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new Prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler. The main gift was a plane but then he gave her a Lady-Shave for the other leg.
Apparently she wants to keep the plane he bought her for Christmas, she says she'll buy her own Immac for the other leg.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A poem by Sir Paul McCartney-
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt
and her leg fell in the river
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm ****ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul McCartney"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
A The McCartneys
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another lady that can fill her shoe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened at a summer resort, as so many things do. The young
executive was sitting at the bar, quietly drinking himself into a
stupor, when an attractive redhead sat down beside him and ordered
Scotch and water. They got into a harmless conversation, and as the
evening wore on they became progressively more friendly. After the
umpteenth round, he leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Let's get a
bottle and go up to my room." She focused her glassy stare on him.
"I'll have you know I'm a lady," she slurred. "I realize that. If I
wanted a man I'd send home for my brother."
She was a middle-aged matron, and he was in his twenties. They had met
at a cocktail party, and now she had finally convinced him to come
visit her at her apartment. As she lured him into her sumptuous
bedroom, she promised: "Tomorrow I'll send you a little present. If
you're really good, you'll get a Cadillac. If you're fair, it'll be a
Pontiac. And if you're just so-so, you'll get a Crosley." Some four
hours later, as our young hero was adjusting his suspenders, he asked:
"Well, how was I?" "You'll know in the morning," she replied, "when
the mailman delivers the pair of roller skates."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas . Bert always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he
bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the
kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he
asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging >>> down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!!"
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'"
"Nope", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'"
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex is what makes the world go round. And with sex the world is a
merrier-go-round.
Mother came home unexpectedly one evening, and she was shocked to find
her daughter in a compromising position with the neighbor's son. "Why -
I never she gasped. The lad rolled over. "Oh, you must have... once!"
I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she
asks. "The mailman has had sex with every woman on our block but one."
"Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that 96 year old snooty Phyllis next
door."
There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly,
and Try Weakly.
What is the difference between a hobo and a homo?
A hobo doesn't have any friends, and a homo has friends up the ass.
What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every
once in a while you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What is the speed limit of sex?
68 because when you get to 69 you have to turn around.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the check out at the food store
A nun was advising the poor:
"Hey you up in front!
That's to many items you cunt!
And they won't take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore."
~~~~~~~~*~~~
Last week my boss said he was going to garnish my wages.
Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of parsley in my paycheck will make it any more attractive.
~~~~~~~~*~~~
Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door, walks in and shouts, "Audi, partners!"
~~~~~~~~*~~~
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an
elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was
the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight
attendant congratulated them and asked how they had
done it.
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said
slowly.
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a
sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence
with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "...underwater.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
TWAS THE NIGHT JESUS CAME
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When I Get Where I'm Going
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Surfin Surfari
Common Cold
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Soap Sculpture
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Fruit Facts
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Cactus
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Cool Text: Logo and Graphics Generator
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Software Inspector
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Lines
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Christmas Graphics
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Short Dip
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Singing Monkey
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Sir Edmund
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Smoke Inhalation
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Sneeze Aivastus
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Jump
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Kayak
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Kidnap
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Kitchen Oil Fire
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Loafing
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door of the monastery. A monk answered, listened to the man's story, and graciously invited him to spend the night.
The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a strange sound. The next morning, as the monks repaired his car, he asked about the sound that woke him. The monks said, "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the monks for their kindness and went on his way. During quiet moments afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.
Several years later, the man was driving in the same area. He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to spend another night under their peaceful roof. The monks agreed and the man stayed. Late that night, he heard the sound. The next morning, he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks said, "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk."
By now, the man's curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything and become a monk, if that was the only way to learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk.
Seventeen years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound.
Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a second door of silver, then a third of gold, and so on until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last.
The new monk's face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the mysterious sound he had heard so many years before.
But, we can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got in to you
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Got the Job
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Fly me
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Good shit
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Big Jugs
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Good Doggie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said an irate young whore in Hong Kong,
"I think you are utterly wrong
To say my vagina's
The largest in China
Just because of your mean little dong."
There once was a man from Calcutta
Who took a sly peep through a shutter.
But all he could see
was his wife's twitching knee
And the arse of the man that was up her
There was a young girl from Wick
Who said "Mother what is a dick?"
She said "My dear Annie
It goes in your fanny
and jumps up and down till its sick"
There once was a queer named Feeney
Who liked to pour gin on his weenie,
In a moment uncouth,
He poured on vermouth
And slipped his friend Dan a martini
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This offer is only available until January 2009 and then will be retired FOREVER.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was on Regent Street in London and entered a
very posh gourmet food shop.
A salesperson in a morning coat with tails approached
and politely asked, "May I help to you, sir?"
"Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a
pound of lox."
"No, no," responded the dignified salesperson, "you
mean 'smoked salmon'."
"Okay, a pound of smoked salmon."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, a dozen blintzes."
"No, no. You mean 'crepes'."
"Okay, a dozen crepes."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, A pound of chopped liver."
"No, no. You mean 'pate'."
"Okay," said the Jewish patron, "a pound of pate, and
I'd like you to deliver this Saturday morning."
"Sir," said the indignant salesperson, "we don't
schlep chazzerai on Shabbos."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple in love finally got all approvals
and set their wedding date.
The frisky bride-to-be cuddles up to her fiancee and said,
"Darling, you know I want to fulfill this fantasy of mine
to make love before we get married. Could we?"
"But it's not long until June, dear," the cautious groom-to-be replied .
"Oh," she exclaimed.
"And how long will it be in June, do you think?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1473
Kreature Komforts
The wind is howling, the temperature has dropped and it is time
for bed.
Diana is headed for her bed, the cats follow.
BJ is heading for his bed..
Katie is laying North and South on his bed with her head on his pillow with
the covers pulled up to her chin.
BJ: You are sleeping like a bi-ped Katie.
Katie: You guys do some things right. Could you catch the light bro?
BJ: Bro?
Katie: Err, I mean father.
Sandi follows dad in and climbs onto the bed as does Rudy.
BJ: Hey, just a moment. Where do I sleep?
Rudy: Guest room.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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