Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Have you ever came out and jumped in your car and realized
your battery is dead? Probably all of us have and usually you
find some cables and someone to give you a jump and you
are on your way. For a few unfortunate ones though you
cause a spark and the battery blows up in your face and
flying sulfuric acid isn't funny. I have had people nearby blow
up batteries twice and we were lucky, only suffering destroyed
clothing. Some times are car isn't too lucky either, reversing
polarity can destroy your alternator or expensive electronics.
Just a surge when you are charging can destroy your vehicles
computer, an easy 200-500 dollars out of pocket to get running
again.
I was going through my mail this morning and found an announcement
from Thomas Net which is like the yellow pages of industry that was
talking about a new product called Smart Cables that will soon be
marketed by Michelin the tire people. It is a 10 ft. set of cables
that
you just put on the posts and the cable does the rest. It verifies
that
the polarity is correct and if not switches it, checks for a good
connection, protects against surges, and tells you when it is safe
to
start your car. It was a hit at the auto parts shows and they
haven't
said when it will be on the market but I would sure like to have a
couple of sets cause even an expert can make a mistake and Buffy
left her lights on a couple of times last year.
Eva was in her bed till late afternoon and was feverish and pukey
but she seems to be back to normal now. I hope it isn't the flu
season
already.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Obama Chips Let the Jokes Begin
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were sitting at the bar, drinking
in silence. Suddenly, Hillary turns and without warning, cold cocks
Obama, knocking him off his barstool.
After a moment Obama regains enough of his senses to say "What the
hell did you do that for?"
Clinton replies "That was for destroying the World Trade Centers!"
Barack responds "I didn't destroy the World Trade Centers. That was
Osama Bin Laden."
Clinton answers "Osama, Obama - same damn thing."
Obama shakes his head, climbs back onto his stool and continues with
his drinking. Several minutes later, he turns to Clinton and without
warning, cold cocks her and knocks her to the floor.
Getting to her knees and shaking her head to clear it, she demands
"What the hell did you do that for?"
Obama responds "That was for lying to the Grand Jury, obstructing
justice and for disgracing our country and the Office of the
President."
Clinton answers "I didn't do any of that, it was my husband Bill
Clinton."
Barack responds "Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton - same damn thing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
1. The things housed by a bra give out a single type of output, the
things housed by panties give two different types of outputs
2. In the product evolution history, the bra was initially formed by
a single piece of fabric (a kerchief, actually. In India - a
kanchuki), while panties were initially formed by two different
pieces of fabric joined by a string.
3. the two breasts are basically the same stuff - simply mirror
images. The nether regions housed by panties are of course not
mirror images or something - they are different organs.
4. a bra can be rightfully worn by ONE single gender - the ladies. A
panty can be worn by BOTH genders (re: David Beckham and other such
kinky characters)
5. Panties is plural simply because it is a short-form of
pantaloons/pants - perhaps early panties were truncated
pants/pantaloons?
Now, here's a very possible explanation - hear me out :)
The word brassiere is connected with "woman's underbodice,
brassière "child's blouse or shoulder strap" (17c.), from old French
braciere: arm guard - from bras "an arm," from Latin brachium.
So, the origin is really the arm guard, as something to brace one's
shoulders - a military origin of the word. Now, the arm guard was
worn by male soldiers as well as the female soldiers, correct? For
the male soldiers, the arm guard was on only one side anyways -
hence the singular form of the brassiere is valid here.
Now comes the interesting part - the female soldiers, and their
arm-guards/braces/
Which is the most popular historical genre of female soldiers? The
amazons, of course. What is the legend of the amazons? That they
were fierce soldiers and, interestingly, had a practice of cutting
off one of their breasts, so that they could draw the bow-string
fully without being hampered by their breast. Obviously, their
breast guard/brace/
to brace only one breast. (did you know that the word amazon
etymologically means "having only one breast" (a- "without" + mazos
"breasts)? ).
Ergo - the brassiere is singular, and panties are plural
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The shy young man and his shapely date were parked under a romantic
moon. Placing his hand on her thigh, he whispered, "I love you."
With a deep sigh, the girl replied, "A little higher." "I love you,"
came the higher-pitched reply.
What is the difference between frustration and panic? Frustration is
the first time you discover you can't do it the second time. Panic
is the second time you discover you can't do it the first time.
Joan had invited her younger sister, Nancy, to leave her country
home and come to the city for a weekend to see how the urban half
lived. She also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take
Nancy out for a night on the town. After a pleasant dinner and a
show, Bill and Nancy went to Bill's apartment for a nightcap. They
talked and listened to soft music for a pleasant interlude; then
Bill suggested they retire to the bedroom. "Oh, no," Nancy
protested. "I don't think my sister would like it." "Nonsense," said
Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves it."
Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.
"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers
to the other. "Just ignore it", is the answer.
"Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!".
What did Spock find in the Enterprises' toilet?
The Captain's log.
One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go
back to Greece?"
"No," he answered, "I'll stick with K-Y
Jelly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandma Levy, always a regular synagogue member had finally talked
her cousin, a woman who had lived a riotous, free life, into joining
the Temple. "Tell me Rabbi," the old lady asked, "Do you feel that
my cousin will have her sins forgiven after all those years?" "Yes I
do. I'm positive of it. You must remember that the greater the
number of sins, the greater the glory." "Really Rabbi?" the old lady
replied thoughtfully. "I sure do wish I'd known that fifty years
ago."
I was just wondering... when a court goes into recess, do they have
milk and cookies and go outside to play?
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up
for it. - Truman Capote
There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and the guy wanted to
get his girl some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with
women for this big sale and before he knew it, he was pushed and
shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. He
remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head and
pushed hard and effectively and plowed through the crowd of women.
"Hey you!" an angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like
a gentleman!" "That's what I have been doing," He retorted, "But
since that isn't working out for me, I'm gonna now act like you
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ecology Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Owen's first day in the car pool.
They honk the horn in front of his house and he comes running out.
He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a grunt and the
sound of his wife's foot tapping on the porch.
He turns around and there she is, scowling at him.
He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses
her on the pussy, runs back down the walk and hops in the car.
They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Ronny, the driver,
can't stand it.
Ronny asks, "Owen, it's none of my business, but why'd you kiss her
pussy?"
Owen says, "Because you wouldn't believe how bad her fuckin breath
is
in the morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Panty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling,
"Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the
five dollars from.
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five
dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree."
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just
trying to see your panties."
"OOOOhhhh" said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling,
"Mommy, I got ten dollars."
The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten
dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..."
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said,
"It's ok Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movies
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No Kissing In Boxing
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Osama
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How They Made IT
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Score Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to
SCORE! And to do that, you have to give the
woman something. So when you pick up your
date later, make sure you have some flowers
or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over
that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"
So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates.
She was very flattered and pleased, and she
rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss.
She pressed her chest against him and rubbed
her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give
him the best kiss that he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare
you away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "But if that's what I get for
flowers and chocolate, I'm going out to get you
some jewelry!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
writing to my mother
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then here was this harlot of Crete
She decided to be very neat.
She said, "I'm too high class
To ream common ass,
And I'll wash every prick that I eat."
To temptation I'm quick to submit
I regret many sins, I admit
Yet this is no boast:
I regret the most
Those sins that I failed to commit!
Two fairies were flitting one day
In the meadow where they liked to play
When the male made a pass
At the other (a lass),
Showing not quite all fairies are gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange
tour with the Royal Navy in England. Everyone who drove
through the base's gates was required to hold an official
ID card up to the windshield for inspection by the guards.
As a friendly competition, my husband's squadron started
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just to see how far they could go to fool the busy guards.
The winner? The fellow who breezed past waving a piece of
toast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sierra Club and the U.S.Forest Service were presenting an
alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote
population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the
tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators,
the tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution.
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understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep -
they're eatin' 'em!' .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1459
Post Election Blues
Rudy: I am glad the election is over.
BJ: Why?
Rudy: I am so tired of all the adds. They interfered with my
doggie shows.
Katie: Yes, they canceled the dog show for a political debate.
Sandi: I would rather have the country ran by us dogs than by the
politicians. At least we are honest.
BJ: I cannot argue that point.
Rudy: Feed us, water us, pet us and we are happy. You bipeds want
more than you can possibly spend in a lifetime. I don't understand
you bipeds.
Katie: Yes, all I saw on television is how bad the other person
was, now
elected you have a bad person running the country.
Sandi: Us doggies try to get along. You bipeds argue and fight
amongst
yourselves. It just doesn't make any sense.
BJ: Perhaps you are evolving and we are devolving.
Rudy: Perhaps, we do not spend more than what we have. Your
country
is so broke it will never catch up. What you need is some bipeds
who
think like dogs. Dogs are honest, sincere, loyal and faithful.
Maybe if you
had a leader like that....
BJ: Maybe so...maybe so.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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