Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A very Happy Thanksgiving to all those living in the states today.
It has been a good year for me this year. I have had just enough
money and an over abundance of love from family and friends
to make it till today. A special thanks to my doctor who has kept
me alive in spite of my efforts to destroy myself, I hope that everyone
has someone like him looking out for them.
I was remembering a Thanksgiving probably about six years ago
where sandy had been up early and got the bird in the oven and I
was out here on the computer working on the lists. It was a huge
turkey and it wouldn't fit in our usual black roaster so I had gotten
one of those disposable aluminum foil ones. I went out to the kitchen
and basted the turkey and slid it back in the oven and sat back down
at the computer.
Pretty soon it started to get a little smoky and I looked out into the
kitchen and smoke was pouring out of the oven. I ran out and shut
the oven off and opened the door and found the foil pan was leaking
juice and it was burning on the floor of the oven. I opened the back
door and the front door to get some air flowing and drained the
liquid from the turkey into the gravy pan and as there was still a lot of
smoke and little pieces of soot floating in the air, I went into Sandy's
room and opened the window. As I did several of the cats decided to
make a break for the fresh air and dove out of the windows. I put a
box fan in her window and turned it on and since it was only about 35
deg outside sat there and shivered till the smoke was gone and I could
turn the oven back on.
About that time one of the cats who had escaped dove from the
porch rail to the top of the fan in Sandy's window and knocked it
to the floor. I went in and shut the fan off and shut Sandy's window
and then as I was leaving to go close the doors, Sandy sat up in
bed and said, " What was that noise." I wish I could sleep that soundly.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving Dinner and thank you all for a great year.
buffalo
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History Chips
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A History of Thanksgiving
1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you
count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.
1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid
helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.
1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.
1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers
unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty."
Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off
of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.
1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to
meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere
rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately,
many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are
coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.
1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George
of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."
1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old
son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the
Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.
1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing
it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.
1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of
prosperity that will last forever and ever," President
Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into
the Potomac River.
1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of
men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.
1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.
1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands
of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy"
gets passed around.
1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey
is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.
1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered
in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling
"pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey
farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.
2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a warm thanksgiving
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your future
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watch it, pilgrim
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Virginity YES
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He-She
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Romance
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Thanksgiving Chips
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Things to Do to Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen,
toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful
for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to
say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the
VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last
two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn
off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Turkey Chips
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RIDDLES
What does a turkey say:
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.
What does a turkey with a sore throat say?
Gargle, Gargle, Gargle.
What does a turkey with club feet say?
Hobble, Hobble, Hobble.
What does a dyslexic turkey say?
Boggle, Boggle, Boggle.
What does a turkey with a lame leg say?
Waddle, Waddle, Waddle
What does a turkey with a bladder problem say?
Puddle, Puddle, Puddle
What does a turkey with an invisible handicap say?
Subtle, Subtle, Subtle
What does a turkey with a balance problem say?
Stumble, Stumble, Stumble
What does a turkey with a speech impairment say?
Mumble, Mumble, Mumble
What does a turkey with a rickety wheelchair say?
Rattle, Rattle, Rattle
What does a turkey with a broken brace say?
Topple, Topple, Topple
What does a turkey with a guide dog say?
Ogle, Ogle, Ogle
What does a turkey with an eating disorder say?
Trouble, Trouble, Trouble
What does a turkey with a learning disorder say?
Boggle, Boggle, Boggle
What does a turkey reading this list say?
Doggerel, Doggerel, Doggerel,
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Buffalo Chips
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My family always goes to BUFFALO, Ok for our Thanksgiving dinner, mainly cause thats where grandma lives. There's about 50 or so of us crowded around, some cooking, some watching football,some playing card, the usual stuff. My cousin Billy Bob(his real name) married this witch that we all hated. She was just naturally rude, crude and probably tatooed. She was always bitchin about something. Grandma always made the dressing. As she got older, it sometimes didn't look and taste as good as it used to, but we loved her, and we ate it. Well, my cousin and his wife came late one Thanksgiving and of course most of the dressing was gone, and as usual she started bitchin. About the dressing, how it looked, why wasn't there more of it........ After dinner, my cousins and I, I'm the oldest and I'm 47 went out to smoke, and of course we all congregate around the newest truck. My uncle Jack was holding court telling us youngsters the newest sale barn jokes when SHE came out. Still bitchin about the dressing. I said you probably wonder why that dressing looked different this year and why it was almost all gone when you got here, huh? Thats because its coyote dressing. No way she said. Yip, and theres the coyote we made it out of. Her eyes bugged out, cause we had planned our little smoking session at the truck with the dead coyote in the back. Out in Buffalo, you don't mess with our grandma. Tweetlegayle
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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"There's nothing really wrong with you," the doctor told his patient.
"You're just sexually frustrated. Go out tonight, find a woman, and
have yourself a good time." The patient promised he would, and, true
to his word, that night found him in the arms of a responsive trollop.
When the affair was concluded she said: "That will be fifty dollars,
sir." The guy was shocked. "Oh, no," he said, "you don't understand.
This was done on doctor's orders." "That's fine, but I still have to
get paid," the girl insisted. "I know," he explained, "but I've got
Blue Cross."
It has been said that you can tell when a Scotchman is in love by the
tilt in his kilt. Witness the following conversation between a
Highlander and a Madam: "How much is a blonde?" "Five dollars, sir."
"Ay, and a redhead?" "Three fifty, sir." "And a brunette?" "Two
dollars." After a lengthy pause the Scotchman asked, "Tell me lassie,
dinna ya have a baldie for aboot fifty cents?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
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Hot Pick Up Line: You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know
whether to mount you or eat you!
When two jerks meet, the conversation can lead to anything. "Fine
thing," said one irately. "I ask you for the phone number of a woman,
and she turns out to be a lady taxi-driver.
second echoed. "Whatever gave you that idea?" "Well, all night long
she kept going out on calls."
Two urchins stole a sign from a local department store and placed it
conspicuously in front of a brothel. The sign? It read: TRY OUR LAY-
AWAY PLAN
Two call girls were discussing their financial status: "When I get
paid, I always put my money in my stocking. It's bound to draw
interest there." "Not me. My night's receipts go right into my bra.
There's gold in them thar hills."
Reflection in a side-view mirror: "I just passed a red light and it
cost me fifteen dollars. It would have been cheaper if I had stopped
at one."
"It was awful," lamented one madam to another. "I had a fire at my
place." "Didn't you call the firemen?" asked the other. "That's what
made it so awful," groaned the first. "It took the firemen two hours
to put the fire out, and it took my girls two days to put the firemen
put!"
What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends...
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
f You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Thanksgiving Gift Via Carol
http://www.spiritis
Thanksgiving with Malva
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~~I Give Thanks~~Graphics by Ultimate Designs http://www.reflecti
~~Give Thanks~~ Graphics by Moon and Back http://www.reflecti
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Sprinkles Of Grace
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Trivia
http://home.
Thanksgiving
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Be Ye Thankful
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You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome $497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
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Judy w/ Thanksgiving History ~ Scott Weseman
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Judy w/ Thanksgiving Memories ~ Clatia Doran
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Judy w/
Thanksgiving Prayer ~ Judy N Marquart
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Thanksgiving Desserts
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Thanksgiving
http://members.
Thanksgiving
http://www.elite.
Safe Thanksgiving for Cats
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Thanksgiving Dinner For Your dog
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We are giving away DATING SITE memberships TODAY! But not to a regular dating site full of people that don't know what they want. Our singles know EXACTLY what they want!
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Now, we only have 197 memberships to give away. So if you DO NOT want to date beautiful singles in your city for intimate encounters then do not accept this membership that we want to give you for no cost.
If you DO want to have a LOT of fun with singles that are awesome to look at and even better to make meet in real life, then take advantage of this -FREE- membership right now.
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Movie Chips
Meet My Doggie
http://www.buffalos
Never trust A Woman
http://www.buffalos
Never Trust A Green Light
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No Kissing In Boxing
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Osama
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x352
http://www.buffalos
Yeah Right
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Your Side Of The family
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Lake Delton Break To WI River
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Baby Panda Sneeze
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Short Chips
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Then there was the prospective client who was extremely chagrined as
he critically appraised his girl for the night. "Girl?" he barked.
"Girl?!? You must have spent your girlhood entertaining the Colonial
Troops." "Please!" the veteran prostitute replied with dignity.
"Remember; mine is the oldest profession." "I know," he moaned, "but
I'll be damned if I'll spend the night with a charter member."
As far as the customers are concerned the House is a place for an
evening's entertainment, but from the standpoint of the girls it's
strictly business. And like any other business, there are certain
risks involved. For instance, consider the time when a trio of thugs
decided to heist the local Establishment. One made for the Madam's
office to get the receipts; the second leveled a gun at the assembled
menfolk; and the third led all the girls into one of the bedrooms
where he ordered them down onto the floor. Wisely following orders,
the girls hurriedly stretched themselves out on the floor, all facing
the ceiling. "Turn over," the gunman growled. "We came here to rob the
joint, not to patronize it."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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From Thorn at Able to Laugh
I have loaded up a bunch of Thankgiving toons to the site here http://able2laugh.
In For It
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Pick up Lines
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Money Worries
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Winner Gets on Top
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Jugs
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
One Sick Joke
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Fart Chips
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There was an old married couple that had happily lived
together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife, and the smell
would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and
gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with
him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it, and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "shoot his guts out."
The years went by, and the wife continued to suffer, and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "shooting his guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast.
She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, made gravy and,
of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts.
She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his
normal loud butt trumpeting. This was soon followed by a
blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself, and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs
in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing, and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me, and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" innocently asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up shooting my
guts out one of these days and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of good Lord and these two fingers, I think
I got 'em all back in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
This bird was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide, he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms
And then he stuffed the turkey!
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
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Things that sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but are not:
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?"
"Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
"Just lay back and take it easy. I'll do the rest.."
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
"Use a nice, smooth stroke when you whip it."
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know when it's ready when it pops up."
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Wanna neck?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Barack Obama is being honored on brilliant, uncirculated U.S. Mint Presidential Dollars by The New England Mint. These limited edition coins are now available to the American public for the first time ever through this special offer. Order today and as a special bonus you’ll receive the President Obama 2008 Kennedy Half Dollar Layered in 24K gold FREE!
This offer is only available until January 2009 and then will be retired FOREVER.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1477
Trip to Bountiful
BJ: Diana, I have some errands to run and I think I will take
Katie with me. It has been a long time since I have taken Kate
with me on errands.
Diana: Okay, just do not forget the leash.
BJ: Katie want to go for a car ride?
Thud!
Sandi: I will get the smelling salts.
Rudy: I will grab her back feet.
Sandi: I will grab her front feet. We can carry her to the car for
you daddy.
BJ: Thanks guys. You know she gets extremely excited about
car rides, but this is crazy.
After she is dumped in the car and is on the road for a little while,
Katie: Where am I? I in the car with father? Yahoo! Where are we
going? Are we there yet? Let's go faster!
BJ: Relax Katie. We have a lot of errands to do. We will be together for
hours.
Katie: Hours? Thud!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
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Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date: 5/20/2008 6:45 AM
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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