THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent."
~Napoleon Bonaparte
THE HOPE NECKLACE
The world stood in awe as a dream of hope became a reality.
A generation spoke, and Michelle Obama became
the 44th First Lady of the United States.
This commemorative pendant necklace, a piece of fine jewelry
available exclusively through this offer, pays tribute to her
inspiring message of hope, change and a better tomorrow.
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Limit of 4 Per Household.
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
Dreary, dreary and grey! That is how I
describe to you what the weather man has
delivered to us not just for one day, but
for THREE days now, here in dreary West
Michigan. Very little rain, but very little
sunshine, too. The clouds cover the sky and
discourage cycle riding and any other kind of
July activity and just won't go away! I think
he has a vendetta against us folks for some reason.
Altho I cannot figger out why. It would not be
such an insult, except mostly all we are getting
is the clouds and cool weather. It would at least
be tolerable if there was moisture connected. sigh.
You spend all day looking out the window. "Should
I or shouldn't I?" Ultimately you stay home cuz you
don't want to get wet. and then at the end of the
day you think, "maybe I should have rode!"
Well, certainly there is one thing you don't need to
think about. I know you need some jokes,
so lets let it rip! Got some good ones today!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
THE COMICS
that's sick!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j040.html
sorry doctor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j041.html
Amish mechanic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j042.html
the real story
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j043.html
www stands for
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j044.html
twitter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j045.html
sleep walking
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j046.html
2 stupid chickens
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j047.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Tradio
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5805.html
Hippo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5806.html
pidgeons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5807.html
top bike
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5808.html
school automated answering service
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5809.html
_________
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
______________
Letterman's "Top 10 Signs You've Gone to a Bad Chiropractor"
10. When you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.
9. Keeps saying, "A spine is like a box of chocolates."
8. Repeatedly asks, "You a cop? You sure you aint' no cop?"
7. Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by, "Uh-oh."
6. There's a two-drink minimum.
5. At end of session, lies down on the table and says, "My turn!"
4. He was nowhere near Woodstock and yet he's covered with mud..
3. Rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his Burger King uniform.
2. Hints that for an extra $50, he'll "straighten" something else.
1. You're fully clothed and he's naked.
_____________
A young man comes up to the border on his bicycle. He has
two large bags over his shoulders. The border guard stops
him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answers the young man.
The guard is a bit skeptical and asks the young man to
turn over the bags for inspection. The guard empties the bags,
but finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the young man
overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there
is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The young man is released
and promptly rides across the border with his sand bags.
A week later, the same young man presents himself at the border.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says the young man.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the
bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the
young man who then rides across the border on his bicycle
with the sand bags.This sequence of events is repeated every week
for three years. Finally, the young man no longer appears at the
border crossing. Many months go by and the border guard sees
the young man in a cafe."Hey," says the guard, "For three years
you were smuggling something through my crossing station.
It's driving me crazy. Just between you and me, what were you smuggling?"
The young man sips his coffee and says, "Bicycles."
______________
We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as
I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center
of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me,
sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I
was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a
little earlier?" "No!" she said in a loud whisper.
"The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up
on the screen and mine is in the car."
_____________
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it..
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For
example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity
and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over
here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there
is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will
be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land
area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes,
forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State
are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous,
and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and
producers of aircraft and software."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked,
"But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There's another Washington .
Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Fanfare
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jakjkas.htm
Final Call
http://www.buffaloschips.com/askla.htm
Flashlights
http://www.buffaloschips.com/saasjka.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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