THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Destiny is no matter of chance.
It is a matter of choice.
It is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved.
-William Jennings Bryan
__________
GOOD MORNNING POSTMAN FANS!
I was snoozin the other afternoon(not unusual)
and I happened to notice groggily that Turk,
my 7 pound Chihuahua, was not at my side.(unusual) In
fact, as I woke up a little more, I realized he was in the
kitchen, yappin his head off(not unusual) And when he would not
quit the noise, I got up to see what was happening. Lo
and behold, he had trapped a mouse.(unusual) I am sure
this must have been an amazing thing to Turk because
most things in life are bigger than he is and he usually
runs from them rather than cornering them. Anyways,
I disposed of the "carcass", and gave Turk a little treat
of a couple crackers for his effort. Its the wrong time
of year for such "critters". Usually we tend to see them
more in the spring and that usually involves a flurry of
mouse traps and etc. We found that the gooey trays of
stuff where they get their legs stuck work better than
traps or poison. Actually, my son found the best way.
He would come home from work late at one or 2 in the morning.
then lay his burger king bag on the floor of his room.
Sooner or later out would come a "critter" and when he
saw the mouse entering the bag, he would scoop it up and
take it out side. I told him that if he was just letting them
go they were probably sneaking back in the house. I suggested
that he should hang on to them and send them to the
Discovery tv channel. Then maybe we could see Bear Gryllis
eat them on man vs wild.
we do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postmn
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THE COMICS
surprises
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m021.html
inventing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m022.html
robbery gone bad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m023.html
hey daddy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m024.html
marriage counselor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m025.html
air port security
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m026.html
all u can eat buffet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m027.html
flashers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m028.html
Arab fantasies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m030.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Funny weddings
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/050.html
a shitty day at the gym
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/049.html
walnuts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/051.html
Ralph Williams
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/052.html
impaled
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/053.html
elephant accident
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/054.html
______________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
photoshop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd345.html
Glenn Miller
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd346.html
string
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd347.html
HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship --
all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets.
Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter
decided on this "all-girls" trip.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful.
Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today
-- seems like a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard,
hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him
at his table for dinner. Felt honoured and had a wonderful
time. He is very attractive and attentive.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino.
Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.
Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I
could not be unfaithful to my husband.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned,
and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for
rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for
the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let
him have his way with me, he would sink the ship. I was shocked.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today, I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.
__________________
I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she
Grows up.
She said she wanted to be President of the United States.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there.
So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first
Thing you would do?"
She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people...
Her parents proudly beamed.
"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her.
"But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that.
Tell you what - you can come over to my house and mow the lawn,
Pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you
Over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give
Him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." How about doing something
Wonderful like that?
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the
Eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and
You can just pay him the $50?"
I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
______________
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in
The city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"
"Two days ago."
"Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May,
He'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he
Gets out of college?"
"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."
"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"
"He's taking every penny I make."
"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"
"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."
"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"
"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."
____________
A property manager of single-family residence was
showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
_______________
A teacher arranged her young students into a circle.
She then went around the circle and asked each one a question.
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh ... it goes ... 'click!'"
___________
BUFFALO BILL
Topper
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62511.htm
Trained Puppies
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62512.htm
Tread Mill
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62513.htm
_________________
FUN PAGES
Dog Eat Cat
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39820&s=n
Drunk Guy vs. Flip-Flop
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41989&s=n
Dentist Electric Chair
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=34739&s=n
Funniest Text Messages Ever
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40652&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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