[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 9-10-10

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

One of the grocery stores has a bargain on Banquet
microwaveable peach and apple pies at two for a dollar.
I know that it isn't gourmet eating but a pie split in half
with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on it while it is still
steaming is definitely good eats and a great comfort
food in 5 minutes. I wish they had cherry ones too but
anyhow there is a bunch of both types along with beef
and chicken pot pies in the freezer along with a couple
of the larger Banquet Entrees that I like although they
stopped making the chicken and dumpling one that
was so good over rice. Although I do look at taste and
nutrition in a meal, there is nothing wrong with fast and
cheap as long as it tastes good. Sure I would be disappointed
if Christmas dinner was a banquet turkey and gravy dinner
but if you want hot turkey sandwiches and you don't want
to deal with 20 lbs of leftovers. Another quick meal that is
Eva's favorite is wa-ban which is Ramen and sandwiches.
Another benefit is that it doesn't heat the house up in
summer time, even though that hasn't been a problem
the past few days even though it got up to 71 degrees
today.

Tomorrow is the 9th year after the attack on America. If you
have any comments you would like to share send them in
and I'll put them in the scuttlebutt. If they involve any conspiracy
theories don't bother.

Enjoy the chips..... buffalo

A newsletter you will really enjoy, I do

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Limerick Chips
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There was a young man from the cape,
Who tried to make love to an ape.
The ape said "Stop it you fool,
You're bending your tool,
And pushing my arse out of shape."

A belly dancer called Wendy
Aspired to being modern and trendy
To a chorus of yells
She removed all seven veils
Driving her fans to a frenzy

Said Lewinsky "All right - I've confessed
Though I'll use 'Bill's defence' - it's the best
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Short Chips
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Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a Key West
bar. At a nearby table sat an inebriated couple. When the woman
recognized Capote, she approached him and asked for an autograph.
The woman's husband, in a display of drunken jealousy, staggered
over to Capote's table, unzipped his trousers, and in Capote's own
words, "hauled out his equipment." As the man did this, he bellowed,
"Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" A
hush fell over the room, allowing everybody in the bar to hear
Capote's soft, high pitched voice reply, "I don't know if I can
autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she
said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap
his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband
said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said,
"Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than
half over," he said.

The wealthy financier was sitting in his study when his eldest son
came to him. "Dad," the boy stammered, "I got a girl in trouble and
she wants two thousand dollars to keep quiet about it." The father
reluctantly wrote a check for the amount; but just as he finished
signing it, his second son burst in with the same bad news, only
this time the amount requested was three thousand dollars. While he
was writing the second check, his youngest daughter appeared at the
door of the study, weeping. "Daddy," she sobbed uncontrollably, "I
think I'm pregnant." "Aha," the financier exclaimed gratefully.
"Now we collect!"

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Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and, one night, he's
doing a show in a small town in Tasmania.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb
blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and
starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does
the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human
being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected
at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential
as people. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes, but women in general... pathetically all
in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells,........

"You stay out of this, mate! I'm talking to that little shit on your
lap!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Tea Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman goes to the doctor, all black and blue.

The Doctor asks: "What happened?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my
husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.

"The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your
husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start
swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow
until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
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The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and
swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?

"The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth
shut that does the trick!"

Randy

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They
come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house
eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn't wearing any panties.
So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any panties. She said,
"I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the
watermelon."

Three Dutch nuns are walking around the Red Light district of
Amsterdam, when they get separated by an unusually large crowd. Each
of them wanders around the area, looking for the other two. When
finally two of them meet and search for the third, they find her in
an adult sex shop, wearing her nun's hat, and trying on a bondage
outfit with leather, spikes, and an electric "cat-o-nine tails"
whip. The first nun is shocked. The second nun is not surprised, but
she is shocked, again, and again, and again...

A really old guy was lasciviously staring and gawking at comely
young lady for the longest time. Suddenly, he walked over to her,
loudly broke wind and touched her on the derriere in a rather
inappropriate way. Later, when the young lady described the incident
she said of the old guy: "He was a gazer, gasser, gooser geezer."

Stan Kegel

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Melva/Autumns Colors
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Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man in the military was stationed in Germany. One day, on a
weekend pass he went to a bazaar and found an old woman selling
quilts. The young man approached her booth and picked up a quilt. He
then turned to the woman and asked "How much?"

The woman replied, "$25 dollars American, but I must warn you, the
quilt was made by a gypsy and has magic woven into it."

Paying the woman no mind, he paid for the quilt, and returned to
base.

That night he slept under the quilt and dreamt that he was extremely
wealthy. The next morning mail call had a suprise letter for him.
His wife had played the lottery and won $65 million dollars.

The next night he slept under the quilt and dreamt that he had sex
with a beautiful woman that he had seen on the base. The next day,
the base doctor (the woman in question) Brings him to her office and
has sex with him on the exam table.

Excitedly, the next night, the man hurried to bed and dreamt that
his penis reached his ankles. To his horror, he awoke to find his
legs had shrunk to four inches long.

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

come together
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complain1
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when he asked his teacher
a
question: "Please Miss," he said, "What's a Penis?" The teacher
thought it was an excellent question so she told the whole class
that it would be their homework for the night. When little Johnny
got home he immediately went to his father and asked him what a
penis is. His father undid his trousers and said: "Look son, that's
a penis." Johnny was very pleased that it had been so easy to do his
homework. The next morning, on his way to school he met Mary but
she was in floods of tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked. "Well
I wasn't able to do my homework," she sobbed. "Nobody would tell me
what a penis is." "OK, I'll help you," said little Johnny. As he
undid his trousers he said to
Mary: "Look, you see this. Well, this is a Dick. A penis is about
three inches shorter!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that English Gay Marriages have been legalized, here are the new
rules:

1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to
see each other at the gym.

2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the couple should
have:
Something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.

3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for the parents to
have an open bar during the entire ceremony.

4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from
eating any of the wedding cake because it's all carbs and sugar.

5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated
the priest.

6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow
sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.

7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always
thrown in the face of a hated rival.

8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go
dancer.

9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's Hear It For
the Boy, It's Raining Men, or I Will Survive.

10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1870

Party of the First Part

BJ is getting off of work when he is met by a man at the
door who hands him a piece of paper.

BJ: A lawsuit! Let's see it reads....

I Katherine Lillian Kassity who should be of Guthrie
Oklahoma is suing BJ Cassady party of the first part
for unspecified damages due to grief given to Katherine
Lillian Kassity, party of the second part due to abandonment causing
much grief, stress, sleeplessness and discomfort.

BJ: What? Grief, stress?

BJ dials his cell....

Ring ring ring

Katie: Hello.

BJ: Katherine what is with the lawyer and the lawsuit?

Katie: Hrumpt! Who is this on the phone?

BJ: This is your father.

Katie: I have sniff sniff no father. I have been abandoned.

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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