Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffy just left with the mower to go over and do her grass along
with a can of starting fluid. The lawnmower was one of those 100
dollar Briggs and Stratton specials from Wal-mart that has never run
with much authority even when it was brand new and even with a new
plug and clean fuel it is not running all that well this year,
cutting out when ever it decides its had enough.
I remember the mowers we had when we were kids, back before
they had the handle you had to depress before starting and when
mowers had a throttle and choke on them. They lasted forever even
when we bypassed the governors on them so they would run full tilt.
I do the same thing with this new mower and it just goes to a fast
idle. Anyone of my old mowers would have been ready to lift up off
the ground like a helicopter from the blade
spinning so fast. The only problem with the old mowers was that
they were made from die-cast metal and if the blade through a rock
it would go right through the pot metal.
So anyhow this one requires a good shot of ether to get it started.
I remember my brother pat starting another lawn mower the same way
and I was complaining that he was using too much starting fluid and
when he gave it a pull it blew the head off of the engine and across
the street and out into a field... wicked stuff.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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First Time Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I paid my $125 and she asked me to wash my hands.
I guess you can never be too safe in the '90s.
She led me into a quiet, comfortable enclave highlighted with a
myriad of mirrors and asked me to sit. It was my first time and she
knew it. I'll admit, I was nervous.
I got a little more on edge when she pulled out a white bottle and
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pals a lubricant of some sort was necessary. I guess she could see
in my eyes I didn't have a clue what was about to happen. So, to
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She even warned me that most first-timers fear they'll encounter
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it. After all, it was on the insistence of my buddies that finally I
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Rejected. The young lady looked at me immediately and gave a few
words of encouragement so I wouldn't lose my enthusiasm. She was
obviously a professional.
Again and again, I tried to put it in but for some reason it
wouldn't go where I wanted it. Instead, it slipped out of my hands,
bent every which way or fell onto my leg. After an hour of trying,
not only had my pride taken a beating, but my eyes watered in
frustration. As I cleaned it one more time I told her this would be
my last hurrah. We both wanted everything to work out. That's when
it happened. A perfect entry. When I opened my eyes everything
became clearer.
Yes, putting in contact lenses isn't that hard after all.
All those years of suffering through life with blurred vision are
behind me. The gratification of seeing clearly through my right eye
was hard to put into words. I'd like to thank optometrist assistant
Laura Chipman for being patient with me and teaching me what it
takes to force a soft contact lens into an unwilling eye. I just
knew I could do it. Now, if I could only take the darn thing out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shame Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Suzie was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a
workbook, so she went to ask her father for it. She found him in the
bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement she forgot all about
the fifty cents and asked, "Daddy, What's that?"
Her dad said, "That's what I call 'a shame'." Next day at school,
when the teacher asked for the fifty cents, Little Suzie said,
"Daddy couldn't give me fifty cents because he wasn't wearing his
pants."
The teacher replied, "Doesn't your father have any shame at all?"
Little Suzie said, "Oh, yes, ma'am, he has one, but it's not as big
as the one the principal gave you last Thursday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used
to
it, it ain't so hot.
"So," jealous Judy asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail
my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, then to a
restaurant and then to a house." A big smile crossed Judy's face,"
Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating." Is there any doubt
what
he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear
that
he was following you and taking pictures of you and this other man
having sex. By the way, nude pictures of you are all over the
Internet."
How can you tell if two lesbians are twins? They lick alike.
One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through
their
daughter's purses. So, the brunette goes through her daughter's
purse
and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My
Daughter smokes." So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse
and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed!
My daughter drinks." So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she
finds
a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has
a
penis."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Vacation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon. Billy Bob tells
Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."
He continues, "Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three
years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got
pregnant."
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline
got pregnant again."
"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get
pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's
different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While making up her teen-age daughter's bed, she was shocked to
discover a large carrot under the pillow. When Mary Jo came home,
Mother demanded an explanation of the carrot.
"Mother, I want to be honest with you," she confessed, "for the past
few weeks that carrot has been my husband."
"Well," the Mother replied, "consider yourself a widow, because your
husband just went into tonight's stew!"
The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The
husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and
it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to
return.
One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
door and just kept ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why
it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure
ain't helping none either."
"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned
Rich to Ernie.
"That girl is a real mirage."
"Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is
something you can see but can't feel."
"Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Party Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill spotted John across a crowded room at a convention in Las
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"I don't know," said John. "I've got a wife and two kids at home..."
To which Jill replied, "I don't know you. You don't know me. They
don't know us, and we don't know them." John thought about it for a
second and then agreed.
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When John hesitated again, she said, "I don't know you. You don't
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After a few more drinks in Jill's room, the two of them were
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
Very sexy girl from the musical Africa
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Viagra
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Vichy
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When The Parents Are Gone
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someday I guess I'm just gonna get arrested, but I can't resist off
the wall humor when people least expect it. I went into this
department story and was greeted by a female salesgirl who said,
"Good afternoon sir, and what is it you desire?"
I replied, "What I desire is to whisk ya outta here, take you to my
secret hide-away, mix up a big pitcher of drinks, put on some soft
music, and then make mad passionate love to ya all afternoon.
However, what I need is some underwear and socks."
The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They
occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were
inseparable. One evening after dinner as they were returning to
their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was
pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and
quietly
undressed. Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he
completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was
with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door -
"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!"
We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and
flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were
doing to tease her. But
she quickly dismissed the notion of a budding romance.
"Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?
would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'"
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant in the middle
of a jungle?
A: Wipe it off & tell him you're sorry!
Q: What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A: Fucks funny
Q: What did the Nixon and Clinton administrations have in common?
A: A crooked Dick in the Oval Office
Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with a birth control pill?
A: A trip without the kids.
Q: Why are young Indian males called Braves?
A: Have you ever seen the women they have to marry?
buffalo says I disagree with the last one. The hottest cartoon babe
is Disney's Pocohontas, even better than Jessica Rabbit
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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choke
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That proctologist'
He remarked to a patient named Sam,
"The digital age
May be all the rage,
But for men not the digital exam."
(Kirk Miller)
____________
Baseball umpires want salary hikes.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old judge loved to garden he had lots of spare time so he wore
his grubbies and kept his estate just perfect. An old lady drove by
every day and marveled at the beautiful yard. One day she stopped
and told him what a great job he did,and said she could never get
good help,then asked him how much he charged.He said he didnt get
much but got to sleep with the lady of the house. She got all huffy
and said well i never" He said no wonder you cant get good help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1648
The Odd One
Diana: Guess I will go downstairs and kiss my honey goodnight.
Diana goes downstairs and enters BJ's bedroom and takes a look,
takes a second look.... What she sees is BJ with his head on his
pillow, laying on his back, sheet and blanket pulled up to his
armpits and his arms over the blankets, normal. Laying next to him,
head on the same pillow, laying North and South, laying on her back,
with the sheet and blanket pulled to her armpits is Katie. Her paws
are on top of the blankets. They are a matched set, BJ and Katie.
Diana: What the heck is this?
BJ: Looks like Katie is trying to sleep.
Katie has her nightcap on: Mother why did you turn the light on?
You know it disturbs us.
Diana: Katherine, dogs are supposed to sleep in dog beds, or at the
foot of the bed.
Katie: Hrumpt! How common indeed. I suppose these 'dogs'
you speak of do not wear jammies or have stocking caps either?
Diana: Of course not.
Katie: Then I rest my case. Could you hand me my eye cover please
on your way out mother?
Diana: Good grief!
The herd in Guthrie
(she does like to sleep next to me at night, Sandi's spot... Sandi
has allowed it to this point)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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