THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Why is it our children cannot read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?  Share your unique opinion and get paid for it! Product Developers are willing to pay reviewers between $5 and $75 per completed survey. - Review Products - Take simple online surveys - Keep the products you review - Get paid for your opinion! JOIN NOW Free Membership http://www.thepostm  FREE* SAMPLE of NEW COLGATE MAX FRESH Whitening Toothpaste! >>CLICK HERE, While Supplies Last<< Brighten your teeth and freshen your breath with NEW COLGATE MAX FRESH Whitening Toothpaste plus breath strips in Cool Mint Flavor. http://www.thepostm  PURELL Wipes, FREE*! Get PURELL Instant Hand-Sanitizing Wipes, clinically proven to kill 99.9% of most common germs. Clean, Soft & FREE! Conveniently remove light soils and dirt from hands after being public places - Simply pop the top on your PURRELL sample and get rid of illness causing bacteria in just 15 seconds. Don't get sick when you can't wash your hands, use PURELL to help you stay happy, healthy & utterly germ-free! http://www.thepostm Yesterday was a "do chores" day. Had several things to fix and etc around the house. In addition to winterizing the bike, there were little things like turning off the shuttoff valve for the outside water faucette, which always seems to freeze in winter. Change the furnace filter. Fix the roof on the shed, it had been leaking and I crawled up there and put some rolled roofing up so the motorcycle would be snugg and dry this season. Had a leaky kitchen sink, and while I am no plummer, I figgered the worst that would happen was getting wet. Them little rubber washers inside the handles were bad and so I made a quick trip to the hardware store. Well the hot faucette, that went slick as snot. But for some reason, I couldn't get the cold cartridge to seat properly to save my soul. Finally, after 2 hrs, I was about to give up when I discovered how really stupid I am. I had neglected to take the old washer out and the reason the cartridge wouldn't seat was because I had two of them in there:) After that mystery was solved, the faucette went together nicely. Remarkably, there are no leaks either! The best part is, I am 80 dollars richer since I didn't have to call Joe the plummer:) Wonder if he makes house calls to Michigan? If you are like me and most home owners, you are probably concerned about the rising cost of heat this year for your home. Home heating fuel costs are said to be up by almost 80% this year. In the face of these staggering costs, if you dial down the thermostat, you risk the chance of higher doctor bills and pharmacy costs because of flu, cold and etc. So, why don't you do like what me and the war department?We made a small investment in the fleece snuggie!  This one-size fits all snuggie is warm and makes a great gift, so share the warmth. What more you ask? *Oversized Sleeves *Super Large *Machine Washable *Perfect for Outdoor Events *Makes a Great Gift! Buy 1 Get ! Free Free Bonus - Led Book Light http://www.thepostm We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  THE COMICS its a holiday http://www.thepostm the doctor's fees http://www.thepostm I wish I was... http://www.thepostm a mammogram http://www.thepostm wanna see a naked chick? http://www.thepostm the worst case http://www.thepostm penises and doctors http://www.thepostm I fucked up http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES candid camera, icecream http://www.thepostm will you marry me http://www.thepostm Vista 2 minute install http://www.thepostm Iraqi children http://www.thepostm strange stuff http://www.thepostm welcome to McRonalds http://www.thepostm a message from Santa http://www.thepostm ____________ POWER POINT DISPLAYS art by Jim Warren http://www.thepostm INTERESTING STUFF Ernest teaches self defense http://www.thepostm Coolest Use of Sawdust Ever http://www.thepostm the fresh loaf http://www.thepostm whats popular on the internet http://www.thepostm amazing planet http://www.thepostm don't know, but its pretty http://www.thepostm friends are more dangerous than beer http://www.thepostm ____________  Three guys were sitting at the bar. The first guy said, "You know, I'm really lucky. When my wife makes love, she's like an acrobat. She can get into the most incredible positions." The second guy said, "I'm lucky, too. My wife is like a world-class pianist when we have sex. She's got the most talented hands you can imagine." No one spoke for a moment. Then the first guy said to the third guy, "George how's your wife in bed?" George took a sip of his beer, then replied, "I guess you could say that my wife makes love like a chess player." "A chess player?" "Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves." ____________ A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "All right, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk." ____________ Amusing Excerpts from Courtroom Transcripts Q. Ms, were you cited in the accident? A. Yes Sir, I was so 'cited I peed all over myself!! Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now? A. I will be three months November 8th. Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th? A. Yes. Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time? A. Having sex ____________ The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby, and she said it was from a shag at the beach.!!! ____________ A baby was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy. I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little thing, in front of the worried parents, but he kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right, and... guess what he found? The birth control pill! ____________ A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor, dumb creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks." ____________ . FUN PAGES by Lorraine Slim or Die Man Sheds 44 Stone http://tinyurl. The Greatest Escape http://tinyurl. PAPA Thorn How Milk Chocolate Is Made http://able2laugh. Perfectly Safe http://able2laugh. Daleks bottle attack http://able2laff. Buffalo Bill Olympic Event http://www.buffalos Anal Retentive http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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