Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
No good deed goes unpunnished or so they say. Eva likes
Lady GaGa and in the video" Telephone " GaGa is shown
in a prison exercise yard wearing a set of sunglasses made
of lit cigarettes. Eva had found a wide headband and was
wearing it like a pair of sunglasses and singing the song and
dancing. I wanted to dress her fake glasses up a bit so I duct taped
a couple of large Life Savers Suckers to the glasses because Eva
GaGa wasn't getting cigarettes, not even candy
ones. Buffy saw it and thought it was really cute so she took
some pictures. Then she started to turn her house upside
down trying to find one of the three cords she has that are designed
to patch the camera into the computer and no luck. The
Vista computer I have with a flash card reader has been waiting
for me to solve some problems with the ethernet card and it
has been gathering dust for 9 months.
Anyhow I dragged it out last night about 0300 and it seems like I
have been working on it all night and most of the day. I had the
LAN card fixed early this morning but all of my security programs
had been damaged and there was almost a gig of updates to
download and install, it is almost 2100 and Ithink it is on it's
last
reboot. It is lacking at least a gig of ram and that makes the
reboots
very slow and I was catching a little nap each time I had to reboot.
It is still hard to believe that just the updates are almost twice
as
large as the whole operating system was on XP.
About an hour later I finished all of the scans and not a problem
anywhere on the computer. That means the mess I had this morning was
my fault with a lot of help by Eva GaGa.
Have a good weekend..... buffalo
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An elephant is walking through the jungle one
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Semi Chips
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Minnie and Max had been married for 18 years. As Minnie grew older
and less attractive, Max became disinterested, and his libido
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Southern Chips
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Butter Her body is nice, butter face needs a little work Summer Your
teeth are nice and white, but summer there and some ain't.
European Hey, dude, turn the other way... european on my boots!
Bard My brother bard my pickup truck.
Aorta Aorta knock you out for saying that!
Urine Pull it out, Randy... urine the wrong damn hole!
Mayonnaise Mayonnaise some big tires on that truck!
All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.
Far - noun. A conflagration.
If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck,
that things gonna catch far.
Tar - noun. A rubber wheel.
Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck.
Retard - Verb. To stop working.
My granpaw retard at age 65.
Tarred - adverb. Exhausted.
I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.
Rats - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.
Seed - verb, past tense.
View - contraction: verb and pronoun.
I ain't never seed New York City ... view?
Heavy Dew - phrase. A request for action.
Kin I heavy dew me a favor?
Ah: The thing you see with, and the personal pronoun used denoting
individuality.
Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah ah.
Attair: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desire. Pass
me attair gravy, please.
Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines.
Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl.
Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it.
Cyst: To render aid.
Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am?
Flares: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant.
If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares.
Fur: Measure of distance.
It's a fur piece ta Etlanna.
Fur: Because of or to indicate possession.
Fur yew ta get attair new car, yew gotta go see Bubba bout a loan.
Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna.
(Atlanta).
General Sherman said "War is Hale," and he made sure it was.
Hep: to aid or benefit.
Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love with you.
Sinner: Exact middle of.
Have you been to the new shoppin' sinner.
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Joe Chips
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A fellow is standing in a bar and another guy walks up to him and
says, "Are you Joe Smith?"
The fellow says, "Yes, I'm Joe Smith."
He says, "Were you in Chicago in early June?"
The fellow takes out a little notebook and rifles through the pages,
and says, "Yeah, I was in Chicago in early June." "Did you stay at
the Hyatt?" The guy looks through his notebook again and says, "Yes,
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his notebook and says, "Yes, I was in room 1368." The guy says, "Did
you know a Mrs. Wentworth who stayed in room 1369?" The guy looks
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in
1369."
The guy says, "Tell me, did you have an affair with Mrs.
Wentworth?"
The fellow scans his notebook and says, "Yes, I had an affair with
Mrs.
Wentworth." The guy says, "Well, I'm Mr. Wentworth and I don't like
it!"
Again the fellow looks in his notebook and says, "You know, you're
right. I didn't like it either."
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A local Radio Station, WINO was running a competition to find
contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any
English Dictionary yet could still use these words in a sentence
that
would make logical sense; the prize being a trip for two to Bali for
a
week. The DJ, Sam, had many callers, the following two standing out:
DJ: WINO, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
DJ: Dave, what is your word?
Caller: "Gwan" spelled G, W, A, N.
DJ: We are just checking that (pause)... and you are correct Dave,
Gwan
is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the
next
question, for a trip for two to Bali, is: What sentence can you use
that
in that would make logical sense?
Caller: Gwan fuck yourself! Ha Ha Ha!
At this point the DJ cuts the caller short and announces that there
is
no place for that sort of language on a family show. After many more
unsuccessful calls the DJ takes the following caller:
DJ: WINO, what'syour name?
Caller: Me name's Jeff.
DJ: Jeff, what is your word?
Caller:"Smee" spelled S, M, E, E.
DJ: We are just checking that (pause)... and
you are correct Jeff, Smee is certainly a word not found in the
English
Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is:
What
sentence can you use that in that would make logical sense?
Caller: Smee again! Gwan fuck yourself! Ha Ha Ha!
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Autumn in Vermont
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Dreams Ahead
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My Walk With Sam
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were finishing their work day and one said, "I
hate to go home! Every night I eat the same tasteless food, wash the
dishes, walk the dog, and then go to bed." His co-worker asked, "Why
don't you find a nice girl and get married?" As the first man
slammed
his briefcase shut he replied, "I AM married!!!"
--------------------------------
Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really
stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my Mom mentioned what he had done.
"Honey,"
my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I
thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I
just don't want you to forget what I've forgiven and forgotten."
----------------------------------
Moses and the people were in the desert, but what was he going to do
with them? They had to be fed, and feeding 2 or 3 million people
requires a lot of food. According to the Quartermaster General in
the
Army, it is reported that Moses would have to have had 1500 tons of
food
each day. Do you know that to bring that much food each day, two
freight
trains, each at least a mile long, would be required! Besides you
must
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firewood to use in cooking the food. This would take 4000 tons of
wood
and a few more freight trains, each a mile long, just for one day.
And
just think, they were forty years in transit. And Oh yes! They would
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train
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another
thing! They had to get across the Red Sea at night. Now, if they
went on
a narrow path, double file, the line would be 800 miles long and
would
require 35 days and nights to get through. So there had to be a
space in
the Red Sea, 3 miles wide so that they could walk 5000 abreast to
get
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Think of it! This much space for camping!
------------------------------------
The police recently busted a man selling 'secret formula'
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When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time
he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
-----------------------------
My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a
challenge to
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At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted
explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the
subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied
simply, "Defense contractor."
The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently
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asked,
"So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a milkman named Schwartz,
Whose cock was all covered with warts.
But women would play,
with his dick anyway,
'cause good ol' Schwartz came in quarts.
A young violinist from Reo,
Was seducing a woman named Cleo;
As she took down her panties,
She said "No 'andantes',
I want this 'allegro con brio'.
I think my teacher is smart
He has such a wonderful heart
He said with a grin
As it rumbled within
That smell in the air is a fart
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The one man turns to his friend and says, "How do you like that?
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in Guthrie
Apologies about the Katie Column. I have been very busy.
I will resume it next Tuesday if all goes well. Katie has been
bringing
her teddy bear to bed with her when we go to sleep. She has a
different one for when we play together and a third one she keeps
outside in the front lawn to play with. She does not tear them up,
just plays with them. I still say that I would not be surprised to
see
a zipper on Katie and if unzipped, a child would walk out.
BJ in Guthrie/Caldwell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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