Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It's 45 degrees outside with an expected high of almost 50
today mixed with rain that should clean up most of the snow.
We have a snowman out front, compliments of the children
living upstairs. It has been many years since we had one and
there is a very narrow window up here for snowman building
as we don't get a lot of wet snow. It always amazed me how
some got large snowmen built because every time I tried the
balls were too heavy to stack. They were probably built by the
same type of kids that built the Pyramids.
Someone mentioned having most of their shopping done for
the Thanksgiving meal and I went through the list of materials
we had on hand the other day and all we needed was extra
sage and a few vegetables for dressing which we picked up
yesterday. I had made one planning error though and believed
Thanksgiving was a week away instead of two weeks. I hate
holidays where it changes from year to year. Thank God for
Google as I don't think I could do this twice in a row.
Only two days till the beginning of big game firearm season
i.e. deer season in Michigan and many will be headed out to
their deer camps tomorrow to get settled in. Be careful out there,
there are some weird people hunting these days and they may
be more interested in shooting you then a deer. One final
thing if you are going to drink lock up the guns and ammo
until you are sober.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you wore
me I'd be cumming on you too.
Then there was the young married woman who drove 50 miles just to
get
6 inches away from home.
The flasher was thinking of retiring, but decided to stick it out
for
one more year!
Original Sin is no longer available, but the digitally enhanced
version is readily available.
A necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sexis that they just kinda
lay there.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker!
What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y'all
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Plumber
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003signs0003.jpg
Abusement park
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Abusement_Park.JPG
Daleks bottle attack
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002ad-bottle-opener3.jpg
I Said Sit
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050648.htm
Don't Want Compatible
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050649.htm
Competitors
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050650.htm
Contractor
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050651.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young woman, in the doctor's office for a
physical examination, just absolutely refuses to
undress. "But, doctor, I'm a virgin, and no man
has ever seen me nude." --"That may be, miss,
but I can't very well examine you if you keep
your clothes on."
She still refuses, and then the doctor proposes that they turn out
the lights.
"Well, I guess this is OK, doctor. Where do I put my clothes?"
"Either on the floor or on the chair with mine."
"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his
buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit.
"Where'd you pick 'em up?"
Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug.
"I came home from work early the other day and
there they were, hanging over the chair in the
bedroom."
As Sadie and Irving are leaving the mall, they
see their neighbor's son Paul and his fiancée
Sharon just going in.
"Did you see that? " Sadie says.
"See what?" asks Irving, pretending not to know what Sadie is
referring to.
"Paul's fiancée, that's who," Sadie says, "She's
dressing all wrong. She's probably 37-23-35 and
with big breasts like hers, she shouldn't be
wearing such a skimpy see through top. And such a
tight leather skirt she's wearing - I don't know
how she can breathe properly. And it's so short,
it make her legs look too long. I know she's got
a beautiful face but I don't think blonde dyed
hair suits her. Believe me, Irving, that marriage
won't last more than 1 year."
With a deep sigh, Irving replies, "Please God I should have such a
year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
101 LIES MEN TELL WOMEN
1. I'll call you.
2. I love you.
3. You're the only one.
4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.
5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.
6. That's the best sex I've ever had.
7. You've got the most beautiful eyes
8. No, I'm not married
9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home. 10.
You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing's wrong. 11. I'm
ready to make a commitment. 12. Except for a beer or two, I never
drink. 13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years. 14. We'll get
married as soon as I ... 15. I'll be home in twenty minutes. 16.
It's not that I don't care
- I just have to spend more time
with my kids.
17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
18. I've been celibate since we broke up.
19. I could never lie to you.
20. I can still last all night
21. I always use a condom
22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
24. I tested HIV negative
25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.)
are too big
28. I'm too tired
29. How could you think I'd be interested in her? She's your best
friend
30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best
31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection before
32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over Europe
33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
34. I want to grow old with you
35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us
37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy
38. I'm going to leave my wife
39. You're nothing at all like my mother
40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter to me
41. It doesn't bother me that you make more money than I do
42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends
43. I think older women are the most exciting
44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my field, in the
company)
45. What attracts me to you is your mind
46. We'll split all the child care and household chores
fifty-fifty
47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come
48. I've never had an affair before
49. You're the only one who understands me
50. I've never been in therapy
51. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me
52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else
53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an
affair?
55. Your career is as important as mine
56. I promise you that I'll change
57. I want us to remain close friends always
58. My wife and I have an understanding
59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
60. I don't masturbate
61. Let's be friends first
62. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real
thing
63. I'd like you even if you were a man
64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that
much to me
65. The difference between us will bring us even closer
66. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids
67. No, I never said that
68. You make me feel like a kid again
69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)
70. I'll move wherever you want
71. Of course I'm not bored with you
72. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise,
make partner), we'll......
73. You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's
got in her whole body
74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those 75.
Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours 76. I still find
you just as attractive as the day I met you 77. Divorce is the
farthest thing from my mind 78. Sure, I'll watch the kids 79. It's
not just the sex I want, it's being close to you. 80. We'll be
spending a lot of time together when I retire 81. You're the only
reason I've worked so hard 82. If I didn't have all this work, you
know I'd go with you and
the kids to your mom's
83. No one's ever turned me on like you do
84. My boss says there's nothing to worry about
85. I'll never tell
86. Relax, she's just a friend
87. This is just a temporary separation until we get things
worked out
88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic
89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing
90. Of course I'm listening to what you're saying
91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes
92. No, I don't think you're fat
93. You're the woman I should have married
94. I'm going to be focusing on my wokr for a while now.
95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father
96. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get
married
97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)
98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living
space with someone
99. This time I'm really serious
100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives
go to the conference
101. I'll always take care of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work.
She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the
closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his
balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray
paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors
to get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there.
"What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale
this afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh."
He says "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again. So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still
the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH."
He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am
gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna
throw them in the fireplace and burn them. So he stretches them as
far apart as he can and slams them together. At that moment the guys
sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "DING DONG, SUCKER,
DING DONG!!!!"
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
"A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?"
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's
goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
"Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy
bags as strong as they used to!"
"Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL!
Oooh, your batteries just died!"
" ... 'Rectum? It nearly killed him.' Get it? Wait ... come back!"
"No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax."
"It's called a 'bra.' Women wear them under their clothes."
"Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small,
birth control would be a thing of the past!"
"OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say
'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try it
again with more accent!"
"Oh, Baby! Here I expected 5, and you whip out 13!!"
"Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed."
"Top 5? C'mon, it's more like the Top 3 1/2!"
"Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!"
"Dammit Mom! Knock first!"
"OK, this time, *you* be Martha Stewart and *I'll*
be Rico the gardener."
"Look, lover boy, $120 means $120 -- I don't give
a shit if that works out to $240 a minute."
"Mind if I wedge my calculator under your breast
there while we're doing this?"
"Shave it? You're lucky I washed it."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *WAS* the
original body model for the Ken doll. How in the world did
you guess?"
"Baa-a-a-a-a"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Turkey Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young
boy
carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done
roosted under my arm!'
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed,
so
whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his
wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you.
So, what are you gonna do with him?'
The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his butt and let him
go!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving Screensavers
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/He Is There
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/H_Is.html
Judy w/ Fall Is Here ~ Judy Marquart
http://frommyheart2u.com/seasons/fallishere
Train Of Life
http://www.allright.com/Poems/TOLRailway/TOL.htm
Angels Watch
http://www.sandysworldonline.com/angelswatch.html
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Surfin Surfari
Medical Pictures
http://www.lib.uiowa.edu/Hardin/md/pictures.html
The Museum of Unworkable Devices
http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/museum/unwork.htm
Holiday Plant Care
http://www.santaland.com/dynamic.html?content=plants.html
Cybercones
http://www.cybercones.com/cone.htm
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
50 Must Have Photo Shop Brushes
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Movies
Artificial Insemination
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Automatic Confession
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Word Riddle
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Worse Than Locking Keys In Car
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a chic named Nicole
Who loved to ingest a stiff pole
It was always well known
That she'd stuff steel, wood, or bone
Or maybe a tuba in that hole.
A Phi Delt known a Carruthers
Will never make little girls mothers.
Around the old brown
He is covered with down
To wipe off the dongs of his brothers.
A young English lass named Tess
Had herself in a terrible mess
She offered a fuck
For a fresh U.S. buck
But found out she was worth even less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a request
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0105.html
a mammogram
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0106.html
wanna see a naked chick?
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Cosmo
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050652.htm
Helmet
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050653.htm
Cute Guy
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050654.htm
Dance Move
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050655.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fox Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to
pull her inside to slaughter her,
under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to
her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A Fox News reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most
gallant and brave thing I saw a man
do in my whole life.'
The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars.
I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed.
I'm a reporter for FOX News,
you know, and tomorrow's report will have this story as the lead
item... So, what do you do
for a living and what political affiliation do you have?''
The biker replies, 'I'm a union member truck driver and a Democrat
.'
The Fox reporter leaves.
The following morning the biker tunes in to see if they indeed
reported the news of his actions,
and hears, as the lead story: *
UNION TRUCK DRIVER BIKER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT
AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"As you know, President-elect Obama promised his daughters a
puppy if they moved to the White House. He's already getting
advice on what the best breed of dog to get. For example,
today Bill Clinton told him that the Oval Office is a great
place for a husky female." -Jay Leno
"Barack Obama attended a parent-teacher conference at his
daughters' school the other day. Very positive meeting.
The teacher said both girls are already reading at a
President Bush's level."
- Jay Leno
"The Obamas are getting a new puppy for the White House.
They're still trying to decide what to name it. They're
thinking Rex if it's a boy, and Hillary if it's a bitch." -Craig
Ferguson
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend,
"According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of
all people masturbate in the shower. The other ten percent
of them sing."
"Really?" asked the friend.
The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, "And do
you know what the most popular song people sing in the shower?"
The friend shook her head and replied, "No."
The therapist replied, "I didn't think so."
Myron
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1466
The Guiding Light
Diana: Are the kids done with their newspaper?
BJ: I do not really know. I guess we could ask.
Just then Katie zooms in with a camera around her neck...
Katie: All right let me take your picture father.
FLASH!
BJ: Aye! All I can see are dots.
Katie: Okay let me get this down. So when did you notice the
missing of your stuff?
BJ: I do not know what you mean Katie.
Katie: Father, do not avoid the question. Stuff, things, I am
talking
about items being taken from under your very nose.
BJ: I do not think I am missing anything Katherine.
Katie grinning: Have you tried your supper yet?
Diana: It is on the table.
BJ: Look it is gone!
Diana: Katie ... did you?
Katie: Of course not. It is part of the story, the mystery, the
headlines.
"Man Misses Meal" "Thief Takes Tribute"
BJ: Oh don't be so dramatic. It may just be misplaced.
Diana: Let me look around the kitchen. No, it is gone. Someone
took it.
Katie: I can it in the headlines in tomorrow's edition... Sad times
hit!
BJ: Let's look around for evidence. Look a crumb..let's follow the
path.
The trail of crumbs lead downstairs to a very stuffed and sleepy...
Sandi...
ZZZZZZZZ-----Burp!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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