THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! If women are so good at multi-tasking- have sex and a headache at the same time?  Cosmopolitan and Vogue Act now to get your favorite fashion magazine delivered right to your doorsteps for FREE! get a FREE 1 Year Subscription to the magazine you selected http://www.thepostm  Get ready for the vacation of your dreams! Choose between destinations like: Caribbean, Mexico, Bahamas, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Europe or an amazing Ski Resort! Simply select your favorite destination and you’ll receive a FREE $2,000 Visa(R) Gift Card towards your very own Apple Vacations http://www.thepostm  FREE BBQ RECIPES For a leaner twist on the standard burger, whip up a batch of Zesty Turkey Burgers seasoned with fiery salsa, jalapeños, and red bell peppers. Our hickory-smoked BBQ Chicken is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser, while seafood enthusiasts are sure to love Spicy Grilled Shrimp with sun-dried tomatoes. And more! http://www.thepostm  It's time to get a 100 boxes of Cheerios now! You only need to fill out a yes/no short survey to claim 100 boxes of Cheerios. Join now and we will mail you with free shipping and handling service and also free upgrade to same day shipping via FedEx. ACT NOW to enjoy this special offer! Hurry up. Limited Quantities! http://www.thepostm FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Presidental elect Barack Obama held a press conference yesterday after a very long and arduous campaign trail, leading to victory in the presidential race. Crowds and reporters alike cheered as he continued his message of hope, and, most importantly, CHANGE for America. Beginning with the whitehouse, he suggested changes to replace Barney, president Bush' dog. Very soon, America will have a new "first puppy." Obama also indicated that other new changes were pending for the white house.....  In the meantime, president Bush gave his farewell speech to America...  We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS I'm impressed http://www.thepostm what a jackass http://www.thepostm medical problems http://www.thepostm I surrender http://www.thepostm happiness is a bitch http://www.thepostm the protesters http://www.thepostm lovers leap http://www.thepostm Barack and Michelle http://www.thepostm ____________ LETS GO TO THE MOVIES a stupid anchorman fire house idiot http://www.thepostm so, you want extreme? http://www.thepostm the president's protection http://www.thepostm a sports accident http://www.thepostm gun fumbling robber http://www.thepostm the bicyclist http://www.thepostm ____________ INTERESTING STUFF Cleopatra go army-game http://www.thepostm how many of me http://www.thepostm all in the family http://www.thepostm Chinese food song http://www.thepostm bigger better beards http://www.thepostm brothers should pull up their pants http://www.thepostm Gun sales http://www.thepostm ____________ Two little boys were arguing. "My father is better than your father!" "No he's not!" "My brother is better than your brother!" "No he's not!" "My mother is better than your mother!" The second boy paused. "Well I guess you've got me there. My father says the same thing." ____________ Lorraine is out for the evening, and on entering a bar says to the barman, "A glass of your finest Less, please." "Less? Never heard of it." "C'mon, you must have." "No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?" "I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink less." ____________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30pm. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denzil was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________ Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and Said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd. 'What happened?' asked her waiting friend. 'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement. ' ____________ When Women Drink 1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS. 2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND. 3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO IT TOO. 4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO. 5. I DROP MY 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH on THE FLOOR (WHICH I'M EATING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY on EATING IT. 6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE THAT " I LOVE THEM SOO MUCH." 7. . I GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!" 8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME. 9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER. 10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND on A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING. 11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN on THEIR OWN SO I KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY. 12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT. ____________ Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited. The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but being inexperienced at this she thinks it's normal. After about 10 minutes the husband egg is still in the bathroom and the wife is starting to get impatient so she knocks on the door. "Honey, Is everything O.K.?" "Yeah, Yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes." So, she goes back to the bed and waits. But after a half an hour she is really annoyed because he's still in the bathroom, so she goes up and knocks on the door. "If you don't come out of the bathroom now, I'm going to divorce you, I swear!" With this the door opens and out comes the husband egg wearing a crash helmet! The wife egg thinks this is very strange so asks him why he's wearing it. "Well, the last time I got this hard, someone hit me over the head with a spoon!" Freestyle Waterskiing Champion http://www.buffalos A Matter Of Taste http://www.buffalos FUN PAGES from LORRAINE World's Biggest Mouth http://tinyurl. |
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