THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! where the world goes for its daily dose of humor! The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs  Do you need new shoes? Go shopping with your FREE $500 Famous Footwear(R) Gift Card. Don't wait to get the latest styles in footwear and apparel! Be a Trend Setter! Shop until you drop with your very own $500 Famous Footwear(R) Gift Card! Choose from all your favorite brands! Get your FREE $500 Famous Footwear Gift(R) http://www.thepostm  The Honda(R) Metropolitan( Whether it is used for a quick commute to school, work or an easy fun ride to a friend's house, Save GAS and MONEY! So remember...While gas prices are rising you can be riding! Get your new scooter for FREE  Ed Hardy Viper RC Boat: Get them while they last! This super fast RC boat works in your pool, pond, lake or even the ocean! Includes a powerful 7.2V battery and charger - tons of power to rip and shred your way around your pool!Cut left, Cut right, Hit the throttle and zoom away with full directional control up to 300 feet! Click here to see a cool video, just 1 minute long and you will see what we mean:Coming in at blazingly fast speeds is the Ed Hardy Special Edition Viper 28 Inch RTR Electric RC Racing Boat brought to you by Christian Audigier! This RC Racing Boat is powered by 2 powerful motors and spinning propellers. Power comes from a included standard Sub C NiCd Pack which will give around 15 minutes of run time after fully charged. The boat is powered by 380 Type racing motors which produce tremendous power. Professionally designed and manufactured PC twin-propeller which not only provides huge thrust to speeds of 15-20 mph, but it's durable as well. Imagine that! 15-20 mph and it's not even gas-powered! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS You know, I've been thinking. I haven't worked now for going on a year. But I heard about a job, and I think I'm going to go down and apply for it. Its perfect for me. I'm gonna go down to the YWCA and apply for a job as a Nipple Inspector for Female Joggers. The pay might be lousy, but the tips will be great. I remember not so long ago the disgust I was feeling when I received my cable tv bill. I have the whole shot, about every channel. But, it never fails. I scanned through the channels and can't find a darn thing to watch. I really had to ask myself why I was paying the kind of money I was and receiving the kind of poor and dissatisfying service they were providing. Until, that is, I discovered that I could watch tv on my pc. I paid a one time fee of 29.95$ and did a quick download. I never have to pay for tv again. AND I have something decent to watch. Try it out, recommended by Martin aka the postman (and it comes with a 100% risk free guarantee)  For the very first time, Satellite TV is available on your computer with our "Cutting-Edge" Software! It's as Easy as 1...2...3... 1. Download our PCShowbuzz software 2. Click on the channel you want to watch 3. Enjoy Satellite TV on your PC It's That Simple!! Simply Download it Once, and It's Yours Forever! There is no hardware to buy, TV cards or anything of the sort... It's 100% Legal and 100% Guaranteed.. There are zero ads or spyware... The software is simple, easy and guaranteed with no hassles and NO "catch" whatsoever You pay 29.95$ once. thats it. and if you are not happy, they'll give your money back! We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS what sign http://www.thepostm George goes to the pope http://www.thepostm how to fix it http://www.thepostm Timmy is in jail http://www.thepostm can't make it http://www.thepostm fathers day http://www.thepostm your mom says http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES beating of a lifetime http://www.thepostm thanksgiving- Christmas-wav file http://www.thepostm USA AF at work-beware terrorists http://www.thepostm 2 motorcycles http://www.thepostm the fur trade http://www.thepostm  POWER POINT DISPLAYS transparent clothes http://www.thepostm bridge to the sky http://www.thepostm a land far far away http://www.thepostm animal photos http://www.thepostm unusual http://www.thepostm INTERESTING STUFF can you sleep when the wind blows http://www.thepostm Try this test... r u stoopid http://www.thepostm girl in a hotel bar http://www.thepostm cheek to cheek-the 3 stooges http://www.thepostm A man enters his apartment to find his wife making passionate love on the couch with another man, and he starts yelling at her. "Oh, great!" said the woman. "Big mouth's home; now the whole building will know!" ____________ Q: Why do blonde's get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What do you call a Manitoba farmer with a sheep under each arm? A: A pimp. ____________ This guy Chris gets a call from his buddy John one day, and John is on the phone crying. Chris asks, "John, what's wrong? You sound really upset." "Well," replies John, "my wife's been cheatin' on me." "With who?" asks Chris. "The neighbor," replies John. "That damn dirty slut!" says Chris. "Yeah," replies John, "you think I'm upset, you should've heard how upset the neighbor's husband was." ____________ This guy is sitting at the end of the bar looking gloomy. His friend arrives and sits down beside him. "Why so glum, chum?" he asks his sad friend. "Oh, its my wife, she beats me at everything we compete at. Jogging, bowling, tennis, cards...just everything." The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. "I know what to do!" he exclaims, "Challenge her to a pissing contest." "A pissing contest?" "Surely you can out distance her on that...do it on the front lawn so you can see the difference." "Ok, I'll do it." So he goes home and says to his wife, "I challenge you to distance pissing contest. We'll meet on the front lawn after dark." So they each prepare themselves drinking lots of beverage prior to the contest. After dark they meet and the husband suggests the wife go first. So she drops her drawers and lets out with a modest shower. Hubby steps up, drops his drawers, and grabs his "equipment". His wife says, "Ah, no, dear. No hands allowed." ____________ The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts. After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex." They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath. There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night." Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?" "Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family. ____________ A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he accidentally knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Ever since we had an efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my penis out, go, and return to work. Since I don't actually touch myself, there's no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner. "How do you get your penis back in your pants???" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!!" ____________ TEXAS WISDOM 1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. 2. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. 4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 11. Always drink upstream from the herd. 12. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot FUN PAGES from Lorraine Man on Fire http://tinyurl. Bus to Hell http://tinyurl. New Obama Girl http://tinyurl. BUFFALO Bill Bank Robbery http://www.buffalos Car Is Fixed http://www.buffalos PAPA Thorn THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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