Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Even though I have found a few times they came in handy, I
do not own a cellphone. Nancy however changes phones
with the seasons and the other night she was showing
off her new I-phone. She was flashing through the screens,
taking pictures to associate with our numbers and showing
us the games and various apps like the flashlight. Later we
were sitting there and the phone rang and as she was
answering it the battery went dead. My desk phone can't be
used as a flashlight, but it hasn't dropped a call or went dead
lately.
A friend sent a suggestion to use baby wipes to remove Eva's
tattoo work. It worked great on the ball point but didn't do
much for the felt tip marker. They are so fast, if you blink they
are doing something annoying. The other night I was napping
during a Deadliest Catch repeat when Eva dived into the bed
crying about bear bear. I yelled out in the living room to find
out where her bear was and was told it was in the washer. Seems
the reason for Eva wanting a place to hide was that she had gotten
hold of a tube of diaper rash cream and greased down the
bear, my new desk chair, the TV, and my mouse and decided since
things were hostile in the living room she would hide out with me.
I find it hard to get mad at Eva like Buffy does but then I don't
have to
clean up the messes.
Enjoy the chips buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TYPES OF WOMEN
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right,
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SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting
her, she comes, installs herself and uses all
your resources. If you try to uninstall her you
will loose something if you don't try to uninstall
her you will be rendered useless...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
that's sick!
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sorry doctor
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Amish mechanic
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday
morning
and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which
part
of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"
Suzie replied, "...Because when you pray, you hold your hands
together
in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your
legs".
The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now,
Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom
the
other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
going, 'Oh, God! I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down,
we'd
have lost her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My ex is the dumbest guy you'll ever met. He came into the bedroom
one
night holding a jalepeño pepper in his hand. I said, "Why in hell
did
you bring that pepper to the bedroom?" He replied, "You told me that
we needed to spice up our love life!"
A little bit of love goes a long way in our lives. It can provide
us
with higher highs and lower lows. But, if it comes with a
persistent
burning sensation, see your physician.
A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says "I must
say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages." "Thanks," said
the
lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."
When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating
outside the family.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
"How come?"
What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying. A prick is the guy who
owns it.
What's the difference between a blimp and a thousand used condoms?
One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON
1958 - 2009
============
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Touching Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
George said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten dollars that we could have
the
best
sex that you have ever had without me touching you."
"You're nuts," she said, "Here is ten dollars that says you can't do
that!"
They put the money on the mantelpiece.
That night George and Mary proceeded to have sex. Reluctantly, Mary
had
to
admit that it was the best sex that she could remember.
The next morning she exclaimed, "Well, it may have been the best sex
I've
ever had... but you did nothing BUT touch me!"
George gave Mary the ten dollars and departed with these words, "So
I
lose."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Alaska Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says,
"Leena did you know there is 117,000 musk-ox in
Alaska?".
Lena says, "No, I didn't, Gee, you¹re smart".
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are
482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you¹re smart.
Ole says, "and Lena did you know there is over
2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska?"
"No", says Lena, "how did you get so smart?"
Sort of wondering how this conversation came
about in the middle of their sex play.
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out
of toilet paper and we had to use the pages out
of magazines?"
"Yes, I remember", says Lena.
Ole says, "Well you still have page 63 of the
National Geographic stuck to your ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Married Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murray is a well-educated bachelor who feels ready to marry and
settle
down. But he's shy and finds it difficult to meet women. So he's
developed a great love of classical music and spends much of his
spare
time going to concerts.
Meanwhile, Murray's parents have been searching for a suitable
shiddach
(arranged marriage partner) for him. Then one day, to their great
relief, two potential candidates come onto the scene at the same
time.
After talking to the two young ladies, his father has a word with
Murray.
"Murray, I think I may have found you a wife. I have been in touch
with
two very acceptable, but quite different girls for you to choose
from
and both say they are ready to marry. Let me show you their photos."
The first photo is of a beautiful woman. "Rebecca," says his father,
"informs me that she has a talent for cooking great kosher food _
her
matzo_ball soup is supposed to be superb. She also keeps fit with
aerobics and Israeli dancing. But she left school at 15 and admits
to
having no talent whatsoever for music."
He then shows Murray a photo of an ugly woman. She has what looks
like a
moustache on her top lip, her neck is as thick as a wrestler's neck,
she
has cross_eyes, her nose is crooked and her lips are almost
non_existent.
"Now Sadie," says his father, "might not be great looking but she
comes
from a fine, noble family, has a first class degree from Oxford
University and has a wonderful operatic voice. She'll be famous one
day
_ she showed me a Poster of a concert she's giving soon at the Royal
Opera House, Covent Garden."
Murray studies the two photos. Although Rebecca is gorgeous, his
keen
love of music wins him over and he chooses Sadie. Within weeks, they
marry.
On the first morning of their honeymoon, Murray awakes before Sadie.
He
takes one look at that face staring up at him from their pillow,
shakes
Sadie and cries out, "Sadie, for goodness sake, sing a little
something."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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SweepRAM
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Movie Clips
Gym
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Handling Road Rage
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Home & Garden TV
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Hot Tub Mishap
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How To Get A Divorce
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McRonalds
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My First Rescue
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Never Underestimate An Old Girl
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Obongo 08
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Oeufs Poussins
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife
had
given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to
get
any sex. They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to
hold
out?" "Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist."
The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood
received this inadvertently racy testimonial from a little old lady
who lived on a farm in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the
woman wrote, "I was too tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton.
But after only two bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become
the
best cotton-picking hoer in the county!"
Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back
streets of Rome late one afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing
darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous. She leans
over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way
before." The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones.
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blow
job
What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A Gladiator.
What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
So men can be open minded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinema
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Clean Undies
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Faux Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated,
who made a large fortune by selling his design for a
bicycle chain. With this money he set about realizing
his childhood ambition to become a country squire.
He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish
border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to
live
in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.
Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a
well educated man who assisted his master in every way
he could to better himself. The master would often
ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social
situation, or to explain a new term.
One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves
in and asked, "Jeeves, what is this fox pass?"
"Sir," replied Jeeves, "that would be 'faux pas'.
I'll give you an example:
"Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady
Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you
remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom
pricked his finger on a rose?
"And do you further remember how later, at breakfast,
Lady Plushbottom asked her husband 'Is your prick
still throbbing dear?' and you said 'Christ!' and I
dropped the marmalade?
"That, Sir, was a faux pas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A huge man married a petite and innocent girl who was a virgin. He
was
sexually experienced and suggested having sex "doggie style" on
their
wedding night. She didn't know what he was talking about, and when
he
explained it, she flew into a rage and insisted they have sex using
the "normal" position or not at all. However, after having sex he
was
unable to withdraw his penis because it was so big and she was so
small! They found themselves in the embarrassing position of having
to
call an ambulance to take them to the emergency room for help. After
hanging up the phone he said, "You know, if you had done it the way
I
wanted you too, we could have walked to the emergency room."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy came home from playing outside one day. He was huffying
and puffing, like he was winded. All of sudden, the boy's father
heard
a kitten squalling like it was extremely uncomfortable. He turned
around and looked. Sure enough, there's his son -- holding a kitten
--
obviously no more than 6 weeks old! "What have you got there, son?"
"It's especially for you, Dad," the boy replied. The father asked,
"What do you mean?" "Remember the other night, you told Mom you
wanted
'a little pussy? ' "Well, I heard you, and I went out and got you
one!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1636
The Three AM Blues
Three AM seems to be a defining moment in the sleeping habits for me
and my critters. Why just last night I woke up at three A.M. to
find
Sandi with her sizeable head and front paws on my chest. Katie
still
under the covers with her head on my feet curled up close next to
me.
What woke me up? Probably Sandi snoring.
I go to bed about nine PM so awake at three, I needed to go to the
bathroom. So gently lifting Sandi's head, Katie's head, stepping
over
Rudy, I went to the bathroom. Katie was awakened, she had visions
of going outside to play.
I went back to bed and slept. Sandi continued to saw logs.
At four AM Sandi was ready to go outside, I let her and Katie go.
Rudy was ready to get in bed and snuggle. We slept until five am.
He is the best snuggler. He doesn't move. Sandi will paw at me and
wake me up at times. Katie is getting much better at not moving
but Mr Rudy is the best, but alas, he prefers the floor. To be
honest,
my king-sized bed is too small for all three dogs and me. Sandi and
Rudy snore big time while dainty Katie is much too lady-like to do
such
a thing.
BJ in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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