Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been asked about Nancy's condition lately and I haven't
said anything because there isn't any good news. Nancy has
been having trouble with her equilibrium lately and has had
some bad falls. I don't know if this is because of a reappearance
of the brain tumor that was treated with radiation or something
else but there have been arrangements made for a hospice home
nurse to look in on her in addition to the help and attention her
sons and roommate are able to provide. Barring a miracle
my sister is in the final year of her life and a little over a year
ago she was building furniture and catering banquets. At this
point I pray for Nancy to have a peaceful and painless journey
and hope you will too.
On the subject of untimely ends, one of the founding members of the
band Electric Light Orchestra was killed by a runaway bale of hay
the other day. The 700 lb. bale had rolled down a hill, crashed,
through a hedgerow and crushed the front of his van. That definitely
comes under the heading of freak accident because even though I
have seen a buffalo butt one around like it was a marshmallow, I
have never seen one roll by itself. I guess that would be a Geico
moment , send the Gecko over because he has never seen one
like this before.
Enjoy the chips...
buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
CIGARCLIPS
Funny TV or Film clips taken from around the world
To join send a blank e-mail to cigarclips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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PMS Chips
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Dear Kotex, I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my
pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying
advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.
Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed
a functioning pair of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating
woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep
her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait
here.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the
first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like
that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already
concocted their own recipes for survival, most containing alcohol.
Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT
WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude
and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's
not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces
or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.
Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our
carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the damn store. The
ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at
every stage, including the point of purchase.
So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.
(Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher
while you're doing it!)
Ovarily Yours Miss PMS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Santa's day off
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that's sick
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the cleaning lady
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Egg Chips
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These two eggs had just been married and were on
their honeymoon. While they were sitting on the
bed making out, the female egg pushed the male
egg away and said "I just have to go to the
bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." and off
she went.
Five minutes later the male egg saw his sexy wife
walk out in a slinky egglige, wiping her hands up
and down her smooth, ovally body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the
top of his head, covering it completely. The
female egg looked at him and asked what he was
doing.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone
cracked me on the head with a spoon!"
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Short Chips
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Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west,
a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that
she was not in the general store so she started to turn
around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy
seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come
on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and
have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the right
place
for that!"
The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious, and extremely
heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a
no-alimony settlement.
"Your Honor," he said, "my client sincerely believes his
wife is just being ridiculous. Why, most women would love
to have a husband who still believes in chivalry; and on
the day in question, he was only opening the door for her
out of chivalry."
"Counselor," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce
and the settlement Mrs. Smith is asking in its entirely.
I simply cannot believe chivalry was the motivation for
your client opening that car door - while he was driving
down the freeway at 65 mph."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sock Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with
anyone, not even each other. The groom- to-be, overcoming his fear,
decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am
deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet
and I'm afraid that my fiancee will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as
often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed."
Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up
with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my
breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the
morning."
"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid
that my fiancee will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out
of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family
is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The
key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice
each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her
morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six
months later.
Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to
find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the
consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course,
wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are
you doing?"
"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safe Sex Options These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a
matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you
"play it safe":
- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash,
then buy the crack directly.
- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss
of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the
clergy from harm."
- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to
get to third base with you.
- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and
scabbed over before use.
- When taking two cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal
amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.
- Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to
ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating
farm animals.
- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before
any mouth-to-mouth contact.
- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope
for the best.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Just Remembering
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John w/ The Evolution Of Dance
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Lest We Forget
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Android Apps
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The Definitive Site for Human Achievement
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Movie Links
When Not To Clean your Glasses
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Where
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7816.htm
Where Croissants Come From
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Why Men Have Bikes
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Why Sex Before Marriage is Essential
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Why Women Watch Football
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Why Women Live Longer Than Men
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five Dollar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these two women who were friends and neighbors. One
noticed that the other always seemed to have lots of new goodies;
jewelry, furs, latest fashions, frequent hair salon trips &
manicures, etc. She asked:"
how do you get all that great stuff?" " I do it by charging my
husband five dollars every time we have sex", she said "and you can
do the same, it really adds up. But you must remain firm. Don't
let him talk you into accepting less, don't let him coax you into
doing it for no charge."
"
Great, she said, "that sounds easy, I"ll do it". So, the next time
her hubby wanted to have sex, she said: "From now on, you have to
give me five dollars each time we have sex" She also told him why.
"Oh, I see", he said; "okay". He then went to get the money, but
realized that he had only $4.50 She refused to accept it: "If we
have sex you must give me the full amount, five bucks". He said:
"Alright, so we can't have sex; but can I touch you for the $4.50 ?
We'll just make-out, okay?"
"Okay"
she said. As her hubby kissed her, fondled her body, rubbed against
her, etc. she got really hot and bothered. Finally, she was so
turned on, that she said to him: "If it's all the same to you, I'll
lend you fifty cents until tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
christmas spirit
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cigar
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cigarette
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How To Talk To Hot Women
I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Farmer John has three sons. One day his oldest comes to him and
pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really
like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me!" He takes
him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "This
tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid
for, we'll get you a car." The boy was not too happy but he under-
stood and said, "Ok, Dad." A week later his second son, (10 yr.
old), approaches him wanting a new two wheel bike. Well, he gets the
same excuse "....as soon as the tractor is paid for...." Shortly
after that his youngest is bugging him for a tricycle. Again, 'ol
dad gives him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off
first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted
with the whole thing, sees the rooster mating with one of the hens,
and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hens back,
mumbling to himself. His dad says, "Son, why would you do something
like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that." The little
boy says "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn
tractor is paid off!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Catholic guy goes into the confessional box after years being away
from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the shelf of
one wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates,
the other wall has pornographic pictures of a buxomy blonde.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been
to confession; but I must first admit that the confessional box is
much more inviting than it used to be.
"Get out. You're on my side," the priest replies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brain Oxygen-Boosting Miracle Energizes Mind, Mood and Memory
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1867
Stress and Distress
After Labor day weekend BJ had only four days in Guthrie with
Wednesday having an Elder's meeting and Thursday bowling so he
decided to leave Katie in Caldwell.....
BJ drives off.
Katie is banging at the door: Traitor! Coward! I didn't mean it.
Come back father!
Sandi: Calm down Katie. It will be only three nights and then the
fourth he will be here.
Katie: THAT IS FOREVER!!!!
Rudy: Let's go outside and play. You will feel better.
Katie is wrenching her paws and looking evil: Yes, let's play.
Val: I don't like it when she gets that look about her.
Later....
Diana: Who tore up these cushions?
Val and Katie have cotton in their mouths....
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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