Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I saw another up and coming item in Thomas Net today that some
of us that live up north may like to have. Remote starters for cars
have become extremely popular over the past ten years because
no one likes to jump into a cold car and wait ten minutes till it
warms
up. With all of the new emission controls and computers on your
car the warm up is more for the passengers than for the car itself
and
as a result we waste quite a bit of fuel and don't do the air around
us a lot of good. Back in the eighties ceramic heaters became
popular
for heating a single room or area in a house. They are electronic
and
I don't pretend to have a clue how they work but they produce a lot
of
heat quickly while using very little power. The ones I saw are very
small,
about the size of a cable TV remote control. They can be adapted to
be used as defrosters or installed in the back of large vehicles. I
can
remember riding in station wagons and taking blankets because
the back seat wouldn't warm up on a 300 mile trip. These would also
have been very welcome in the old VW's. They were marginal at best
when working in perfect condition and I don't think my old VW Panel
Van had ever had working defrosters. It was like a 2 inch pipe that
ran
underneath the bus and you opened and closed little doors to direct
the heat. Unless you had the optional gas powered heater everyone
was pretty cold.
Speaking of cold, have you ever played Freeze-out when you were a
kid.
Get a car load of teenagers, roll down the windows, and the first
person to
complain about the cold loses and probably is still kidded about it
40 years
later. I remember once riding in a 59 Ford 120 miles during a
snowstorm
and no one said a word about the cold and there was no alcohol
involved.
I'd be willing to bet all those people have remote starters on their
cars
today.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dildo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was married for 20 years, and
every time they had sex the husband always
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stupid.
She figured she would break him out of the
crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle
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screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me
all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and
says, calmly... " 'll explain the dildo if you explain
the kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This farmer has a cross-eyed cow that keeps bumping into things. He
calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem. The vet says. "I think
the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and
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"My girlfriend is such a cheat and a liar. I've been going with her
almost a year now, and I never would have known she was married
until my wife mentioned it just the other day."
A man goes to a whorehouse and asks the lady at the desk for a woman
with a fantastic tan with no tan lines. The lady at the desk says,
"That will be $500.00." So the man gives her the money and she tells
him to go up stairs and knock on the third door on left. A voice
tells him to come in. He does. She said, "Take your clothes off." He
said, "I paid $500, so I want you to take your clothes off and lay
on the bed and spread your legs for me." She does. He says "Thank
you," and starts to leave. She said, "Is that all you wanted?" He
said, "Yes my wife is painting the house brown with pink shutters
and I wanted to see what it would look like."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fred Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yoda Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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3. When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?
2. Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!
1. Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road
was
deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.
Suddenly
his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died
away,
leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence.
He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he
could
do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge
of
cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent
As
he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he
cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised
himself.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your
fuel
pump." The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside
of
the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. There were two horses
standing
in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when
the
nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it
with
your flashlight, and try it again." Confused, the man tapped the
fuel
pump with his flashlight,turned the key and sure enough, the engine
roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and
screeched
away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local
bar. "Gimme a
large whiskey, please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked
at
the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like
you've
seen a ghost!" "It's unbelievable,
whole
tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse,
you
say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes,it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the
rancher, "because
that black horse don't know shit about cars!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rosey had invited her younger sister, Nina, to leave her country
home
and come to the city for a weekend to see how the urban half lived.
She
also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take Nina out for a
night on the town.
After a pleasant dinner and a show, Bill and Nina went to Bill's
apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for
a
pleasant interlude; then Bill suggested they retire to the bedroom.
"Oh, no," Nina protested. "I don't think my sister would like
it."
"Nonsense," said Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves
it."
------------
The large fire department where I work sometimes runs out of the
official forms we use for inspecting equipment. Headquarters will
allow
us to create our own forms on the computer.
Once, after composing a replacement document, we sent copies to
other fire stations in need of them.
Afterward, we noticed that under the signature line, someone
has mistakenly typed "Singed."
------------
One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were
attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher
to
invite the children to the front of the church and have a small
lesson
before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could
find
around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.
This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a
smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant
when
an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's
cooking dinner."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
the problem
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
There was a young lady from Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
And the way her waist grew,
It was not on her mind that he'd lain.
When the rest of the months all did pass
And believe me, it seemed very fast
They took her to divide her
From the young'un inside her
Now SHE is a girl with a past!
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam
stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're
running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable,
woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened
by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think
you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
------------
The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a
hard time. As her audience in the waiting line increased, she became
more abusive. Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea
collar.
The checker asked the customer if she was aware that the package
had been opened.
"Of course," the woman snapped. "I opened it. You can't expect
me to get it home and find out it's the wrong size."
A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good
health."
------------
You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is
really gruesome. When a mate was studying in Ireland, he played
rugby.
As his first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually
scheduled
to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.
Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to have
ever taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a
"do
or
die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing their way.
They didn't, and to make matters worse, their star player
dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was
clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the medic
to,
in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its socket.
Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their horror,
they realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into
the
socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip.
(Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with his
screaming.)
------------
Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers.
The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number
that
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get
a new number.
"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you
change yours?"
The company refused. So Mom said, "Fine. From now on, I'm
going to tell everyone who calls that the bill is paid in full."
The company got a new number the next day
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her 11
year
old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Johnny, why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"
"I can't concentrate,
"Is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile. "With
whom?"
"With you," he answered.
"But Johnny," exclaimed the secretly please young lady, "don't you
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a
husband of my own someday; I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," said Johnny reassuringly. "I'll use a condom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1460
Raking the Lawn
Diana: Look at all the leaves. The last storm stripped the limbs
and
now the yard is just covered.
BJ: Yeah, I have a plan.
Come here guys.
Rudy: A-roo?
BJ: Want to make some extra dog biscuits?
Katie: Not hardly father.
Sandi: I will do anything you ask daddy.
BJ: I had this idea. I could tie a net between you guys and you
could run
along the ground and scoop up a bunch of leaves. What do you think?
Sandi: We could do that.
Rudy: Yeah pops.
Katie: I want a steak.
BJ: Go and do the job and you will be paid accordingly.
Zoom!
Later...
Diana: I think your idea is a good news bad news thing.
BJ: What do you mean.
Diana: Look outside.
BJ looks outside and sees a huge pile of leaves: Hey that is great!
Then Rudy come running and makes a dive right in the middle,
followed by
Katie.
Rudy: Yahoo!
Katie: Whee!
Sandi lopes along and rolls in the leaves.
BJ: I think I need to go play in the leaves to, bye Honey.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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