Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It would be wrong for me not to stop for a minute on Labor Day
and say thank you to the people that have made this country great
and will do it once again, the American Worker.
OK back to head lice heh heh. The first time you go through this
you follow the instructions to the letter. You start by inspecting
the child's hair and any dirty dandruff must be one of the critters
and a candy in her hair must be an egg sac so you move to stage two
which is the complete de-contamination of house and family. I guess
they used to use a DDT based cream for that but we moved up to
sprays and creams made from pyrethins which are still popular today
and malthion for the really tough critters. So you shampoo
everyone, foul stuff, has to stay on for an hour, and cause allergic
reactions in some people. You wash every bit of clothing and
bedding in the house, spray the furniture, and light off a few bug
bombs for good measure.
No nits no crawlers and school is happy and your child can return to
class. Safer method is to home school your child till they are
ready for college and then make them move out or to adopt a family
of monkeys because they are able to find lice and actually find them
quite tasty. Each time this happens you are going to find your
sense of humor stretched to its limits and the beasties are getting
harder to kill. So someone came up with some really sadistic ways
to get rid of them that are hilarious and work. They all involve
smothering the lice using greasy substances like mayonnaise, hair
styling gel, or Vaseline. This is probably the reason lice weren't
as much of a problem when kids put enough grease in their hair to
hold it still in a nuclear blast. But anyhow once the hair is
covered you wrap plastic wrap over it and let it set overnight and
after some heavy degreasing they are gone. There is one last method
involving shaving one half of the persons head and setting the other
half on fire and then smacking the bugs as they run out with a
rubber mallet.
And from the herd nurse:
Reading about the Lice Month. As a nurse we had to deal with the
problem all the time YUCK! All you have to do is mention them and
everyone is itching. The pharmacist told us he can have an outbreak
of anything on God's green earth but nothing brings people to his
door like lice outbreak. Every nurse and aide and anyone else with
patient contact is at his door when he gets there in the AM wanting
NIX or something for them. Powerful little buggers aren't they? Ms
Nurse
Enjoy the Chips and the Weekend... buffalo
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Pick-up Chips
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Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'),
OK then, can we just practice?
Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without
mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?
I am a magical being, take off your bra.
I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels
NOW!
I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by
morning.
Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did
anyway.
My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these
condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've
broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on
the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread
the word.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed,
subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. Your face or
MINE!? Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head
at my place, tail at yours. I'd like to get between your legs and
eat my way straight to your heart...
Nice legs, lets eat out.
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground
and you blow the fuck outta me!
Hi my name is(your name), did I mention I have a penis.
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some
mouth-
to-mouth?
Show me your pussy!
If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says
no)
say Good, because mine is 8 inchs.
Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'?
Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
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sex in the park
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pee stop
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in love
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Ghetto Chips
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You Know You're A Ghetto Christian If--
You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify
that "God made a way out of no way"
You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.
You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you
just got your hair did!
You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave
early!
You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.
Your wedding song is rap 'Secret Lovers'.
You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail
is broken.
The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you
sing "your" song.
You do not donate to the church because you say, "the preacher might
be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I ain't want to give it
to him."
After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't
repent but you say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."
If you have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, "thou
shall not smoke crack."
You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service"
and you asked if they served chicken.
Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.
You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed me with a TV,
jewelry, clothes, etc.
You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then
try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to
the congregation, "The devil don't want me to sing this song."
Let others know the signs of a "ghetto" Christian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
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A well-dressed businessman was walking down the street when Little
Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me the time?"
The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It
is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my
ass."
With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the
outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running
long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this
at your age?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the businessman said, "That
little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to
three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"
"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten
minutes."
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Short Chips
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There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle.
One day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved
dog had run away.
She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog. Nobody
had seen him that night but the next morning she met Little Johnny
on the street, who said that he had seen a stray dog. The dog he
described matched hers exactly.
Upon finding out this information she asked Little Johnny, "OH,
Little Johnny, you have seen my little Titswiggle, then?"
"No ma'am, but I sure would like to!!" Little Johnny replied.
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she
was still a virgin. She was very proud of it.
She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local
undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her
tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin".
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker
told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in,
but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to
be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote:
"Returned unopened"
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Beach Chips
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A mother and father took their 6-year-old son
to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the
beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had
larger breasts than his mother's and asked her
why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are the
dumber the person is."
The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play
in the ocean but returns to tell his mother
that many of the men have larger units than
his dad.
His mother replied, "The bigger they are the
dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy
returns to then ocean to play. Shortly after,
the boy returned again. He promptly told
his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest
girl on the beach, and the longer he talks,
the dumber he gets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Inside Your Heart
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/I_H.html
John w/ I'm Sorry
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/imsorry/
Imaginary Lovers
http://www.carolspoetry.com/lover.html
Autumn Of Life
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/life.html
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Surfin Surfari
Howstuffworks "Why do we celebrate Labor Day?"
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Jobs That Suck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html
U.S. DOL - The History of Labor Day
http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm
Labor Day Fun Facts, Recipes, Barbecue & Party Ideas
http://www.chiff.com/a/labor-day.htm
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Labor Day Printables - Labor Day Wordsearch
http://homeschooling.about.com/od/holidays/ss/labordayprint.htm
The Labor day - Greetings, history, wallpapers and more
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How Disc Drives Work
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Movie Links
Topper
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Trained Puppies
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Tread Mill
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Tree Sex
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Water Power
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Chicken Chips
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A man was crossing a road one day, when a chicken called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the chicken, and put it in his pocket. The
chicken spoke up again, and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave
you are, and how you are my hero." The man took the chicken out of
his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The chicken
spoke up again, and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire
week." The man took the chicken out of his pocket, smiled at it, and
returned it to his pocket. The chicken then cried out, "If you kiss
me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year,
and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the man took the chicken out,
smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the chicken
asked, "What is the matter with you? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a year, and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, Chick, I'm a
software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
chicken is cool."
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Toon Chips
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Chicken bj
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chili night
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chinese
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chinese2
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choir
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I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young fellow of Harrow
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."
The drugs that we take when we're ailin'
Have alternate names for retailin':
Tylenol's Acetaminophen,
Advil is Ibuprophen
And Viagra is Mycoxafailin.
There was a young gay man from Shank
whose dick got so hot that it shrank
he couldn't believe it
he cut it, relieved it
and sold it the next day to a skank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a difficult case for the jurors. They had to decide whether
the owners of the Bottoms Up Club in NYC were guilty of obscenity.
The Judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to
the club and see the allegedly obscene act.
The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part
where a sexy couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic
scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug. The jury was unable to decide
definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked
to see the act one more time. They watched it carefully again. But
they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the
understudies to perform the same act one more time.
Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very
understanding. According to the Detective: "It is a difficult
matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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