THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Courage is the discovery that you may not win,
and trying when you know you can lose
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Getting back to the "soda pop thief" story,
we lived in a very small town, you know, heartland
USA? if you grew up there, its the kind of place
with no stop light and every one knows every body.
To make a long story short, the owner of the golf
course got tired of pop missing in his club house
cooler every morning. (see yesterday's issue for
details). So, one night, he sat out in his lawn
chair in a strategic place with the local constable.
So, here come my bro and me in pappy's old beat up
pickup. Since everyone knew each other, they didn't
stop us ...just called pappy on the telephone when
they recognized the truck. Needless to say, we were
in trouble before we even got home. Pappy had it already
worked out with Patrick, the constable. Patrick
served as the town constable, maintenance man, judge,
fireman, and everything else. And he had been winning
reelection every 4 years for as long as anyone could
remember. Anyways, to scare us, (pretty easy to do since
I was probably only 10 at the time), The city had an old
lock up cell in the basement of the old courthouse.
Usually it was used for an occasional Friday night drunk
and that was it. But ole Patrick and pappy locked
us up the next afternoon. We knew no such things about
rights and trials and all that. But I'm sure it put
the fear of god in us at the time. Me and bro agreed
to mow grass for the rest of the summer for restitution
because we were convinced that we were going to get
life in prison if we did not. Thus ended the great
pop thefts of the summer of 1967.
It was at that point that I decided a life of crime
was not for me.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
poor mans vacation
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p020.html
satisfied
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p022.html
ALBD
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p023.html
hits
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p024.html
the toss
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p025.html
mistakes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p026.html
new rules
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p027.html
arguments
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p028.html
a miracle
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p029.html
ugly
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p030.html
__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
disappear
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/134.html
sunglasses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/135.html
beer magic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/136.html
toilet paper
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/137.html
glow in the dark
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/138.html
bugs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/139.html
numb nuts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/140.html
_______________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
Jim Warren
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd386.html
the salvage of flight 1549
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd387.html
a man's head turns
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd388.html
highway of heroes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd389.html
A big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to
everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that they could blindfold him, and he
would recognize any animal's skin from its feel. And
if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell
them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This
was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon
a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter
said that he was willing to prove it if they would
put up the drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his
first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments,
he announced, "Spring Buck." Then he felt for the bullet
hole and declared, "Shot with a .22 rifle." The others
could not believe it. He was right, and the argument
was even hotter than before. When some started to
suggest that he must have peeked, he said that he was
prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks
they had bought before against them buying another round for him.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time,
and they brought a skin that someone happened to have
in their car. He took a bit longer this time and then
said, "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole said,
"and the rifle was a .308," which of course was right.
This, of course, was like throwing fat on the fire, and
he had to prove is skills over and over again, every time
against a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, stoned out of his mind, and
went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the
mirror that he had one heck of a shiner. So he said to
his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but
not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in
that bar. So where did I get this black eye?" His wife
replied angrily, "From me, of course."
"But what did I do?" he asked. She replied, "You got
into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you
fiddled around a bit and announced in a triumphant tone,
'Skunk, killed with an axe.'"
______________
History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the "F"-word:
10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer,1877
6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f*** are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" -
JFK, 1963
AND ... drum roll please ....
The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .......
"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
_____________
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two
Buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget
About the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just
Want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee
Time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have
Time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave
Man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him.
______________
A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks.
After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle
Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100,000.
The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would
put it in trust until he was released. The warden asked him
if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the
money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about
computers and wanted a computer.
The warden said "sure" and got him a computer. A brand
new Dell computer was soon delivered. After a few weeks
the warden visited him in his cell to see how he was doing.
To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the
floor.
The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly
said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would
not even complete the simplest task.
The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to
do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the
computer. One simple task and it could not do it.
The Hillbilly said, "I hit the escape key and nothing happened,
I hit the key again and still nothin', I am still here. I think I will
sue Dell."
_____________
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all
of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make
his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the
border."May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the
agent.
"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture
of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on
the other.""This I gotta see," replied the agent.
With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his
behind."By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent.
"Have a safe trip back to Chicago ." "Thanks!" he said.
"But how did you know I was from Chicago?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
________________
BUFFALO BILL
Home Paternity Test
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aiou.htm
Homemade Water Slide
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azxdc.htm
Homer Koehn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/avcf.htm
Honey I'm Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswas.htm
_____________
FUN PAGES
Offroad Madness GT
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41889&s=n
World's Oldest Cat
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=34657&s=n
Popeye Cartoons
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=35993&s=n
Dreamsdwell Stories
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41704&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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