[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 9-30-10

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Nancy ( Brabant ) Cantafio, 48, of Soo Township severed the last
bonds holding her to this world on Sept 27, 2010 in Hospice Care at
Hearthside Assisted Living Center in Sault.Ste. Marie, after
fighting an amazing battle with cancer.

Nancy was born in 1962, in Sault Ste Marie Michigan to Francis and
Margaret Brabant and was the seventh of ten children and the
youngest daughter. She attended and graduated from Soo Township
Elementary School and Sault High School. She moved to Horicon,
Wisconsin where she received certifications in Culinary Arts and
Computer Sciences.

While in Wisconsin, Nancy met Joseph Cantafio and had three sons;
Jordan, Francis and Joey. Nancy returned to Sault Ste Marie in 1997
and just prior to Joe's death and purchased the property next to her
childhood home, first living in a trailer and later purchasing a
modular home on the site. This home was destroyed by fire in 2005
then Nancy and her family and friends proceeded to build a nicer
home on the site from scratch.

Nancy's latest job was as a cook at the Cozy Inn in Brimley,
Michigan and prior to that she was the third shift foreperson at
Wohlert Special Products and a CNC Machinist. She also ran an
Inspirational Group and a Computer Help Group on YahooGroups that
had approximately 7500 readers between them. While juggling work,
her online groups and just life in general she always had time for
her sons and her family.

Nancy is survived by her three sons, Jordan, Francis and Joseph
Cantafio and one grandchild Khloe.

She is also survived by five brothers, William, Donald, Robert,
Ronald, and Douglas and three sisters, Cathy, Lisa, and Mary. Nancy
also had a dog, a teddy bear named Jordy, that was at her side
through her illness.

Nancy was predeceased by her husband Joseph, her daughter Lydia, her
brother Patrick, and her parents Margaret and Francis.

Nancy has requested that her body be donated to Michigan State
University to aid in the research of cancer with her cremains to be
buried at a future date in the Raco Cemetery alongside her daughter.

A memorial service is planned to start at 4 p.m. on Saturday,
October 2nd at Soo Township Hall. There will be a remembrance
followed by a meal.

The family would like to thank Hospice, Hearthside Assisted Living,
and the owner, co-workers, and friends at the Cozy Inn who provided
comfort and assistance to Nancy and the family through her final
days.

Obituary and Guest Book are located at
http://tinyurl.com/2chyjlp

A letter I really enjoyed

Buff, First off, condolences on the loss of your sister.

When my dad died, having been a bit of a gypsy, and having
no ties with any particular part of Canada, it was left to me to
decide the fate of his ashes. Your statement concerning your remains
being committed to the Pacific deeps, has a familiar ring to it. As
I was posted to a tanker (H.M.C.S. Protecteur, AOR 509) for transit
to Victoria B.C from Halifax N.S. I took dads ashes with me on the
trip. Before we entered the Panama Canal, along with the onboard
Padre, sprinkled half the ashes into the Atlantic and on completion
of the transit sprinkled the rest into the Pacific. He had sailed
both and was now near whenever I was at sea either West or East
coast. I always took a moment on deck after a night watch to visit
and share a few words with the old pirate. Here's hoping your family
understands the request to be sent away on the waves. After all, "A
sailors place is in a ship, a ships place is at sea and land is
nothing but a navigational hazard". "Fair winds and a following sea"
to you and yours.Don in Nova Scotia, 32 years in "the mob".

buffalo says Thanks for both you and your dad's service Don, you
understand my thoughts exactly.

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Political Chips
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Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southern Republican? With
elections coming up, we should all decide. Here is a little test
that may help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between a Democrat, a
Republican and a Southern Republican?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises
the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an
expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the
question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing
the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to
wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends
for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican's Answer: BANG!

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Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter's voice, "Nice
grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Ernie
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jackhammer
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Millie loved seafood
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Tornado Chips
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The new categories:

Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are
damaged, housecats meow slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms
by duct taping your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist
triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm at
you.

Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker
looking trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children
complain.
Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your
property, as well as duct taping X-es on your windows. This lets the
wind know not to blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before
everyone else snaps it up.

Category 3: "Deeply Frightening." Houses collapse, mobile homes
cease to exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs
fart explosively, healthy trees surrender. Planning: duct tape
everything on your property, including the dog. Buy plywood and nail
it over the
windows-- after first duct taping X-es over the glass. Purchase
bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like you're going
to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.

Category 4: "Holy Shit." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air,
walls bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland,
entire regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire
house with duct tape X-es to try and fool the hurricane into
thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as
you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and your
family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water
and bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a
gun to ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to
follow.

Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked
up several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces,
the Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and
swallows mankind whole.
Planning: screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace
with your god. Whomever He, She or It may be.

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Phone Chips
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I highly doubt this is true, but it's a funny read. This is
apparently a true story which occurred very recently in the Telecom
Call Centre in Lower Hutt.

The Operative received a call from a somewhat irate and very worried
Pacific Islander who it seems needed some urgent marriage guidance.
The call went like this:

Telecom: How may we help you?

Customer: I haff a big problem with my phone bill. My wife, she
think I haffing an affair!

Telecom: Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?

Customer: My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and
my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard
of her before. I need to trace these calls please.

Telecom: Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually
tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.

Customer: This one is.

Telecom: What phone do you have, Sir?

Customer: A mobile. I tell you this.

Telecom: No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?

Customer: An erection.

After a moment's silence, the gallant Telecom worker continued.

Telecom: Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?

Customer: For sure - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. Erection.

Another moment's silence from Telecom, and suddenly the penny
dropped.

Telecom: Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?

Customer: For sure. C..E..L..L..U..L..A...R. Salulah.
The end of the conversation was unfortunately not reported.

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Cat Chips
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A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She
picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell
you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older
people buy cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that
you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back
to the store, and they sold her the cat food.

The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the
cashier demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people
sometimes eat dog food.

She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked
the cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused,
saying "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady
assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her.
So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and
exclaimed, "That smells like crap." The little old lady said, "It
is. Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

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Blond Chips
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A mid-level Blond executive was so frustrated at being passed over
for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a
brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by
the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this
procedure can be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's
brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an
economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate
president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain
is seventy-five thousand dollars."

"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain?
Why on earth is that?"

"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we
would have to kill to get an ounce?"

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Gary Matthews ~The Healer
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Wav/Gary.html

Thoughts For today
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thoughts.html

The Wild Ones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html

Fathers Love Letter
http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Love-Dad.htm

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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari

ACTOR TONY CURTIS DIES AT LAS VEGAS HOME
http://deathbeeper.com/5843021.html

Cookie Recipes From The Old World Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/38am2b9

The Easy Way To Build Your Vocabulary
http://www.vocabsushi.com/

Online Cell Phone Radiation Chart
http://www.ewg.org/cellphoneradiation

Paint Your House - Online !
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.

Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:

As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

Press here to get your copy:

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

What To o If Your Email Account Is Stolen Via Martha
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Email Address to Image Converter
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Run Traceroute Online
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!

Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.

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date:

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
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DOG HOUSE PUZZLE
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Movie Links

Concert
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Hospital
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Plane Ride
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Romantic Dinner
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Amnesty Bills
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Beer Fridge
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Best Video
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Big Screen TV
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Bike Meets Post
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Billiards
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Black Diamond Cheese
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ladies at Lunch

Jill: Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?

Mary: I certainly did! I resolved to be celibate.

Jill: How's it going?

Mary: Great! I haven't had a decent date in eight years anyway

Linda was complaining to Jill that her husband was a great tosser
and turner, and was forever squeezing her on to the edge of the bed
or rolling over and taking the blankets.

Jill said that she never had a problem with her husband John. He
just falls asleep on his side and stays there all night."

"Hows he do that?" Linda asked.

Jill replied, "He has a built in kick stand."

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a
man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Two older men sat on a bench in the park. One said, "I hear that
eating raw oysters puts lead in your pencil."

The other man said, "I don't like raw oysters, and to tell you the
truth, I don't have any women to write to!"

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Toon Chips
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How to
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41042.htm

In Heaven
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Raise
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Today's Winner
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Fuck The Farmers
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Death By Viagra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32151.htm

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Poetry Chips
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THIS LITTLE PIGGY

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went wee, wee, wee and bought some Depends
disposable undergarments to solve that problem.

Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't bad either.

Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.

Fuzzy
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bare,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is now serving
time in the state pen.

Garden
Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow,
Spraying pesticides and herbicides all down the row?

Bridge
London Bridge is in Arizona, Arizona, Arizona.,
London Bridge is in Arizona, as a tourist trap.

Peter
Peter, Peter wife beater
Had a wife and used to beat her,
'Till she shot him with a shot gun shell,
And sent that bastard straight to hell.
Then she sold the movie rights.
It's now a mini series on Tuesday nights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
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After six years of trying to start a family, a couple was finally
blessed with the birth of its first child. The wife told her
husband to put an announcement in the local paper. When he returned
from the newspaper office, she asked him what details he had
included. "Just the name, address and date," he said.

"How much did it cost?"

"About six hundred and eighty dollars," he replied.

"Why so much?" the stunned woman exclaimed.

"Well, after I wrote out the announcement, the clerk asked me how
many insertions, and I said four times a week for six years."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1883

Sabre and Sabers

Rudy: What is the next event Pops?

BJ: Sword dancing.

Rudy: That sounds kind of girlie to me.

Diana: It is not so much as you think Rudy.
It is fast paced and requires much daring do.

Katie: I bet I can do it.

Sandi: I will sit this one out.

BJ: Wise move.

They watch the experienced dancers weave their way in
and out of the complicated saber dance. Their feet just missing the
sword points.

Rudy: Gulp! I think I will sit this one out.

Katie: I will try.

Soon the crowd is clapping in time to the music as Katie is dancing
between and around the swords and after she is done, she is offered
a flask of Irish drink.

Well done! Shouts the crowd.

BJ: It is her nervous system. She moves so fast.

The Herd

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Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

__._,_.___
Recent Activity:
To Subscribe send a blank email to Buffalos-adult-jokes-subscribe@egroups.com

To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com

Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
.

__,_._,___

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