Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
If you ask an Admiral what the military runs on he will give you a
detailed description of command structure beginning with the
recruits and moving all the way up to the Secretary of Defense. He
is right of course but any Chief Petty Officer will give you a
one-word answer to the same question and that is coffee. Even
though sailors do have other beverages available to them Coke and
Bug Juice don't do you a lot of good on the 0400-0800 watch when you
have only had 5 hours of sleep a night for the past week.
The average sailor develops a permanent curvature in the index
finger of his dominant hand within several years of joining the navy
from holding a coffee cup.
A 30 cup coffee maker is suitable for a four man watch section over
a four hour watch but a 15 man watch section like we frequently had
in the propulsion spaces would wipe out a 100 cup coffee maker a
watch and during working hours you when everyone was in the space
you were lucky to get a first cup of coffee from it. We had a
coffee card that let us draw two 20 pound cans of coffee a week from
mess supply and sugar and creamer. Any leftover coffee went into a
15 gallon barrel that had a removable top and was saved for trading
purposes.
Let's face it, the military did not exactly buy gourmet coffee and
people made it a bit on the strong side. After your first cup your
hair stood up straight on your head although after the tenth cup on
a watch you could go to bed with no problem. When I did some time
as a training petty officer outside of the space, I had to walk back
to the messdecks to get my coffee which was brewing 24 hours a day.
After wearing out a set of shoes walking back and forth to the
messdecks I broke out a one liter beer stein that a girlfriend had
made for me and used that instead of the standard 8 oz. china cups.
I want to mention one fact here about coffee cups today.
A sailor's coffee cup is a personal possession. Unless there are
previous arrangements made it should never be touched even to rinse
it out and woe be on the person who took it upon themselves to
remove the accumulation of tar from a broken in coffee cup. Lots of
time that tar is the only thing holding the coffee cup together and
the only thing worse than washing a sailor's cup is breaking it.
You might as well jump ship and swim for shore.
Enjoy the chips and have a cup of coffee.... buffalo
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Tractor Chips
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Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap
in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in
front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched he performs
a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his
overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders
forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall
down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his
stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the
tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of
hay.
Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you
doing Billy Bob."
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been
having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist
suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
poor dog
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he could fly
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this program
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Short Chips
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Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his
boss for two more weeks off to get married.
"What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why
didn't you get married while you were off?"
"Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my whole
vacation."
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes
into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to
complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Jill: John says the cutest things!
Mary: Really? Like what?
Jill: Like "C'mere, Honey, and sit on my face."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really
worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude
picture."
The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about
that. It's probably just an expression of her
interest in art. What was the nude picture for?"
Doug said, "Her driver's license."
~~~~~
Have you ever noticed the mannequins in the store have the bra-less
look?
They have a sweater on with little points.
Why would I buy a sweater that can't even keep a mannequin warm?
~~~~~~
Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon Bonaparte."
Boy: "Great, isn't it?"
Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."
Boy: "And that is?"
Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on
a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No
thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this
day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet
the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my
husband pretty upset."
Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk.
One of them asked the other, "So, what do you hunt?"
He answered, "I hunt unicorns."
The first hunter was startled, but said,
"Really? How do you do that?"
The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The
virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When
it does, it sets off a snare." The first hunter said, "Boy, they
must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around,
either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bride Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Brides Get Left Standing at the Altar
Dear soon-to-be husband,
I thank you whole-heartedly for considering me to be
your future wife.
We have a very bright future ahead of us, and it can
be even brighter if you take note to a few things that
are a part of what makes a marriage between a man and
a woman work and become successful. Please take the
time to read over the conditions below that I have
set-forth for you.
1. I will not do any dishes by hand, if you expect me
to do dishes, either hire a maid or buy a dishwasher.
You can locate one at any appliance store between $200
and $400.
2. I will not wash your laundry in the bathtub while
you work over-time to save up for a washer. I will not
pack wet clothes into a laundry basket and tote it to
any clothes line. I must have a working washer
and dryer to do laundry. If you expect me to pack our
dirty laundry into my vehicle and take it to a public Laundromat,
you can do it yourself....3 towns away where no one knows us.
3. I will not get on my hands and knees to scrub any
floors. I must have a Swiffer mop and Swiffer broom
if you expect to have clean floors. That manual stuff
is for the birds...or you can again, hire a maid.
4. I will not clean up after your friends at anytime
during our marriage. If they make a mess be it puke,
piss or simply leaving their glass on the coffee
table....it's your responsibility and not mine!
5. I will not entertain your folks while you skip out
on me. If your folks come over for the day or the
weekend, I expect you to give me the Neiman Marcus
card and JC Penny card so that I may go on an all day
shopping venture or at least the Master Card so that I
can rent a room in the town's finest hotel. There is
no way I am doing your job for you!
6. I will not take out the trash. If you won't do it,
look forward to repairing the garbage disposal in the
sink because that is where the tv remote, your cell
phone, your car keys, and your baseball cards will go
if I EVER have to ask you to take out the trash more
than once!
7. I am not about to stoop over and pick up your
clothing from the floor. If you leave your clothes on
the floor and they are not placed in the laundry
hamper, I will politely donate them to the Good Will
or to some other agency...I don't care if you did drive
to one hundred different stores to find your favorite
shirt.
8. I will not tolerate your neglect to flush after you
use the bathroom. I don't like sitting on a pissy
toilet seat or having dirty water splashing up on my
ass so if you want to avoid me taking a piss on
you...you'll flush! Plain and simple!
9. You are responsible for paying 70% of the bills. I
pay less because society, after all these years, is
still critical of a woman in the workplace, therefore
you make more then me. Every time you get a raise,
you get another bill.
10. Sex is something that we should both enjoy.
Therefore when I say I don't feel like it, don't ask
me again later. For every time you ask me for sex,
after I have told you once that I don't feel like it,
is another day you don't get any. If I ask you for
sex and you put me off, your friend gets it and you
still don't get any.
Sincerely.
Your soon-to-be Wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
years and we want to help you get your independence back. We
believe that everyone should be free to get out and explore the
world, even if they're on a tight budget.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their power
wheelchair at little to no cost*? It's true! There are no claim
forms to fill out and no upfront costs if you qualify.
Get your Complimentary Information Kit here:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Goodbye to Summer
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/B/Fun.html
John w/ Colors Of Autumn
http://heavensgates.us/colorsofautumn/
carolyn w/ An Old Cabin For Sale
http://tinyurl.com/3dpe5t
Carol w/Dance Of Love
http://www.carolspoetry.com/danceof.html
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Surfin Surfari
War Diaries Via Peggy
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Airline Nostalgia
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LIFE photo gallery of old cars Via Wesley
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God's Water Paintings
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Windows Installer Clean-up Utility
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/290301
iTools
http://www.itools.com/
Hoax Slayer
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
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Leopard Vs Crocodile
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Movie Links
1426
http://www.buffaloschips.com/agtrrre.htm
Mrs Hughes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/agtrre.htm
Friends
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1802
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5700
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Magician Act Followed By Explanation
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Malcom-Jue-Bebe
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Marine And Geese
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Mary Did You Know
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsddsshsjsk.htm
Math 911
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsdsdsll.htm
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny and his best buddy Billy wanted to go fishing, so they
got into their boat and headed out into the ocean. After traveling
several miles a very large wave came at them and capsized their
small boat. As soon as they got into the water and started to swim a
large shark came by and chewed both of Billy's arms off.
Billy yelled at Little Johnny, "I can't swim, a shark bit my arms
off!
Little Johnny yelled back, "Try to get on my back and I will swim us
over to that island."
So Billy got on Little Johnny's back and they headed toward the
island. After swimming for a long time they finally made it to the
beach. Little Johnny got up on the sand and just about passed out
from all that hard swimming. He looked at Billy and said, "Damn my
butt is sore. I didn't know swimming would make my butt so sore!"
And Billy said, "I'm sorry, but that was the only way I could hang
on."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
arts
http://www.buffaloschips.com/arrra.htm
art oral
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as big as
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asleep
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ass good
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ass kiss
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jrkseklrls.htm
ass scratch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hhjhhk.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife Myrtle's womb has a habit
Of expanding whenever I stab it.
What's more, my wife Myrtle
Is so wonderously fertile,
That she's giving me kids like a rabbit.
~~~
There was a young girl of East Anglia
Whose loins were a tangle of ganglia.
Her mind was a webbing
Of Freud and Kraft-Ebing
And all sorts of other mew-fanglia.
~~~~~~
There was a young man from Hong Kong
Who had a trifurcated prong:
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local
bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you
promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around
here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second
guy.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow.
"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't
noticed that she can't say 'NO!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1874
Free as a Bird Now
Diana: So what are we going to do today?
Rudy: Visit a steak house?
Sandi: Sleep?
Katie: Go to the dog park?
Val: All the above?
BJ: Maybe go to the Oklahoma State Fair?
Dogs thud!
Diana: I will get the smelling salt.
later....
Diana: Why did you guys pass out?
Rudy: I remember the huge corn dogs and how many I
ate last year. Boy they were good.
Sandi: I remember the Indian Tacos, seems like I ate six.
Katie: I remember all the food and playing the games.
Val: I wasn't around but I fainted when everyone else did.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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