Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Spotted an article the other day that said that the Enterprise
CVN-65 is leaving on her last deployment. When she returns
it will be to decommissioning and the scrap yard as there won't
be much left of the bottom part of the ship when her 8 reactors
and machinery have been removed. Even though she is fifty
years old, it is not necessarily her age that is condemning her
but the higher costs of operating her compared to a Nimitz class
carrier, about 60 million dollars a year. This will leave us short
an aircraft carrier till 2015 at a time when we desperately need
them to monitor situations around the world. There is no better
projection of force than bringing your own base and air force
along with you. In a world where they write checks for billions
every day, it seems that they could come up with the money to
keep the Nimitz going just for peace of mind. Heck 60 million
isn't even a down payment on a decent stealth bomber these
days. I keep having a bad feeling with ship killing missiles being
developed by countries we aren't exactly friendly with and whose
leaders aren't completely sane, that someone could take out
one of our carriers. An Enterprise in mothballs, available in 6
months
would be a lot better than a lifetime supply of razorblades for
the country.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Bull Chips
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Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.
Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux , you see dat ole barn out dere? Well
man, its completely infestered wit' rats. I tried everything I know
an' can't get rid of dem."
Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know zactly how to get rid of dem
rats. You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors."
Thibodeaux say, "Whats a bull constriptor?"
Boudreaux explains, "Man. Dats one of dem big ole snakes and he
loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once."
Well, da nex' day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and
bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got.
He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle
and just sat dere and watched.
Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time, I mean long, an dere
wasn't nuttin' happenin'. Dat big o le snake jus curled up hiself in
da middle of dat barn and slept all day. He didn't even move and dem
rats jus run all around.
Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da
phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake. Dem rats
is still runnin' al around an' dat snake jus lays dere sleepin' all
day long."
Boudreaux say, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat
snake some Viagra."
Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?"
Boudreaux say, "I was just listening to da radio and de man say dat
Viagra is da best t'ing to use for a reptile dysfunction.
Stan Kegel
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
classic jokes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p048.html
make me wet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p049.html
getting it right
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p050.html
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College Chips
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If College-Themed Porn Were Real
Situation One The Naughty Student
Cindi, an attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the desk
of her professor.
Porn
Cindi Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi (has sex with him)
Reality
Cindi Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi Like what?
Professor A seven-to ten-page report about the economic principles
behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.
Cindi Oh. That makes sense and is an appropriate extra credit
assignment for the course.
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Situation Two The Hot Teacher
Paul, a student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his
teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.
Porn
Paul You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul How?
Professor Mandy (fellates Paul)
Reality
Paul You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul How?
Professor Mandy A series of tests based on the material covered in
this course.
Paul Could I just have sex with you instead?
Professor Mandy (sues Paul)
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Situation Three The Sorority
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed, in
nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.
Porn
Head Sorority Girl Let's have a naked pillow fight!
Assistant Head Sorority Girl And practice kissing!
Sorority Girls (begin doing those things)
Reality
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.
----------------------------------------------------------
Situation Four The Curious Freshman
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her
boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of
overripe grapefruit? She does.
Porn
Brett Let's try anal sex.
Candi Okay.
Reality
Brett Let's try anal sex.
Candi No.
----------------------------------------------------------
Situation Five The Janitor
A strangely-muscular janitor knocks on the door of Bambi, a girl
whose low-cut shirt reveals a veritable explosion of cleavage.
Porn
Janitor Do those pipes need cleaning?
Bambi (apparently this is all the pillow talk she needs to have all
kinds of sex with him)
Reality
Janitor Perhaps I should have stayed in school.
Bambi I can see how you could be disappointed with your station in
life.
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Stork Chips
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The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees
and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall
in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little
baby from its nest.
Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks
the teacher, are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're
getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little
baby and she said it came from a black pecker at the beach.!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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Mary: So I told my ex, "You just don't arouse me!"
Jill: Well, that's pretty forthright! What did he say?
Mary: He said, "Well, maybe you have a dry well!"
Jill: OOH!
Mary: It was all right. I told him, "Maybe you need a new drill!"
Doug: I think my marriage is in trouble.
Bill: Why do you say that?
Doug: Today I overheard my wife telling a friend she prefers fishing
to sex. "It's not as boring," she said.
Q. What is the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
A . When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But when
you pull down a panty the show begins!!
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Men Chips
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What Every Young Girl Should Know About Men.
HOW..."BIG"...SHOULD A MAN BE?
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by
confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men
substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to
cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly
larger than a ball-point pen.
HOW..."LONG"...SHOULD A MAN LAST?
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-unbreakable
thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go
for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a
man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let
your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty
second wonders."
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words,
but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like
something inside of you." When a man's penis is inside your vagina,
or mouth or buttocks, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really
skilled lover applies the same techniques to love as a gourmet does
to a meal; he "leaves a little something on your plate." When, after
intercourse, you feel a vague sensation that there could be "more to
come," that "vaguely unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure
you've experienced a sexually memorable adventure.
WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
There is no such thing!!!
WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?
This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes.
If you look at pictures of a man and a woman, you'll see that a
man's penis fits naturally into a woman's mouth. On the other hand,
a man's mouth does not naturally fit into a woman's vagina. Thus, a
woman orally stimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a
man seeking to put his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an
"unnatural" act (why do you think they call the vagina your "private
parts"?
WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?
Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh,
followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you
are "GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a
football or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women
find a particularly satisfying postcoital experience in going into
the kitchen and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a
light snack, sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put
back depleted calories.
WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?
Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man
properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when
she tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with
him. If this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on
TV or getting your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay"
technique is to invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do
whatever he asks, to him or to each other, while he watches.
HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?
One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your
dress. Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits
will all help get your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing
"one on one;" invite several of your more attractive and energetic
girlfriends over to take part. - [This is VERY IMPORTANT]. Another
technique, and we think the best, is to use anonymous names. Have
your lover call himself "Mr. Smith." Don't let him tell you where he
lives, or his home telephone number. You'll find it lends an air of
real "mystery" to the affair.
HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?
When looking for the ideal man, about thirty-five to sixty, married,
perhaps on a business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his
powerful masculinity, go to a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look
around the bar, then, when you've found your man, unbutton the top
three or four buttons on your blouse, pop out a nipple, wink at him,
walk over and whisper in his ear, "You're sooooo cute, can I buy you
a drink?" This is a real conversation icebreaker and things will
naturally progress from here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Loving God
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/A/Lov.html
carolyn w/ Remember When~ The Platters
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/rememberwhen.html
When Mr Sandman Attacks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html
Jubilant
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems2/Jubilant.html
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Surfin Surfari
Shark Break
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HowStuffWorks: The Moo Of The Matter...
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Romantic Castles
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Adam In Paradise
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Must Have PC Utilities
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Charset Index
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Windows Troubleshooting
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone Via DaY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHlJODYBLKs
Kitty Korner
Aww Animals 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html
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Movie Links
Anillocompromiso
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Arab
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Baby Boomers Battle
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Beer
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beer launcher
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Lazy River Pee Prank
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Leno Needs Body Guard
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Let the Beast Go
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Levis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adewwrr.htm
Lip Balm Commercial
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Hoppalas Turnen
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gcfdrde.htm
In God We Trust
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Interessant Eierschlange
http://www.buffaloschips.com/awereew.htm
You Know That Has To Hurt
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Javelin Live Fire VS T72
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axdxs.htm
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Computer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How much do Windows cost, and do you
have to buy each one separately?"
Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive.
Can I buy just one window?"
Tech Support: "Do you have any windows
open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty
below outside..."
"I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I
use MS-DOS."
Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine,
but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen
shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads:
'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and
doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the
system to go back to Windows."
Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."
"I have a 386 Pentium."
"My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."
Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious
memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory,
as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key."
Customer: "Oh."
"My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."
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Toon Chips
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A XXXmas Story
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0re.htm
Anger Management
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ohj9.htm
Angry Residents
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9j43.htm
Good Lickin
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kriw.htm
Anna Show
http://www.buffaloschips.com/iefj.htm
Anna's House
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Fucking Chips
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A soldier, filled with obvious triumph, returned from his
twenty-four-hour pass and was besieged by his buddies who wanted to
know, in detail, how he had made out.
The soldier, nothing loath, said gleefully, "What a piece of fuckin'
luck I had. I hadn't been off camp more than half an hour when I met
this fuckin' broad and was she stacked! We got to talking and I took
her out for some fuckin' hamburgers. Then we went to a fuckin' movie
where we got friendly. Then she took me to her fuckin' apartment and
in less than five minutes I had every fuckin' stitch off her."
He paused for breath and everyone cried out, "So what happened?"
What happened?"
And the soldier said, "What do you think happened, you fuckin'
jerks? We had sexual intercourse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate
some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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