Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says Glenn has the watch today.
Hello Buff....
Just logged on to the Chips again. Been gone
a long time. House burnt down March 19,2009
with everything.
Thought you might like to see this. Glenn
Sea Story....
I was transferred from the office of the Naval Attaché, in Helsinki,
Finland in March 1957 to serve on board the USS SUMNER (DD-692) as
Flag Yeoman to the Commander DesRon 16. Don't remember our
departure date to the Mediterranean. We first stopped in Amsterdam
for a quick visit of about 10 days, then headed for the
Mediterranean.
We stopped in Barcelona, Spain for a ships party then on to Genoa,
Italy for a day or so, then on to Turkey. We had a brief stopover
in Mersin,(Spelling), then on to Izmer, Turkey. We Med Moored
(Stern to dock), and was granted Cinderella Liberty, (Back aboard
ship by Midnight).
A couple of buddies and I decided to visit a locale night spot we
had heard about, featuring a "Belly Dancer". Well.....The Belly
Dancer turned out to weigh about 300 pounds. We decided to try to
find something else for entertainment.
As we left the night spot, we were accosted by a Turk that spoke
fairly good English. He ask us if we would like to buy a bottle of
"Jack Daniels Black Label" Of course we WOULD. "Thirty dollars
American" he told us. We scrounged around between us and came up
with the dough.
Now......Where to drink it....... We wandered abound down by the
harbor and run across a small park about a mile from the pier where
out ship was moored.
There was a concrete walkway along the water's edge, with wooden
benches set in in concrete. We broke the seal, which we had
inspected before buying the bottle. It had not been broken. Since
I had contributed most of the money for the bottle, I was given the
privilege of having the first drink. Tilted the bottle up, and
gagged. I had never tasted anything like this. I knew it was NOT
Jack Daniels immediately. Then we got to looking more closely at
the bottle, and found out what they had done. They had left the
seal in tact, and cut the BOTTOM out, put some "rotgut" stuff in and
started looking for some gullible American Sailors. Well they had
found THREE.
But what the hell.....it's not Jack Daniels, but it is whisky....We
had sit there and finished about half the bottle, when one of the
guys I was with said, "Hey..it's eleven o'clock, we better start
back. But what to do with the other half of the bottle. We decided
to dig a hole under the park bench where we were sitting and come
back tomorrow night and finish it We dug a hole put the bottle in,
covered it with dirt and replaced the grass over it. Then we took
off running, made it back to the ship just in time.
Next morning we were awaken by, "Now hear this, Now Hear this
revile, revile, all hands turn to, sweepers. man your brooms, clean
sweep down, fore and aft. Set the special Sea detail, make all
preparations for getting underway, single up, fore and aft"
Oh Hell ....there goes the bottle.
Well, one thing for SURE, that half bottle of Whatever it was,
unless someone found it, should be AGED to perfection by now.
Glenn C. Simpson
USN, (Ret.)
Enjoy the Chips
buffalo
A Newsletter You May Enjoy
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If you or someone you love has eaten contaminated eggs and been
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Sunburn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To prepare for his big date with a blonde hottie, the young man went
up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and
managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade." This young man
was determined not to miss this date, so he put some lotion on his
manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date
at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked
dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up
again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured
himself a tall, cool, glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned
member in the milk and experienced an immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the
kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in the glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load
those things!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
gobble gobble
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how about it
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de...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n013.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rape Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congress Ready to RAPE Public
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers
of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs
and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE
(Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply
to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help
After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED
will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering
Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice
and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons
who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants
& Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not
RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High
Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided
themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you
feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the
attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all
the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the
Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Miatatwo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "I need you."
True Meaning: "My hand is tired."
Statement: "I am different from all the other guys."
True Meaning: "I am not circumcised.
Statement: "I want a commitment."
True Meaning: "I'm sick of masturbation.
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "It's just orange juice, try it."
True Meaning: "Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my
head."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a bag over the
head
might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "I miss you so much."
True Meaning: "I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look
good."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I am so insecure..."
Statement: "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?" True
Meaning: "Is my penis really that small?"
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who the hell are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I'll give you a call."
True Meaning: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than
see you again."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta remember to turn on my answering machine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Riddle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get
back from the drugstore?
A: Prints of darkness.
Q: Why do barbers make good drivers?
A: Because they know all the short cuts.
Q: Why don't deaf people bungee jump?
A: Because they haven't heard about it.
Q: What is a hermaphrodite?
A: A bisexual built for two.
Q: What did Helen Keller get for her birthday?
A: Polio.
Q: Why do ballerinas wear leotards?
A: So they don't stick to the floor when they do the splits.
Q: What's difference between a microwave and anal sex?
A: A microwave won't brown your meat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar
show? "
"Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's
entirely up to you......"
~~~~~
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to
work. The little girl asks, "Why do you call your secretary a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my
secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't
believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."
"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her
eyes when you lay her down."
~~~~~
A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as
part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking
some questions.
"Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband
sweetly.
Glancing wearily over at his wife who was trying to calm a new baby
and tend to several other children milling around her, "Oh yes", he
sighed, "Every time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Seasons Change
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/J_C.html
After All these Years
http://www.poetrybyken.us/lpoems52/AfterAllTheseYears.html
Holy Alphabet
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holyalpha.html
Proud Of Our Troops 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
The Power of Water
http://tinyurl.com/km84up
How Many People Are in Space Right Now ?
http://tinyurl.com/o7dnwx
Count Your Blessings - Child Labor In America
http://www.historyplace.com/unitedstates/childlabor/
Advertising Truck Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/truckart.html
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Angel Gifs
http://d21c.com/emma3/angels/gifs.html
Mr. Ed's Simple E-Mail Bracket Stripper
http://www.mistered.us/stripper/index.shtml
MIDI'S Billy`s OldTime BallRoom
http://www.angelfire.com/hi4/KiDsPAGe/BillysBackintimeMusic.html
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.healthypet.com/library_view.aspx?ID=27&sid=2
Kitty Korner
http://www.catster.com/
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We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
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Movie Links
Nandos Chips NAND
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhakjjk.htm
Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jjkaj.htm
Never Trust A Women
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjhkjbg.htm
New Zealand Anti Drinking Ad
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhghggv.htm
Oh Shit
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjghkjhg.htm
An Intellectual Blonde
http://www.buffaloschips.com/klalka.htm
Asking For Directions
http://www.buffaloschips.com/qiwiopq.htm
Baby & Dog
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sshssm.htm
Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksksks.htm
Beer Pong
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jaskal.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heaven Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a man and his wife were both brutally killed by a car
accident and they both went to heaven.when they got to heaven they
found a long queue and the man, little Johnny asked his friend Paul
what the queue was for. He told him that they were all waiting for
their turn to be given cars...and the issuing of the cars was done
in such a way that you were given a car based on whether you were
faithful to your wife on earth or not...and being given given a
beautiful and classy car, like a pajero meant that you were very
faithful whereas being given an ugly car meant you were not all
faithful.little Johnny got his chance and was given a very, very
beautiful car. On his way to show off to his friends he saw the
shock of his life he went to see his friends with a very sad
face.then Paul asked him, my friend you should be celebrating
because you have been very faithful to your wife and God knows that.
Then he said "why should I be celebrating, I just saw my one and
only wife on roller skates pass by..........."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
clear coat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkvfdvnxc.htm
holy dress
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nkxgxklvx.htm
bug
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfkxvx.htm
christmas sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjfdkfgjxkf.htm
bugs and lola
http://www.buffaloschips.com/m,fksdfds.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A taxi cab whore out at Ivor
Did the round trip for a fiver
Quite reasonable too
For a sightsee and screw
With a fifty pence tip to the driver.
A young steeplejack named Gauer,
Needed relief high atop of a tower.
A co-worker said, "Friend,"
Don't piss into the wind,
Or we'll receive an unwelcome shower."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up
to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored paint," he
says.
"Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?"
"My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary
contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win."
"Well, you can't do that, Man!" the assistant says. "The chemicals
in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!"
"No, they won't," Jim replies.
"Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try
to paint him."
"You're on!" says Jim.
Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten
bucks on the counter in front of the clerk.
"So the paint killed your bird?"
"Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he
didn't survive the sanding between coats."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1872
Friday Night Lights Caldwell Style
Diana: Okay BJ this is your first game in Caldwell.
Things are a bit different here than in Guthrie.
BJ: How so?
Diana: We play eight man football instead of eleven
man football. The crowds are smaller instead of about
two thousand at a game we might have two hundred
but you have to remember we are a much smaller town.
How did Guthrie do last week?
BJ: We defeated a team favored to defeat us 27 - 0.
We were ahead 18 - zip in the first quarter and cruised
the rest of the way.
Diana: Caldwell won 42 - 17 in their first game.
Rudy: Do we have tailgate parties? Ya know like
burgers and stuff?
Diana: We will find out tonight.
Sandi: Yahoo!
Val: This is my first year for this kind of thing, but
I am ready for some football.
Katie: I have my cheerleading outfit ready to go.
The herd in Guthrie (the Bluejays)
and the herd in Caldwell (also the Bluejays)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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