THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Know what it means to be grateful;
understand what it takes to be strong.
Sometimes the road will be easy,
and other times, rocky and long
_____________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Do you ever have one of those definitely "duhh"
moments? I hate when that happens...like,
finally, it hits you and you say, "so that is what
you mean? I don't know why I never thot of that."
or some such thing where u feel really stoopid?
Well, I had one of those really stoopid moments, today.
Couple months ago, I bought myself a new desk lamp
as I like to sit and read, and the eyesight ain't so
good cuz of the prednisone I take. So anyways, to make
a long story short, Last couple months you may also
remember I have been having a on going war with Comcast
Cable with slow download speeds and lousy internet connects.
Its like I'm thinking,for the price I'm payin I should
get faster than dial up downloads,right?. Such is not
the case and I've had them out here to the house at
least a couple times, the last month becuz I been bitchin
about running at 30k, all to no avail. Even argued with
em till they gave me a pretty hefty credit on my bill
for lousy service. and they did deduct a lot after
much arguing. But alas, guess what? I discovered
the modem was was wedged in between the
computer and this desklamp, leaning up
against the lamp, right? So, what the hell, just because,
I moved it out and away to a clear part of the desk.
Know what? 1500 to 2000 k is grease lightning compared
compared to 30 k:)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________
THE COMICS
its so big
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p041.html
how should i know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p042.html
manlock
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p043.html
stinky
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p044.html
broken heart
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p045.html
Quick, Ethel
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p046.html
sugar daddy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p047.html
classic jokes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p048.html
make me wet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p049.html
getting it right
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p050.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Airplane Lands on Jeep on Freeway
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/148.html
bud light
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/149.html
boom!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/150.html
hot tub?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/151.html
ice cream
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/152.html
buckle up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/153.html
_____________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
gillet presents
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd395.html
the barn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd396.html
heaven or hell?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd397.html
_________________
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental
and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video mongering, so they would
be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing
would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room,
spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free
admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized
entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - I.e.., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal
aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with
an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio
in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls..
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints
and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly
adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect
the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week..
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would
have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.
"Sounds like justice to me!"
_____________________
In the beginning there was the Void, and you couldn't find
a decent bloody beer, or for that matter, anything else
decent anywhere. Then God spake, saying unto the Cosmos
"I want a decent bloody biscuit!" And chocolate chip
bickies appeared.
God tasted them and they were chewy and fatty and rich -
and God saw that they were good.
Then God looked forth for someone to tell how good the
bloody beaut bickies were, but there was Void, and fuck-
all else, so God created a place, and called it "Here."
And then, probably because he was bored shitless,
God caused to appear a man, right here, and called him
"You." Then God spake, "Hey You, try one of these bloody
beaut bickies, they're great!"
"You" partook of the bloody beaut bickies, and raved as
to the goodness thereof. Then "You" looked for someone else
to tell about the wondrous bloody beaut bickies of chocolate
chip, but there was no one but him and God,
and God already knew of them.
So "You" spake unto God, beseeching, "Who can I tell
about these bloody beaut bickies?"
With this in mind, God created woman, and called her
"Wowza," for her form was exceedingly fair to look upon.
"You" then spake unto her and said, "Wowza, you bloody well
have to try one of these bloody beaut bickies!"
"Wowza" partook of the bloody beaut bickies, and said
"Yeah well, they're OK." Then she hid herself from "You"
and God, and ate the entire box of bloody beaut bickies.
As a result God waxed wrathful and spake,
"You! Where are my bloody beaut bickies?"
"You" turned and cried, "Wowza! the bitch -
She fucken gutzed the whole box!"
For this God sent forth a curse of biblical proportion
called "cellulite" and smote "Wowza" horrendously on each
of her hips, causing "You" to look upon her and go
"Fuck me! What a fat bitch"
Then Satan, He of rice cakes and Iceberg lettuce set, did
appear and sent to "Wowza" a divorce lawyer to comfort her in her grief.
And thus did "Here" become a place of bedevilment and God quoth,
"Next time, I'll send out for pizza, and I'll be buggered
if I am telling anyone, including "You"
Thus, it is written ...
_______________
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car,
both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were
cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself
"I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went
through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you
know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?
You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"
_____________
The history class was studying the Revolutionary battle of
Saratoga which was probably lost because General William Howe
chose to remain in Philadelphia. The teacher then asked the
class to explain this major British defeat. "Lack of no Howe,"
answered a voice from the back of the classroom.
One early morning, a farmer was milking his cow. The farmer
was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew
into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the
bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much
about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It
went in one ear and out the udder!
They hadn't seen their Uncle Max for over ten years but
every year his nieces sent him birthday greetings. One year,
they remembered how he had always admired a set of military
hairbrushes, so they sent them to him as a gift. A few weeks
later they received a snapshot of their completely bald uncle
with a note that read: "Thanks for the gift. I will never part with it."
_____________
BUFFALO BILL
Italian Chewing Gum
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akloo.htm
Dead or Alive Holly Vance
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghy.htm
James David Manning
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ahjik.htm
Jeff Dunham Achmed the Dead
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdes.htm
________________
FUN PAGES
Potty Racers
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41894&s=n
Beans in Space
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39813&s=n
Toilet Mug
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42090&s=n
Stick 'Em Up
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=3394&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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