[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Mon

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

From The Archives

There is a problem with trying to improve gas mileage on vehicles in
the Great White North and that is rust. When you try to raise
mileage more parts are replaced with plastics, aluminum, and
composites but to keep the car economical you still have to use
steel for some of the body panels and frame and drive components.
The less steel a car has the sooner the body will lose its rigidity,
doors won't close, gear shifts will stick and the car becomes
impossible to drive.

The heavier a vehicle the longer the body will last and this holds
true in cars as well as pick-ups. You will see a variety of newer
foreign pick-ups from the 80'w and 90's running around with wood
flatbeds on them because it is easier to build a new bed than try to
patch together the old one. American vehicles seem to have made a
little more
progress in the use of double galvanized metal and under coatings
but I was reminded today of my brother Ron's 73 Chevy pick-up that
had a severe case of cancer.

The box sides of the pickup had the supports gone out of them and
they flapped like a dogs ears in the breeze as he drove down the
road. Finally he took an axe and chopped through the thin metal on
the sides and left only the floor there. It wasn't long though
before the floor
was gone too though and the truck had no traction because there was
no weight on the back tires. Ron was out working in the woods and he
cut the floor out and chained a 36 in. log to the frame rails and
nailed the plate and taillights to the log so technically he had a
legal vehicle. Ron was well known by the State Police as a Joker and
he
wasn't surprised when he got pulled over. The policeman asked, "
What exactly do you call what you're driving today, Ron?" Ron told
him, "It's a log truck." Fortunately Ron found a newer vehicle
shortly after that and the log was consigned to a firewood pile.

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Chips Chips
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I was sitting at the bar, down on Fisherman's Pier enjoying a cold
brew,
when a completely stunning statuesque blonde sat down on a stool
almost
next to me.
-
I couldn't help but notice her long tanned legs in the short short
shorts and bodacious ta ta's spilling out of the inadequate bikini
top.
It was obvious she was a tourist from somewhere in England from her
accent when she ordered a gin an tonic.
-
I caught her eye and when she smiled I took it as an opening to try
and
make her acquaintence.
-
After exchanging a few pleasantries about the weather, she took a
book
out of her bag and was opening it up. Fearing that this was the end
of
the brief encounter, I attempted to broaden the conversation, by
asking
her what she thought about global warming.
-
The goddess closed her book , smiled knowingly and said, "That could
be
interesting, but do you mind if I ask you a question first."
-
Saying, " No, go ahead ", while moving innocently to the stool next
to
her.
-
She continued in a cute clipped educated Brit accent, "A horse, a
cow,
and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little
pellets, a cow plops out a flat patty, and a horse dumps clumps of
dried
grass.
-
"Now why do you suppose that is?"
-
"Jeez," I replied, after a bit of thought, "I haven't the slightest
idea."
-
"Well, then mate," she said, as she got up to leave, "how is it that
you
feel qualified to discuss scientific world affairs, when you don't
know
shit !"

Irish Warlock

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

oh my
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satisfied
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figure skating
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/l062.html

Bush Pics
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000286.html

Bush Poll Numbers
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000287.html

Bush Public Opinion
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000288.html

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Poop Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW TO POOPIE AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As
much
as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide
for
taking a dump at work:

CROP DUSTING - When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
know where it came from Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
until
the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure
the
smell has left your pants.

FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
bathroom.

ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen If you are standing next to the farter in
the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK - When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.
If
this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
has
left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing
the
WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best
to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use
of
the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER - A colleague who poops at work and is
proud of
it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look
around
the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) - A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR - Someone who does not realize that you are in the
stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If
this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way
you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH - A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON - A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Alien Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Greetings Earthling .....

I am a silicon based life form from a galaxy far, far away,
visiting
your P.C. I have transformed myself into this email. As you are
reading it, I am having sex with your eyeballs.

Oh god that feels good!

I especially enjoy it when you scroll down on me.

That's it . ... . keep scrolling.

Don't stop!

Click it baby, click it!

Faster

Faster

more ooohh yeah. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . harder

give it to me , just like I like it

Faster

F A S T E R !

That was amazing!

You are the best I've had yet. And I know you enjoyed it too
because
you are smiling. Do you know how I know that you're smiling? 'cos I
can
see you. Now please pass me on to someone else because I'm really
horny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The divorce court was attentive as the wife complained to the Judge
that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished,
the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied,

"Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the
charging
documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."

One day Little Johnny got curious and asked his mother, "Where do
white babies come from?"

His mother answered "The stork."

Little Johnny then asked, "Where do black babies come from?

"His mother replied, "Ravens."

Then Little Johnny asked, "Where do no babies come from?"

And his mother said, "Swallows."

My last boyfriend liked to talk a lot during sex.

He said it was because it turned him on, but I think he had ulterior

motives because he always said the same thing: "Wake up, wake up,
wake up!"

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details

and highlights of theirs?

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Fire Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her
$200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her
sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He
quickly
grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the
building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking
for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks,
"Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200

in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

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Mink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with
a girlfriend. She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously
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$10,000 mink coat.

Obviously, she couldn't bring it home and so she devised a plan.
She pawned the mink coat. She later casually mentioned to her
husband she had found a pawn ticket.

"Honey, on your lunch break today can you stop at the pawn shop and
see what this is?" she asked, handing the pawn ticket to her
husband.

Her husband returned that evening and told his wife it was nothing
but a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000
mink coat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Day To Remember Via Shangy
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101 Amazing Earth Facts
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Reverse Graffiti
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Directory Printer v5.3.1
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Doggie Zone

Dog Logic
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Kitty Korner

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Movie Clips

To All Sports Loving Men This Guy Is a Genuis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6255.htm

Toilet Seat Sign
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Tom Mabe
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Toot Tone
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Topless Wife Training
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Swallowing
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Swimming
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szambr
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Telissa
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Texan Gun Control Witness
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wolf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this
time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf
again,
this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you
have
Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost?
I'm trying to take a dump!"

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Toon Chips
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cheating bitch
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cheerleader2
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRACTURED NURSERY RHYMES FOR BIG KIDS
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo
and a sports car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old man had a dog he just loved but the dog had the bad habit of
attacking anything that moved including people. His friends told him
that if he had the dog fixed he would lose his aggressions and quit
this
behavior.

So the old man had his dog fixed and a few days later was in his
front
room when the mailman came up the steps. The dog jumped up and went
right thru the screen door and attacked the mailman. The old man ran
out
and pulled his dog off and began apologizing to the mailman.

He said, "I am so sorry, I don't know what to do or say. My friends
told
me he would quit attacking people if I had him fixed. I just don't
know
what to do."

The mailman picked himself up and said, "You should have
had his teeth pulled, I knew when he came out the door he wasn't
going
to screw me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly neglected by her husband, a horny housewife turned to her
next-door neighbor for advice.

"Why don't you order your milk from the milkman" was the suggestion,
"and when the bill comes, see if you can settle it with sex."

This seemed like an excellent idea, and sure enough, when the bill
was
presented, the milkman was delighted to settle for a long and
energetic
screw. Putting his pants back on, the milkman reached for the bill
to
mark it "Paid in Full"

"Oh, no you don't," said the housewife, grabbing the bill. "You
brought
me this milk a quart at a time, and that's the way I'm gonna pay for
it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!

Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1606

Dying

Katie staggers in the house... She has a paw to her forehead.

Katie: I am dying.... Oh woe is me...

BJ rushes over: What is wrong Katie?

Katie slumps to the floor: Everything.

Katie flashes her eyes.

BJ: Okay, let's be a tad more specific.

Katie: My right front paw hurts. It is my second toenail.

BJ: Let me look. Oh it is loose, you may lose it, but another will
grow
back.

Katie: Oh, doom, the agony, the pain.

BJ: I can give you 1/2 of a pain pill.

Katie: I would rather you carry me downstairs to the dogbed, fix
me
a steak and a glass of bubbly.

BJ: How about I leave you here on the floor.

Katie: Or I could walk downstairs and sleep on the dog cushions
myself.

BJ: Sounds like a plan.

BJ in Guthrie

(Yes poor Katie who runs more than the other two dogs put together
is injured, but will do fine)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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