Funzines - Video Fun December 1, 2008
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Funzines - CLEAN Cartoons December 1, 2008
Thinking about my favorite Xmas memories.......
Hmmmmmmmm.....was I ever that young?
********
Please, take a moment and click on some of
my links..........thank you, Dy
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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun
Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Nancy has put some new movies up and will be adding more
for us as she gets the chance. She is currently stuck on a
dial-up connection at home when she is nursing her boyfriend
after his back surgery. This does make building pages slow
even if I manage to get the movies in their files. I want to give
a recommendation for Site Ground web hosting if anyone is
looking to build a website. It took awhile to sort things out but
I got more help from their tech support than I ever received
from any other company. The last company said here's your
control panel, better learn Linux because we won't touch your
site, and they charged us 5 times as much.
For those of you that have patiently waited, the new pages have
a download link for the content on there so you can save it on your
computer and pass it around.
A special thanks to those that send me toons and movie clips for
the website. I can't thank you individually on the pages but we do
appreciate it. Out of the thousands of pages Nancy has built, all
of them have been sent in by readers, much the same as most
of the jokes and links we use. This is just as much your newsletter
as it is mine. We are a herd.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Elvis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in
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hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in
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have you been?"
Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me face.
Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing
like Elvis."
The father moves on to his cab waiting outside.
He hops in his cab and
he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me
to my hotel and step on it."
The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh
my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm
your number one fan! It's so great to see you!"
"Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turn
around and drive!"
So the cabby speeds up to the hotel.
Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to
the hotel check-in counter.
"Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you!" screams the
hotel clerk. "You're back
Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved
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Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bike Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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A couple of young boys came along and
decided to steal her clothes.
Having gotten out of the water and
discovered her clothes had been stolen,
Liana decided to go to the roadside and
hitch a ride home.
Along came Steve, riding a bicycle. He
stopped for Liana.
"Come," he said, "I'll ride you into town."
She jumped on his bicycle and rode
side-saddle in front of him. Steve said
nothing, but after ten minutes Liana was so overwhelmed at how calm he was that she said, "Tell me, haven't you noticed that I'm completely naked?"
"Sure," said Steve. "Haven't you noticed that you're riding on a girls bike?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
Douche with beer.
What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y'all.
Hear about the new gay sitcom?
Leave it, it's Beaver.
Why is sex is like software?
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What's the most active muscle in a woman ?
The penis.
What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
What's the definition of a vicious circle?
A pussy with teeth.
How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?
She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.
How do you get a woman off during sex?
Push her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Watch Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus
in Jerusalem.
The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, what time
is it?"
The old Jew doesn't answer.
"Excuse me, sir," the young Jew asks again,
"what time is it?"
The old Jew looks up him, but still doesn't
answer.
The young Jew is puzzled, "Sir, forgive me for
interrupting you all the time, but I really
want to know what time it is. Why won't you
answer me?"
The old Jew turns toward the young man and says,
"Son, the next stop is the last on this route.
I don't know you, so you must be a stranger to
this land. If I answer you now, according to
Jewish tradition, I must invite you to my
home. You're handsome and I have a beautiful
daughter. You would fall in love with her and
you'd want to get married. And tell me, why
would I want a son-in-law who can't even afford
a fucking watch?"
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Death Row Chips
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There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row.
The Warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
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2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head."
Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing.
The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with
this guy. Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those
shots," so the guards did.
Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
"You guys are so stupid.....I'
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Smoking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diary of a Smoker-Quitting
This Sucks
Day One: Shit.
Day One again only the next day:
Have tried to kill husband twice.
Decide against washing dishes
as always have cigarette when done.
Same for bathroom.
Am suddenly thinking this has upside.
Eating dried fruit, apricots, pears, and brown things that look like squished roaches, which remind me of doobie roaches, which remind me of cigarettes. Watch husband light a cigarette; look at him pitifully. Eat leftover beans from last night - that'll show him. Walk by computer and wave occasionally. Can't sit and write or surf as this has been main smoking area. It's about four-o' clock now; I could have just one, I could have just one, I could have just one. That's Mr. Nicotine. He lives with me; 'he' could be a chick, but frankly, right now, I don't frigging care. Decide to play fantasy game on Playstation. Spend next three hours breeding Chocobos so game hero can save world. World doomed in my opinion.
Day two, morning:
Woke up two hours earlier than usual.
Great; two extra hours of fencing practice
with the RJ Reynolds Company and spawn.
Seriously considering finding some hallucinogens as never had desire for nicotine during a really good walk through a wall. Woke up six times during night to pee because I drank four gallons of water "to assist my system flush poison." Am feeling unusually testy as result of lack of sleep and deep-seated oral fixation fantasies. Decide to either kill or have sex with mail carrier when post arrives. Probably both.
Day 2, afternoon:
See husband off to airport for business trip.
Clean closets. Nothing new in mail.
Did all laundry out of necessity -
body of dead mail carrier would not fit in dryer otherwise.
Put in extra dryer sheets
(Arm and Hammer, biodegradable.
Decide to take walk.
Meet neighbor who asks if mail came yet.
She is smoking a cigarette.
I tell her no out of spite.
Day 3, morning:
Go through dead man's mail bag;
keep catalogues for joyous Christmas shopping.
Feed rest down garbage disposal.
Day 3, Afternoon:
Call garbage disposal repair.
Day 4: Receive visitor.
Police looking for missing mail carrier -
received anonymous tip from garbage disposal repair person. Make coffee and offer fat-free cookies and dried fruit. Arrange dried fruit to make smiley faces on plate. Police officer asks if I mind if he smokes. Burst in to tears. Confess.
Day 472:
Sentenced to death in murder of Postal Employee.
( Federal crime.)
Day 478:
Beaten by seven large women in prison
for having no cigarettes to trade.
Able to sing better now; make up prison blues songs.
Day 552:
Receive divorce papers:
husband marrying tobacco heiress.
Cell-mate offers to have ex husband whacked.
Wants twelve cartons of cigarettes
and one pair Doc Marten boots.
Decide husband will live as price too steep.
Day 558:
Secure two cartons of cigarettes for payment
to cell-mate to have defense attorney whacked.
Feel better.
Day 691:
Served last meal - minister asks if
anything wanted at last moments.
Think back to how good cigarette after meals used to be. Request one last smoke. Minister reluctant, no smoking in federal building, but sneaks one in. Sit back, relax, smoke. Ahhhhh. Feel slightly dizzy, giddy, euphoric. Warden enters cell excitedly; Governor issues full pardon due to new Federal "It Takes a Village" crimes statute: allows for defense appeal of insanity by reason of severe nicotine withdrawal.
Day 1: Shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Movie Chips
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Be Quiet
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Best First Dance At A Wedding
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a woman in my office became engaged,
a colleague offered her some advice. "The first
ten years are the hardest," she said.
"How long have you been married?" I asked.
"Ten years," she replied.
- - - - -
This couple had been going out together for
quite a while and was thinking about getting
married. They finally decided to spend a night
in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible.
The next morning he dropped her off at her
apartment and he said, "So long Lucy."
She said, "Goodbye, Shorty."
- - - - -
The young Swedish au pair had been working
for the Schmitts for more than a year. While
hardworking and efficient, she still struggled
with English.
One day she told Mrs. Schmitt that she had
received good news from her boyfriend Sven.
"He is coming visit me from army next week!"
"That's wonderful," the woman replied. "How
long is his furlough?"
"Oh," the young woman said, "about long as
Mr. Schmitt's. Maybe little thicker."
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Poem Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever wonder how the seven dwarfs got their names?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck!
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarfs came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My cunt now needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop you prick!"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that!"
"Not there, that me ass-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!
Unless you're fucking queer!"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY idiot",
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.
The next dwarf got a blow
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy qirm.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her cunt raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
"That should be against the law!"
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick."
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My cunt can't take no more.!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarfs,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's what happened to that cup?
Well think of what you're drinking...
When you next buy 7-UP
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sergeant and two men from his platoon went to
a tavern near the base one night. The sergeant
asked an attractive army nurse to join him in a
game of pool.
The nurse said, "I would rather play with your
privates."
~~~~~
Little Johnny is wandering up and down the aisles
of a supermarket crying his eyes out.
"What's the matter fella?" asked a stock boy.
"I've lost my mommy!" wailed Little Johnny.
"Don't worry, we'll soon find her," soothed the stock boy.
"Now tell me, what's mommy like?"
"Bourbon and men with big, hard cocks,"
sobbed Little Johnny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and the next door lady were friends but would get into a fight over the damndest things the neighbor and finally laid down the law no more fighting.
they promised and thry got along good for quite awhile one day I came home and wife was all beat up hair a mess scratches and a black eye.Before I could say a word she says it wasnt my fault.I went to the docter today he said to bring a sample of urine I didnt know what that was so I asked Gladis she said. Piss in a bottle
I said shit in a hat and the fight was on. ol john
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1480
The Stuffing
Thanksgiving meal is done...the belts have been loosen. The dogs have
been fed. The TV is on, eyes are glazed over.
Rudy: What are we watching?
Katie: Moan...don't know.
Sandi: I forgot after the last leg of turkey.
BJ: Moan, I am so miserable.
Diana: Anybody want desert?
Rudy: Go away!
Katie: Stop!
BJ: No more!
Sandi: Yes, I will have some.
Diana: What would you like? We have some pumpkin pie, cherry pie,
chocolate pie, apple pie.
Sandi: Yes, one slice of each.
Diana: You are kidding right?
Sandi: No, and some ice cream to go with it please.
Rudy: I got to go outside, I am feeling ill.
Katie: I am right behind you.
Sandi: Maybe sprinkle some nuts on the pie also and some whipped cream.
BJ: I will join you guys.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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__,_._,___
[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life.  Spectacular news! Hawthorne Village is thrilled to present The Wonderful World of Disney tabletop Christmas tree. A dazzling celebration of lights, music, and motion. Licensed by Disney and filled with plenty of Disney magic! Climb aboard the Disney Express Train and ride with Mickey Mouse around 4 levels of rotating movement. 50 of your favorite Disney characters cheer you on - all the way to Cinderella's Castle at the top! Mickey's flying high above, with Pluto leading his sleigh! 20 brilliant LED lights cast a magical glow, serenaded by a medley of Christmas carols. Don't wait another moment to bring home the Wonderful World of Disney - strong demand is expected! HURRY, click this link now! http://www.thepostm  Another Great Product from Mighty Putty Mighty Mendit - Does it All! It's the Fast Easy Way to Mend, Hem & Wear it Again No More Sewing - Mighty Mendit is a flexible bonding agent that permanently mends fabrics with just a touch Save Money - Don't buy new. Repair curtains, furniture and more with ease Repair Clothes & Fabrics - Don't Discard it, Mighty Mendit http://www.thepostm  Meet the amazing flying monkey, they simply steal the show! Take it to family reunions, office parties, board meetings, school, church or on the road and score big! Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with the Amazing Flying Monkey, you'll see. The fun is contagious! You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them! Not available in stores! http://www.thepostm  Hundreds of FREE Screensavers! Totally Free! Thousands of free photos & exclusive 3-D animations to choose from NO registration required NO Spyware or Adware http://www.thepostm Good morning postman fans! I suppose that I should have some great excuse for not doing the page for the last couple of days. Like maybe President Obama asked me to go to Washington to brief him on the truth behind the current economic crisis. Or that I flew to the middle east to attend a summit with the OPEC nations to determine what to do about the falling cost of crude oil. But the truth is, I just needed a day or two break from the daily grind of sending out the page. Mostly, on the morning after Thanksgiving, The war department and me went north to see her father, and then yesterday, I sat around in the morning doing pretty much nothing. I watched a lot of cool cartoons on the Internet, like Fog Horn Leg Horn, Deputy Dawg, and even a couple of Daffy Duck cartoons that I had not seen. The afternoon was spent watching a couple old war pictures, like that old classic "The wackiest ship in the army." and then later "Run silent run deep." (two of my all time favorites.) The day was not an entire loss tho, I did my laundry. And then I later got busy on the bathroom. I had remodeled it a few years back and everything was pretty much new, except for the old door. It had like a hundred million paint chips on it and it really bugged me everytime I sat down on the pot. So, I finally got busy and sanded down the door so its nice and smooth and looks pretty again. But at any rate my batteries are recharged, so lets go at it, shall we? We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  THE COMICS strong and silent http://www.thepostm pickin up chicks http://www.thepostm let me get this straight http://www.thepostm the secret inside http://www.thepostm take it outside http://www.thepostm are you sure? http://www.thepostm Bob I know its you http://www.thepostm for all those who reject the prophet http://thepostmansc the swear jar http://thepostmansc facial expressions http://thepostmansc the hot porpoise http://thepostmansc sex tips from 1894 http://www.thepostm the muffin tree http://www.thepostm holiday cookbook http://www.thepostm San Diego zoo http://www.thepostm expiration of earth http://www.thepostm cam dance http://www.thepostm POWER POINT DISPLAYS Nat King Cole http://www.thepostm where to vacation next year http://www.thepostm the year 1961 http://www.thepostm What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and aHoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. ____________ don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. --(Bob Hope) A woman drove me to drink - and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. --(W.C. Fields) I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. --(W.C. Fields) It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. --(George Burns) ____________ Newlywed Bride: "Will you love me when I'm old?" Newlywed Groom: "Love you? I shall idolize you. I shall worship the ground that you walk on. I shall.... errrr....uhhhhh. to look like your mother, are you?" ____________ The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation, the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel. Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did this happen?" Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight. ____________ A German, an American and an Englishman were exploring the jungle when they came across an breathtakingly beautiful waterfall. After admiring it for a while, the American says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of the great American Constitution, you know, where every atom of water is like an individual who has the freedom to make it's own way through the world in unison with nature." The German says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of the great German economy, strong and powerful and smooth running." The Englishman, when asked about his thoughts says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of oral sex." The American and the German look at him in amazement. "What is it about this waterfall makes you think of oral sex?" "Uh, everything I look at makes me think of oral sex." ____________ Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. PAPA Thorn BUFFALO Bil Sucking His Finger http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sat
Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It sure is quiet around here this weekend. I am debating venturing
out in a little bit and doing some shopping. As much as I hate
crowds tomorrow is Sandy's birthday and our 29th anniversary
and that requires a gift or life might become unbearable around
here. She never seems to buy me an anniversary gift though
and I think I deserve something for marrying her. She seems to
think that not strangling me in my sleep for being a buffalo is
reward enough.
I really miss being in California and the good old shoot outs at the
Toys "R" Us on Black Friday. All we ever get around here is a few
fender benders and a fight over the last laptop at Wal-mart. We are
getting a new Super Wal-mart in spring that is so big that you will
need a Garmin to find stuff ..... turn right at female hygiene and go
one quarter mile to find pet food. The Canadian Soo has their own
Super Wal-mart but I never can understand why our parking is full of
Canadian Plates. It is easy to spot the Canadians in the store, most
of them are speaking Italian and have at least 6 gallons of milk
in their cart.
Eva is sitting next to me with both hands in a bowl of cereal. She
likes a milk bath for breakfast, it's good for her complexion and
since Grandma gives her a full bowl when she can't handle a half
of one Grandma can clean her up.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.
-- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was
water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said,
"In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured
at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman.
Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I
was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes,
dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to
interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I have
two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are beautiful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Welcome Back
http://able2laugh.
Free Shave
http://able2laugh.
Brain cells
http://able2laugh.
Pervert!
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Sucking His Finger
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Trained
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy the desert is hot and dry today. As I was driving along I passed this good looking old gal walking alone side the road. I stopped and ask did she have problems. She said, "Yes, my old car broke down back up the road a ways. I said, " If I can get it fixed or take you some where to get it fixed want's in it for me." She said, Dust I've been walking over an hour."
~~~~~
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's
the matter--haven'
~~~~~
A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator
"And finally" she said "I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving me such a beautiful perky copulator"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get the hottest Stocking stuffer of the year and you're guaranteed to be a hit!
Meet the amazing flying monkey, they simply steal the show! Take it to family reunions, office parties, board meetings, school, church or on the road and score big!
Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with the Amazing Flying Monkey, you'll see. The fun is contagious!
You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!
Not available in stores!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gold Rush Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shopping List From 1849's California Gold Rush
The following are minimum amounts necessary for an eight day trip in the
mountains:
8 lbs potatoes
1 bottle whiskey
1 bottle pepper sauce
1 bottle whiskey
1 box tea
9 lbs onions
2 bottles whiskey
1 ham
11 lbs crackers
1 bottle whiskey
3 dozen sardines
2 bottles brandy, (4th proof)
6 lbs sugar
1 bottle brandy, (4th proof)
7 lbs cheese
2 bottles brandy, (4th proof)
1 bottle pepper
5 gallons whiskey
4 bottles whiskey (old Bourbon)
1 small keg whiskey
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spectacular news! Hawthorne Village is thrilled to present The Wonderful World
of Disney tabletop Christmas tree. A dazzling celebration of lights, music,
and motion. Licensed by Disney and filled with plenty of Disney magic! Climb
aboard the Disney Express Train and ride with Mickey Mouse around 4 levels of
rotating movement. 50 of your favorite Disney characters cheer you on - all
the way to Cinderella's Castle at the top! Mickey's flying high above, with
Pluto leading his sleigh! 20 brilliant LED lights cast a magical glow,
serenaded by a medley of Christmas carols. Don't wait another moment to bring
home the Wonderful World of Disney - strong demand is expected! HURRY, click
this link now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why are guys so good at video games?
A. It's the eye-hand coordination developed after all those years of jerking off to Playboy centerfolds.
Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything <thanks
Jim>
Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!
Why are blondes lousy at mustering cattle?
Because they can't keep their calves together. <Thanx Greg>
Heaven is when you have barrels of beer and tons of girls.
Hell is when you find out that the barrels have holes and
the girls don't!
Did you hear what the dyslexic Highway Patrolman did on New Year's? He spent the whole night handing out I.U.D.'s <Thanx Robert>
Woman serving dinner to husband:
"It's a hamburger surprise. You had it yesterday and the day before, and you certainly didn't expect to get it again tonight."
Q. Why do women get their belly buttons pierced?
A. Where else would they hang the air freshener.
One day, near Christmas, Amy was walking down the
street, singing to herself, "All I want for Christmas is a 10" dick, a 10" dick, a 10" dick". Buffalo, who was out shopping, upon hearing her song, turns and follows her, singing "Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus"
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sands Of Christ
Feel a closeness to the Lord like never before!
If you're looking for the perfect gift, or you just want to strengthen your bond with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, look no further.
This rare item is very limited, don't miss your chance! To get yours now, click here:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apple Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother and daughter loved to play around. They partied everyday and
always ended up fucking everybody around. Their holes were played
until
they became seasoned and loose. One day, the daughter met the man
of her dreams and decided to get married. Now, the man did not know
about their flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin. So he
decided to leave any lovemaking until their wedding night. The
daughter
began to worry about the condition of her hole and consulted her
mother,
Mom, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds out about my hole?!!
Mother said, Don't worry dear, I will teach you a way to fool your
husband-to-be. Here's what you do, place an apple in your hole and it
will be tight and he won't even notice it. So the daughter did what
her
mother taught her and everything went well and the stupid husband
didn't
even notice. This went on for a few months. Now, everytime the
daughter
wanted to bathe, she would take out the apple and place it on the wash
basin and after bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One day,
after bathing, she forgot to put it back and left it on the wash
basin.
The husband came into the washroom and saw the apple and thought that
her wife left the apple for him and he ate it, Honey, thanks for the
apple. It tasted great! Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her
husband
about it and went to consult her mother, Mom, I'm in deep shit now! I
took out the apple while I was bathing and I forgot to put it back and
Peter found the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What
should I
do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, Mother said, Don't worry dear, a
few years ago, your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the washroom
and
he lived!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An attractive lady is waiting in the emergency room. A doctor walks in
to her room and asks her "What is the problem ma'am?" The lady
replies," Doctor, I have been having trouble with my asshole, it hurts
really bad." The doctor tells the woman, "Why don't you lay on your
stomach so I can take a look at it, OK?" So, the woman turns over and
the doctor begins to examine her rear end. After a while, the doctor
asks the young lady, "Ma'am, have you had anal sex lately?" The lady
replies, "No, why?" The doctor then says, "Would you like to?"
Young Schmitty was taking confession, when he told the priest that he
was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?"
he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes Schmitty, indeed it is a
sin.... Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
What is French asthma?
You can only catch your breath in snatches!
What did the Indian say when the prostitute tied a knot in his pecker?
"How come!"
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
The pickpocket snatches your watch.
Stan kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mighty Mendit - Does it All!
It's the Fast Easy Way to Mend, Hem & Wear it Again
No More Sewing
- Mighty Mendit is a flexible bonding agent that permanently mends fabrics with just a touch
Save Money
- Don't buy new. Repair curtains, furniture and more with ease
Repair Clothes & Fabrics
- Don't Discard it, Mighty Mendit
Order today and we will double your order
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
THE SPLENDOR OF THE CROSS http://www.wtv-
John w/ Merry Christmas Darling
http://heavens-
Carolyn with/ Rusty Chevrolet
http://carolynsprec
Childhood Christmas
http://www.carolspo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We are giving away DATING SITE memberships TODAY! But not to a regular dating site full of people that don't know what they want. Our singles know EXACTLY what they want!
If you are over 18 years of age, then we want to give you a -FREE- membership to the best ADULT DATING SITE around! All of the members of this dating community want to meet up with new people for one intimate and fun encounters! You have to check it out!
Now, we only have 197 memberships to give away. So if you DO NOT want to date beautiful singles in your city for intimate encounters then do not accept this membership that we want to give you for no cost.
If you DO want to have a LOT of fun with singles that are awesome to look at and even better to make meet in real life, then take advantage of this -FREE- membership right now.
Press here to join for NO COST:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Cow Abductions
http://www.cowabduc
Christmas Resource Center
http://tinyurl.
Snowman Construction Kit
http://snowmanconst
Christmas Trees & More
http://www.urbanext
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious relationship secretly download software applications that allow them to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker. This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Fireplaces
http://www.simplysa
Free Interfaces
http://www.ravensda
Cut Copy and Paste Tutorial for Computers http://www.virtualg
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome $497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
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I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training System so I can help people finally get the truth!
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.basset.
Kitty Korner
http://amby.
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television:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Chips
Bank Commercial
http://www.buffalos
Banned Cola Cola Commercial
http://www.buffalos
Beer Diet
http://www.buffalos
Commercial Of The Year
http://www.buffalos
Farmers 3 Daughters
http://www.buffalos
Why I Didn't Make The Olymics
http://www.buffalos
Why I Don't Fish
http://www.buffalos
Why I Was Never Late For School
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
http://www.buffalos
Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pair of stage-door Johnnies are ogling the cuties who are leaving
the
dressing room. "Do you see that redhead over there? I feel like
screwing
her again."
"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've been doing it
with
that great looking broad?"
"No, I felt like it before, and I feel like it now."
~~~~~~~
A man on a business trip went to a singles bar, approached two ladies,
and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with
him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool,
calm... and collected.
~~~~~~~
Little Johnny comes running into the backyard. He screams, "Pop! Pop!
Ma
just got hit by a bus!"
His father answers, "Son, that's just plain mean shouting it out like
that, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like RC Toys we have them
The Copper1 MedEvac and Fire Rescue Helicopters
are next year's hottest RC Toys. This 2009 version
came in early and has limited quantity.
http://buffaloschip
Ed Hardy Viper RC Boat:
This super fast RC boat works in your pool, pond, lake or even the ocean! Includes a powerful 7.2V battery and charger - tons of power to rip and shred your way around your pool! Cut left, Cut right, Hit the throttle and zoom away with full directional control up to 300 feet!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfect Attitude
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Beer Run
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Outta Town
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Funny
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
A Baby
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Ouch
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WOW - The Interchangeable Mix & Match Storage System
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With WOW Containers you can:
* Mix and match sizes
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* Stop losing lids
Includes 40 Containers:
* 22 two cup containers
* 10 four cup containers
* 6 eight cup containers
* 2 bonus twelve cup containers
Buy 1 Set Get 1 Free!
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went on a date with a Builder
She knew that he could
And he should and he would
And he did, and it bloody nigh killed her!
~~~
There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was goosed by Sir Oswald Du Maurier...
And then by six men,
Sir Oswald again,
And the band at the Woldorf Astoria!
I Just Met A Girl From Peru,
Who Likes Off Beat Places To Screw.
We've Done It On Trains,
In Hammocks, On Planes,
And Next Week We'll Try A Canoe.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have
resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our next President,
and That our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients would
have To see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we
cannot Increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our
economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This
has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are
family here and I didn't Know how to choose who will have to go.
So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8
Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
Folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more
fair way To approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I
gave it to them.
Jerry Moore
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning
in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her
fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside.
Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress.
The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the
windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative
manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her
striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and
panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer
still takes no notice of her.
Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands
there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window.
At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's
the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?"
Wilbur
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Barack Obama is being honored on brilliant, uncirculated U.S. Mint Presidential Dollars by The New England Mint. These limited edition coins are now available to the American public for the first time ever through this special offer. Order today and as a special bonus you̢۪ll receive the President Obama 2008 Kennedy Half Dollar Layered in 24K gold FREE!
This offer is only available until January 2009 and then will be retired FOREVER.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1479
Thanksgiving
BJ is looking in on Sandi who is alone but talking to herself.
Sandi: Dear Lord, I want to thank You for my family. Thank you
for Rudy, for Katherine, for Pearl, for Cleo, for Mark, for
Mommy and mostly for my Daddy. I thank You for the day
I was found by the lake and put into the loving arms of
Daddy and this family. I thank You for Your Divine intervention
in my life. I know I am blessed to have food, to have shelter,
to have health, but mostly to have Love. I ask that You protect
the ones that cannot be protected. The ones who are serving
this country in uniform and the families they leave behind.
Bless them one and all. Bless the leaders with Divine Wisdom
and courage to do the right thing not the popular thing.
Bless this country, my home. Bless my family. Give them a
long healthy life. I ask this humbly as Your servant. Amen
BJ nods and walks away...there is nothing else to be added or said.
Have a great Holiday Weekend and be safe from our household to yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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