Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been sitting here for the past three hours with
the remote clicking back and forth between the Tigers
Orioles baseball game and the Lions and the Bears
football opener. Wore out one set of batteries in the
remote, Tigers won and Lions lost which isn't a new
story but it was still a great game that the Lions would
have won except for a new rule regarding process.
Detroit's starting quarterback was injures and the alternate
through a long pass into the end zone with 24 seconds
remaining. The ball was caught with both hands both
feet came down and as he hit the ground with the ball
in one hand and it fell out. Last year that would have been
a touchdown but not this year heh heh. I wonder what
other little surprises are in the rule books this year.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny and his pal Billy were walking in the park when they
passed three ladies eating bananas on a bench. "Howdy ladies,"
Little Johnny said as he passed three women.
"Do you know them?" Billy asked.
"No," Little Johnny replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute
or the bride we just passed."
"How in the world did you know all that about them ladies?" asked
Billy.
"That's easy. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and used
the fingers of the other hand to properly break the banana into
small pieces."
"The prostitute," he continued, "grabbed the banana with both hands
and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"That's pretty impressive!" Billy exclaimed. "But how did you know
the third was a newlywed?"
"Oh, that was the easiest," explained Little Johnny, "She was the
one who held the banana with one hand and pushed her head toward it
with the other."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Leaving Chips
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Bill, Mary, and their six children lived in a log cabin on the edge
of a lake in northern Quebec. One day, Bill decided he had had
enough and set out across the lake in his canoe.
Seeing this, Mary hollered out to him, "Bill, what are you doing?"
Bill replied "Woman, I'm leaving you!"
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our marriage?"
Bill replied "To hell with the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He
kept paddling across the lake.
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our beautiful cabin?"
Bill replied "To hell with the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He
kept paddling across the lake.
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our beautiful children?"
Bill replied "To hell with the children. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He
kept paddling across the lake.
Then Mary hikes up her skirt, points to her crotch and hollers, "But
Bill, what about this?"
As Bill slowly turns the canoe around he mumbles,
"Someday I'm going to leave that damn woman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Question Chips
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Man's Answers To Every Question A Woman Ever Asks
1. Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing,
we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you
think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter
(and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to
endure)? Hormone modifies behaviour. We're just misunderstood.
2. Why do men always have to ogle other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think
that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we
met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at
not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of
photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it
for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it
into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy.
It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added
bonus.
4. Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open
it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's
the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much
of the world nowadays.
7. Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that
men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we
feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing
some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our
foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache
whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8. Why can't men cuddle more (IE lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige
you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand
lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go
roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on
our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by
evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without
getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit
in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The
more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very
extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their
progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber- toothed
tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born
with this innate ability.
10. Why can't men just say "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self sufficient. To say
that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men
consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own
character faults.
11. Why do men say "I LOVE YOU" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure
fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still
works quite well.
12. Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of
your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you
will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy
for other things.
13. Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we
know darn well you'll pick it up.
14. What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to
let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not,
it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended
periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to
go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and
hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err...
buying?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Geek Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geek Pickup Lines
"Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'"
"I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field
of your breasts!!"
"Nice Asimov."
"Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody."
"Earth woman, prepare to be probed!"
"I'm the droid you're looking for."
"Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or... well, I'm just
asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my
Vulcan ears."
"Hey, baby. I own Microsoft."
"Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach
is imminent.'"
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Lesbian Chips
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These two lesbians walked into a bar One extremely pretty and one
extremely ugly.
The pretty one said to the ugly one, "I'll go get us a drink".
So she walked up to the bar and said to the bar-tender "Two Jim
beams
and coke"
The bartender got the drinks and said, "That's $10."
She said, "I don't have any money."
The bartender said, "Well how are you going to pay for them?"
She replied, "I'll show you my tits."
He looked at her and replied, "O.K."
So she showed him her tits, then took the drinks back to the table.
The ugly one said, "How did you pay for those?"
The pretty one said, "I showed him my tits and he gave them to me
for
free!"
The ugly one said, "I try that." So she walked up to the bartender
and
said, "Two Jim beams and coke please".
The bartender said, "That will be $10 please."
The ugly one turned around and said, "I don't have any money!"
The bartender said, "Well how are you going to pay for them?"
She replied, "I will show you my tits"
He replied back, "You're ugly so your tits will be ugly!"
So the ugly one said, "O.K. then I will let you smell my friends
pussy!"
The bartender replied, "What that one over there?" (pointing to the
good
looking one) She said "Yeah."
The bartender said, "Sure!"
So the ugly one leaned over the bar and breathed in his face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Seasons Change
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/J_C.html
Marlene/Becareful Of Stones that you throw/Gospel
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML2/BeCarefulOfStones.html
John w/ You Don't Know Me
http://heavens-gates.com/elvis/youdontknowme/
Carol w/Gift of Friendship
http://www.carolspoetry.com/giftof.html
Life's Little Oops 7
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops7.html
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Surfin Surfari
National Chicken Month Via Dianne
http://www.nationalchickenmonth.com/
Bottled Water Facts and Fictions
http://www.bidness.com/esd/bottled_water.htm
Sun's Finest Unseen Moments
http://www.semiconductorfilms.com/root/Brilliant_Noise/BNoise.htm
Ford's First RV
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Driving Test
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Color Picker Pen by Jinsu Park
http://tinyurl.com/nd3hk2
Domain Look - Up Tool Via Wesley
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Amazing Horse Trainer
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Funny Hidden Camera Video http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddf.htm
Girl On Bike
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axsd.htm
Giving Change
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Glade Plug Ups
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Go Browns
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Amnesty Bills Worst Provision
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Funnel Prank
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Funniest Video Of The Year
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Funny
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Funny Video
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose sculptures by most were thought hideous
He carved Aphrodite
Without even a nightie
Which shocked all the fussy fastidious
'Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
There Once was a Man called Reg
Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge
Along came his wife
With a big Carving Knife
And cut off his meat and two veg
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Toon Chips
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complain2
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complete
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complete asshole
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computer joke
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computer of yours
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phone Chips
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PHONE REPAIR
Lawrence, Kansas
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone
failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions, when
it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in
his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the
telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a
steel chain and collar.
2.. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the
number was
called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit , thus causing the
phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and
moaning.
Thought you'd like to know!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't go to the bathroom on Sept. 28th" CIA intelligence reports
that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop
on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports
indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up
into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they
are doing their dirty business. I usually don't send things like
this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came
from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose
brother knows this guy whose wife has a hairdresser whose husband
buys hot-dogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the
shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells
drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building.
Please forward to everyone that you care about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1872
Friday Night Lights Caldwell Style
Diana: Okay BJ this is your first game in Caldwell.
Things are a bit different here than in Guthrie.
BJ: How so?
Diana: We play eight man football instead of eleven
man football. The crowds are smaller instead of about
two thousand at a game we might have two hundred
but you have to remember we are a much smaller town.
How did Guthrie do last week?
BJ: We defeated a team favored to defeat us 27 - 0.
We were ahead 18 - zip in the first quarter and cruised
the rest of the way.
Diana: Caldwell won 42 - 17 in their first game.
Rudy: Do we have tailgate parties? Ya know like
burgers and stuff?
Diana: We will find out tonight.
Sandi: Yahoo!
Val: This is my first year for this kind of thing, but
I am ready for some football.
Katie: I have my cheerleading outfit ready to go.
The herd in Guthrie (the Bluejays)
and the herd in Caldwell (also the Bluejays)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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