Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
When my mom was killed in a car accident in 2009, she was
unable to attend her own funeral. The funeral home shipped
the ashes via the Postal Service by Second Day Air and they
took five days to arrive. We later found out that there is no
guarantee of delivery in two days but that doesn't help when you
have 200-300 people showing up to say good by and they want
and object to focus their thoughts on. The sisters went out and
bought a vase and with a stopper and a few baubles hot glued
to it, it looked like the high end item from a funeral home catalog.
To give it some weight in case somebody lifted it, they placed
a large bag of blueberry muffin mix. No one new the truth at the
memorial service and funeral except the family and the priest.
When mom's ashes arrived there was a graveside service by
the priest and her ashes were buried in the urn her daughters
had built and the bag of muffin mix went with Mary to Wisconsin.
We are now faced with a similar problem as Nancy's ashes
won't be available for 1 to 36 months depending on what MSU
has planned for her. It may be research or just training students
on the effects of kidney cancer but it is what she wanted. There
is a memorial service planned for Saturday and it has already
been suggested to have an urn with a bag of muffin mix to
represent her. I guess this is how family traditions begin and
I don't mind if they have an urn sitting around with a bag of
nut bar mix in it for all I care but my real ashes or body better be
at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean or I will be one restless spirit
I have read thru hundreds of emails from friends of Nancy and I am
compiling them all into a file for her sons to read. I know I have a
lot
of close friends on the internet so I wasn't surprised at the number
of friends that Nancy had but more with the amount of time she
spent with them. Nancy truly compressed a lifetime or more of living
into her short life.
Enjoy the chips. buffalo
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Falcon Chips
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Falcon Codes - a numerical code used to indicate ones displeasure or
to pass a rude comment over the radio or messages.
801 You've got to be shitting me.
802 Get off my f---ing back.
803 Beats the shit out of me.
804 What the f---.
805 I hate this f---ing place.
806 It's so f---ing bad, I can't believe it.
807 This place sucks.
808 F--- you very much.
809 Lovely, simply f---ing lovely.
810 That damn club.
811 Beautiful, just f---ing beautiful.
812 F---, shit, piss.
813 Hair pie, fur burgers.
814 I just got screwed.
815 Big f---ing deal.
816 Hang it in your ear.
817 Get bent.
818 DILLIGAS (Do I Look Like I Give A Shit?).
819 I don't give a shit.
820 Merry F---ing Christmas.
821 F--- it, just f--- it.
822 Hot shit.
823 Bitching.
824 Tell someone who gives a shit.
825 Don't get f---ing wise.
826 I don't give a f---.
827 Pardon me, sir, you obviously mistook me for someone who gives a
shit.
828 I didn't design the f---ing thing. I just bought the f---ing
thing.
829 Your ass sucks wind.
830 It won't f---ing work.
831 Go pound sand up your ass.
832 F--- off.
833 Who called this f---ing meeting.
834 FUBAR (F---ed Up Beyond All Repair).
835 Unf---ing Believable.
836 Adios mother f---er.
837 F--- you.
838 No shit.
839 No f---ing shit.
840 Go to hell.
841 Ho, f---ing, ho.
900 Cool it.
902 I'm free this weekend.
903 Take your time. I don't want to be stuck with this ass for
lunch.
904 Help me dump this mother.
905 Let's ball at lunch.
906 I'm free tonight.
907 Tied up with wife/husband tonight.
908 Call me at home to come back to work.
909 Call back later. My wife/husband is listening.
910 Let's take off sick together.
911 Meet you at the motel.
912 Let's snag them for tonight.
913 Can't do better for now. At least they'll be a fill in.
914 Let's trade balling partners.
915 Is he/she available?
916 Muddy field. Couldn't play.
917 SNEAK (Situation Normal All Fucked Up).
918 Bullshit.
919 This frigging thing.
920 Tall boy day.
921 Joint session.
922 You pecker.
923 Cocks---er.
924 Plain obscene.
925 Nice ass.
926 If you can't take a joke, f--- ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
behind my back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q016.html
mingle
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q017.html
true self
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q018.html
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Translated Chips
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This Japanese guy was working for this Indian guy in Los Angeles who
would constantly put him down? All the Japanese guy would do when he
was insulted, would be to bow and say, "This morning, every
morning."
Another putdown, and again, "This morning, every morning."
This went on week after week.
A Chinese guy who was watching got sick and tired of it. He went to
the Japanese guy and berated him, saying, "That Indian guy is
insulting you and all you do is bow and say, 'This morning, every
morning.' Why don't you talk back?"
The Japanese guy said, "I am talking back."
The Chinese asked incredulously, "You're talking back? Where do you
get that?"
"I'm talking American, but I'm thinking Japanese," said the Japanese
employee.
The Chinese asks, "What do you mean by that?"
The Japanese guy asks, "How do you say 'This morning' in Japanese?"
The Chinese thought, and finally answered, "Kessa."
Then the Japanese fella asked him, "How do you say 'Every morning'
in Japanese?"
"Mai assa," the Chinese fellow replied.
"Well??" the Japanese guy answered.
Stan Kegel
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Prison Chips
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Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells
her
husband:
"Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"
I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing
the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put
the prisoner in the prison"
And they throw the first one. and the guy is laying face up on the
bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband:
"Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!"
The guy not very delighted tells her:
"Lets put him into the prison another time!!"
And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells
him:
"!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!"
The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal.
And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and
the girl
says:
"!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!"
And he answers with his last breath:
"HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!
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Moron Chips
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Why did the little moron move to the city?
Because he heard the country might go to war.
One little moron asked another little moron: Did you just take a
shower? Second little moron: Why, is one missing?
Why does the little moron keep running around her bed?
He is trying to catch up with her sleep.
Why does the little moron save burned-out light bulbs?
So he can use them in his darkroom.
Why did the little moron say when they told her she was putting a
saddle on backwards? How do you know which way I'm going.
Why did the little moron go to night school?
So she could learn to read in the dark.
Why did the little moron put a chicken in a tub of hot water? So
she'd lay hard-boiled eggs.
Why did the little moron stand on his head in the kitchen?
He was making an upside down cake.
Why did the little moron through the clock out the window? Because
she wanted to see if time could fly.
Why did the little moron shoot the alarm clock?
Because he felt like killing time.
Why did the little moron decide to collect clocks and watches?
Because he heard that time was so valuable.
Why did the little moron give her chickens double martinis to drink?
She wanted to have stewed chicken for dinner.
How did the correspondence school instruction know when the little
moron was playing hookey? The little moron would send her empty
envelopes.
Why did the little moron spray his apartment with DDT?
He heard that it might be bugged.
Why does the little moron wet his favorite shirt before putting it
on? The label says, "Wash and wear."
Why did the little moron jump out his second story window last April
first? To try out her new Spring suit!
Why did the little moron run into Wall Street with a basket?
He heard the dollar was dropping.
Why does the little wear a life jacket at night?
Because he sleeps on a waterbed.
Why did the little moron ask her father to sit in the refrigerator?
She wanted ice cold pop.
Why did the little moron want to be a n electrician?
To get a charge out of life.
Why did the little moron cut a hole in the rug?
So she could see the floor show.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ad Chips
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"The Newspaper Ad"
(The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared
four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the
first day's mistake.)
MONDAY: For Sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him
cheap.
TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday.
It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone
948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
WEDNESDAY: Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received
several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the
classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale
--
R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707
after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who loves with him."
THURSDAY: Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale! I
smashed it! . . Don't call 948-0707 . . I have had the phone
disconnected! I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly! . . Until
yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Mountain Tops
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/C/Mo.html
AUTUMN COLORS Via Juanita
http://asandboxgreeting.com/autumncolors.html
Carol w/Gift From The Heart
http://www.carolspoetry.com/heart.html
My Joy
http://www.poetryinfocus.com/Poetry/Poem045.html
In The Pink
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthepink.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Bomber Command Museum
http://www.bombercommandmuseum.ca/
Low Income Heat Programs
http://liheap.ncat.org/
Segway Company Owner Dies after driving off a cliff
http://basicstory.com/segway-owner-dies-after-falling-off-a-cliff/13
5509/
Moon Photography Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html
World's Fastest Cars
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fastcars.html
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Web-tv Codes
http://www.wtv-zone.com/angel-eyes-34/keys/1codelinks.html
Halloween Stencils
http://www.hersheys.com/trickortreats/activities/stencils.asp
Google Data Backup Guide Via Wesley
http://www.dataliberation.org/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.allegrohuskies.com/husky_tymica.html
Doggie Zone
http://www.homesteadpoodles.com/index.htm
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Movie Links
Benny Hill Wishing Well
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9201.htm
Be Quiet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9202.htm
Best Casino Ad Ever
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9203.htm
Best First Dance At A Wedding
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9204.htm
Best Video Of The Year
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CCR Lorraine
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1236.htm
Cell Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1237.htm
Chick Em
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1238.htm
Child Proof Drawer
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Children Fire Alarms
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked, "Who
was the first man?"
"If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the embarrassed coed,
"I'd rather not tell."
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance
to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot
that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were
first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your
drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
Jill was using a power strip to plug her computer and
other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and
she was unable to shut down
the machine by using the power button. She phoned for computer help
and mentioned the power strip to tech support.
The tech told her to flip it off.
Jill said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel much better. Now what
do I do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ride a Fat Boy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42513.htm
Bum Fuck Egypt
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42514.htm
Good Spanking
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42515.htm
No screwing in public restrooms
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42516.htm
Work For head
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42517.htm
Wicked Picture
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42518.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's try it this new way," said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
"I should be affronted,
But this time I'm taken aback!"
A young man from a lofty sierra
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned--by trial and error.
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The
float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.
He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank. "Typical
bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense, "They won't
go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."
The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt She'd
stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out. But when he
reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free And in her
haste to get away, began a swimming spree. He reckoned once her
fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down If he didn't rescue
her, the stupid sod would drown. Her style was unimpressive, her
survival chances slim He saw no other option, he would have to take
a swim.
He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks. He
jumped into the water and away that cocky swam He caught up with
her, somewhere near the middle of the dam
The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath She
showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.
She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.
The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea But nor
was he prepared for what he was about to see.
He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe. And on
her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch The farmer yelling
wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"
The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1881
Irish Jig
Rudy: Listen to that it is beautiful...
Diana: It is just bagpipes.
Rudy with tears in his eyes: Yes... excuse me while I
run to the van and get mine.
Val/Katie/Sandi/Diana/BJ: NOOOOOO!!
A few minutes later Rudy is back and the sound, if one
can call it that, is coming forth from his bagpipe.
Soon the other pipers are joining Rudy and they are
marching around the field and around the fair.
But one pipe sounds mighter than the others.
Diana: Well at least he is having a grand ole time.
BJ: Yes, while he is on the South side, let's go to
the North side.
Zoom! Everyone heads to the north side.
After watching the games the family is resting and
Rudy comes and joins them. He has his pipes on his
back and a brew on one paw: I had a grand time.
They gave me this ribbon as the best piper of the year.
They also are sending me a new set of bagpipes. They
are supposed to be louder than the ones that I have.
BJ: Moan..
Sandi: Groan...
Diana: Owww
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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