Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Halloween is over. Once again we were well prepared and
totally ignored because of living in a neighborhood of
darkened houses and a more popular downtown event only
blocks away. We had a total of 8 trick or treaters all of which
arrived after the 7PM end of festivities. Since 2001 the
downtown business people have been hosting a trick or treat
event including hay rides, which Buffy and Eva took part in, and
a party at the Ramada Ojibway Hotel. The amount of candy the
kids collect is small but the carnival atmosphere is what makes
it popular. When they got back from the party, Buffy took Eva to
see a few of our friends close by and to show off Eva's witch
outfit which with a new hat and Halloween sweats was
from a Halloween past when Buffy was the same age. I tried to
be good but there was a backup supply of Butterfingers in
front of me and I couldn't stand the temptation and ate 5 of them
after having denied myself anything chocolate since spring
when I discovered I was diabetic. If I tested my glucose right now
the meter probably would explode.
I hope everyone had a safe Halloween and that you enjoy the chips.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ben Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching
television when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably
a
wrong number and I was bored.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to
call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago,
and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean... who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message
for
Ben?"
"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her
temper
flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were
her.
Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called
him
and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as
soon
as he gets home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like
this..."
*Click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
From the bottom of my heart
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Grandma
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Turd king
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housing collapse
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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MyAss Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a wealthy old miner who was
traveling across the plains with his trusty mule of many
years. All of a sudden the mule fell over dead. The old man
buried his old friend and put up a cross as a grave marker.
He wrote on the cross, "My Ass." Then he continued on his
journey.
Years later a town grew nearby the grave. The road into
town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the name
out of respect for the dead mule. It had become somewhat of
a historical site.
Then one day a traveling salesman who was lost wondered
into the old desert town, but didn't notice the marker. He
saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions. The
salesman asked, "Could you please tell me where I am?"
"Sure," replied the old man. "You're right on the edge of
My Ass."
The salesman was puzzled by what the man said, so he decided
to ask someone else. He thanked the man and continued to
what appeared to be the downtown area.
He saw another man walking down the street. He asked,
"Please sir, could you tell me where I am, I seem to be
lost?"
The old man promptly replied, "No problem young fella.
You're right smack dab in the middle of My Ass!"
At this point the salesman decided that everyone in the
little town was crazy and decided to leave. On the way out
of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become
quite hungry, so he decided to get something to eat before
traveling on to the next town.
The waitress walked over and asked, "What'll you have
stranger?"
The man replied, "I think I'll have the crab platter."
The waitress replied, "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of
crabs. My husband looked all over My Ass last night and
didn't find but two...and we ate them."
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have some neighbors that are lesbians and they have a child. It
occurred to me that in this day of age of increasing lesbian couples
that have children, it brings a whole new meaning to one kid
taunting
another when he says "My Mom can lick your Mom any time."
A lady and a gentleman were arguing on every subject they discussed.
Said the lady, "Sir, we cannot agree on a single thing." You are
wrong, Madam," he said. "If you should go into a room in which there
were two beds, one with a woman in it and the other with a man in
it,
with whom would you sleep?" "Why, with the lady, of course." "You
see;
so would I."
The two housewives were drinking coffee together. "On my way over
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of
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You
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your husband get home?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Plumbing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the
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Joe drives to Obama's house, which is located in a very nice
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Obama asks Joe how much it will cost.
Joe immediately says, "$9,500."
"$9,500?" Obama asks, stunned. "But you said it's an easy repair!"
"Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more
than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who
makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my
philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this
philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all
plumbers have to do business this way. It's known as 'Joe's Fair
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In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that
much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves.
Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking
for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses
listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price,
Obama does nothing.
The leak under Obama's sink goes unrepaired for the next several
days.
A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket
under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied
every hour, and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama
calls Joe and pleads with him to return.
Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says
"Let's see - this will cost you about $21,000."
"A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Obama quickly
fires back.
Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. "Well, because of
the 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act,' a lot of rich people are learning how
to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all
the free plumbing I'm doing for the people who make less than
$250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying
customers rises every day.
"Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work
from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and
there's a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put
a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they're not being
replaced - nobody is going into the plumbing business because they
know they won't make any money. I'm hurting now too - all thanks to
greedy rich people like you who won't pay their fair share."
Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: "Of course you're
hurting, Joe! Don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to
fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people
for your services, you'll be broke, and then what will you do?"
Joe immediately replies, "Run for president, apparently."
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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UofM Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
15% OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN FOOTBALL TEAM HAS BEEN ARRESTED
DURING THE PAST YEAR, WITH THAT IN MIND, THE JOKES ARE FLOWING.
A lady in Ann Arbor calls 911. Hysterically, she says, 'Someone's
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Q: What is Rich Rodriguez's biggest concern?
A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Ann Arbor?
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Q: Four Michigan players are in a car, who's driving?
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Q: Why can't most of the U of M players get into a huddle on the
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A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.
The University of Michigan team has adopted a new Honor System:
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The Wolverines are hoping for an undefeated season this year....
11 Arrests, 0 convictions.
Q: How did the Wolverines spend the first week of Spring Training?
A: Studying their Miranda rights
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Your Sweet Smile http://silverandgol
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The Translator Catherine Tate
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doctor I think my breasts are filled with water." "Water! How's
that
possible?". "Whenever someone squeezes them my pussy gets wet."
The eyeliner and blush were subtle. The eye shadow and lipstick
matched. I thought I looked very pretty, but my girlfriend was
completely disgusted. So much for makeup sex being the best sex
you'll
ever have. (Fazer)
A fellow told her he was bringing her home to Maw, but he brought
her
home to paw.
*My friend Felix is still out there job hunting. He says he always
has
a problem when filling out the job application and gets to the part
about 'Sex: F or M'. He says he never knows which to choose -- He
says
he really likes to 'F', but he spends most of the time alone
'M'-ing.
When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating
outside
the family.
A man is having a beer with his buddies at the bar and tells them,
"I'm divorcing my wife because she has disgusting habits. I went to
piss in the sink this morning and it was still full of dirty
dishes..."
To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't
kill you
to wash your hands in between either.
What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting
circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his viagra?
So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cram
http://www.buffalos
Full Of Shit
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
No Touching
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Smoking
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Police
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Act of God
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The virginal queen we should pity
That's right, no not once, never did he
Cop even a feel
She, 'e gypped, a raw deal
So what did he touch? Nefertiti
(By Gary Hallock)
A Rabbi from Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vey"
If you keep up this way
The Messiah will come before you
There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer had so many children, he ran out of
names, so he started naming his kids after
something around the farm.
The first day of school began, and the teacher
asked each child their name. When he got to
one of the farmer's sons, the boy replied,
"Wagon Wheel."
The teacher said, "I need your REAL name, son,"
to which he boy replied, "It's Wagon Wheel, sir...Really.
The teacher, in a huff, said, "All right young man,
march yourself right down to the principal's office
THIS minute !!!!"
The boy got out of his chair, turned to his sister,
and said, "C'mon, 'Chicken Crap,' he ain't gonna
believe you, either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man comes home with his daughter, whom he has just taken
to work for the day. The little girl asks, "I saw you in
your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll."
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well,
honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types
like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system,
and is very efficient."
The daughter thinks for a minute and then replies, "Oh. I
thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her
down."
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1455
Trick or ....?
Rudy: Toots, I need an emergency outfit change.
Diana: Why?
Rudy: The pizza delivery outfit doesn't work.
Diana: What is the problem?
Rudy: The pizza was taken at the first house.
Sandi: It wasn't all bad. He got ten bucks and a five dollar tip.
Diana: Okay try this Zorro outfit.
Rudy: What is a Zorro?
Diana: It is Spanish for fox. It is a dog.
Rudy: A-Roo, Okay. Oh and I get a sword?
Diana: Yes, and a mask.
Rudy: A-Roo!
Katie: Will you guys hurry up. I am ready to go.
to be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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