Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Larry wrote:
"local city water company took out the telephone trunk line and the
gas line and still didn't find the water line all of this after we
tried to tell them there map was upside down an that the water line
was on the other side of the road, not one time but 3 times at 3
difference houses in the past year."
Marleen wrote:
"Our phone company took out our water line putting in their new
fiber optic cables. I know of 2 other houses they did the same!!"
buffalo says If you have been watching the news you have probably
saw the destruction that a ruptured 30 inch gas caused in San Bruno
with 4 dead and 50 homes, about a 20 acre area, destroyed by the
fire and explosion.
When I was working at the University of San Diego, the contractors
redoing a parking lot struck a 6 inch copper water main. A decision
was made to replace it with PVC pipe and a contractor was hired.
Because there was a 30 inch gas main running through that area
San Diego Gas and Electric had a person onsite to monitor any
excavating. By Friday they had uncovered a chunk of the main
which was coated with like a heavy tar to prevent corrosion and
shut down for the weekend. We checked the site out Monday
morning when we got to work and discovered someone had been
digging and gouged the top of the pipe with the teeth of the
backhoe.
The contractor thinking that they knew where the pipe was came back
and started digging on Sunday. Where they had hit the pipe was in
a bend in the pipe, which is the thinnest area of the pipe. because
when it is bent it stretches the metal. SDG&E sent out a welding
team and they ran beads across the gouges with 5000 psi still in the
pipe. The welder told me the only rule was to never burn through
the pipe as it would be the last thing you ever do.
If the contractor had ruptured that main, the explosion and fires
using
San Bruno as an example would probably have taken the University
off of the map. San Diego probably would have been without natural
gas for awhile and since one of the main power transmission lines
coming in from the East ran through that same lot it might even have
been a bit darker that summer. As for me I found something to do
on the other side of the campus while they were welding the pipe
even though the pipe was probably almost an inch thick.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
A list you may enjoy
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Chief Chips
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Two old retired navy chiefs were traveling across country to attend
a Navy Reunion and they pull up to a gas station.
Attendant: "How may I help you?"
Old Chief: "Please fill it up."
The other Old Chief: "What did he say?"
Old Chief [yelling]: "He was asked what we wanted and I told him to
fill it up."
Attendant: "So, where are you heading?"
Old Chief: "To Las Vegas to attend a Navy Reunion."
The other Old Chief: "What did he say?"
Old Chief [yelling]: "He asked where we're going? I told him we're
going to a Navy Reunion."
Attendant: "It sure is a nice day for a drive."
Old Chief: "Yes, it's been quite pleasant."
The other Old Chief:: "What did he say?"
Old Chief [yelling: "He said it's good weather."
Attendant: "Where are you coming from?"
Old Chief: "We started our trip from Bandera Texas."
Again the other Old Chief: "What did he say?"
Old Chief {yelling}: "He asked where we're from and I said Texas."
Attendant: "I spent two years in the Navy. The Chief that I worked
for was a complete 'ass hole.' He sure screwed me over so I didn't
make the Navy a career."
Again the other Old Chief: "What did he say?"
Old Chief [yelling}: "He says he thinks he knows you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dating Chips
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The Dictionary of Dating
ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular
person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny,but not
entirely choosy people meet.
DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time,
and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't
especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in
the future.
BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as
swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm,using a condom, and
dating repulsive men or spending time around children.
EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of
a man.
PRIG - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin
until married.
EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to
a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so,
many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not
necessarily due to the shyness,but usually due to the fact that a
woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has
some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted
by the man as "playing hard to get."
INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do
all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities that
initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few
months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person appears to be is
directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more
often than he does.
FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often
than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her
nightgown.
SOBER - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
NAG - a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him
than just intercourse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, and I whispered softly in her
ear, "You're the best I've ever had" She chuckled, "But I'm sure you
told me I'm the only one you ever had." I replied, "Well, you were.
But I wanted to have a comparison. So I had sex your little sister
and your best friend."
During sex my girlfriend suffers from temporary paralysis from the
waist down. Whenever i put my dick in her she never feels a thing.
So
i decided we should got to a doctor. Reluctantly my girlfriend
agreed, and came along with me. The doctor asked her, "Do you know
if
this runs in the family?"
My girlfriend replied. "I don't think so. It never happens when I'm
with his brothers or his friends."
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Surgical Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A medical student just finished her last semester and was heading
out to apply to a hospital. The director of the hospital thought the
woman was very bright and had a lot of potential. But the doctor
wanted to ask her a few questions just to quiz her.
"Well." said the doctor, "you seem very qualified. But a few
questions before we make anything definite, ok?" "Of course," said
the woman"Ok, what do we call the operation of removing your
tonsils?" asked the director "That's easy," the woman said, "A
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"Good job. One more. What do we call a sex change operation?" the
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"Do you know?" he asked repeatidly.
Regaining her composure she finally smiled and said, "of
course,Addadictomy."
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Expense Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXPENSE STATEMENT
10/4 Ad for female stenographer 1.00
10/4 Violets for new stenographer 1.50
10/6 Week's salary for flow stenographer 45.00
10,9 Roses for stenographer 5.00
10/IC Candy for wife .90
10/13 Lunch for stenographer 7.00
10/15 Week's salary for stenographer 60.00
'10/16 Movie tickets for wife and self 1.20
10/18 Theatre tickets for steno and self 16.00
10/19 Ice cream sundae for wife .30
10/22 Natalie's salary 75.00
10/23 Champagne and dinner for Natalie end self 32.50
10/25 Doctor for stupid stenographer 375.00
10/26 Mink Stole for wife 14700.00
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Who's on First
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Fir.html
Back Home
http://www.poetryinfocus.com/Poetry02/Poem210.html
carolyn w/ Scars In The Hands
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CIA World factbook Via Heather
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Virtual Wall Via Sue
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Amazon River Via Dianne
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Holiday Smileys
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Pumpkins
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Autumn Leaves
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Movie Links
6664
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AA.WMVPV
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McDogo
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Hummer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Texas Redneck was driving his old pick up truck down the road with
his girlfriend at his side when all of a sudden the truck started to
buck and stall. With that, he said to his girlfriend that he had to
get a new truck. He walked down the block and found a GMC
dealership. Once inside a sales lady approaches him and says, "Sir,
may I help you".
He looks at a hummer and says to the saleslady, "How much for a
hummer?"
She replies, well they start at $49,000 and go up from there.
He says, "$49,000. That's a lot of money, I can get one a lot
cheaper!"
The saleslady assures him that she has the lowest prices in the
state of Texas. Then she says, "Sir if you can get a hummer cheaper
than what I will give it to you for, I will give you the key to this
truck right now."
With that, the Redneck walks out, gets his girlfriend, brings her
into the dealership and says, "Honey, will you give me a hummer for
$50.00.
She says, "Hell yes."
He turns to the saleslady and asks, "Where do I pick up my keys to
that new truck?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
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bed
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beer goggles
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before sex
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bite my ass
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest and a guy called John are great friends. They often play
golf together. The priest is good at putting and awful at driving,
and John is good at driving, but useless putting. It's a fine
summers day, and the two men decide to go for a game of golf. The
game starts as usual; the priest hits his ball into a river, and
John gets his on the green. After three attempts to get the ball on
the green, not in the river, the priest succeeds. It lands on the
green. They both get into the golf buggy and make their way to the
1st hole. Both men were in a good position to put.
John goes first. He misses the hole by meters! "Goddammit! How could
I have missed that!" He shouts with great anger.
"Please, don't swear. To blaspheme is a great sin." says the priest.
John takes his friend's advice.
They are on the second green, again both with good opportunities to
put.John misses an easy put.
"Goddammit! How could I have missed that!" He shouts louder the
first time forgetting his friend's advice.
"Please! You must not sin. You are a great friend of mine and I
don't want to see you punished by God. He will throw don't a bolt of
lightening onto you if you blaspheme again!"
Well, thought John. Don't mess with the best because usually the
best don't mess!
After a fairly good third hole put, John and the priest are on the
fourth green. The priest goes first to put and puts it first time.
John then takes his go. Again, he misses. "Goddammit! How could I
have missed that!" A deafening sound comes from the sky and a bright
light lights the sky up.
"I did warn you," says the priest.
A bolt of lightening comes from the sky and hits the priest on the
head striking him dead.
There is a low rumble from the heavens and a huge voice from the
clouds bellows "Goddammit! How could I have missed that!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because of the recent incidence with Don Imus, Al Sharpton and
others are insisting that changes take place in our country.
Santa Claus will be banned as he utters the clearly racist and
misogynistic exclamation, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Pirate movies will be censored if they contain the phrase "Yo, ho,
ho."
All references to the Seven Dwarfs will be punishable due to the
song "High-ho!" which is offensive to sex workers of enhanced
stature.
Any mention of farmers will cease due to their use of hoes, a
racist, sexist farm implement.
The Lone Ranger will be eliminated from popular culture because he
uses the patently offensive phrase, "Hi Ho Silver"
All "Ho-downs" will be terminated as a racist affront to
non-Southern White Christians.
All travel to Ho Chi Minh City will be banned.
The phrases "Heave-Ho," "Gung Ho," and "Tally Ho!" will be expunged
from the English language.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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