Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Since 2001, a friend, Ernie Stewart, has been operating a program
called Let's Bring Em Home that has one purpose, to provide tickets
to servicemen and women to go home during Christmas. Last year
they raised over 70,000 dollars and purchased 135 tickets for people
stationed all over the world. They are a 501c organization
consisting of a few volunteers and every cent that gets to them goes
toward tickets. I was fortunate during my time in the Navy to be
able to borrow money for tickets from the Navy Federal Credit Union
or to be able to
fly military stand-by on my paycheck. The tight economy and lack of
available flights are going to prevent many from going home for the
holidays and I can say from experience that the military is a lonely
place when you are young and most of your unit is gone during max
leave periods.
LBEH has just started accepting requests for tickets from overseas
on Veteran's Day and they are already in need of 14,000 dollars or
your unwanted air miles to fill those requests. If you have the
money or miles to donate or you just want to see what is going on
visit. http://www.lbeh.org/?help
Anyone can do this because you are showing your support for our
troops, not a war, not an ideal, a religion, or support of any
candidate.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Tequila Chips
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A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks
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master, I will grant you one wish; anything you want."
The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking
tequila." Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila
whenever I want, so make me pee tequila."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home, he
gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at
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She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another
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it. It is tequila.
Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is
the best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and
partied all night.
The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his
wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to
fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is
excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells
his wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we
will drink Tequila."
His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the
table. The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills
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glass?"
Pancho raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor,
you drink from the bottle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Gas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I had been married for about a year when my
brother-in-law, a career Navy man, stationed in Guam at the time,
called to tell us that he was marrying a Chinese- Malaysian girl he
met there. My mother-in-law flew to Guam for the wedding, and on her
return all she could talk about was how sweet and refined the girl
was and how careful we had to be when they came home for Christmas
not to offend her sensibilities. She was really worried about me, I
think, because she hadn't yet quite come to grips with the fact that
I hung out of helicopters with a camera and traveled with an all
male camera crew for a living. When they arrived for Christmas my
mother-in-law had a large reception for them and everything went
well until she ask her new daughter in-law how their trip to the
states went. Well, this lovely soft spoken girl, with the face of an
angel, l aunched into a story, in the finest navy language, with a
broken accent, I have ever heard. "Dat som-o-beech he fart on plane,
it smell sooo' bad all people have to move, den dat mudder-fucker he
jus' sit there an' laugh. I tell him, I keeck his ass but I afraid I
get sheet on my shoe!" My poor mother-in-law turned white, then red,
and every else tried to stifle giggles or act as if they didn't hear
it. Of course I, being devoid of any social graces, just roared and
hugged my new sister-in-law, while assuring her the gas problem ran
in the family. We have been great friends ever since, and my sweet
mother-in- law has finally gotten over the shock of it all.
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Sin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and
hassling worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation
got so bad that complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go
out and talk to the teenagers. The priest's appearance was greeted
by hoots and catcalls. But he went up to the leader and said,
"Boys, I think there are better places for you to hang out than on
God's doorstep."
The gang leader defiantly said, "F**k God."
Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His
holy laws and taking his name."
The gang leader said, "F**k God's laws. You name one,
I break it. I swear, I f**k , I steal, I smoke, I shoot people. I'll
tell you what. I'm gonna break every single f**king law the church
has ever make."
The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"
The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back
on a promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."
"Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't
committed."
"Yeah? Tell me what it is and I'll do it." Father
Murphy replied, "There's a strict church law against suicide. So go
kill yourself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a sexual harassment incident at work Frank is sent to a
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Frank: "Sure, I got it."
The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"
Frank: "A women with really big tits."
Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women doing it doggie style."
Next image
Frank: "Hey! She's going down on that guy."
The doctor puts down the images and says, "Frank, you seem to have
an obsession with sex."
Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the dirty pictures."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Corkscrew Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory,
when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted
like a corkscrew.
"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."
"Like what?" Martin said. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary
said.
"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.
"Straight, like normal," Gary said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a
shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.
"What did you do that for?" Martin said.
"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Abbreviated Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email Abbreviations Defined
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Previously long phrase: "Say, have you heard that there is a new
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Previously long phrase: "Are you sure about that?"
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Carol w/To Be Loved
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Holiday Duct Tape
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Kitty Korner Via day
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WoW
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Wrong Ball
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honeymoon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and
moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's
parents.
That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his
sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.
He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm.
The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!" So Tony climbed
on top of his wife, and pounded the old bone home.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed
upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said
the wife. "Let's make love again!"
Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and screwed her
as hard as he could.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the
bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!"
said the wife. "Let's do it again!"
So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he shouted,
"Hey, kids, cut it out! You're killing your old man down here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a spoiled dog
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CHEF 2
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CHEF 3
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CHEF 4
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Chicken Shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap!
So well stacked was the new coed named brenda
All the studs wanted to part her pudenda
But, to their dismay
they discover her first lay
Was not tom, dick ,or harry, but, glenda
To music I must have been born,
'Cause, man, I love blowing a horn!
While cornets get cornier
Horns make me hornier
My mouth's full-time pursed, I must warn.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out
and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and
waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one."
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even
feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son
said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat
in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The
son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat
her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she
met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll
light a candle for ye and yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."
They parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father
asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10
in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband
doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome in a hurry to blow out yer candle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1465
Hold the Presses!
BJ: Do you have the new paper?
Katie: Sure do right here!
BJ: Great. I hear you finally have a sports page.
Katie: Yes we do. Rudy wrote it all. He is not great with the
teams yet but he is working on it.
BJ: That's okay. Let me read it and compare it to my paper. My
paper says Brown defeats Yale. Your paper says "Brown tears Yale
apart and burys them." a bit harsh but I get the idea. My paper
says OU squashes Texas A&M, your papers says OU takes Texas A&M and
runs them
through a meat grinder, then pulverizes them, and then gets rough
with them. Wow! A bit gory there. My paper says Utah squeaks by
TCU, your paper says Utah Hammers down the TCU wimps into the
grounds then burns the ground and pours salt over the ground. Whew!
How does Rudy do basketball? My paper says the Thunder loses another
game. Your paper says the Thunder gets destroyed, humbled, crushed,
decimated, totally whatevered by the other team.
Hey Rudy!
Rudy: Yeah pops!
BJ: I think your sports column needs to be toned down a bit.
Rudy: Nah, I am into shock talk. I want to rev it up.
BJ: O help me... help me please.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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