Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
By the time I left for college my dad had bought a early 50's DC
Case with three point hitch and PTO and was continuing upgrading the
equipment. With a PTO he was able to get rid of the old baler with
its cranky Continental motor but it still had just as many problems
knotting the bale and when someone extra was around they rode on the
baler watching when it missed a knot so they could wrap a spare
piece of twine around it and prevent stopping the process to run the
bale back through a second time. A lot of the problem was in the
brand of twine you used. Even in the 80's when he had a New Holland
Baler it still had knotting problems.
I came home in 1975 from the Navy and my dad had bought a PTO Mower
to go on the Case. With the old mowers we were using it was easy to
tell when you had hit an anthill or a chunk of brush as the wheels
locked up on the mower and you were dragging it. It also required
someone to ride on the mower and with two of us in the Navy my dad
had opted for a tractor mower.
I hopped on the tractor and headed for a field and started cutting.
I had a habit of breaking machinery and I was a bit upset when I hit
the first ant hill and the mower instead of being at a right angle
to the tractor mowing hay was dragging limply behind the tractor.
I shut it off and waited for dad to come over and yell about it when
I found out that it was designed to break away like that to prevent
damage if you hit something. He knew it would do that and just
wanted to see the look on my face when it happened.
When you take off 1200 to 1500 bales of hay a year to feed your
cattle you have a proportionately large amount of manure to shovel
in the spring and spread on the fields. A manure spreader would
have been nice but instead we had a small trailer and spread it by
hand. We are talking hundreds of loads of manure. When the number
of hands went down my dad bought a manure spreader and finally a
Massey Ferguson 35 with a loader. The F-30, the Case and the Oliver
were long gone having been replaced by a pair of International W-4's
which are the same running gear as a Farmall H but lower to the
ground. The PTO mower was gone though replaced by horse mowers, my
dad had hated that pto mower too. He had a 3 pt. post hole auger
after all the thousands of post holes I had dug by hand and a seed
drill instead of a cyclone seeder. I could have had so much more
time as a teenager with all that stuff, but then I probably wouldn't
have been able to bench press 280 pounds without ever having lifted
weights before and I learned how to fix old stuff and make it run
long enough to finish a season, something that always helped me.
Have a great weekend ... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ultimate Pick-up Line
He:
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to
dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we
could hit it off really well, end up having a
few drinks, next thing you know you're giving
me your number because I'm too shy to ask for
it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we
take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you
relax, we go out a few more times, get to know
each other's friends, spend a lot of time
together, then finally have get past this
sexual tension and really develop this intense
sex life that is truly incredible, decide our
relationship is solid and stable, so we move in
together for a while, then a few months later
get married, I get a promotion, you get a
promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really
want kids, but I really want freedom, but we
have a kid anyway, only to find that I am
resentful, the sparks start to fade and to
rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but
now I work too much to keep up with the bills,
have no time for you, you're stressed and stop
taking really good care of yourself, so to get
past our slow sex life and my declining
self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for
sexual gratification. You find out because I'm
careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out
(justifiably so) and we have to explain to the
kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up.
That's just too sad. Think about the children.
So, for God's sake, if you dance with me and we
hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because
we both know where it's going.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
recent studies show
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handz off
http://www.thepostm
the happy meal
http://www.thepostm
Building Evacuation Plan
http://www.sydesjok
Bulge On Beach
http://www.sydesjok
Bummer Of Birth Mark
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As long as I have a face you'll always have a place to sit.
Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed himself:
Patting
the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them his
circumcision scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could
stand of his crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be
living in a whore house!" Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it
WOULD be cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for
it."
Have you heard about the new extra-large tampon? It's called a
"Tightwad."
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 45th
wedding anniversary. The husband decided to give his wife a gift --
a
tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife... cold as ever"
Later, the furious wife, giving homage to her husband's reliance on
the little blue bill, bought a return present, a tombstone with the
inscription: "Here lies my husband... stiff at last!"
Confucius says man and mouse alike. Both end up in pussy.
Stan kegel
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Drive Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I
decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had
something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the
sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My
Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part
of the control panel... then I got out all the manuals and went
through them.
I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped
with one so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could
buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my
math hat.
Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking
woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if
she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of scowled at me and asked
me if I was trying to get smart with her...figuring she had been
impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with
everyone... she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't
help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock.
In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and
model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives
in stock... He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive,
I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah, maybe that, but I
think I should already have one installed... he started laughing at
me said something about me trying to kill him... You're killing me!
or something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here
too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him...I
wasn't even hurting him.
The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen
off the turnip truck... I assured him I'd never been on a turnip
truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled
something about that explaining it. She's fallen off the wagon, that
explains it and walked away laughing.
The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under
his breath and walked away... wonder why he only noticed
one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores.
Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet
and search for one.
So that's where I am now... If any of you have some computer skills
and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. Then
all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch.
While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two
women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to
talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets
about half of the way there stops and jogs back.
His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my
wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his
head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his
round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game,
he too stopped short and turned around.
Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're
fired"
Sadly neglected by her husband, a horny housewife turned to her
next-door neighbor for advice. "Why don't you order your milk from
the milkman" was the suggestion, "and when the bill comes, see if
you can settle it with sex." This seemed like an excellent idea, and
sure enough, when the bill was presented, the milkman was delighted
to settle for a long and energetic screw. Putting his pants back on,
the milkman reached for the bill to mark it "Paid in Full"
"Oh, no you don't," said the housewife, grabbing the bill. "You
brought me this milk a quart at a time, and that's the way I'm gonna
pay for it."
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Counseling Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor.
First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.
The counselor asks,
"You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems
to be the problem?"
The wife replies, "It's my husband --
he's driving me crazy! I'm going
to leave him if he continues!"
"How does he drive you crazy?"
"For 20 years," she says,
"he's been doing these stupid things. First,
whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor
and refuses to go
near anyone. It's very embarrassing.
The marriage counselor is amused,
"Anything else?"
"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!"
"Hmm, anything else?"
The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love,
he NEVER lets me be on
top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor,
"I think I'll talk to your husband now."
So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.
The counselor tells him,
"Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy.
She might even leave you."
The husband looks shocked,
"WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and
considerate and I've always given her what she wants!
What could be the problem?"
The counselor explains,
"She says that you've got these habits that are
driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in
public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."
The husband looks concerned,
"Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the
few things my father told me to do in
his deathbed and I swore I'd obey
everything he said."
"What did he say?"
"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"
The counselor looks amused,
"Actually, that means that you should not do
anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."
The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."
The counselor continues,
"And you keep picking your nose in public."
"Well, its another thing my father
specifically commanded me to do! He
told me to always keep my nose clean."
The counselor looks faint,
"That means that you should not indulge in
any criminal activity."
"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.
"And finally, she says that you never
allow her to be on top during your
lovemaking."
"This," says the husband seriously,
"is the last thing my father
commanded me to do on his deathbed
and it's the most important thing."
"What did he say?"
The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said,
'Don't screw up!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Triplet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were
discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."
The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"
He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician.
The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?
He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."
The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5
minutes, before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a
boxer?"
He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps
coming in here and spitting on us!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Melva/Unrehearsed
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The Stairs
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Surfin Surfari
Astronomy Picture of the Day Archive Via Dianne
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Snow Mobile / Tractor from 1926 ! Very Cool ! Via Wesley
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Liberty Air Show!
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Create Fake Photos, Captions and Magazines
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Quick Logo Maker
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Movie Clips
Saddam The Unseen Video
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Santa Shopping
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Saudi
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Schweaty Balls
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Scotsman's Song
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Jet Engine
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balls Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a man went to England on a trip and
met a woman there, they grew to like each other
enough for her to come to America with the man
on his flight home. When they got back to America
the man said "I would like to show you an American
pastime."
The woman said, "What is it?"
"Baseball," the man said.
The next day, the man took her to a baseball
game. The first man came up to the plate and
hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the
next man bunted the ball and beat the throw to
first base. The third man came up to the plate
and he gets walked.
The man says, "Are you understanding this game?"
The woman says, "Yes, but what I don't understand
is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first player,
and he hits it. then he hurls the ball at the second
player, and he taps it and runs to where the other
man was standing And then the third player, this is
the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball
and he just stands there - 4 times - and then he just
walks to the place where the other man was standing."
Then the man says, "Well that is because he has four balls."
The woman says "Poor thing he couldn't run if he tried."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Poetic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
JACK AND JILL
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass,
And now two of his front teeth are missing.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?
Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky,
Jill came back with a very sore crack,
Jack must have been a Yankee!
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill is now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fellow walked into his Grandsons' bedroom and found them both busy
studying at their desks. The first boy was reading a book on
aviation.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the Grandfather,
looking at the boy intently staring at the latest in military jets.
"I want to go to the Naval Academy, GrandPa; then try to get into
Naval aviation. I've always dreamed of being a pilot.
The Grandfather walked over to the other boy was studying one of his
Father's "PlayBoy" magazines just as intently as his brother was the
book on aviation.
"And you Jimmy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the
Grandfather a little hesitantly.
"Nothing sir," the boy said wistfully, "just grown up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET?
WARNING FROM PAKISTAN
This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister
of Migration Mohammed Omar warned the United States that if Military
actions against Iraq and Afghanistan continue, Taliban authorities
intend to cut off America's supply of Convenience Store Managers
and possibly Motel 6 Managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, Cab Drivers will
be next, followed by DELL and AOL Customer Service Reps.
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened to send us no
more candidates for President of the United States !
It's gonna get ugly!
Jon in Texas
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 361
Unexpected Surprises
Rudy: What is in the bag Katie?
Katie: Found it.
Rudy: But what is in it?
Katie: Left over fireworks.
Rudy: Mighty large bag. Must be several hundred dollars worth.
Katie: I think it belonged to some kids who were going to get
busted
by some police and they ran off. So .... I just grabbed it and ran
here.
Sandi: Just be careful, Daddy is trying to rest.
Katie: I thought I would just fire one off...what can go
wrong...Opps I
dropped the match in the sack. I thnk we should retire hastily.
Rudy: A-Rooo!
Sandi...lope lope lope
Bang Bang Bang...BOOM! ZOOM!
BJ awakes from his sleep: What the?? Are we at war? Where is my
M-16?
Diana: There are fire trucks coming! The dogs are howling to come
in
the house! The cats are clawing their way to the ceiling..
Later....
The powder from the fireworks have drifted away...
The citations have been issued...
The dogs have found a hole to crawl into..
BJ: So tell me again why I cannot go to work?
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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