Adult Adult
First off I have several that never received the Holiday list
for July so here is a repeat.
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
1 Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month
1 Canada Day
1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day
1 International Joke Day
2 I Forgot Day
2 World UFO Day
3 Compliment Your Mirror Day
3 Disobedience Day
3 Stay out of the Sun Day
4 Independence Day (U.S.)
4 National Country Music Day
4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day- Hmmmm, I wonder why!?!
5 Work-a-holics Day - even though everyone is on holiday
6 National Fried Chicken Day
7 Chocolate Day
7 National Strawberry Sundae Day
8 Video Games Day
9 National Sugar Cookie Day
10 Teddy Bear Picnic Day
11 Cheer up the Lonely Day
11 World Population Day
12 Different Colored Eyes Day
12 Pecan Pie Day
13 Barbershop Music Appreciation Day
13 Embrace Your Geekness Day
13 Fool's Paradise Day
14 Bastille Day
14 Pandemonium Day
14 National Nude Day
15 Tapioca Pudding Day
15 Cow Appreciation Day- Go out and give a cow a hug
16 International Juggling Day
17 Peach Ice Cream Day
17 Yellow Pig Day
18 National Caviar Day- something's fishy here
19 National Raspberry Cake Day
20 Moon Day
20 National Ice Cream Day (third Sunday of the month)
20 Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing
21 National Junk Food Day
22 Hammock Day
22 Ratcatcher's Day
23 National Hot Dog Day
23 Vanilla Ice Cream Day
24 Cousins Day
24 Amelia Earhart Day
25 Culinarians Day
25 Threading the Needle Day
26 All or Nothing Day
26 Aunt and Uncle Day
27 Parent's Day - fourth Sunday in July
27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day
28 National Milk Chocolate Day
29 National Lasagna Day
30 National Cheesecake Day
30 Father-in-Law Day
31 Mutt's Day
Since I don't have much to say here today, I want to talk about some
really bad
viruses out there that may affect us all, whether we have a computer
or not.
Government Virus
Nothing seems to get better, but all the elected officials say
it's getting better.
Political Virus
Doesn't actually do anything, but you can't get rid of it until
the next election.
Econometrician Virus
Sixty percent of the economies infected will lose 17 percent of
their GDP 12 percent of the time (+/- a 2% margin of error).
Marxian Virus
Helps your economy go into a depression whenever it wants to.
Environmental Virus
Before allowing you to fix the recession, it first asks you if
you've considered the alternatives.
Chinese Virus
Crashes your economy, but denies it ever happened and calls you a
liar.
AIG Virus
Makes sure it's too big to fail, while crashing everything else.
Stimulus Virus
Puts your economy in a recession for four years. When you finally
recover, you're 10 trillion more dollars in debt.
You can't run, can't hide, and the only thing good is that they are
not fatal
unless you catch the health care virus and die in a waiting room.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the
night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on
him
all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where
therapy
continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into
his
room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely
well.
You have the heart function that you did when you were a
fifteen-year-
don't
have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you
like."
Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife.
Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm completely well. I have no
worries
with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love
like
you've never had before, wild, passionate sex. - you'll love it!"
Doris thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard
about
active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on my head if
you
croak while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor
wrote
a note to me saying that everything was OK... maybe I would have
such
sex with you...."
Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor's
office; his doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I'll
write
the note. Let's see, here's my prescription pad: 'Mr. Sol Steinberg,
a
patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-
and
can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex
any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz". Now, I'll
just address this.......By the way, Sol, what's your wife's first
name?"
"Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May Concern?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
vertical mouth
http://www.thepostm
people license
http://www.thepostm
I've tried everything
http://www.thepostm
Brother Dominic
http://www.sydesjok
Bubble Bath
http://www.sydesjok
Bubblegum Billboard
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health Care Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Obama Health Care Proposals
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama
health care proposals.
The allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised
not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a
gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the
Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short sighted. Pathologists
yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh Grow
up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the
Radiologists could see right throught it. Surgeons decided to wash
their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a
bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a
whole new face on the matter...."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists
were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought
the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the
heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision
up the assholes in Washington.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Potty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was just being potty trained, and his mom tried this
new
method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants.
2. Pull pants down.
3. Pull foreskin back.
4. Pee.
5. Push foreskin forward.
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, "1,2,3,4,5,6" and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast
3-5,3-5,3-5.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the
teacher asked the children what their fathers did for
a living. All the typical answers came up-fireman,
policeman, salesman, etc...
Johnny was being uncharacteristicall
the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and
takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good,he'll go out to
the alley with some guy and make love with him for
money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is
that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny, "He plays for the
Oakland Raiders , but I was too embarrassed to say so."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Egg Genie - Automatic Egg Cooker
Steam cook eggs to perfect consistently whether its soft, hard or
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Love Quiz
------------
1. What three household items are your idea for a romantic evening?
a) A roll of duct tape, a can of beans and some pliers.
b) A wig, an umbrella and some jumper cables.
c) A snow globe, a water gun and some piano wire
2. When you're whispering in your loved one's ear, how might they
respond?
a) "How dare you talk about my momma!"
b) "Can you move? I can't see the television."
c) "Yes I paid the light bill."
3. Which Stooge best describes how you and your partner fool around?
a) Curly - active and full of energy
b) Moe - abusive and mean
c) Larry - you know..
4.Which of the following is your idea of a romantic meal?
a) Double Quarter Pounder with cheese Meal from McDonalds.
b) The Big Beef Burrito Supreme Meal from Taco Bell
c) An order of Buffalo Wings from Domino's pizza
5. What is your favorite part of your lover's body?
a) The part they can put behind their head.
b) The part they put in your ear.
c) The part that can fix your dinner
Total the points for the answers you gave
------------
1) a=5
b=10
c=0
2) a=10
b=5
c=0
3) a=10
b=0
c=5
4) a=5
b=0
c=10
5) a=5
b=10
c=0
What does it all mean?
------------
50-41: A Rose
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, and you, my friend,
have
dived head first in a vat of the old "Love Potion Number Nine."
40-31: A Sunflower
Your techniques are dead on target but a little refresher course
from
Mr. Feelgood might raise your HMO, if you know what I mean.
(Actually I
don't know what I mean.)
30-21: A Daffodil
Things will heat up when the pressure's on but they can disappear
quickly with a quick gust of the wind. Kiss your lover before they
kiss
you goodbye.
20-11: A Tulip
Chances are your significant other thinks you're boring, dull and
unattractive. Now here's the bad news...
10-0: Crabgrass
Your significant other thinks you're clinically dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wonder Hanger Closet Space Saver
Cramped closets mean wrinkled clothes. With Wonder Hanger you can
instantly triple your closet space. Wonder Hanger holds five
regular hangers at once and weight up to 20 lbs. Perfect for any
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ultimate storage solution.
Order now and receive 2 Bend A Hangers on us
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to an office to apply for the typist's job, and the
manager
is interviewing her:
"How fast can you type?"
"Well, I'm not sure, but I really need this job."
"Well, can you type 80 words a minute?"
"No, sir, I don't think so, but I really need this job."
"Perhaps,
then, you can type 60 words a minute?"
"Maybe not quite that fast, but I really need this job."
"Ma'am, can
you type 40 words a minute?"
"No, sir, that may be a little too fast, but I really need this
job." "Tell me, please if you can type 20 words a minute."
"I'm not really so sure, but but I really need this job." "Oh,
I
see," said the interviewer, "you're just a hunt-n-pecker.
"Sir," she said, pulling herself up to show her full dignity,
"I am not huntin' anything. I TOLD you I REALLY need this job!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Are You Dissatisfied With Yourself?
http://www.wtv-
Paris Jackson at the Michael Jackson memorial
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Carol w/ God's Splendor
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Surfin Surfari
Culinary Café - Barbecue & Grilling
http://www.culinary
Make your own tombstone.
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How Child Car Seats Work
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How Low Riders Work
http://auto.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Graphic Lines
http://www.lirmm.
Countdown Scripts
http://www.scripts.
Bubble Graphics
http://www.scri8e.
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Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.petinfo4
Doggie Zone
http://www.riverson
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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
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Advertisers use downloadable music as a vehicle to "legally" add
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Movie Clips
Nipple Bitten Off
http://www.buffalos
Camel Toe Video
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
http://www.buffalos
Mini Gun Highlights
http://www.buffalos
Good Husband
http://www.buffalos
Gunfighter
http://www.buffalos
Guterbike
http://www.buffalos
Love
http://www.buffalos
Hair Piece
http://www.buffalos
Hang Onto That Pole
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whitey was a kid who had a knack
For running around the high school track
But one day his lance
Fell out of his pants
Now he is called tic tac.
There once was a preacher's daughter
Who resented the pony he bought her
Till she found that it's dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her
She married a man named Tony
Who soon caught her fucking the pony
He cried, "What's it got
My dear, that I've not?"
And she sighed, "just a yard-long bologna
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mighty Putty
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Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cans
http://www.buffalos
captain1
http://www.buffalos
captain down
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car quiz
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car wash
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roberto-Rossi Professional
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Camel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man inherited a bunch of money & decided that he wanted to visit
Egypt to see the old ruins.
He went to Jamal's used camel lot to purchase a camel to ride across
the desert, as he had seen in may movies.
Jamal had camels in groups $200.00, $500.00 & $1000.00 camels. W
"What's the difference" our exploring friend asked? "the length of
time they can go without stopping for water" replied Jamal. For
example a $1000.00 camel can go a week without a drink.
Not wanting to be stuck in the desert, our hero purchased the most
expensive camel on the property.
He loaded up the nest morning & headed out across the burning sands.
After only 2 days the camel was nearly stepping on his tongue from
thirst.
Returning, in a furor, to Jamal's he complained about the
performance of his steed. "Did you brick him" asked Jamal? "Brick
him?"
At that point Jamal took the camel to a water trough. While the
camel was drinking he took 2 bricks and smashed the camels testicles
between them. The camel drew in a large breath in pain.
"There now he'll go a week!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!
Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
of high gas prices. buffalo
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college
education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at
the
train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter
whispered, "I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't no virgin no
more."
The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw
and I made to give you a good education, you still say 'ain't' and
use
two negatives in the same sentence!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove
it into a wall. He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the
dented bumper. A few days later, he did it again.
"I'm so embarrassed,
"Why not tell him it was me this time?" I suggested.
"Maybe I will" he said, dialing. "It worked the last time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flies Away
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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