Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Glenn Has the watch again today
Hi Buff....
I don't know if you pulled any duty in Destroyers, but if you did,
you can
related to this:
Another Sea Story This is another "Saga of the USS ALLEN A.
SUMNER (DD-692). If there is anyone out there that remembers this,
and I am not quite right, please drop me an E-Mail and correct me.
After returning from the Med Cruise, we were back at the Destroyer
Piers in Norfolk, VA. We had a couple weeks to getting accustom to
living in the U. S. of A. again.
Then came the news that we were taking aboard five Midshipmen from
the U. S.
Naval Academy at Annapolis, MD for a Weekend cruise. I am not
really sure just when they reported aboard, whether it was a Friday
evening or the following Saturday Morning. After getting them
situated, we pulled out of Norfolk and headed North. Every thing
was fine, good weather, not a cloud in the sky, warm and muggy.
We steamed North for quite a while, not sure just how long, cause a
couple of the deck crew was in my small office playing Cribbage.
Anyway, we noticed the ship was starting to roll from Port to
Starboard, then it got more pronounced.
Pretty soon, it got even worse. I heard the word passed to "Rig the
ship for rough weather"....
I felt the ship turning into the wind, and got a message from the
Commodore to meet him on the Bridge. Since I was the "Commodore's
Talker", when he was on the Bridge, then I had to be there
also...Now the Commodore's chair was bolted to the Port Bulkhead, so
when I arrived, he was already in it, and I standing beside him, and
hanging on to the back of his chair. Already, the ship was heading
into some pretty large swells. It got worse....The swells got
larger and larger. Pretty soon, we were going THROUGH them instead
of over them. The bow was underwater most of the time. Then the
waves started capping white foam. We were still underway, but the
Helmsman had a problem keeping the Compass Heading, and had to ask
for help holding on to the Helm.
Now it was REALLY rough, the waves were reading over the bow
stringer now. Once I remember we went so far down that a VERY LARGE
wave broke and came DOWN on the Pilot House. We couldn't see a
thing for a few minutes. All I could think of was what one of the
crew at told me when I reported aboard: "The SUMNER is the oldest
active duty Destroyer in the Fleet"
Well the wind kept up, the huge waves kept coming. How long this
kept up I am not sure, but I am sure it was for a couple of days.
I don't believe there was a dry spot anywhere in the whole ship.
How the cooks did it, I don't know, but they did keep us in hot
coffee, bologna sandwiches. Finally, the seas calmed some, but we
had to keep heading into the wind. After another day the Skipper
decided that he would try to turn us around and head back to
Norfolk. We made the turn, without mishap, and poured on the coal.
I heard someone ask just where we were, and heard the answer:
"Somewhere off he coast of Ireland". I never did find out for sure
just how long we were in that storm, or just where we ended up.
Now, if there is anything in this narrative, that someone would like
to dispute, I will be only happy to set the record straight.
As you all know, after 53 years, actions has a way of becoming a
mite fuzzy.
Glenn C. Simpson
Glenn C. Simpson
glenncsimpson@bellsouth.net
USN,(Ret.)
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
A Newsletter You May Enjoy
Shirley's RessyPees
Be sure to try out Miz Shirley's
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Season Chips
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Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in
Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled
with deer hunters. About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke
down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a
comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"
Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road, it broke down
again. This time it was next to a good looking motel.
Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can
ve consummate our marriage?"
Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road, the
bus broke down. This time they were our in the woods. However, there
was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus.
Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do
it."
Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere
next to a nice hotel and you said "No". Then, ve vere by a motel and
you said "No". But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did
it. Why?"
Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus
broke down again, the fucking season vould be over."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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doctor says
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personals Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personals
SWM in dead-end job seeks dumpy neurotic for mutual psychological
torture, tepid sex, and co-dependency. I enjoy drinking, smoking,
pornography, and self- righteous indignation. I can't stand movies,
and the last album I bought was The Marshall Tucker Band's Greatest
Hits. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by
affecting a
world- weary air, memorizing useless facts, and chuckling at my own
mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.
I'm 38 but look 46 and feel 60. You are a whiny, bitter
shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and
unrealistic expectations. In time you will become coolly hostile
when I don't fulfill every unmet need you've ever had. Bonus points
if you just finished screwing every guy in town and but now want to
take it slow with me.
My perfect night would include getting hammered in
a shit-hole bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks,
followed by an embarrassing screaming match. I would
be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled
with regret and dread but prefer a long-term, soul
crushing descent into booze and pills. No friendships. I
don't need any goddamn friends. Age unimportant, but
I will condescend to women under 30 and rehash
mother issues with women over 40.
Serious replies only, please.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bubbles Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to
conduct a survey. So it wouldn't be a boring project, he chose to
find out peoples' favourite pastimes.
The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he
started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building
near the university.
He knocked on the first door and a man answered.
"Sir, what is your name ?" ; asked the student "John" ,replied the
man. "Sir, I'm doing a school study and would like to know what is
your favourite pastime ?" "Watching bubbles in the bath," Came the
reply.
He liked the esoterical answer and continued down the hall, until he
came to the next door, when he asked again. "Sir, what is your name
?" "Jeff !" ,said the second man. "Sir, Would you please tell me
your favourite pastime ?" "Watching bubbles in the bath," was the
answer.
Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people
in the building and all of them had the same pastime "watching
bubbles in the bath".
He left the building and walked across the street where there were
several row houses to continue the survey. At the first house, he
knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door. Our surveyor
starts again
- "What is your name?" "Bubbles !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Orkin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Things You NEVER Want To Hear The Orkin Man Say:
10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"
9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!!
Extermin..."
8. "The GOOD news is... you have termites."
7. "Do you happen to have a large net?"
6. "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."
5. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin
cookies with me."
4. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
3. "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."
2. "Bend over. Your wife, too."
1. "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"
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Vibrator Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vibrator Versus Men
A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop
"vibrating."
Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV
Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!
When we're done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and
not hear from them until we're ready.
It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied.
We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we
want without being called a slut.
Position is your choice, not his.
It always is hard.
It doesn't leave a mess behind.
You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.
It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.
It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.
You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.
Vibrators are better then men because ...
They don't get tired after the first time
They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in
the mood.
Vibrators are better then men because in the morning you don't have
to fix it breakfast.
Safe sex without a rubber
A couple batteries and you don't have to put up with the shit, just
turn it off when you get done with it !
As long as you have a new pack of energizers the vibrator can keep
going and going and going! (while you keep coming and coming!)
Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime, anywhere you want!!
They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.
You don't have to dress up for your vibrator.
You can show it off to your friends.
They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another one
It doesn't leave a wet spot. It can be stashed away in a drawer.
It doesn't have a mother!!
It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard.
You know exactly where it's been.
Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.
They never come before you do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Love is Softly Calling
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First Love
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Humor With The Troops 2
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor2.html
Value Of Life
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Surfin Surfari
Post-it-notes Drawings
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National Geo Channel
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Recall Warnings and Alerts
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Gizmoz
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Fix-It
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Pitstop AntiVirus Center: Virus Scan
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Writers Block Help
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Depression Medication
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Hand Up
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Disappointment
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Don't look away when I'm talking to you
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Don't Work From home
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Egg Trick
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Einstein
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El Rey Del Martillo
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En weg zijn re rimpels
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Engineers
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man says to his hair stylist, "My hair is falling out. What can
I use to keep it in?" The stylist replies, "Might I suggest a
shoebox?"
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams
past them. One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast
that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast
too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"
You know you've had a good blow job when...
You have to pull the sheets out of your butt when she is done. Your
pecker has the dry heaves for three days afterward.
Q. What is the definition of a smart ass?
A. Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor
it
The meaning of lots of phrases depend on your location.
A "Safe Cracker" in New York is a person who opens a safe without
knowing the combination; in Georgia it's an AIDS-free white girl on
the pill.
When NASA puts 20 head of cattle into outer space, it will
be the first herd shot around the world.
Yo momma so poor she goes into Macdonald's and puts a small fry on
layaway.
"I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my
foot."
- Axl Rose
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running
for mayor, "Your former secretary said publicly that you have a
small penis. . . .Would you please comment on this?" "The truth
really is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."
Frustration: Being 23d in line for a gangbang and finding out it is
your sister.
Q. Why are there two Senators for each state?
A. Somebody's got to be the designated driver.
What's the definition of real disappointment?
Just when you get the rocks piled up, the cow walks off.
"In Texas, for the second time in a month, a man was arrested for
publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't want a
lawyer because he claims he can get himself off." --Conan O'Brien
"In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man who
got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner. The man told
authorities his relationship with his vacuum cleaner was purely
sexual - he didn't want any attachments." --Jay Leno
People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever
know anybody who rested to death?
Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
A: They're always bitter.
A man asked the little boy, "Do you want a cocker
spaniel?"
The little boy thought for a moment and said, "I think
I'll take the spaniel."
A hippy was seen crawling down some railway tracks.
When asked if there was a problem, he said, "yeah man,
can you help me off this ladder!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 Hr Bra
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36 Long
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50 Cal
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69 For Dummies
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69th
http://www.buffaloschips.com/a34rr.htm
Escape
http://www.buffaloschips.com/a823.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In one little whorehouse I've been
I sampled the charms of Maureen
Affection I sought
But something I caught
Was turning my gonads to green
There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
On her knees every day
To god she would pray
To lengthen and stregthen and thicken 'em.
With scars on his wrinkly skin,
Wide gaps in his slobbery grin
And three warts on his nose,
But with good taste in clothes,
He models apparel for men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young virgin marries a Greek man and before the wedding her father
tells her that, being Greek, her husband may ask her to turn the
other way in bed one day, but that she doesn't have to do it if she
doesn't want to. Sure enough, after a couple of months, her husband
asks her to turn over and she says,
"No, my father said I don't have to do this."
Her husband says "OK, that's fine by me, but I thought you wanted
children."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1871
Partying With The Party of the Second Part
BJ is befuddled with the situation. Ding dong..
BJ opens the door and ..
BJ: Katie!!!
Katie: Alas, tis I father. I have come to settle this disagreement.
BJ: What are your terms?
Katie: We play. We go for a walk, you feed me snacks, we sleep.
BJ: That's it?
Katie: Yep.
BJ: Let's shake on it.
Katie shakes like she is shaking off water.
BJ: Oh you are funny girl.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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